Pope Francis

Pope Francis (Pastoral) (Please exuse any errors. I have to run) I attended a lecture one evening at my old College. I went by myself because there have been many lectures about the Pope and I suppose it has exhausted some but I love lectures and so I went. The speaker is American, the topic was “Rebuild my Church: Pope Francis and Church Reform: by Thomas Reese, S.J. The speaker is a senior analyst - reporter So, it begins with the name: Francis. What is in a name? It is about remembering the poor, love of creation, peace (peacemaker-inter religion understanding. It is about reform. Francis was one of the first church reformers. As I type what the speaker reported, my mind returns to when I studied Francis in one of our lectures. He has always been one of my favourites and I had a small statue of him in my front lawn which I ordered from the States. Eventually, he lost his hands and head and I cannot recall where he now is. I remember one of the students getting very angry when we talked about Francis never speaking to his father again. As I type this I decide that I will be posting my student notes from theology as well. I like variety. Anyhow, this student stated that what was being taught was not true because he is a Saint. Well, some Saints have a history which I will not get into. However, my point is when someone does not like to hear truth because it contradicts another belief that generated from where?….Well that happens. “What do you mean the world is not flat. I don’t believe you.” This is simply history, like it or not. Now back to the lecture. Fr Thomas Reese continues that there are three steps to reforming the Church. There is a change in the culture of the institution. You appoint the right people in the right institutions and you change the structures and policies. Pope Francis’ words were simple. “Buona Sera” (good evening) and “Pray for me.” A first miracle was performed - the Italians were silenced. (What I like about American speakers is that they have lots of humour. I usually get into trouble with mine. I find this very funny because I was born in Italy, so I am allowed to find it funny). Pope Francis refuses to live in papal apartments and he drives a Ford Focus. Is it really 20 years old? I have a 20 year old car and now feel I have one more thing is common with the Pope. His first mass is at St Ann’s, Vatican Parish (where the vatican staff go to mass). The Pope washes the feet of young male and female prisoners. He reaches out to the poor and sick. That is not new. It is consistent with the past. As Archbishop of Buon Aires he refused to live in the Bishop Palace. He takes the bus and subway (I try to avoid that here at home). So what about all this? Fr Reese continues. Style is substance. There is a direct attack on clericalism. Leadership means service. Modality of what it means to be a good priest/bishop. He is trying to change the culture. We are a Church of symbols. We communicate through symbols, sacraments, evangelize through witness, not just words. There is more open discussion. Open and fraternal debate makes theological and pastoral growth. There is an argument not to divide but to unite. At Synod, “Speak clearly. Let no one say, “This can’t be said, they will think this or that about me. “Everything we feel must be said, with Parrhesia (boldness).” Council of Cardinals: Outsiders of Rome - One from each continent. He appointed new leaders. He needs people who will accept reform. He brings them from the outside to come in and advise. This is very much in tune with what the Jesuits do. People he trusted are wise. There is Cardinal Pell, secretary for economy. He wants three bids. No one’s nephew is getting a contract. He is a tough guy (excuse me for repeating that Father) - perfect for the job. The Vatican replaced officials. The Secretary of State is like a Prime Minister, the number two guy. He is a first grade professional and supportive of Pope Francis. The Commission of Cardinals Vatican Bank : The previous ones - fired! ( I use the exclamation mark on my own accord to depict my pleasure). Regarding appointments of Bishops - They are Bishops until they are 75 and then can submit retirement request. The Pope wants Pastors who “are close to the people, fathers and brothers.” Shepherds should smell like their sheep. In other words, they are so close to the people. They should be gently, patient…. What will Pope Francis do? What is reform - better management. There is redistribution of power - who makes decisions in favour of decentralization collegiality? “There is a need for a greater appreciation of local and regional elements. Central bureaucracy is not sufficient. What has been done? There was the Papal commission Scandals. The Vatican finances were re-organized. There is a standard business practice. There is a Papal commission on sexual abuse (check out my research proposal on pedophile priests. Just search for it.) There is a merging of offices: Laity, family and life; Charities, Justice and Peace; migrants; vatican radio etc….Now for the Prof’s personal opinions. There is a comprehensive reform of urea curia. There is a new vision for role of urea - 17th century court serving absolute monarch. Nobles and Princes helping monarch rule. Civil service as staff to Pope and College of Bishops- Don’t make curia. Officials of Bishops or Cardinals. Separation of Powers - legislation, executive and judicial power. Regarding Celibacy - compassionate but strict. Eastern Churches priests can be married. It is a matter of discipline, not of faith. It can change. He is in favour of maintaining celibacy, with all its pros and cons, because we have ten centuries of good experience rather than failures. “For now”. A poor church for the poor by serving, accompanying and defending - charity, love and justice. For his birthday he invited ten homeless people to come. The church as a field hospital for the wounded. Compassion, mercy and reconciliation. The Church through the heart. A church with a simple message - Pope Francis, “We lose people because they don’t understand what we are saying, because we have forgotten the language of simplicity and impart an intellectualism foreign to our people.” The Church of Emmaus - why did they leave? “the church appeared too weak…..distant from the needs, cold…..caught up with itself. a prisoner of its own rigid formulas…a relic of the past, unfit for new questions.” Church of Emmaus. We need a church unafraid of going forth into their night - capable of meeting them on their way- capable of entering into their conversation - Abide to dialogue with these disciples who having left Jerusalem behind. “Are we still a church capable of warming hearts? A church capable of leading back to Jerusalem? Do we see to it that our work and that of our priests is more pastoral than administrative? Are we creating a pro active mindset? Do we promote opportunities and possibilities to manifest God’s mercy? Do we make lay faithful share in the mission?etc… In conclusion, a pastoral Church, preaching a gospel - based message of love, compassion, and justice - not a nagging church wagging its fingers at people. Christianity is spread through witness, not argument; the heart not the head. ….” I prefer a church that makes mistakes because it is doing something to one that sickens because it steps in.” A church willing to leave the sacristy and go out into the streets.

Montreal you are so beautiful but please I speak only two languages and the other is not French.

I had removed this from my post. I did so mainly because I did not want to offend anyone. However, this is not meant to offend. Opinions here, unless I say our mine, are not really mine. Some is hearsay. So, I have reposted this with some amendments because I have an objective in how I see life and wish to write about it. I think positive change is important. We are emotional beings but we are also intelligent beings. We see life from our own persepectives. Sometimes, we need to see life from the perspectives of others who suffer. To move ahead in life, we need to think what it is we want in life for ourselves? Why is it difficult for some people to examine a difference and not get emotionally charged where they will insult or even kill another? There are different opinions and different perspectives. We can live in no where land and never know there is a life out there different from our own. Communist countries are famous for that. Ask China. Oh don't. Recently a diplomat got very upset with a reporter for asking about the arrest of a Canadian. The diplomat though here in Canada as our guest thought he was in a position where his view was more important. Of course it made the news. I was proud that our Prime Minister was not impressed with him either. This is a free country and I hope it shall always be free. However, I think that all people should be free. So read and enjoy, two days in my life. I write about it because I think it speaks. My monthly trips to Montreal is almost becoming routine. I am now greeted by my hotel manager by name, as I enter. That is a bonus. I do not destroy hotel rooms and I do not steal towels. I leave a tip which I am sure is below standard but I am now a regular. On my last trip my tooth flew out of my mouth and I gasped in horror. I was fortunate enough to find a dental office where I was asked if I could wait for fifteen minutes. “Wee Wee, yes I can wait.” I found the service was cheaper than where I go to in Toronto, however, I can still smile without looking like the wicked witch of the West. I may have to incur the costs of the dental work since the insurance rejected their claim. I have yet to write a letter of explanation to the insurance people. However, I am just grateful that they took me in immediately. I love laughing and smiling etc….so ……………..However, I am delaying going to my own dentist until I am sure my tooth does not pop out. Everyone was so polite and obliging even though I could not speak French. However, on this trip I found some subtle hints by a few incidents that perhaps not everyone is so welcoming to non speaking French visitors. I normally spend time in company of people who fully embrace me and love me regardless of my English speaking handicap. I love it immensely that I can look outside my hotel room and have the best vista ever. I love it that I can cross the street and get my second best coffee and walk a block away and get my Starbucks. I had Lebanese food for the first time on this trip out in the patio enjoying the best weather ever with zilch humidity. Being surrounded by university students and profs is always a comfort in whatever place in Canada and abroad. For others it may be a security blanket. However, during this trip when I went to the Business section of Via and sat where I normally sit where the coffee is of course, my screen no longer had an English station. Now there are two other tv screens at either end, but the main screen (I call it as the main, now reports the news in the French language). Why I asked the woman who normally checks my ID? As she left to find out, one of the American men smiled at me. One for me for speaking up. Would I speak out about something like that in another country. Of course not. Especially if they throw me in jail for having a voice and being a woman. No sireeeeeee. But hey, this is Canada, the land of opportunity, right? So, if I am curious about why my tv screen is now “French” where I like to sit at the bar and drink my coffee and watch people walking by to go to work, What is wrong with that? I enjoy listening to what tourists think of our city. I want them to have a pleasant vacation and return. I love it when a tourist stops me to ask a question and I oblige as if I am getting paid by the city to do so. I have travelled much and always appreciate kindness and not having a submachine gun pointed at my stomach. I hear a few Americans talking. I like Americans perhaps because I grew up with American television and feel a kindred spirit. “I was at the York years ago and I am amazed at the improvements. Did you stay there?” Mr American is asking another Mr American, “No. But I was in the lobby and that was very nice.” While they are talking, I think of the last time I was at the Royal York having high tea which included a tour of the roof garden and bee hive. They were talking nice of my city and I always enjoy that. “Look at all the people!” another Mr American declares. I look at all the people and do not think that they are all that much out there. “…. and they are not wriff wraff either.” I am still looking out and no there is no wriff wraff. No, only business people are walking at this time of the day but I remain quiet. After all this is not my conversation (wriff wraff? I haven’t heard of that expression since……? I have brought two books to read, one is a psychology book which I won at a seminar and I am close to reading two hundred pages but it is very dry and I studied personality psychology, so a lot of it is boring. Actually, most of it is. It was written by a professor at York University but I never had him. During my time, all the texts were American. “Why?” I had asked. The answer was that Canadians were not writing them, but that has changed. The other book is a page turner that is difficult to put down. “No Time For Goodbye” by Linwood Barclay. His photo looked familiar and why not? He is a former columnist for the Toronto Star. They usually have a small photo of reporters telling their stories so that is probably why he looks familiar. I never did read my text book on the trip (my bad). I have to read, etc… for my college. It would probably just be easier to go back to school and do my PHD. Actually, I was checking out the best school in North America and dismissed it immediately when I read that the professor’s one regret was torturing an animal. He used psychology to explain that but there is no way on earth that I would ever, ever torture an animal or person and so I have finally dismissed that university. I would not be able to shake hands with the man. Now I did have a student once tell me that she felt bothered that she had to kill pregnant rabbits to study their fetuses. She could not understand how to deal with that bothering her. My response to her was that she should start worrying when it stopped bothering her. Now this is from me who had to drop science which I loved so much in high school because Mr Meanie high school teacher wanted me to dissect a frog and I refused. Really people! I feel for students who have problems with their elementary and high school teachers. Don’t give up. Hang in there. Anyhow, really if you are going to advertise your university and their profs in that matter, I don’t care how much money you attract, how old you are and how long you have been number one, I would never, never, never go there, even for free after reading that bio. Sometimes reputation is all about money. Anyhow, enough about torture for now. The train lady comes back and tells me that the French screen decision derives from Headquarters in Montreal and they cannot change that but I can complain to Via. “No” I respond. I pick my battles and because they picked my favourite screen, in front of my favourite stool, where I love to drink my coffee, and not see wiff wraff, why should I complain? “There are two screens on either side of the French speaking one, speaking English. So the French have centre stage? Anyhow, I am nice to the Via employee because I love Via, the food is great, the service is spectacular and I consider our service the best. However, I would love to see the French speaking screens somewhere away from my main coffee area. I tell the Via employee that I pick my battles and will not be complaining because Via is good to vets, giving them 25% off. I don’t think anyone beats them in Canada. Though many vets complain about what they are getting, I remember a time when nothing was given, nada. You will have to read my second book to learn more about that (www.silvaredigonda.com go ahead I dare you to buy one of my books). So, I am not complaining about anything at all, just remarking about the French speaking screen which no one was watching. It may look like I am watching the screen but I am reading the other. I read about a Japanese seven year old boy who was left in a forest by his parents to punish him and now he cannot be found. I wonder how scared that little boy is and feel for him. I understand that the parents probably love him very much and will have to live with what they did because the little boy has still not been found (I am glad he was found and is ok). That is why we need to educate parents on how to be parents. They have the most important job in the world and no tools on how to be the best they can be for their young ones - very sad indeed. So, now I am alone. All the Americans have gone. They would sneak peeks at me. Yup, this is what a Canadian looks like. A few smile and I smile back because I am a polite and nice Canadian. I can see that one of the Americans loves it that I was brave enough to make a comment, polite as it was, about a French speaking screen, in the main part that people like to grab their coffee and pop. Yes, sireeeeeeee. Of course they do not need to know that we do not all have manners. When Via had a bowl of chocolates at Easter, I was surprised to see one woman fill her pockets. They really should be teaching manners in school. Can you imagine, “Ok listen here girls and boys. When you see a big bowl of chocolates meant for everyone how many would you take? Little boy raises hand. “My mom takes as much as she can. She says she has paid for them?” “And what do you think?” Little boy looks very seriously at the teacher. “I did not see her pay for anything.” I decide to get a head start to the area where I will get on my train. I go by the endless line where a mob of people are waiting for the train to Montreal. I casually stroll by them all and stand behind a man and his young daughter in the business class area. The man begins to talk to me, while his young daughter gives me the eye. She is cautious about me. I smile at her. The smile is not returned. He is a visitor and I encourage him to come and live in Canada where his daughter will have more opportunities, than she ever can living in her home country. He ponders the possibility. I see my fellow business class people (they removed First class to make it sound nicer and more inclusive?). Euphemisms have replaced what may sound unpleasant or offensive. We live in a very non -offensive city. Hey just last weekend I was at a garage sale and saw an old fashioned chalkboard with a protruding cup of java and some inscription etc…. “How much do you want to pay for it?” The tall charismatic, very self assured man said as he approached me from nowhere. “How much do you want” I asked in reply and this was repeated back and forth and then he suddenly declared $50.00. I walked away. Mr Charismatic apologized for offending me. “I guessed he was a teacher because he was so concerned about offending me.” Is he impressed? I guessed correctly which was not too difficult since I was at a school bazaar. “How is 4.00?” he asks. I look at the sign and wonder if it will look tacky in my kitchen. I give him the 4.00 and after seeing it on my kitchen wall replacing the famous cafe shop in Paris, I knew it was a good deal. It has lots of character and I have not seen anything like it before. I thought it would look good only in a bar but my gut was right. Anyhow, how did I stray to my find? Of course - First class, primo or prima classa - no more - now business class - Same difference. There is some confusion of where we are supposed to go, because once again there is construction. I overhear the female Via employee who pops up speaking into her radio explaining that she was not at her post because she was helping someone. Me thinks, perhaps calling someone to help one person may be better than a group of business - 1st class looking like lost sheep trying to find a detour to the train. A tall elegant looking black woman in a fine business suit is behind me claiming she is lost. She is American and it is her first time with Via. I assure her that this is a mere hiccup and that service is wonderful at Via. She admits she heard me ask about the French speaking screen. I let her know that it was a new change. With monthly trips you get to notice change, which becomes the new normal if no one notices, like our grocery packages and cans getting smaller and smaller while the prices carefully grow. You are not fooling anyone Corps. She follows me to business (first class). We enter the train and she wonders where she is supposed to be sitting. I assure her that I shall help. There and behold we are sitting on opposite seats from each other (I was supposed to sit by myself - a mere hiccip). By the end of the trip we are buddies. I think I have convinced her that Via is the best and Amtrack not so much. She raises an interesting point. Why does Amtrack not learn from Via? Very good question. At one point I said it. “How is Trump?” She grins, “I was waiting to see how long it was going to take?” She gets it all the time We talk about Trump for a bit and we seem to be in agreement with the politics. We depart at the train station to our respective locations. I have met so many interesting people travelling. I realize that I want to do it more and that I miss it. When I called for my hotel room there was only one remaining. I did not expect what I was given. She said it was a suite. I thought it was a condo. It had two bedrooms with three beds, a kitchen dining/living room with wall to wall glass. I sit at the arm chair by the window and look up at the hill and all it offers. I’m in heaven. I look down at the street and see the liveliness of the city. “This is all I would need” I think or do I say it out loud? Of course I need a balcony? I ponder at how long it has been since I actually lived in an apartment. A house needs so much care but a condo? Something to think about. I think back to my view of a condo on the waterfront which I fell in love with, however, my school mate did not appreciate it. I was asked to come along since I love water. I saw the planes landing and the CN tower beside me and even the 17th floor did not dissuade me. If I had no pets who love fresh air and the freedom of being spoiled in a house, I would have grabbed it in a second. Options are always open. I love options. I go visit my cousin and he tells people how I visit him (monthly) and how it is good for me because he forces me to take a vacation. I marvel at the insight. I love my cousin and there is no doubt that he loves me. He is like a second dad to me. He is dying and I have promised to visit him monthly until he does. I am exhausted but he insists that I stay longer and so I do. He tells me his arms feel itchy and so I go to “Metro” It is a big grocery store and we have them all over Toronto. I enter and I ask for skin cream. She responds in the French language. I tell her I do not speak French. She appears angry for some reason. I find the cream and then I try to pay for it but there is no one at the counters. I return to the woman who is engaged in a conversation in the French language with another employee. She is looking at me as she continues speaking in French. Finally she takes the time to address me again in the French language. I ask where I can pay for the product. She points to the same register where I have just returned from and glares at me. I return to the register and a young woman later comes to the register. I am fuming by now at the rudeness of the older woman. The younger woman smiles. I don’t think she likes the deportment of the older woman. I go to an adjacent pharmacy and buy sun block for myself since I was informed that Metro does not carry it. I am sure Toronto does. The woman at the pharmacy is so civil in contrast to the “Metro” woman that I thank her for being kind. I share my experience. She nods. She tells me that she tries to explain to people who feel that everyone should speak French that she has travelled throughout the world and everyone speaks English as a second language. I nod in agreement. We both agree that it is too bad for Montreal. I have another experience and I am asked if I come from England. This is from a hospital porter I believe. I miss it at first. I do not realize initially that he is being smart. He tells me he is joking. I accept it and dismiss it and recall hearing on the news that at a particular hospital some staff member was refusing to speak English in Montreal. It is not the same hospital. I have the opportunity to talk to many people and one immigrant tells me he wants to go and live in St Catherines since he is tired of the anti English dissidents. I tell him that he would love St Catherines. He is angry and he speaks French fluently. “It is the government, the Separatists!” he declares. I think about that one. He begins to swear in anger and I wonder how such a beautiful city can be so divided by mere language alone. It gives me a lot to think about. There are countries where they fight about religion, gender etc……..However, we are in Canada. I returned to Metro deciding I will complain to the American Corporation about the English/French incident. Regardless, of a person’s political view, when employed they have a job to do for that company. I approach the woman who had been so rude, not wanting to speak English when she knew how and behaving quite condescending. I ask for a card. There is a complete round about change in her personality. She knows I will be complaining. She is suddenly polite with flawless English speech, aside from the accent. She says she does not have a card. I accept the change in her demeanour. I suddenly feel sorry for her. So much hostility for something so silly as not speaking a language that others wish to impose on you. I thank her and leave. I met another elderly woman who does not speak French but has lived in Montreal all her life. She tells me that she has gotten used to people being rude to her. I look at this gentile woman, dressed meticulously, and her husband and realize that I could never live in a city where one demeans another by simply something as mundane as language. Of course, when they speak European French, I am amazed at how much I do understand. One man tells me not to go to a particular place because they have “separatists.” He tells me how he goes there only when he must for business and how fast he leaves it. I tell him that this can only be temporary. I see so many new immigrants now living in Montreal and that as it becomes more multicultural things will change. Then I am told, “Did you know that a Saudi Arabian has bought the Fairmount and is renovating it?” “The Fairmount?” I ask stupidly. “Yes, like your Royal York in Toronto?” I respond in kind, “Really?” I recall being told that a California woman was sexually assaulted by a Saudi Prince and that it was hushed with money. “How do you know about it then?” I asked. “The underground paper” he replied, “from our country.” I ponder once again. On my return to Via to come home, I check the internet but cannot utilize my email because if is in French. On my last visit it was the same and I tried to change it to English but though it had about five other language options, English was not one of them. I wonder how much energy it must take to be angry. I will always love Montreal. I have fond memories of my time there. I have met so many caring and loving people. I get on a taxi here after a relaxing trip with a wonderful meal in the train on the way home. I meet someone who wants to work in Dubai. He will do well. There is no middle class there, only rich and poor he informs me. He seems pleases about that. He is sure he will be rich. He is a student with a promising career. “Perhaps since you are male, but not me as a woman.” I respond. He is shocked that I would think that. “I am very vocal.” I continue, “I believe they threw an American woman in jail for complaining about something.” He does not refute it. Only poor and rich - I personally think that it is horrible. So much money and who suffers? I wonder if we were headed that way in Canada? We need to stop that. There should be no poverty anywhere. There is no need for any child to be hungry anywhere. There is no need for anyone to suffer because they cannot get health care. I turn on the news this morning and see that there is “girl voice” or something like that being held in Toronto. The narrator says it is a difficult time for girls nowadays. I wonder why he thinks that? There are many opportunities now and I respect young people today. When I was young we were quite self absorbed. Teens nowadays start up their own organizations. Both boys and girls get involved with causes. I see a future that with education we can teach that it is wrong for someone to have no food and to feed them and teach them to learn how to resolve that. We can take a stand against bullies who think they can rule countries and cities and have them accountable for their actions. We can teach parents to not repeat the errors of their own parents but to provide a safe and loving environment for those who have the highest gift of bringing new people into the world to be the best that they can be. We can teach that rather to be divided by differences we can learn how to embrace each other. There is so much strength in unity. I wonder if what I learned in educational psychology is being utilized in the business world? We have a long way to go but we can get there with the right tools. I wish you all a wonderful day. I love life. It is precious. What do you think?

Paradigms and Psychology as related to abnormal behavior and classification (psych notes)

Biological paradigm - medical/disease model. eg. Diabetes is also a condition that is responsive to what happens in the environment eg. amount of sugar entering the body. Another disease is PKU an enzyme deficiency. An amino acid specific if positive test in children - diet low in the amino acid is prescribed. Amino acids get metabilized. R1 plus R2 > Product. Without proper enzymes R slow with proper enzymes million x faster. Phenomenally > use foods that don’t contain. Biology provides person with potential for behaviour individual will learn to perform/exhibit. This is mechanism that takes in what is happening in environment and determine what the behaviour will be. eg. We all are born with ability to learn languages. There is a critical period of time to learn language. A donkey won’t be able to learn language because does not have the biology. As we learn more, one more connection made between neurons. More nerve cells at birth than two years later or more. Use it or lose it. Learning new language - don’t hear the accent. Evaluating biological paradigm, comment on reductionism. Predicting earthquakes on leves of plates. Can’t predict earthquakes by physical layers of earth - however * reductionism - recall as you get more elements within a system you start to get more elements and that gets dynamic of your own. If your car does not start you do not call the physics department. You call a mechanic - those same - many more elements. Biological methods to treatment: Brain is an organ of behaviour. As times goes on more biological to change behaviour. Large techniques for resetting EEG rhythm in abnormal people eg. anxiety, depression and chronic pain syndrome - osculation in brain waves have been identified as marking- can reset- stays for four or five months - not dangerous. No side effects that others have progress with biological treatment - major advance more specific types. eg. serotonin 5-HT a few families of receptors [ _ ] > [ ____ ] (my diagram attempts need work) The old fits in new way - more receptors to fit. Dopamine in schizophrenic - too many. Receptors in the brain - so lets find way to block receptors. The problem with early dopamine, blocking agents - many severe side effects. Have found - dopamine receptors D 1 2 3 psycho 4 5 6 before blocked everything. Now reduced to control problematic receptors. to be continued ……. Frued Id, Ego, Super ego. Anxiety - Egos’s reaction to danger in external world - defence mechanism.Retreating to behaviour patterns of an earlier age.

Price reduction on my ebook www.silvaredigonda.com

As you know by now I write for fun. So far it has nothing to do with therapy. However, since I am now typing out all my notes and posting them, I may eventually write a book about therapy (probably when I retire again). I am available to book clubs and am more than eager to bring along copies of my books and talking about them. So, if you feel like spending some money check out www.silvaredigonda.com. Feel free to buy as many as you like. I always find joy in starting new projects and retiring after I feel it is time to move on. If I could, I would try every career. I love houses and have considered being a real estate agent, however that would kill too many nights and weekends. When I throw myself into my work, I give it all. I think being a lawyer would be fun as well. Being a reporter would be exciting etc.....What is your passion. What would you really want to do, if you could? Why are you not doing it? What do you think?

Addiction

Though my interest has never been addiction, I don’t think it is possible to do my line of work and not have to deal with it. I have dealt with alcohol addiction, sexual addiction, porn addiction, marijuana addiction, pain killer addiction and gambling. I don’t think I have missed any, but could have. Addiction touches so many people. It also plays havoc in relationships. Addiction is not only suffered by the survivor, it affects everyone he or she lives with. One addiction is bad enough but I have found that multiple addictions can be common as well. In my psych studies, I learned how a person needs a little and then a bit more to get the same high which continues until it reaches a peak and then on the decline it requires an amount just to no longer feel high but just not to feel so bad. Addicts do not want to be addicted. There is a process there as well. First there is denial, then there may be an awareness that there may be a problem. There may be an awareness that there is a problem but the person is not prepared to do something about it right now, and then there may be a day when the person becomes determined to do something and goes for help or tries to stop on his or her own. There is so much shame for the person who may be a pillar in the community or not. There is shame and so much hurt when a person tries to stop and discovers that he or she cannot. An addict will lie and steal and blame others. An addict suffers. I remember a Priest once saying that he had conducted a funeral service for an alcoholic who had died. He had been homeless. No one but himself was at the funeral. I remember thinking how sad that was. I have worked as an intern where one particular alcoholic who was dying told me how he had lost his job, his family and how worthless he felt. He too ended up in the streets. How do we care for our people when we leave them to die in the streets, consumed and alone, due to addiction? I was recently reading a special section in my latest copy of AAMFT I believe it was. I am always reading daily and when I want to keep something I tear out the page. I don’t have the page number(I’m bad) but Anthony J. Mele, Psy.D, Chief Clinical Officer, Sovereign Health reports that by adolescence, most personality disorder traits are obvious and the average age of the first use of drug or alcohol among minors is between 13 and 16 years old (according to John Hopkins Center for Alcohol Marketing and Youth). He continues that while the etiology of addiction is multi-determined, it manifests as chronic and maladaptive ways of dealing with one’s environment. This suggests that treating the underlying personality disorder is important. He continues that there is a 50% to 75% chance that an individual with a drug or alcohol addiction will also have one or more personality disorders. I normally try to deal with the underlying issues of addiction while directing them to therapists who deal only with addiction. I also like to recommend rehab and that all can take a long time for someone wanting help. Honesty is a problem, again due to shame. I don’t know how effective short stints in rehab are. I am sure there are stats out there if you want to do your own research. I attended a Marian day where a speaker spoke of his addiction. He is popular among Catholics because there is a documentary film, “The Triumph” which tells of his story of overcoming addiction. Ben and his mother were speakers and it was noted that addiction was in the family. Ben spoke of feeling bad and not worthy which is something I have so often heard in relation to addiction. He went to Medjugorje and lived in community for three years. He had to go to Europe to get the help he needed because he could not find it in North America. Though it worked for him, “many could not do it.” There was “ a lot of praying” and discipline. After lunch or dinner there was always someone to do talk to. There was always something to do and talking. Being placed in a state of being uncomfortable was also practised. For example if one was a wonderful cook, he or she would never see the kitchen. One was to be quiet. As he spoke, I could understand the rational of what was being created for the addicts. They were offered discomfort because they were being provided with a setting of what would normally cause them to turn to their addiction, but this exposure would also teach them that they can cope without turning to their addiction and begin learning how to cope without it. Distraction is used and even if someone does not believe in the power of prayer, it provides a calming effect and can be another distraction. Apparently this was started by a Catholic nun, who obviously impressed him when he saw her. Ben reported there are 60 community houses in the world. Ben stated that initially he was self absorbed (I find this to be common among addicts initially as well). Then Ben experienced the guilt at hurting others and making peace. He was living in the world. Some cannot stop their addiction and will use and get kicked out of community liveing. Others who used would be dead six months later. Once a month parents would come for counselling. The question would be, “Why do you think your child is like that?” Hope was being reborn. He said that you go through the process of pain and suffering to be stronger. Ben is now a public speaker. He landscapes which offers him the opportunity to speak. It offers him the opportunity to pray when working. Ben states that there are two to four community houses in each state but none in Canada. Ben Wasiniak was very open regarding his experiences. I am aware of some community houses in Toronto. I know of one place where I applied for an internship. In my opinion I found that the methods used in this particular location was unethical and therefore turned down the opportunity. It did not have government endorsement either. Ben Wasiniak said that he is on Facebook and encouraged the large audience to friend him for job opportunities. He also provides information. There is no doubt that addicts suffer. How can an addict learn to cope with what life throws at him or her without reaching out to the deadly habit? Remember that even when you are in your pit of darkness and you think that no one cares and you are struggling to just make it through one more day, there is hope. Also, be mindful that if you do quit and start again, it is part of a process, and do not give up. I am a firm believer that there is help for anyone who wants to change their lives. You just have to make that decision for yourself. What do you think?

Did you have a nice day yesterday for mom's day? Who cares if you are not a mom - take the day! update and free therapy for 5 singles, couples or families from Fort Mcmurry in Toronto!

Yesterday mom’s day, I read, listened to music, watched some tv, sang, and spent time with what is very important in my life. Today is mostly a free day except for domestic chores, some paperwork, scheduling and then it is play time. Balance is such an important part of life. How balanced is your life? Think about it. I listened to quite a few speakers last week, from a motivational speaker about self care for care givers, where I picked up some pointers because I heard it before and now am going to implement it in my practice, to the public service retirees which I will not bore you with, to a Marian Day where there was prayer, and listening to some big pointers about forgiveness and mercy, addiction and also about a Satanist who was a wizard which is at the very top of their reign. He spoke of how he had broken every commandment including murder and listening to him was somewhat disturbing for me. I am quite aware of how much evil there is and like to take a break from it every once in a while. I will be talking about each topic for you in my weekly blogs but will not give too many details about the Satanic horror, because I do not think it is good to hear for many of you. However, this man escaped and later became a Catholic. It has been a very interesting week. I also realized that I spelled Toronto wrong on Therapist Locator and therefore did not see my name on the list for Toronto Therapists under AAMFT. So, if any of you ever notice that I am not up to date anywhere, by all means bring it to my attention. If any of you have a particular concern or question do not hesitate to either email me personally or on line and I will post it here. As the weather improves I want to spend as much time as possible outdoors. I have become a wimp and my heater is still on at night and during the day, as needed. I have opened up windows. To the people in Fort Mcmurry you have my prayers. I understand some are coming to Toronto. Displacement of people is very difficult and there is trauma as well, escaping fire. I am willing to provide six sessions of therapy for five people or couples or families at no cost with an extension if necessary. I encourage all Canadians to assist if they can in whatever way they can. If you have a gift to do good, why not use it? What do you think? I do charge 100. a fifty minute hour however I think I can ethically make an exception for the people in Fort Mcmurry this one time. “Whom ever you see in distress, recognize in him (or her) a fellow man (or woman)” life guard motto from my teenage years. Yes I was a life guard. Have a nice week, get some help if you need it and why not start a new leaf in your chapter of life towards a positive direction? What do you think?

Update, life, hospital tid bit, telephone counselling anyone? New benefit for veterans in Canada! What do you think?

Well, I have been on a roll recently. I have been going to Montreal once a month and though I always wonder what it would be like to have a practice there because I love the European feel, not speaking French is a problem that would be career suicide. That is too bad. Yes, I know that I can learn the French language. Actually when someone speaks European French, it is amazing how much I understand. However, I need to be fluent to be able to understand everything a client states and that is not the case with the French language. Therefore, as I explore my options for change, I keep stationed here enjoying all Toronto has to offer. It has a lot. But, returning from Montreal, I want to share an experience I thought was wonderful in a hospital there. It is St Mary’s Hospital and in their cancer care, they have volunteers who actually bring tea or coffee in authentic china tea cups with cheese and cookies to patients and their visitors. I have never witnessed that before and saw first hand, the benefits it has for patients as one examined the Royal emblem twirling the cup around and around as a new discovery. He smiled at me and said that he was told if he dropped it, it was ok; they would replace it. He could relax without fear of damaging anything and I saw the difference, how one small act of kindness and indulgence is so helpful for patients and family. I also noticed that the staff there are happier than what I see here in Toronto. Recently I watched a program of the news station,“Market Place” an investigative program I tape faithfully, reported finding uncleanliness in hospitals due to a decrease in cleaning staff. Physicians have also been angrily demonstrating at Queens Park and though I don’t normally pay attentions to protests, I did pay attention this time. What is Ontario doing to save money in health care? My dreams of ever seeing psychotherapy being part of OHIP faded in the dust. I know that there are many people who can pay for therapy and do not because they are used to a health system that is no cost. I consider physical and mental heath on equal par. Listening to the rage of physicians speaking out against the present conditions was startling and I had to wonder about the difference in the less stressed medical hospital I was visiting and the norm here at home. However, my opinion is only that. Spending a day in a hospital once a month does not provide the entire picture even though I certainly like the area. Now some tid bits which I read from SAGE, The National Association of Federal Retirees Magazine. Spring edition, P 37. There is a new benefit from Veterans Affairs Canada for an annual tax-free grant of $7,238 meant for veterans to get the care they need when their caregiver (“informal” such as a spouse, over 18 years of age) requires some time for self care. There are restrictions to this benefit. There must be a disability award where you require assistance by the informal caregiver with “most” of daily living functions for at least one year. You must not be a permanent resident in a long term facility or nursing home. For more information if you are not familiar with this benefit and you are a veteran and think you are eligible please call 1-866-522-2122. You may also contact Veteran Affairs www.veterans.gc.ca/eng. Other tid bit: p 16 Sage: Research has established that people with higher levels of education have a reduced risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. Now that is a reason to go back to school (kidding). Recently I was at a seminar about Pope Francis and what he is doing for the Church and the resistance he is getting. I think the world is aware and so I won’t be talking about it unless I get a request. I met a delightful 84 year old (or was she 82 or 86) who is in a Masters Program of Theology. Her reason was that she wanted education to keep her alert and free from alzheimer’s. “I heard you are as sharp as a whip” I declared. She gave me a big wholesome smile and said, “yes.” It is never too late to go back to school!!!!! I have another busy week and then I hope to slow down. However, I love seminars, conferences and do not consider that work. I have room for more clients and am seriously considering telephone counselling as I am noticing that there are many remote areas out there that may need a therapist because there are none in their area or there is a concern about confidentiality. So far I had refused this as a norm but have reconsidered because I see that there is a need for people who do not want to be seen right here at home. So take care of yourselves, give your self quiet time, have someone to talk to and start a new page in your life. What do you think?