Do you do volunteer work? Share your opinion here if you like.

Volunteer? Summer 2016 publication of SAGE (National Association of Federal Retirees) Borrowed Time by Sharon Kirkey, reported that Canada’s charitable sector is the second largest. The Netherlands reigned and the USA ranks fifth. Half our country’s estimated 170,000 non-profits and charities are run entirely by volunteers. This means that Canadians worked 1.96 billion hours in 2013. The concern for the writer is that there is a worrying trend in the decline in volunteering in the 35 to 45 age group. Seniors score the highest average hours and a “windfall” for charities “if they don’t lose them to Florida or cruise ships first.” Health wise, volunteering is associated with reduced depression, lower rates of hypertension and hip fractures among seniors. However, there is a tipping point. About three hours per week is all it takes for the benefits. Studies have “suggested” the more cognitively or socially complex a paid position is, the better cognitively and lower dementia risk. About 750,000 Canadians currently have Alzheimer’s or other dementia expected to double within 15 years. More than 50% of the risk of developing dementia is due to modifiable life style. What do you think about all this? Do you have the urge to volunteer? Have I recommended volunteering to clients? Yes, when they are financially secure. When they are not, I recommend workshops for retraining or updating skills. If people are living isolated lives than yes I recommend some type of work, either paid or not. There is a need to socialize and if volunteering gets them outside, then yes volunteer. It also provides a sense of accomplishment and it can feel good to help others. I myself have never volunteered for anything, and yet I was volunteered for ever. I have been given choices and when I said no, I was volunteered. I also worked basically for free in my internships and in some cases if not most I had to pay to volunteer. I am happy that they are thinking about actually paying people for their talents and time. I volunteer now in two positions. One I belonged to so long that it was my turn or my dues to volunteer. The other, well that was my old supervisor/mentor who did so much for me that I certainly have a hard time saying no and he knows it. If I counted how much I volunteered or more specifically was volunteered, I would probably sit down and cry and decide to retire completely. At a hospital that I interned at they had 5000 interns (called free labour) and 5000 volunteers (free labour). Maybe the multiple six figure salaries and bonuses should volunteer a bit,huh? So, when do you want to volunteer, if at all? I actually believe in paid labour. All the benefits described in volunteer works, could be equally effective being paid. Or could it? I remember studying in undergrad that when a hobby one enjoyed became a job, the joy was lost. Something to think about. I know that if I did not want to volunteer, I could simply say no. However, how much time does it really take for what I do? Everything I do requires thinking. However, my paid work requires thinking as well as my studies. Does that guarantee I shall never get dementia? No, however, it is less likely especially since it does not seem to effect my family to date. That does not mean that it will not happen, only that I would be surprised if it did. Then again if I got the disease I may not realize it , therefore I would not be surprised. Make sense? So, if you are not working and do not have anything to do with your time, yes, go out there and volunteer. However, give me the option of a cruise or Florida, I think I will take the cruise and Florida both. However, in my real world I work and volunteer for now. What do you think? Recently, I was on a train ride in the town of Tottenham, about a one hour drive, North of Toronto. It was great fun riding in a 1920’s train with the windows open and waving at the people in stopped vehicles, waiting for the train to pass. I had no idea that the maintenance, tracks and service is all accomplished by volunteers. I got so excited that I told the volunteer in his 1920’s clothing, that if I lived in Tottenham, I would definitely volunteer. What a treat! If you are in that town, I recommend the trip! Care to volunteer? Whatever you decide, stimulate that brain of yours! What do you think?

Men and Psychotherapy

I was very surprised to read an article from an authentic source regarding men and psychotherapy. It was American, but I won’t tell you what the source is because quite frankly I found it embarrassing. It talked about female therapists and how some are intimidated by men and how men may find them not up to par if they do not provide input that they are looking for. My interest has always been therapy for men. I am not intimidated by men. I wonder what kind of experience the female therapists have that this male writer is talking about? I grew up surrounded by men and they were wonderful to me. I had always admired the solemn, peaceful exterior of therapists I meet at seminars, both women and men. However, there are times that I feel some carry the weight of the world. I recently read something I thought was fascinating and of interest to me regarding a part time position working with a specific group. However, a calm, etc….was required. God help me if I ever become so boring to myself. It was not until someone I know was complaining about a therapist who was very serious, calm etc…..that I wondered if it was an asset? “You don’t like that peaceful exterior?” I asked. “Hell, no! I wanted to shake her, to come alive.” I grinned from ear to ear. I guess some may find that boring, rather than a plus and so I will not try to change that in myself. There is a time and a place. When someone comes to you, to pour their heart and suffering, it is no time to crack a joke. They need to feel validated, heard; respected. However, it is also important to establish a relationship and humour can be important and I do not try to take that away from me. I find that the majority of people who seek help, really want to feel less sad, less suicidal, get back on track with their relationships etc….They need to find someone who they feel comfortable with, because statistically, the relationship they have with their therapist is more important than their knowledge, for the client. There are men out there who get raped, are emotionally, physically, financially and sexually abused by both men and women. I have found that when some abusive women are the breadwinners and control the finances it is sometimes men who suffer. They have the additional burden of living in a stereotypical society where they are supposed to “be the man”, “man up”; “don’t be a pussy.” Men call the police as well for abuse but not as often in my experience. They are not taken as serious as women when they call or they are afraid because the abusive women tell them that they will claim to be the one attacked. There are women right now in Toronto knocking on doors and telling men that they want money and if they are not given the money, they will call the police and say they were sexually assaulted. Unfortunately the men I know of always give the money, though I strongly recommend that they don't. The Police are not stupid. There is always the element of truth. There are all sorts of support groups for women and I know there is not an equivalent amount for men because I cannot find them for men when I search. One support group leader said I was the second person who called in a week looking for a specific support group for a male, that she thought that perhaps it should be considered. Perhaps? You think? Of course I did not say that. I believe in equality with no favouritism toward one group or another. I was surprised to read in that article that men do not go as often for help as women. I have spent a life time with men who have lots to say. I have heard their pain and their struggles. I have seen great men not get custody of children simply because of the work that they do. There are great moms out there but there are also great dads. There are some lousy dads and there are certainly lousy moms. Children need love, security and consistency. Both parents can provide this but not when they are fighting. What they are teaching children is what a relationship looks like. I was about 10 years old when I learned that not all parents loved each other openly like my own. As my parents walked holding hands, my friends could not understand it. I learned what love is for a couple at a very young age. Reading that article about female qualified therapists not being comfortable helping men was disturbing because that is about half of the population. So, let's all get comfortable. I have seen some men in religious organizations uncomfortable with women. I have seen some avoid women as if they are temptresses. We are not so different. Research shows that male and female babies are treated differently. They may be in my notes somewhere which I will eventually share. I surprised myself when I realized that I treat my female pet more delicately than my male. So, what does that tell me about myself? However, I gave train sets to female children rather than dolls. The other day I was downtown and an elderly woman was wearing a T shirt that yelled, “women should be in the home” (or stay in the home). I couldn’t help but chuckle when I saw that because it is so absurd to me in this day and age. She did not look like a happy camper. She has internalized the norm for her time. I think it is wonderful if a woman wants to stay in a home, as long as that is what she wants. I think the same of a man who wants to, if that is what he wants. There are all sorts of people who have an opinion and that is what needs to be compromised and balanced, in a relationship. Is it practical and affordable to stay in the home for one parent? Views vary according to life experiences, good and bad, education, aging etc….So, if a student feels uncomfortable providing help for men, get in there full force, as a student focusing on men, unless they will not be part of your therapy inclusion. But as a qualified therapist, start getting very comfortable in the company of men. We all suffer - regardless of gender.

Continue from: Paradigms and Psychology as related to abnormal behaviour and classification (notes)

Freud Id, Ego, Super ego. Anxiety - Egos’s reaction to danger in external world - defence mechanism.Retreating to behaviour patterns of an earlier age. Primitive definitions: regression (sucking thumb as an adult is too wordy. Tantrums - retreating to behaviour patterns of an earlier age. If you want a good read, read Freud’s original. First: unconscious - People are not aware of doing things - Free associations - repression. Patient laying on the couch: free association - class- mother cold and distant; runaways- transforms into butterfly where warmer, on palm. cold->run->butterfly->hot->tree Noise- possibility of flying a little higher and giraffe swallows leaf: Popcorn->giraffe. Patient male depressed- can always tell a story. This is an art, not science. Rorschach Ink blot test: ten at a time. Projection Psychotic people have difficulty with associations. Example: Female patient, 19, incest with father? Did test. Pleasant conversation - down elevator going home next day. First card: looks at card and “freaks out” - a lot of blood (suicide). Your brother got it for me to show me. Tried another card: same reaction. Brother is here and becomes psychotic. Stops - let’s go upstairs. Cards stimulate. TAT - picture scenes: Gave her a neutral card “tree comes into my room through the window and tree strikes her. 15 minutes. To get patient back to the 9th floor, first had to go check if brother is in it. Tells psychiatrist there is a potential for suicide. A visitor tells patient that if she wants to kill herself, to go ahead. Psychotics - sit back and watch. Stressors occur in environment where can’t confront them openly. Therapists - confronts them with themselves. We are all uncomfortable about something in our lives. If it causes us stress, we go for help. Next…………………Learning/Cognitive Paradigms

More advertisement for the summer

For your information I am advertising in the Guardian Paper in Toronto, The Catholic Register, monthly in Toronto, Psychology Today, OAMFT, CAMFT and CASC. That should be it for now. I may be missing one or two. Of course I am here which is where I sold most of my books, as well as Twitter and http://linkedin.com/ I do not twitter too much. Regarding book clubs, which has nothing to do with my private practice, I am available to come and talk about my books and sell them to you if you are interested - no pressure. Regarding insurance companies - I do belong to several but have non-disclosure contracts so you need to check with your insurance company if I am a provider for them. You may also check if your insurance company accepts registered psychotherapists as a provider. I am covered as a pastoral counsellor for some and not a psychotherapist. I am now availabe for pre arranged telephone psychotherapy/pastoral counselling. Have a wonderful weekend. Next week I go back to my regular blog posts. Am enjoying the wonderful weather and playing outside.

Telephone Psychotherapy/Counselling - Temporary trial basis

I am routinely asked if I provide telephone counselling and I always say no. I wrote a paper on internet counselling, which you can look up since I posted it a while ago. I examine the various methods, concerns etc…..I prefer face to face because I do believe that it is best for the client and myself for offering the best I can. The body language is lost which is very important. However, I am told that there are people out there who do no want to be seen. They do not want to be exposed, and so I have discerned over this. Then there are those in isolated areas who simply do not have access to facilities. So, though I have resisted for several years, I am willing to give it a try. I want to see if there is a need and also if I feel that this will work out in the best interest of the client. As you know I have two web sites, one for psychotherapy and one for selling my books. For the sake of ease I am using my book web site for payment for telephone psychotherapy. The fee is the same in American dollars because that is the way the site is set up. I will not be offering this service during the weekends. So, if interested, contact me via email so we can arrange something mutual. I will also send you two basic client forms which I need compiled for my files. My web sites are www.redigondapsychotherapy.com and www.silvaredigonda.com My books have nothing to do with my practice. Appointments need to be pre-arranged. I hope you had a nice weekend.

Elder abuse

I was supposed to go to two seminars yesterday but after the day, I was too tired to go to the evening one, one of my associations was doing at U of T. I had already turned down the meet and greet for my other association. Why does everyone pick the same day? This is how I decide which ones I go to. I will attend a full day event rather than a short one. I thought I could go to a day one and then later to a night one, but I was wrong, so I know for next time. I hate cancelling at the last minute, I really do, but when tired I have to come first. So I am fresh for today. The day was sponsored by the elder abuse organization which I have attended before. It was free which is always a bonus and a full day. I didn’t really learn anything new but I believe I was the only therapist in the room so my learning experience was the response from the audience. What I normally take for granted as common knowledge is not. I have to be mindful of that. The speaker talked to the group about self esteem as it applies to seniors. She spoke about depression which she said is common among seniors and she stressed that a big problem for seniors is how everyone wants their money. They have a “nest egg” and a monthly pension which is attractive. Her advice is to socialize and not isolate themselves so that this can be controlled. There was no handout with numbers listed that was shown on a slide, so I won’t be able to provide that for you, but I am sure that you can type out elder abuse and some numbers should pop up. Popular scams were talked about. It is unfortunate that there are so many scams, - the granny scam, the door to door scams, the banking scams, the holiday scams, the revenue Canada scam etc… There are so many scams out there that it makes one wonder why not more is done at the government level to stop this? Don’t even get me started. They will be decreasing about 450 police in Toronto within the next three years and closing police stations. And why not? There are more shootings than I can ever remember in my home town and in three areas, within a few miles of each other in my neighbourhood there has been separate shootings. Makes sense than to close down police stations and reduce police right? One of those police stations is my police station. Anyhow, back to seniors being scammed right and left from everyone - there was also a representative from Health Canada, talking about nutrition. This hasn’t changed except that margarine is no longer considered a healthier choice than butter. I love butter. My mom once told me that butter was what makes everything taste great. So, I am back to butter. Actually, I have butter in my fridge. At the end of the day there was a member of the fire department talking about fire prevention. One person asked him how high the ladders can reach. “Seven floors” he responded. “What?” I gasped. He continued how they rescue in high rises to appease me, I'm sure. I think I will stick to a condo under seven floors, if I ever decide to take that route. He asked us how many sleep with their bedroom door closed? He was the only one. He showed us slides of how fires are prevented from spreading by closing the door etc… He was very informative and his slides were very telling, and I learned something important. The carbon dioxide sensor should be in the same room as the furnace. Mine is between the living and dining room. I will be making modifications and buying new smoke alarms. So, though I did not learn much about my profession, I did learn about fire prevention because it was in-depth and I had not attended one of those in a long time. Since this is all free, I would encourage organizations in Toronto to contact the Fire department, elder abuse people and health Canada to speak to the various organizations or work places. The Senior population is a growing one. The baby boomers are babies no more. I often hear people (who are not therapists of course) acting as if seniors are stupid. Seniors are not stupid. They are not confused as part of aging. The person I enjoy the most is 96 years old, and will be celebrating his 97th birthday next month. He is also one of the happiest people I know which is probably why I like his company so much. He is always providing me with newspaper clippings of articles he thinks I might like. He sings, he dances, he socializes etc….He enjoys life. He is also a World War Two vet who does not receive a pension for those years. Now tell me how that has happened? Anyhow, my point is that yes more elderly men kill themselves in Canada than any other group. However, there are also happy people out there, who are much more intelligent and accomplished than the people labelling them as less than. So, if you are a senior and you are sad (what they talked about yesterday is true), do not isolate yourself. If you find that you are doing that, make an effort to get some help. There is help out there. Spend your money on yourself. You have earned it. If you are being abused, call the police or get advise from Senior organizations. You have earned your years and you have earned the right to be yourself and do what you want. If you are depressed please do something about it. What do you think?

A week of tragedy in Orlando

I have been watching the news regarding the tragedies happening in Orlando. It is my vacation paradise and it is sad to see so many suffer. However, I also see the unity and love of that beautiful city. It is tragedy that can bring people closer together or can divide. There is so much grief and I hope that all involved receive the counselling they need so much. There is no harder grief than losing a child. An alligator attack at a Disney World resort I dreamed of one day affording was shocking. I am sure that even an intern lawyer will have a field day with that one, but I am not here to talk about the legal implications of failing to warn that alligators are in the water or can be. I am here to talk about grief and trauma. Grief is difficult. But these situations where so many people were killed in a gay bar that they thought was safe and which turned into a blood bath may cause severe trauma to the survivors, families and even the emergency responders. It is so important for everyone concerned to get the help they need to talk about their feelings. The first month is so important so that the suffering can be managed. I will talk about PTSD, but not today. The first month is crucial to get the help needed so healing can begin. Grief can become “Complicated grief” when an image repeatedly re-occurs. This requires therapy as well. I understand you have the support there, so please take advantage of that - heart wrenching. Grief is different for everyone. If someone is grieving, allow them to grieve on their terms. The new DSM has made grieving one year a disorder. However, in my experience, I have found that quite a few may grieve longer than that and recover fully. It takes time. And time is different for everyone. My suggestion to you who have friends who are grieving is just let them talk freely and be themselves. You may suggest therapy to help them but think of what you say because it hurts them rather than helps them. Saying things like, thank God you have more children, or you can have another child etc…..is very hurtful. No child can be replaced. The best you can do is really not judge but be a good friend by just listening. Many who grieve re-assess their friends during this difficult time.