Integration Paper For Contemplative Theological Reflection
By: Silva Redigonda
Patriarchy - The Heart of the Matter
I wrote my Contemplative Theological paper and brought it to my mother to show her why I was delayed. I read it to her undermining her interest. She looked sad when I finished and said "you are male bashing." It haunted me throughout dinner with my Spiritual Director. "I like men", I told him. "I'm glad", he replied. So I went home and decided to take a risk. If I give just one person the impression that I am male bashing then I have not produced the paper I wanted. Patriarchy is not about male bashing. It is men who have opened doors for women. It is men who have supported women. My closest friends have always been men. Patriarchy is much greater than good men, bad men, weak men or powerful men. Patriarchy is about who has control. In some parts of the world women have no voice and are imprisoned for not dressing appropriately. They call it religion. This paper is not about male bashing, it is about equality.
As I shake hands with Patriarchy, I marvel at the rotating wheel of repetition as society moves in a circular motion at polar opposite of beliefs, needs, wants and desire. This paper will describe my context of the world through examination of my theology and Ministry. It will illustrate my faith connection to God, my spirituality as I live my life in helping others and finally my experience as I realize that I am not truly free to be who I want in my ministry because of limitations called Patriarchy.
Growing in a Catholic home religion was important. I remember asking my favourite priest in confession that I would like to be an Altar girl only to be told that I could not. "Does God love boys more than me?" I asked. I was seven years old. I remember being told my shorts were too short by my priest. He offered me money to buy longer shorts. I went home to tell my mom. She said what I was wearing was fine. I ponder if he said the same to boys.
I am now a Eucharistic Minister in my Church and I am a student in Pastoral Counselling. When I provide communion there is a glow I see from the approaching people for the host. As I bless the small children and babies, I marvel at their innocence. In counselling, people come to me because they are unheard and are struggling. I am amazed that by merely listening which seems so easy to me is so powerful and restricted for them. I provide this non-judgmentally in a judgmental society. There is an imbalance of power. I hear it in the voices of my clients. I hear it in myself. I felt resistance when I needed a place to counsel my clients. My community church did not help me. The Diocese did not support me, after the nun I had been consulting fell ill. I refused to go to other Christian denominations for help as was suggested by fellow Catholic Women. I am a Catholic, willing to help everyone but I want to do it from my Church not another. I did get support from my school and from another church, all from the Jesuit community. And now my clients come to me too far from their own Community Church. Questions are not always asked. There seems a need to keep things simple. I hope that people can learn in the Church, presumed truth as it is discovered and altered by other presumed truths – not merely the illusion of truth. I cringe when my Parish Priest makes jokes about the mentally ill thinking he is funny. I cringe when he insists that God is a man. But I understand it after I heard his Bishop speak. The Bishop and his entourage stood proudly at the altar. He told a joke about a woman who helped a child. The child asked, "Are you God?" The woman replied in the negative. The child responded, "but you look like HIM." God is so much more than woman or man. I hope one day women may be Priests and work in unison with men for the same goals. I wonder if the nun had not been at the Archdiocese to advise me, if I would be in Ministry. I wonder if women were priests if it would matter for God to be a mere man.
One in ministry should never feel superior to another but united with that person for the same goal, to know God. The choice is not in selection but in unity.
In my spirituality I look to God to help me help others who are all a part of me. My life in faith is constant work and reflection. It is active listening for people who are reaching out for help and being able to walk along side with them in their lives. At my lowest point I feel a presence of holiness and it is in that fugue of spirituality I realize I am blessed. I am heard and yet I still challenge. I am just a speck in massiveness and yet I am a giant as well because in God I am seen. I love life and creation and all in it. I do not take it for granted because I realize that every breath is a gift.
In summary I see my Church as Patriarchal. Things are not much different in context since my Priest told me that I could not serve as the boys in the Church. Doors have slowly opened to permit Altar girls in some countries. Progression did not continue because the wheel is circling once again. Experience has taught me that men still dictate in matters of importance. I know that I look into the soul of people who come to me. I see not their clothing, gender, wealth or lack of it as what defines them. My faith tells me that Jesus was frustrated with the Church leaders of his time and that Jesus welcomed women as equals to men. I look at men and women and see us as equal. That is my progression, perhaps even my boldness in a Patriarchal Ministry. I must remember when I go to Church that it is Jesus I come to see and that it is Jesus who I worship. I shall choose my battles when it comes to helping others. Jesus is my symbol in this reflection because Jesus is my guide to equality. Jesus is a man in body but is so much more. Jesus is God, as part of the Trinity. I do not bash men. They hold my heart. I only would like to see a world where women and men walk together and jointly make decisions in the Church as well as outside of it. In my spirituality I struggle to help others for something as simple as coffee after mass. I must debate what is worth fighting for. I continue to counsel and I continue to bless babes and I continue to provide communion.
I question why we keep revolving rather than moving ahead. There are too many distractions, too many biases. As the polarization of thoughts, gender, and ideals continue, I shake hands with Patriarchy knowing I am equal, even if I am not seen as such.
The above paper was written doing my Masters program. I have since retired and have stepped down. I had to stop Eucharistic Ministry because of an injury which makes accessing the steps of the church impossible without the chance of dropping the hosts. That would not be a good thing.
