Self care is important - Have fun this holiday weekend

I did work this long weekend but it was very limited because the focus was fun and a few other minor details. It is lots of swimming, a bit of Starbucks coffee (I am still waiting for the one near me to open, as promised. Summer is almost over guys) and sailing with a few lunches thrown in here and there. I went to the ex as well and that is something I recommend for all tourists. Don't forget to see "Show Dogs" and the Ice Show. I must admit I have been enjoying my summer and soon it will be serious work, serious conferences and serious fun. Enough of being serious. I have still to return to my third book because life happens, but my desk and white board is waiting. I have different coloured pens ready to list my clues. I think I shall begin from the start and this time record my clues and characters a bit differently. It is all in my head right now and scattered on notes. Will I need more than one board? Maybe, but I see that they are still at Costco. A bit more reading for one of my volunteer positions to advance a student and a bit of catch up for some more paperwork and still I should be preparing a proposal for one of my books, mainly my second but thinking of a way to squeeze in my number 1 and then it is back to my book. I like to write when I am fresh as soon as I wake up. My brain is more alert then and so if I am doing other important stuff, then well I have to give it priority. But, enough of work and hobbies. It is time to enjoy my weekend. I suggest you do the same. A balance of work and play is so important. If you have struggles in your life do not hesitate to contact me. Oh, I have been asked to be a regular on some internet radio show. Though I have said that I will do no more volunteer work numerous times, I cannot say no to a friend, nor to where veterans are concerned. So sometimes, situations change and then we need to re-think our priorties. What do you think? Have fun guys.

Word On The Street coming where I shall be signing and selling my books. Why not come and visit? 27 September 15! & back to gym update

I cannot believe how fast my life is racing. I barely blink and summer is over though our Mayor keeps thinking it is mid summer. It must be the hot weather. Anyhow, with the ending of summer comes "Word On The Street". This year it will be held at the Harbour Front. I think it is a wonderful location since it is one of my favorite spots in Toronto. I will be at Booth 180, East of the Amazon.ca Best Sellers. Note that I said East (from) of Best sellers. So, if I know you please bring me coffee, black, no sugar. Parking will probably cost a fortune. I have been coming to this event since I wrote, "Hey Guy Buy Me." I noticed at my last street sale that people were buying my first book rather than my second. It could be the cost. However, I make more money selling Hey Guy Buy Me than my second which I don't really break even since I fired my first editor and returned to my publisher. I like her because I trust her and she is honest so there are no surprises. I would love to have my books in stores but it is too costly. Last night I had a dream that I was given a writers grant and I was so excited as I could then afford to have my books sent to book stores. Oh well, it is nice to dream and I didn't realize that I was so excited about having that happen. Our dreams do bring out what lays below the surface. Oh well, grant or no grant, I can still write what I like and find an audience. I have my two fans and so I am sure that I shall sell them each a copy of my second book. If it took ten years for Stephen King's son to be recognized as a writer (without letting on who he is) it should take me 20. I am ok with that because I do love what I do. I have spent most of my summer replanning my businesses, my advertizing, my professional development. I really like what I am doing. Actually, I really love what I am doing and feel that it is a gift that I can be doing it. I have such a joy of life as I ponder what I can do next. I have also since my trip to Montreal returned to the gym. While in Montreal, my cousin has a huge mirror in the bedroom that becomes mine when I am there. I noticed meat where I had not noticed it before and wondered who was inhabiting my body. At home I have a small mirror that focuses on my face so I can scream each year on my birthday and then get over it. I am getting older, like fine wine. However, for the last seven years I have been sitting and sitting and sitting. I sit when I type on my computer which monopolizes a lot of my time and I certainly sit with my clients. Can you imagine me standing and hovering over people? Of course not! Career kill! So, though most of my life has been spent outdoors and moving, when school became full time and my third career became a reality, I sat and sat and sat, so viola, excuse my French, I saw a body that I did not recognize. So, it is back to the Health Club and of course as I was once told, "The bodi, it does not forgit." And, as my neighbour likes to say, "eegiot" Yes, I have been. I have been so focused about getting my businesses on board that I have forgotten the importance of movement. So, it is a real treat for me because I love the water and I do like to exercise. I have tried to stop meeting too many people at bakeries for get togethers and I have stopped storing too many treats. Now, do not get the wrong idea. I do love myself very much. I do not think I look awful. I think I am very attractive especially for my age like fine wine. So, for you people who may have a bad impression of your bodies, get a full length mirror and tell yourself while in the nude how beautiful you look each day. Remember to eat well and exercise moderately to keep healthy. Spend time treating yourself. You deserve it. So come and visit me at the Harbour front on the last Sunday of September and buy one of my books, if you haven't already. Have a nice week.

Meeting for name change decisions in Georgetown - Pastoral Counselling

Well I had another opportunity to get out of the city and was transported there along with three other colleagues, one being my mentor and previous professor. We shared the gas money and after our meeting went out to lunch in a fifties type restaurant. It was going back into time in all sense of the word. The town is small and cute and the hospital is small and cute, built like a maze to confuse patients so they can't escape. I have some big decisions I am going to make in the next several or perhaps more years. I will decide if I am going to move away from Toronto and where that will be. I will decide which Associations I am going keep or belong to. Presently I am a Registered Psychotherapist, a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and a Specialist Pastoral Counsellor. I have to pay to belong to each, I must meet the qualifications, education, and ethics requirements of each, but the most important consideration is the cost. The American Association of Familty Therapy will remain the same, with its divisions. That means I do not have to decide if I will let go the Ontario branch and keep the American or vice versa. I voted for this to remain the same and it appears that I was part of a majority of therapists who thought the same. The College of Psychotherapy is a no brainer. That is a requirement to practice in my province. The college regulates us and protects the public. That is my priority. With members of the Ontario branch of Family therapy I meet up with and am kept up to date with changes, education, conferences, peer reviews. They are working hard now to work for us by letting the public know the validity and importance of Couple and Marriage Family. I had already decided to keep them regardless of the vote with the hope of restructuring for the powers to be, due to concerns of money. With Pastoral Counselling, I think they have a wonderful education system, but aside from being on their web site, I am giving much more than I am getting. I have been asked once again to assist for advancement review of a student. I have been asked to be part of the advocacy committee and of course I did accept all requests. Why do I accept? Because we only have 45 Pastoral Counselling Specialists in all of Canada from various religious denominations. I never received any type of assistance for schooling. I was informed by one student that I was too honest. No, I do not live on tuna. I eat well and always have. My dad taught me that. I do not intend to lie to get any bursaries, scholarships etc... I received assistance from the University of Toronto, Masters program, and just recently gave them a tiny (very very tiny) cheque for others. York University also provided me with a scholarship for academic achievement one year and I never paid to go to school there. There were some that thought I should not have accepted the scholarship money. What I say now is too bad, so sad. I earned it by studying so hard and holding a full time career. So, the great strain because I was somehow doing three programs at the same time was Pastoral Counselling Education. I learned very much. There is money and students do get assistance but I am weighing everything myself as I have to decide what I am going to keep. Most of my peers work in hospitals; a few working from a hospital and private practice, others in prisons. I do not work in a hospital. They have just begun having an occasional dinner which I admit I have not been to because of seeing clients etc. I would never not see clients because of a social dinner during the week. That is the problem, it is during the weekday evenings. In a hospital there are regular hours even if it is shift work. I have clients who need to see me during the evenings or Saturdays because they are working so it is not practical for me to take time off during the week. Education in Toronto is retricted to a day here or there. Mind you the discussions are important, the education is important. So yesterday was the first day this year that I met my peers and many I saw for the first time in a few years. They do not all belong to my other associations. Many in the program are ministers from different religions or instructors. The morning was interesting and we were discussing the scope of our practice. There was debate on individual names, concepts, etc...It was interesting because I saw how many variations of thought there are for what we do. We have different concepts but deep down we have one main determination and that being what is best for our clients/patients. We disected words, phrases and objectives. Some were more passionate than others. Some were mainly observers. I have the gift for gab so never mince my words. The hospital setting was very warm feeling which is unusual. Perhaps it was because it is so small. I have to admit I am scared of small town hospitals. I was bit by a dog once in a town and when I went to emerg the duty physicians gave me meds that was ineffective because he did not give me the proper amount. Once my finger began to swell, I went into a walk in clinic here at home to save time, and the physician was furious. He wanted to know who the doctor had been. I certainly couldn't remember his name, but after that I became frightened of small towns when it came to medicine. I know we have great hospitals here at home. During one quick break, I put up my business cards on a board. Who knows I may get a call. It was nice having lunch together. More important it was nice connecting with mentor and previous fellow students. I had missed them all. I am glad that they are each doing well either at a hospital and a few through the educator/supervisor arena. If I move from Toronto to Niagara I will no longer be with this group. There is another division. So, did I decide? No I have not. Spirituality is important. However, my Masters in Ministry and Spirituality can never be taken away. It has grounded me. I have learned more about my own spirituality. I have learned about the various philosophies. I have learned about different religions. I have learned about ethics when it comes to difficult decisions. My Masters, and studying from the Jesuits was like going home. I do not impose spirituality or religion or even my own ethics. I try to provide a safe place for clients and to help them with what they want to achieve, not what I want them to achieve. I feel that to truly help people I need to understand all of them and that includes their spirituality. So, have I decided if I am going to give something up and to move where I can afford a home office and a pool? No, not yet. I need to think carefully before I make big decisions. I need to think how my decisions impact me, my lifestyle, my professional development, my family and my friends. I am fortunate that I have an occupation where I can go anywhere here in Canada and the States to practice. I am fortunate to be able to do what I love. There is no better feeling for me than when someone feels better after working so hard in therapy. Therapy is hard work. It is difficult for people to really look at themselves objectively. It takes time and it takes patience. So, by writing this today, I hope it helps you to examine how you make decisions? Do you make plans? Are you spontanious? How do you prioritize? May I suggest something like this: Write something you are thinking about and have not decided. In my case it was shall I move? First you need to think where you want to move to. Write down where that is. It may be a transfer. Draw up some lines of pros and cons. How will it effect your partner? How will it effect your family, children etc....Maybe it is a big promotion that requires you to go to another country? Would you have a better life style? If this is a decision that effects more than you, perhaps you can have a family plan to decide the pros and cons from everyone's perspective? What do you think? Oh by the way I got a Zero score for views at my web site, www.silva.redigonda.com. Books I can write anywhere in the world unless I am being shot at, that is, and those countries I avoid with a passion. I also avoid countries where women are not appreciated for our wit, intelligence and humour. So that is a no brainer decision of where to live or not. Have a nice week. Think about those decisions you have to eventually make. Why not start a chart today with what you want? What do you think?

Had a mini vacation in Montreal

It is always wonderful to spend time with family. I do love Montreal and if it was not for my not being able to speak the French language I would be more than tempted. Montreal has that European feel which is so unlike the rest of Western Canada. I have never been out East even though I did see the signs for Newfoundland once upon a time. Canada is beautiful and I do love her so. What I noticed this time when I went to visit my family, is that it has become more multi-cultural. I actually felt very much at home with that atmosphere and the English language was spoken more commonly than before. I only had one small incident which actually determined my decision not to consider Montreal again. I was at a Loblaws store with my cousin and at the payout counter the cashier insisted on speaking to me in the French language, even though I had asked a question in the English language. She continued to speak in French and as far as I knew she could have been calling me names. I understood naught. That did it however and I actually felt bad for the city. It was once the biggest city of all Canada. It had it all and because of a language which became very political business fled. I realize it is more than a language it is also a culture as it usually is. I cannot chance starting a practice in a place where I can be made to feel like a second class citizen in my own country and worse not being able to help people because I do not speak French. However, everyone else was wonderful. I had been asking people I encountered casually what it is like for an English speaking person to live in Montreal? One woman from India told me that she had lived in Toronto for two years and she found the people cold and uncaring. She said that people would enter their apartments and want nothing to do with their neighbours. She could not afford a house in Toronto but in Montreal she had a house. This lovely bubbly woman spoke of how happy she was in Montreal. Another told me that things are getting better regarding people who do not speak French. She explained that government staff always oblige in either language, "But you get those die hards that refuse to speak English or acknowledge....." I would have a problem I was told. So, Montreal, I shall continue to visit you and perhaps one day there will be equality for everyone since it is becoming more and more muticultural. I understand as one person told me that there is a fear of losing a language, an identity. I can understand that because I have heard it before with other languages. On a bright side, I was informed to walk through a tunnel to get to the main street which is like our Yonge Street. I was hesitant even if my cousin who is male recommended it. I cautiously walked towards it and saw a woman and child exiting it. "Is it safe?" I asked. I was assured once again. I took the chance and entered. It was long and lit up, the sun no longer visible. I saw another woman with some children enter from the other side and I continued after having taking some pictures. That is one tunnel I would never, never, never go through in Toronto. When I spoke to my cousin about the tunnel he assured me that nothing ever happened there. He said that there was one incident of some youths smoking a drug and they were arrested. It immediately made the papers. He told me that the Police walk into it at times and that there are cameras connected to the police station. I marvelled. Returning to Toronto as always I felt I was coming home. My city is vibrant however I saw two police questioning a vagrant who appeared to be under the influence. He had possession of a sad looking dog and I was grateful that the police would probably take care of the dog. It was very hot and the dog had no water. As I returned home and after greeting everyone and settling down, I turned on the news and heard that women had been sexually assaulted on the belt line which I only went through once on foot and alone because of its isolation. A sexual preditor pretending to be a minister had held a special needs person in a hotel for two months sexually molesting her and it was not his first offence. How horrible I thought for a young girl to come to Toronto and her first experience when she comes off the bus is to be taken advantage of. The taxi driver who had taken me home asked about the area. "They stabbed someone down the street." I continue, "My neighbour told me he saw some road rage and a fellow lifted his shirt to expose a revolver." I add, "There was a sexual assault too in the laneway." I wonder about my city and what it is turning into. They keep telling us that it is a safe city but I know better because I have seen the increase in crime since my youth. The cabber enlightens me with his veiw, "When I come here it is only to drop someone off. I don't pick up any fares here." The taxi cabber lives in Scarborough and he fears my area. I wonder how quick I can learn French. I have found my corner of Montreal where one of my stories will be born. Bonjour!!!!!!! (I posted a picture of the tunnel and would be very interested in knowing what you think)

Substance Abuse - psych lecture notes

Substance Abuse Major problem. All sorts of drugs people use commonly: coffee (me) colas etc have substances of addictive properties. Prevalence rates of drug usage - Some have widespread use eg. alcohol. 52% of people have used it in the last month, cocaine under 1%; heroin 1 in 1000. There are many philosophical debates. Two basic positions: 1. Drugs are natural part of life. If good and doesn’t harm them what is wrong with that? 2. Opiates - no studies show the problem when used for long time (at time of note taking) - when used lived long term - ages. Legal drugs in this country are legal and have harmful effects - cigarettes; alcohol. What is and what is not an abuse substance is a social construct. More reinforcing a drug is, an acute effect, the greater the potential of addiction. If heroin is legal Prof would not take it. Yes, get a high, but if for any reason there is no access to the drug, day or day three would go through withdrawal ( terrible). Even if there is no physical dependence, there is still developed psychological dependence. Animal world - electronics self stimulation - septum in rat and similar structures in other animals. Press bar and gets joint of electricity- natural opiods release produces same effects as many of the opiots. Strange thing is common sense goes out the window - food and all become unimportant- die happy? Reasons beyond strictly legal to avoid substances. 1. Tolerance - re-enforcing effect pretty immediate. After a while smoke more for the same effect to get the relax feeling. Dose required more frequently. pre-synaptic (4 received) post synaptic _______( ) o o after a while will not have same receptor. _______( ) o o have some receptors. So to get more (ox8) o receptors (5) increase dosage and then o don’t need all dosage and increase dosage again for same pleasurable effect. Agonist will intensify effects; will get more finding ( 5 maybe instead of 4) 2. Withdrawal Reverse process - that occurs when without drugs (few of these will bind without drug - don’t get the high but get the low - high rate of anxiety, unpleasureable, want drug to alleviate negative symptoms. Physical withdrawal. Psychological withdrawal is participation of withdrawal even before physical withdrawal. If no money, B & E, etc… 80% of all crimes are drug related. 3. Dependancy - exists when tolerance and withdrawal is established. Can get it without tolerance but normally the physiological dependency but also psychological is re-enforcing focus of people’s lives. There appears to be a biological because rate much higher in M than D twins; higher than just adoptive. However, if entirely genetic, than why only 52%?

Chike Use - In memory

Yesterday I received an email from a cousin telling me that Chike had died and his funeral is today. I immediately checked map quest to determine if my 19 year old baby car would be able to travel the distance. It would not. It was too far. So, I called to order flowers from within the town. To my surprise in this day and age, 2015, someone in a small town trusted me to send them a cheque at their request, for an arrangement of flowers. I wondered if I had dialled a wrong number and someone wanted my money. Was I going to take the chance? However, I was even more surprised that someone in this day and age would trust a stranger from Toronto to send a cheque after the flowers were delivered. I immediately went to the post office to mail the cheque, wondering how in this day and age when at least once a week someone is trying to rip me off, either by email, at the front door, or on the telephone innocence can still exist? Could it be that in some town in Ontario, honesty is the norm? Could it be that in some town where Chike died there is a community of people who do not need to be suspicious that someone will not do what they say they will do, when it comes to money? It had been years since I had been in that town. Is this why I like small towns I wonder, as I type away in the city? I remember Chike’s mother. She was a Matriarch sponsoring many Italians who came to Canada, my father one of them. He in turn worked hard so his wife and daughter (tiny me) could come to this new land, the land of opportunity. Zia Carolina was her name and she was bigger than life. She owned a farm on top of a hill that I thought was a huge estate with a grand house. My mother respected this woman and used to tell me stories of how many people she sponsored, an entire generation of immigrants that exists here now because of her. I would roam through her big house in awe of everything I saw. I would dream of growing up and buying this grand property. I knew that one day I wanted this to be mine. Zia Carolina had a steady stream of relatives at her house on weekends and any weekend we were there she showered us with attention. She didn’t say too much to me. She spoke mainly to grownups. However, as soon as I walked in and sat down, she would bring out a feast and I would indulge to my heart’s content. Good meals were always important in my household. Chike was her son. He was already an adult when I first met him and I believe that when I first met him, he terrified me by taking out his teeth and stretching his arm out towards me, a full set of teeth exposed. I was horrified and screamed. He would be chastised and then all was normal. I still do not like false teeth to this day when I see them. Is that why? However, Chike was a very nice man and always helping his mother. This is what I was told. He always had a grin and was very funny and playful. I never quite knew what to expect from him and was always cautious that he might remove his teeth again. When I was older, I drove there to see my aunt and Chike was there feeding the chickens. They were all free to wander. They sold the eggs and again I marvelled at watching all this. Zia had a lot of trees with fruit and during the summer my dad would help her to pick the fruit so she could sell them (I presume). Chike looked intently at me, his blue eyes sparkling letting me know that I should be going to the farm more often. I was busy as we all are in the city. I had a career that took me places and time at home was not always consistent because of that. He knew better than I did. So that last time, I helped pick from so much land full of delicious pears, her harvest. That year I went to visit and in my older eyes, the house was big but now as big as when I was young. As I walked through the manor, I realized that there seemed to be more grey than I remembered and the rooms seemed less and smaller. Zia had difficulty walking. There had been deaths in the family. There was one woman who had died when I was a child. I think her name was Rosy and she was getting married. Her young death was tragic. Chike had a brother, I believe who lived in Ottawa and I remember him visiting me when I was working there. He was the calmer one, the older one, the more serious one. He had died years earlier and I remember going to visit his brother shortly before his death, with my dad and another relative. As, I type this, I marvel at how lucky I have been to be surrounded by such wonderful men in my youth, who aside from playful pranks, never once hurt me. They all were wonderful towards me, and there were many. After Zia had died, I went one more time to her farm years later. It was for sale. That once beautiful house now stood crippled on top of the hill. Hoodlums had broken the windows and weeds and bush had grown throughout the property. Only the elegant door remained firm and solid, a reflection of the beauty this manor was. As I drove up the hill, the once manicured hills, with fruit trees lined up as soldiers, stood no more. The barn no longer held life. In my younger self, I felt a loss and if I had the money, I would have bought that house on the hill with its many acres, and would have wanted nothing more than to restore it to its former place. I would have wanted to be able to furnish it and garnish it and love it, with all the memories it provided in my childhood. However, it was not possible. I certainly did not have the money and I had a career that fulfilled me. Could I really live in the country? As I drove back down the hill, this place no longer felt safe. It had been vandalized, something it had never known, because this manor had been filled with love and food and lots of people, when relatives meant something huge. In an hour distant relatives, many who I do not know and would walk by without recognizing them will be gathering around to celebrate his life. I am sorry Chike that I cannot go. I can see your blue eyes twinkling that you know better, that you do not believe me any more than when I was younger. Chike, I have been thinking of you, and you are a great loss. I think you have seven sons. Again, I may be wrong. It was always my mother who clarified everything for me and by now you should all be having a wonderful celebration in heaven within a grand heavenly manor. So, as you look down at how people celebrate you today, you will only have some flowers there representing myself. I was assured by the lady who trusted a woman from Toronto, that the arrangement would be wonderful. Forgive me for not being there, because I would have been if my car was not as tired as the old manor, I could not buy. God speed!

I don't do the chat thing - nothing personal

Every once in a while I get an invite to chat. Sorry, I do not do that. If someone wants to talk, talk on the comments section and I will read it with the rest of the world and answer with the rest of the world, being able to do so as well. I am here to promote my two businesses and to eventually type out all I think is relevant of my studies. Why should I hog all the knowledge? Why should you have to spend the small fortune I had to? So no offence but you can chat on those chat lines that invites that attention. I do not. If you need to see me professionally, you can ask for an appointment and you can chat all you want. Just saying! Have a nice weekend. Spend time with wonderful happy people and watch out for the chatters! What do you think?