Hey Guy Buy Me - Half price for the holidays ($4.98 world wide) www.silvaredigonda.ca

It is the Holiday Season and it is time for gift sharing. Hey Guy Buy Me is my first book which I wrote in no time during my breaks. It was so much fun. I have had so much different responses to this book. Men and women buy it. Secure men love it. I won't share what the others have told me. Can't please everyone, however remember I wrote it in fun! I have dropped the price for this book for the holiday season and let me know who you are buying it for so I can acknowlege them with my John Henry. If you want me to write something, keep it clean. Have a good weekend people!!!!!!!!!!!

Improving Desire in long term Relationships - notes from AAMFT Conference (9 Nov 22) Speaker is Angela Skurtu, LMFT.

The speaker is a sex therapist. She stated that 70% of males are spontaneous and 30% are responsive. 70% of females are responsive and 30% of female are spontaneous. Responsive Desire types are forever maybe. They need to move into desire. Responsive to desire - feeling loved, feeling seen or appreciated, feeling beautiful or handsome, feeling having a great conversation, being affectionate in non-sexual ways. (Creating warmth and attention). Talking dirty or flirty. Putting mind on a sexy topic. Watching a sexy movie. Laying naked with each other and rubbing bodies together. Making out or cuddling. Creative waves, dry H——ing. May suggest a date night. May affectionately touch partner (not necessarily sexually. May not be fully invested in sex as it starts but may get there. Likely will suggest an activity that will build desire over time (if that’s an option). For Spontaneous persons- if available why not take it? Think about sex more frequently. Feeling sexually aroused and then act. Many post they can have sex daily, often initiate sex more frequently in sickness and even potential death would not prevent sex. A person can be blends between Spontaneous and Responsive. There is no hard fast rule. As people age they become more responsive. There can be times when one is more responsive or spontaneous. Everyone has some response traits. Nerve endings fire differently as we age. We numb more and so need more build up and direct stimulation. Desire strategies in therapy Individual sessions. Assess for trauma, relationship stress, underlying resentment. Assess for sex education background and general comfort with sex. Help the individual identify a personal goal for their sex life. “What’s something you can get out of this for you? What makes sex good for you? Is the sex good? What kind of sex are you having? Some clients have struggled with sex from the beginning. Boundaries in relationships. Have date nights and find ways to be alone. Maybe challenge old belief systems that sex is not good. If a person doesn’t want sex, go back to when it was good. Nostalgia. When you have enjoyed it, what was good for you. Has there ever been good sex? What do you see around you that looks appealing or not? Try to remove the idea that sex is for the other partner. Sexual Journey: 1. Try anything, 1, 2, or thrice. Bring a sense of non judgemental curiosity. 2. My body is beautiful. (There is no need to arrive or get somewhere first. I am worthy of pleasure. 3. Exploration mentally, physically, emotionally and spirituality in core values. It can be common if one doesn’t like his/her body now, didn’t before. Maybe said ten years ago. 4. How can you see yourself as your partner does? Explore the body and what is felt. How self compassion facilitates hot sex. Understanding and respecting brakes. The idea of having intimacy of some kind that works for you. Develop sexual creativity. Developing a personal connection around sex. Massage, nude nights. 5. Some dissociate when having sex. - feelings are flexible. - Make a choice to move toward a feeling - create a setting or a mood that would enhance said feeling. - Cultivating curiosity when selling and action state. - Deeply love and accept yourself even when you can’t get there. (cultivate self compassion). Sex Routines: Hobby sex (not a chore) - anticipation. Maybe be flirty. Looking at different aides. Thinking about it, talking to partner about it. It is not something that just happens. Intimacy can be flirty, touching etc…affection not sex. Social, emotional (talk about feelings) intellectual - talk about sex. You can be intimate during stress. You need to find creative ways. Talking, watching a romantic film, cuddling naked etc…creating shift. Awkwardly go for it. Build tolerance for the uncomfortable. Taking risks. Flirting. Non serial affection. Changing the meaning of touch. The speaker provided an example of a man who was slapping his partners butt. He was asked what was going through his mind. His response was pretty and he wants to be close. He had to adjust his touch. Get clients to express what they mean when they touch and how the other feels when received. Angela Skurtu is a sex therapist and works solely on this topic. She is on u tube where she shares with clients.

PTSD and Moral Injury (mental health and military research)

I mentioned yesterday that I would attend a one hour webinar which I did. Dr Anthony Nazarov, Phd, spoke about the latest information regarding Mental Health and Military research results. I found the topic very informative and interesting. Even though this is based on our military and veterans it can apply to anyone who has suffered PTSD and Moral Injury. I will be receiving a copy of the slides and video. I asked if I would be able to share what I receive. I was informed that I could share with anyone who would benefit from it. I think information is very important for people suffering with moral injury and PTSD. I will be reaching out to the Veteran community and CF I know. I will also be sharing this with clients who may have or still are suffering from moral injury or/and PTSD. If anyone of you are reading my blog and feel this one hour video or slides or both may help you please provide me with your email and I shall attach the info for you or forward what I receive. I will receive one education hour for this but no one else would be able to use this as education hours because you were not in attendance. It will take about one or two weeks before I receive this. I have reached out to Dr Nazarov and asked to be kept in the loop with the latest research. I have a special interest in providing therapy for veterans, military, and emergency response persons. I do not provide therapy through Veteran Affairs because I refuse to share any information which is disclosed to me. I have a duty to report if I believe a person is going to commit suicide, the key word is believe. I also have to report any child abuse, or if a client is going to cause harm to someone. Of course if I am subpoened to go to court, I also have to disclose. Otherwise, I will not share even if the client signs a release form (under duress). The reason for this is that trust between a therapist and client is very important. People carry so much and when they realize that information with be shared with their employer or organization who has some control over them with employment or benefits they will not share what may be bothering them the most. They will censor themselves. The therapuetic relationship is very important. Please note that I cannot provide therapy to anyone I know. What do you think? Have a good weekend.

Wow - Christmas is coming to town..........tid bits

Last night I finally got into the Christmas spirit watching the Rockefeller Center Christmas show. I have fond memories of taking holidays to New York City and it is my favorite city by far. I know Toronto is a big deal in Canada for better or worse, but it is New York that fills me with excitement. Though I had planned on living and working there one day, I am still here people. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton is my favorite celebrity couple and I am a sucker for the Voice and watch it faithfully. I don't know what that is going to look like without Shelton. The invitations for Christmas parties and gatherings are arriving at my door but I am very much aware that COVID is still here and not my friend, so I am keeping that to a bare minimum with my social bubble community. I recently turned down a meet and greet and was so happy I did, when the host picked up something and became ill. Call me a sucky baby, but I want to be as healthy as possible. So far, so good. I enjoyed the warm weather where I spent most of my time outdoors. Today I am working and I will also be attending a one hour webinar "Intro Meassurement of Moral Injury." As you know I have more than enough courses under my belt for the year, but I just couldn't help myself when I read how PTSD is known for veterans and burn out for Doctors. That caught my attention because PTSD and burn out are very different. Burn out is something many of us have experienced from over work. PTSD is a physical response to trauma. So, my curiousity was perked. I shall let you know if there is anything of interest to you. I try to get all my work done in December for the year and of course that is not going to happen. But, that is ok, because self care is very important for all of us. I am not going to talk about China and Russia provoking us and begging for war by flying close to our air space. I am surprised that Putin is still alive to cause so much havoc in the world. Now there is starvation in the forecast for so many people suffering poverty. Putin, you are not respected. It is too bad it is not you flying in our space. However, I am not going to talk about that. Tis is the season for sharing, loving each other and doing something for someone else and don't forget ourselves. Christmas is a very difficult time for some people but remember that this is also a time for hope. There has been a lot of suffering in the world but don't forget that there has been so many reaching out to help. What do you think? I have included a photo of Holy Terror. I miss my baby girl. www.silvaredigonda.ca

redigondapsychotherapy.com

Adult ADHD and Addiction

It’s December and here are some notes from a one hour lecture I attended on line provided by Dr Tim Ayas, an addiction Psychiatrist. I was impressed by him and would definitely recommend him should the need arise. Definition provided: Adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a mental health disorder that includes a combination of persistent problems such as difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour. Studies have shown a strong connection between ADHD, drug use and alcoholism. ADHD is 5 times to ten times more common among adult alcoholics than it is in people without the condition - 25%. Treatment can be challenging because medication used can be also become habit forming. Dr Tim Ayas indicated that ADHD has to interfere with functioning or development and present itself before age 12. He suggested that the questions to ask clients is: How many phones have you lost in the past year? Are you able to meet deadlines? He stated that in France, one needs to be hospitalized before being diagnosed with ADHT. Comorbitities go up as time goes by, usually as more than one condition. Do not recommend marijuana (I never do) as it impairs cognition and motivation. It’s like putting fuel on fire. There are safer things to try such as anger management training; support. They can change their lives with medication. Treat heart burn. No fruit juice or pop or coffee within one hour of medication. Water is fine. When there is no medication taken, risk can increase for drug abuse which can rise 4 times, speeding increase to rise risk of trauma. With medication social interaction gets better. One should be re-assessed each year for medication use ( neural re-wiring). One may have one or two coffees a day, no energy drinks. Marijuana can cause psychotic state. I have just finished reading an interesting article about ADHD in psychology today. I shall share that another time.

Belated Happy Thanksgiving to my American neighbours and tid bits

Time is flying and it is difficult to find the brakes. I taped the New York Thanksgiving Parade and managed to watch five minutes of it. I want to spend sometime today preparing Christmas cards to give out this year and will be able to watch, if not too distracted. I love the Christmas season and it is definitely the best time of year for celebrations. My own gift to myself this year is to see Harry Potter at the theatre with front row seats. I got an invite to Niagara Falls to watch the Christmas show there but I won't be able to go. There is so much to do in my city but I am still quite aware that COVID is causing our hospitals to overflow and the strain it has on health care workers. The Ontario government has asked our Doctors and Nurses to step up and work more. My advice as a psychotherapist is don't. You are already working at maximum capacity and self care is paramount during this time. This is a systemic problem which has been going on for a very long time before COVID started. Individuals cannot take the burden and I provided you with an earlier blog which provided stats which health care workers had submitted. As for myself, self care is paramount. How can I take care of others if I am to be overwhelmed myself. When my Holy Terror died, I took time to mourn her and have increased my social time since. Mr Attitude is now getting all my attention and he loves that. However, I know he misses her terribly as well. He has no one to swat now. I was going to write at about one of the sessions I have been attending and still need to record as my hours. However, I have a small time frame before I work so I thought I would just share this. I haven't been writing about Putin still hurting the world, or North Korea playing with missles and China being stopped from Canada to spy here and bringing their police forces here and all the other stuff dictators do. We have our own pal, so stay home. I really don't like these guys. I will not buy anything from countries where there is dictatorship. The reason I have sort of stopped writing about them for awhile is because I don't want to add to suffering. People are so overwhelmed by what is happening in the world, that I don't want to add to that. I have so much information to pass on about the seminars and I promise that will soon be my agenda. Enjoy the festivities and be kind to those who need that kindness so much. It is amazing what a smile can do for someone who is feeling so alone. Christmas is difficult for many. Let's be generous if we can and if we can't gestures go a long way. Have a great weekend! What do you think?

Christmas is coming to town - This Christmas one free book of Hey Guy for all orders at www.silvaredigonda.ca

It is the Christmas season, so with every order of any book (ebooks excluded), I will throw in a copy of Hey Guy Buy Me. Regarding my new book, I have turned down all the offers I have had from Publishers to date. I learned from a neighbour who wants to publish her late husband's book (who was also my dear friend) that I have not been sending out enough. He and I never discussed the business side, only our love of reading and writing. ( I cannot shut down my practice to accomplish what she suggested). Christmas time is busy for my practice as is the entire winter so once I have the time to focus more on traditional publishing, I shall give it the attention it needs. More of that another time. Be a sport and buy a book. I don't care where you are in the world. I will reach you.