More advertisement for the summer

For your information I am advertising in the Guardian Paper in Toronto, The Catholic Register, monthly in Toronto, Psychology Today, OAMFT, CAMFT and CASC. That should be it for now. I may be missing one or two. Of course I am here which is where I sold most of my books, as well as Twitter and http://linkedin.com/ I do not twitter too much. Regarding book clubs, which has nothing to do with my private practice, I am available to come and talk about my books and sell them to you if you are interested - no pressure. Regarding insurance companies - I do belong to several but have non-disclosure contracts so you need to check with your insurance company if I am a provider for them. You may also check if your insurance company accepts registered psychotherapists as a provider. I am covered as a pastoral counsellor for some and not a psychotherapist. I am now availabe for pre arranged telephone psychotherapy/pastoral counselling. Have a wonderful weekend. Next week I go back to my regular blog posts. Am enjoying the wonderful weather and playing outside.

Telephone Psychotherapy/Counselling - Temporary trial basis

I am routinely asked if I provide telephone counselling and I always say no. I wrote a paper on internet counselling, which you can look up since I posted it a while ago. I examine the various methods, concerns etc…..I prefer face to face because I do believe that it is best for the client and myself for offering the best I can. The body language is lost which is very important. However, I am told that there are people out there who do no want to be seen. They do not want to be exposed, and so I have discerned over this. Then there are those in isolated areas who simply do not have access to facilities. So, though I have resisted for several years, I am willing to give it a try. I want to see if there is a need and also if I feel that this will work out in the best interest of the client. As you know I have two web sites, one for psychotherapy and one for selling my books. For the sake of ease I am using my book web site for payment for telephone psychotherapy. The fee is the same in American dollars because that is the way the site is set up. I will not be offering this service during the weekends. So, if interested, contact me via email so we can arrange something mutual. I will also send you two basic client forms which I need compiled for my files. My web sites are www.redigondapsychotherapy.com and www.silvaredigonda.com My books have nothing to do with my practice. Appointments need to be pre-arranged. I hope you had a nice weekend.

Elder abuse

I was supposed to go to two seminars yesterday but after the day, I was too tired to go to the evening one, one of my associations was doing at U of T. I had already turned down the meet and greet for my other association. Why does everyone pick the same day? This is how I decide which ones I go to. I will attend a full day event rather than a short one. I thought I could go to a day one and then later to a night one, but I was wrong, so I know for next time. I hate cancelling at the last minute, I really do, but when tired I have to come first. So I am fresh for today. The day was sponsored by the elder abuse organization which I have attended before. It was free which is always a bonus and a full day. I didn’t really learn anything new but I believe I was the only therapist in the room so my learning experience was the response from the audience. What I normally take for granted as common knowledge is not. I have to be mindful of that. The speaker talked to the group about self esteem as it applies to seniors. She spoke about depression which she said is common among seniors and she stressed that a big problem for seniors is how everyone wants their money. They have a “nest egg” and a monthly pension which is attractive. Her advice is to socialize and not isolate themselves so that this can be controlled. There was no handout with numbers listed that was shown on a slide, so I won’t be able to provide that for you, but I am sure that you can type out elder abuse and some numbers should pop up. Popular scams were talked about. It is unfortunate that there are so many scams, - the granny scam, the door to door scams, the banking scams, the holiday scams, the revenue Canada scam etc… There are so many scams out there that it makes one wonder why not more is done at the government level to stop this? Don’t even get me started. They will be decreasing about 450 police in Toronto within the next three years and closing police stations. And why not? There are more shootings than I can ever remember in my home town and in three areas, within a few miles of each other in my neighbourhood there has been separate shootings. Makes sense than to close down police stations and reduce police right? One of those police stations is my police station. Anyhow, back to seniors being scammed right and left from everyone - there was also a representative from Health Canada, talking about nutrition. This hasn’t changed except that margarine is no longer considered a healthier choice than butter. I love butter. My mom once told me that butter was what makes everything taste great. So, I am back to butter. Actually, I have butter in my fridge. At the end of the day there was a member of the fire department talking about fire prevention. One person asked him how high the ladders can reach. “Seven floors” he responded. “What?” I gasped. He continued how they rescue in high rises to appease me, I'm sure. I think I will stick to a condo under seven floors, if I ever decide to take that route. He asked us how many sleep with their bedroom door closed? He was the only one. He showed us slides of how fires are prevented from spreading by closing the door etc… He was very informative and his slides were very telling, and I learned something important. The carbon dioxide sensor should be in the same room as the furnace. Mine is between the living and dining room. I will be making modifications and buying new smoke alarms. So, though I did not learn much about my profession, I did learn about fire prevention because it was in-depth and I had not attended one of those in a long time. Since this is all free, I would encourage organizations in Toronto to contact the Fire department, elder abuse people and health Canada to speak to the various organizations or work places. The Senior population is a growing one. The baby boomers are babies no more. I often hear people (who are not therapists of course) acting as if seniors are stupid. Seniors are not stupid. They are not confused as part of aging. The person I enjoy the most is 96 years old, and will be celebrating his 97th birthday next month. He is also one of the happiest people I know which is probably why I like his company so much. He is always providing me with newspaper clippings of articles he thinks I might like. He sings, he dances, he socializes etc….He enjoys life. He is also a World War Two vet who does not receive a pension for those years. Now tell me how that has happened? Anyhow, my point is that yes more elderly men kill themselves in Canada than any other group. However, there are also happy people out there, who are much more intelligent and accomplished than the people labelling them as less than. So, if you are a senior and you are sad (what they talked about yesterday is true), do not isolate yourself. If you find that you are doing that, make an effort to get some help. There is help out there. Spend your money on yourself. You have earned it. If you are being abused, call the police or get advise from Senior organizations. You have earned your years and you have earned the right to be yourself and do what you want. If you are depressed please do something about it. What do you think?

A week of tragedy in Orlando

I have been watching the news regarding the tragedies happening in Orlando. It is my vacation paradise and it is sad to see so many suffer. However, I also see the unity and love of that beautiful city. It is tragedy that can bring people closer together or can divide. There is so much grief and I hope that all involved receive the counselling they need so much. There is no harder grief than losing a child. An alligator attack at a Disney World resort I dreamed of one day affording was shocking. I am sure that even an intern lawyer will have a field day with that one, but I am not here to talk about the legal implications of failing to warn that alligators are in the water or can be. I am here to talk about grief and trauma. Grief is difficult. But these situations where so many people were killed in a gay bar that they thought was safe and which turned into a blood bath may cause severe trauma to the survivors, families and even the emergency responders. It is so important for everyone concerned to get the help they need to talk about their feelings. The first month is so important so that the suffering can be managed. I will talk about PTSD, but not today. The first month is crucial to get the help needed so healing can begin. Grief can become “Complicated grief” when an image repeatedly re-occurs. This requires therapy as well. I understand you have the support there, so please take advantage of that - heart wrenching. Grief is different for everyone. If someone is grieving, allow them to grieve on their terms. The new DSM has made grieving one year a disorder. However, in my experience, I have found that quite a few may grieve longer than that and recover fully. It takes time. And time is different for everyone. My suggestion to you who have friends who are grieving is just let them talk freely and be themselves. You may suggest therapy to help them but think of what you say because it hurts them rather than helps them. Saying things like, thank God you have more children, or you can have another child etc…..is very hurtful. No child can be replaced. The best you can do is really not judge but be a good friend by just listening. Many who grieve re-assess their friends during this difficult time.

Orlando - My condolences

To all the survivors, families and friends, my prayers and thoughts are with you.

Friday, Jun 10, come and say hello and see my office.

Tomorrow, Friday Jun 10, I shall be catching up with paperwork in my office so if you want to come and meet me, buy a book, see my office, ask a question or just say hello - come on down. I am at 2045 Dufferin Street, the Dufferin Medical Centre Building which is between Eglinton and St Clair, North of Rogers on the East side of the road. Take the elevator to the third floor and make two turns to the right. I am at Room 301. The door will remain open unless I have to step out for a few minutes. I am an early riser. Feel free to call me at 416-878-4945. I am available for any questions or concerns.

Pope Francis

Pope Francis (Pastoral) (Please exuse any errors. I have to run) I attended a lecture one evening at my old College. I went by myself because there have been many lectures about the Pope and I suppose it has exhausted some but I love lectures and so I went. The speaker is American, the topic was “Rebuild my Church: Pope Francis and Church Reform: by Thomas Reese, S.J. The speaker is a senior analyst - reporter So, it begins with the name: Francis. What is in a name? It is about remembering the poor, love of creation, peace (peacemaker-inter religion understanding. It is about reform. Francis was one of the first church reformers. As I type what the speaker reported, my mind returns to when I studied Francis in one of our lectures. He has always been one of my favourites and I had a small statue of him in my front lawn which I ordered from the States. Eventually, he lost his hands and head and I cannot recall where he now is. I remember one of the students getting very angry when we talked about Francis never speaking to his father again. As I type this I decide that I will be posting my student notes from theology as well. I like variety. Anyhow, this student stated that what was being taught was not true because he is a Saint. Well, some Saints have a history which I will not get into. However, my point is when someone does not like to hear truth because it contradicts another belief that generated from where?….Well that happens. “What do you mean the world is not flat. I don’t believe you.” This is simply history, like it or not. Now back to the lecture. Fr Thomas Reese continues that there are three steps to reforming the Church. There is a change in the culture of the institution. You appoint the right people in the right institutions and you change the structures and policies. Pope Francis’ words were simple. “Buona Sera” (good evening) and “Pray for me.” A first miracle was performed - the Italians were silenced. (What I like about American speakers is that they have lots of humour. I usually get into trouble with mine. I find this very funny because I was born in Italy, so I am allowed to find it funny). Pope Francis refuses to live in papal apartments and he drives a Ford Focus. Is it really 20 years old? I have a 20 year old car and now feel I have one more thing is common with the Pope. His first mass is at St Ann’s, Vatican Parish (where the vatican staff go to mass). The Pope washes the feet of young male and female prisoners. He reaches out to the poor and sick. That is not new. It is consistent with the past. As Archbishop of Buon Aires he refused to live in the Bishop Palace. He takes the bus and subway (I try to avoid that here at home). So what about all this? Fr Reese continues. Style is substance. There is a direct attack on clericalism. Leadership means service. Modality of what it means to be a good priest/bishop. He is trying to change the culture. We are a Church of symbols. We communicate through symbols, sacraments, evangelize through witness, not just words. There is more open discussion. Open and fraternal debate makes theological and pastoral growth. There is an argument not to divide but to unite. At Synod, “Speak clearly. Let no one say, “This can’t be said, they will think this or that about me. “Everything we feel must be said, with Parrhesia (boldness).” Council of Cardinals: Outsiders of Rome - One from each continent. He appointed new leaders. He needs people who will accept reform. He brings them from the outside to come in and advise. This is very much in tune with what the Jesuits do. People he trusted are wise. There is Cardinal Pell, secretary for economy. He wants three bids. No one’s nephew is getting a contract. He is a tough guy (excuse me for repeating that Father) - perfect for the job. The Vatican replaced officials. The Secretary of State is like a Prime Minister, the number two guy. He is a first grade professional and supportive of Pope Francis. The Commission of Cardinals Vatican Bank : The previous ones - fired! ( I use the exclamation mark on my own accord to depict my pleasure). Regarding appointments of Bishops - They are Bishops until they are 75 and then can submit retirement request. The Pope wants Pastors who “are close to the people, fathers and brothers.” Shepherds should smell like their sheep. In other words, they are so close to the people. They should be gently, patient…. What will Pope Francis do? What is reform - better management. There is redistribution of power - who makes decisions in favour of decentralization collegiality? “There is a need for a greater appreciation of local and regional elements. Central bureaucracy is not sufficient. What has been done? There was the Papal commission Scandals. The Vatican finances were re-organized. There is a standard business practice. There is a Papal commission on sexual abuse (check out my research proposal on pedophile priests. Just search for it.) There is a merging of offices: Laity, family and life; Charities, Justice and Peace; migrants; vatican radio etc….Now for the Prof’s personal opinions. There is a comprehensive reform of urea curia. There is a new vision for role of urea - 17th century court serving absolute monarch. Nobles and Princes helping monarch rule. Civil service as staff to Pope and College of Bishops- Don’t make curia. Officials of Bishops or Cardinals. Separation of Powers - legislation, executive and judicial power. Regarding Celibacy - compassionate but strict. Eastern Churches priests can be married. It is a matter of discipline, not of faith. It can change. He is in favour of maintaining celibacy, with all its pros and cons, because we have ten centuries of good experience rather than failures. “For now”. A poor church for the poor by serving, accompanying and defending - charity, love and justice. For his birthday he invited ten homeless people to come. The church as a field hospital for the wounded. Compassion, mercy and reconciliation. The Church through the heart. A church with a simple message - Pope Francis, “We lose people because they don’t understand what we are saying, because we have forgotten the language of simplicity and impart an intellectualism foreign to our people.” The Church of Emmaus - why did they leave? “the church appeared too weak…..distant from the needs, cold…..caught up with itself. a prisoner of its own rigid formulas…a relic of the past, unfit for new questions.” Church of Emmaus. We need a church unafraid of going forth into their night - capable of meeting them on their way- capable of entering into their conversation - Abide to dialogue with these disciples who having left Jerusalem behind. “Are we still a church capable of warming hearts? A church capable of leading back to Jerusalem? Do we see to it that our work and that of our priests is more pastoral than administrative? Are we creating a pro active mindset? Do we promote opportunities and possibilities to manifest God’s mercy? Do we make lay faithful share in the mission?etc… In conclusion, a pastoral Church, preaching a gospel - based message of love, compassion, and justice - not a nagging church wagging its fingers at people. Christianity is spread through witness, not argument; the heart not the head. ….” I prefer a church that makes mistakes because it is doing something to one that sickens because it steps in.” A church willing to leave the sacristy and go out into the streets.