For Love of Country : Military Policewoman - The Middle East ( now being sold on Amazon)

I was kept busy throughout the day. My room was covered with sand and had to be cleaned. Dirt and sand had accumulated. The bed, pillow, carpets, everything was filled with sand. Was this due to one storm? At five I went to the club as ordered and stayed for thirty minutes. The mess opened as well and that is where I preferred to be. I was starving and had missed lunch. Joanie, my roommate from Edmonton, and I fled the bar to go to the mess. We ate and though we were both exhausted, we went to the PX to buy more cleaning supplies. That night I slept well. Joanie and I met and went to breakfast in the morning. We decided that breakfast was an essential meal. The day consisted of briefings in the morning, and I went to the Detachment in the afternoon. It was an interesting day. I met the Dutch and the U.S. military police and it appeared that they hated each other. Doug was there of course and continued to agree with anyone and everyone. I found that immensely comical because they all differed in opinions. I was very pleased with the Provost Marshal, a Colonel. I found him to be a delightful, keen man with no hesitation in saying exactly what he thought. I took some of my clothes to the cleaners and gave them to an Egyptian. He grinned and touched a design I was wearing on my t-shirt which happened to be on my breast. I was furious. I demanded to speak to someone in authority. The manager came and we spoke in the office away from everyone. I explained what had occurred, and he informed me that the Egyptian would be fired. I found that harsh. I had only wanted him spoken to, a warning. I realized how important these jobs were for them. They were paid well. The manager informed me that the employees all knew how they had to refrain from such behaviour and that it was stressed with zero tolerance. He would have to let the man go. I felt kind of bad for this man. Yet, I could not allow any man to touch me inappropriately. I was surprised that he had done so in front of other soldiers. I never did see him again. Again the remaining part of the day was spent cleaning and washing clothes by hand. I fell asleep exhausted and awakened early morning. I wrote a brief note to my mother advising her that I had arrived. I was walking towards a group of people lounging outside. I sat with them to smoke a cigarette. One of the Canadian soldiers scoffed as I sat down and told me that I should put some clothes on. I turned on him. I was wearing shorts. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that again!” I raised my voice. I was angry. “I will wear what I want, when I want and how I want in my own time. Get it???? You are here, what, one week? Seeing a woman is too much for you? Get over it! You are not that affected by these women dressed from head to foot. You are a Canadian and you better remember that!” None of the other men commented, but he knew he was alone. This was his problem. Soon the other men began talking about general things. I was in the conversation. My accuser, displeased that I had told him off in front of everyone, backed down. He remained silent and I never heard a peep from him again during my tour. No one had supported him.” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman. www.silvaredigonda.ca and Amazon

Being hacked? Really......Not nice.

Not too long ago I saw some hateful post against Israel. I reported it. The post asked who was the terrorist, Hamas or Israel? This happened just after Hamas attacked Israel in such a brutal and cruel way. I indicated that it was Hamas who is the terrorist. Now apparently it appears that someone posted something which didn't come from me. Because I am not sure who is impersonating me, I will pause from writing more than one entry a week until I determine who is doing this. I did have someone spew hateful things at me and the Western World. I have no tolerance for hate of any kind. This war in the Middle East is brutal. Hamas is a terrorist group. What is happening now with all the people and children being killed who are innocent is heartbreaking. However, in Canada regardless of where one is from, they should be getting along here. There is no room for hate here. We need to remember that hate is a crime in Canada. It is hateful when one spews hate, keep people from entering establishments, mean graffiti etc.....We need to remember that democracy is fragile. I serve all people and always have. My work is to help people, help themselves. MY work is to keep people alive when they want to die because of desperation. My work is to help families find peace for themselves. My work is to help couples rediscover their love for each other. I have probably worked with people from every culture and religion. As far as I am concerned people deep down are all the same. We need our families and friends. We need the basics of life. We need to have food and water. We need to have shelter. We need to feel safe. We need all the basics before we can be the best we can be. For that person who spewed such hatred at me because of my representation of the Western Word, my first thought was I am so glad to be a Canadian, where I can't be subjected to the consequences of that hate. The second thing that came to mind, was how hard it must be to feel such hatred. I believe that the majority of people are good. There are extremists who seem to find themselves in the pool of hatred who cause harm. What I think we should be mindful of is people who normally come here to become Canadians do so because of a reason. Just recently someone told me at a function that her family came to Canada so she and her sisters could be free to be who they wanted to be - it was for the opportunities they as women would not have at their country of origin. They love their country of course, but it is here that they feel safe. I have heard of women being inprisoned for refusing to change their religion and were subsequently raped and beaten. People who come to live here deserve to feel safe and cared for. We must remember that it is unfair to target any religion or race. Extremists are a minority group who speak volumes, but are just that - the minority. Most people want to just make a living for a healthy and happy life. So, remember this when you want to hurt someone because of something you don't understand. Who you are spewing hate at is someone like yourself, more so than different. Remember that prejudice - is prejudging. There were studies that showed that people who were prejudice were placed with people of the group they hated. Well hold and behold, they found that they were human. How spectacular. Perhaps that is what we need to do when there is a hate crime. Have the culprit do community services for the group they hate, so they can see the humanity which they would not be able to see if there was no exposure. One of the best things in Toronto is the food of the different cultures. Ok, I am vegetarian but I can go into a Palestenian restaurant or Jewish restaurant and have good food. I listen to the stories of new comers and hear of their dreams. So, if you see my name associated with any hate about anyone, it is not me, but let me know where you hear it from. My motto has been since my youth when I was a lifeguard, "Whomever you see in distress recognize in him a fellow man (man at the time included everyone)." Have a good week. Please be kind. If you feel hate in your heart, examine it. If you are of faith, pray. We need it. What do you think? Until next week. PS. I am also selling my books now on amazon. No ebooks are uploaded yet. Have a good weekend.

Perfectionists (cut and pasted ) York University - Health for your info

Women are more likely to be perfectionists when raised by an overbearing father whereas men are more likely to exhibit perfectionism when raised by an overbearing mother, according to a joint study from York University and the University of British Columbia (UBC). It’s the first study of its kind to investigate how the way mothers and fathers bond with their sons and daughters – and how their cold or controlling behaviour – can act as a potential predictor of perfectionist tendencies in young adults. Gordon Flett Gordon Flett “Our research underscores the influence gender-specific parental behaviours can have in the psychological development of children and their risk of perfectionism as they grow older,” said Gordon Flett, the study’s co-author and a professor of psychology in the Faculty of Health at York University. “Perfectionists experience higher levels of depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. The pressure children feel to be perfect is more likely to come from the expectations of one parent, with gender as a key factor.” Using psychological questionnaires, the researchers surveyed over 400 men and women undergraduate students at UBC. While their analysis revealed this pattern of perfectionism in father-daughter and mother-son relationships, Flett points out there are always exceptions. “Perfectionism runs in the family, but further research is needed to fully understand its origins, how it can be fostered differently in boys and girls based on parental bonding behaviours and the gender dynamics at play in child rearing,” he said. The study supports previous research by Flett and his longtime collaborator, UBC’s Paul Hewitt, among others, that theorizes an individual can develop perfectionistic traits to compensate for unmet emotional needs from harsh parenting. It’s also the latest research contribution for Flett in a career that has spanned over three decades studying perfectionism. Flett’s expert advice to parents is they should strive for excellence – and never perfection – in their kids. “There is a subtle, but tremendous difference,” he explains. “Even successful perfectionists never seemed to be satisfied and always focus on what they could have done better. Striving for excellence means parents can model healthy reactions to mistakes that their child can then mimic or imitate.” The study, “Father-daughter and mother-son relationships: Parental bonding behaviours and socially prescribed perfectionism in young adults,” was published earlier this year in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. Flett’s co-authors are Sabrina Ge (first author), Chang Chen, and Hewitt at UBC’s Perfectionism & Psychotherapy Lab. Flett and Hewitt recently co-wrote a book, Perfectionism in Childhood and Adolescence: A Developmental Analysis, which considers the issues addressed in this study in more detail. The book was a finalist for the 2023 PROSE Awards.

Busy Time Again - Reviewing Ominous

Hi, As you know I will be releasing my next book for the new year. My publisher has sent me my edited transcript for review so I need to give that my full attention. This is on top of my private practice so I will only be able to post from my book as promised for the next few weeks. Thank you for reading my blog.

The Sinai Desert - For Love of Country Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

I and the other Military Police person, Doug, were briefed at 11: 00. There were also two other people who had different jobs there listening to the briefing. This was unusual and it did nothing to lift my spirits. The MWO also insisted having either Doug or myself in charge. Doug immediately spoke up that he should be in charge. Doug said he had a way with words, more specifically he said he had a mouth. To avoid an argument, and not create animosity in such a short time, I refrained from further conversation. I had made it quite clear that I was not happy with what was planned. I had expected to work at the Police detachment, but the MWO stated that he preferred us to remain with the unit, but there was not enough work to occupy us. He indicated that working as a bartender would be part of our duties, as well as keeping the bar clean. I informed the MWO that we could not be bartenders as it was a conflict of interest. How can we arrest impaired drivers if we serve them alcoholic beverages? I began quoting orders which listed what was not permitted quite clearly. I imagined my six months as a gopher for the unit and felt my spirits, charm and happiness or what was left of any positivism rapidly diminishing. Our Canadian Officers also had the same demeaning duties. The MWO pointed to the man behind the bar and said he was an Officer. I immediately regretted my hostility towards the guy. He was being humiliated enough. If I didn’t like the prospect of cleaning the bar as part of my routine, I could just imagine how the Officer felt. Doug cordially agreed with everything the MWO wanted, and of course I disagreed. Doug could think he was in charge, but not of me. He could report to the MWO all he wanted. I had worked with people outside the military police only once before, at the Olympics. I learned quickly at that time that it gave some the opportunity to get even. I was worried that it would happen again. It did not bother me to work with this unit. What did bother me was the concept of working at the Detachment and being sent back to the unit to sweep and clean for a couple of hours. I saw a bleak prospect for my time here. The MWO continued that if we were not treated fairly we were to return to the unit. I assured him that would not happen. We were told that at 5pm we were to return to the club for a meet and greet. With no sleep possible, hungry, and my first day of menstruation, I was not happy. I went to my room and changed. Being aware of too many men around me, I wore jeans and a t-shirt. Others, less bashful or conscious of pale white legs wore shorts. Some of the men even wore bikini sunbathing attire. For a brief moment it seemed as if we were at a resort. Not much later, I was sipping on a free Coke, compliments of the Commanding Officer. I was gazing outside the window from the club when I saw the wind begin to drift the sand. It became worse and I saw my first sandstorm. “Just like in the movies!” one man at the bar exclaimed. I continued to watch the storm and saw birds being forced to fly in reverse. I wondered how they survived. I was amazed. It then suddenly started to rain. I learned that the forecast had called for coming winds. There had been no warning for this storm. I realized that this would be one of the many dangers our pilots would face. My enthusiasm about the storm was not shared among my colleagues. Perhaps they were too exhausted. People who had been outside began running into the club, soaked and sandy. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.

Homicidal Behaviours and Systemic Family Therapy (notes)

Triggering Warning: Fire Arms death ages 1 to 44 years of age are top leading deaths in the USA; Wilful killing by one person to another. Homicidal Behaviour is occurring - also suicidal behaviour and femicide behaviour if assessing, one need to assess another. Interview with one person who has lived with gun violence: Participant seemed nervous answering questions. He was looking at the time. He had seen people being shot but ideology has not changed. He believes people need guns to protect themselves. He wants to know his daughters friends and families, to see what they believe in. He used to carry a firearm for his work. One day he went to pick up his mother. There was a few men blocking the street. He realized they had guns. He had to make the decision if he was going to reverse his car or if he was going to go through where he would have to use his own weapon. He decided to turn around. After that incident he sold his gun. He said that if you carry a gun, you don’t know how you are going to respond. For a few weeks he had pondered if he had made the right decision of backing away. What is your lived experience of guns and homicide such as community distress, past experiences, Mental Health Disorders? How to deal with anger? (Adhia et..alll 2019 ) - Victims. Broken desired intimacy, jealousy, altercations. Gun Violence : 135 out of 150 adolescence were female. 66% were 15,1/2 to 18.1 years of age. 102 perps were 18 years or older, average age was 20. The hand gun: one male killed his girlfriend because of nude photos that had been distributed. The role of psychotherapy and childhood maltreatment is homicidal ideation. A study looked at psychopathy (lack of remorse, empathy). Incarcerated - if child maltreatment had occurred. As childhood maltreatment increased so did homicidality - men more so than women and gangs were not indicative of this. Leakage is the communication to a third person as an intent to harm or target. Communication can vary widely such as email, verbal etc…It can reveal feelings, attitudes (Meloy & Otoole, 2011). It is not motivated to be stopped. So often it has occurred in mass shootings (I will speak more about mass shooting since I attended a lecture on Violence). Don’t expect someone to actually do the harm. Must be joking, denying it. It is uncomfortable. We must not be a weak link. This is important information to minimize. We need to be able to assess leakage. Example: one teenager communicated he wanted to kill his girlfriend. Case Study: Mother had lost custody. Grandpa adopted 14 year old boy and his younger brother. 14 year old boy leaked out that he wanted to kill his girlfriend. He goes to the kitchen and cuts his wrists in front of the grandparents. He proceeds to get a gun. Grandmother calls police. He aims the gun at his grandmother when she gets in his way to leave. He tells her to move. There was a bullet in the chamber. We watched a video of a later interview with this family. The grandparents were about middle aged, much younger than I had expected. The 14 year old boy, I won’t describe. He comes in later. It could have been a better video if it was explained. I didn’t know who the therapist was initially. The grandmother was complaining that her grandson was carrying the gun and could have killed her. He told her he would. Her husband downplayed the incident saying the grandson didn’t mean it. It was a cry for help, he was “pissed”, testosterone. While watching this video I thought it would be good training for interns. The therapist or who ever was in the video had flip flops on which and her feet were moving which was distracting and her jeans were not on properly which was also distracting. I mention this because it is important for therapists to be aware of their own presence. It may be my own biases. However, I never saw anything like this before. Anyhow, the grandfather didn’t see anything is an issue. He downplayed that his grandson had pointed a gun at his wife. There are domains here: Safety - increase or decrease risk, 2. emotional risk - shame, guilt, fatal or non fatal 3. Neighbourhood factors - violence, community safety, gun presence, friends, traditions, shared commonalities, status, regret. Social Perspectives. A clinician can be easily triggered in working with a family due to a belief system. How they parent this child. Grandmother “he put my life in danger.” Grandpa doesn’t see it that way. We need to create safety - the sociology. How does the family respond when homicidal behaviours enter the room? Lead with second order change (relational change) Pull in first order change when needed (behavioural change). This boy did go out to the community and police arrested him. Lethal Means Safety Counselling: Be straight forward, practical and respectful. Where does access occur in the community. It only takes one bullet for someone to die. Talk about safer storage. Look at pros and cons of keeping a gun in the house and changing how it is stored. For some it is safety and protection of family. Assault and Homicidal Danger Assessment Tool. No predictable risk of assault/ homicide. Low risk -Moderate Risk - High Risk. How do we address the relationship, so homicide is not the solution. When child is distressed instead of turning to the caregiver, turned to a gun - homicidal behaviour. Difference of grandparents views make it difficult for the child to turn to them. Show how systematic family needs to change for behaviour of the child. Pretending what happens when not in the same page. We watched another film with this family now including both children. There is a demonstration of a crash but again the film was not explained prior or during the film. I cannot see if what is used is a toy car. Grandmother is supposed to (let’s say it is a car) crash her car into another. She doesn’t want to do this (it is not explained why). How do we address the relationship, so homicide is not the solution? When caregivers are in conflict, children are in conflict…… When you need us we are there for you and this allows children to be able to go to them. Any errors here will be mine. Also, I don’t have time to proof read so please forgive me. Though this was set in the States, this can apply anywhere. I would have really loved to have know why the children were removed from their mother’s care. How was the mom raised? Oh well. This was the first lecture of the three day conference. I will post these once a week and the rest of the week will be either a portion of my book and or theology. Happy Hallowe’en. It’s tonight! Goblins and spooky things. What do you think?

My tid bits

Well I attended another wonderful three day conference last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. There were also two sessions I chose that dealt with writing books (Of course I did). Regarding books the sisters of crime will be providing a talk next month I believe about the court systems here in Canada and the States and the differences. I really want to attend that. Apparently Canadians are claiming the Fifth Ammendment when in Canadian Court which of course does not apply in Canada. I had to chuckle. If I had another life to live, I would be a criminal lawyer. I have also been invited to the local authors in Mississauga for a Christmas dinner and of course I want to attend that as well. Soon my publisher will be providing me with the first ten chapters of my book Ominous and that is also of course a priority. I will need to proof read and look for any recommendations/ editing etc……I am so excited about my book. I am thinking of switching my book platform to amazon. I didn’t put anything on amazon because they lost 200 of my first book which I had shipped to them. Then there was the complaint I heard from Authors that readers were buying books and ebooks and being refunded. However, I haven’t heard any complaints in a while and they do have the biggest platform so I am thinking about it. I had gone with shopify because it is a Canadian company but I am charged in American dollars and I don’t think that is very Canadian. So lots to do and think about. Mr Attitude was sick for a few days and I am happy that he has become his almost normal self. Attending a conference on line with him howling for me to get off was quite annoying. One attendee indicated she had a cat on her lap and a parrot on her shoulder. I can only wish that Mr Attitude would be happy lounging on my lap. He is only happy if I am in bed or on the couch where he likes to snuggle. This is my last pet so I am cherishing all our moments. I miss travelling and being a free spirit and Mr Attitude won’t permit it. Who figured? I cannot believe he is 20 years old. How long does a cat live? I will provide you with my first session Homicidal Behaviours and Systemic Family Therapy very soon. Did I mention a Hallowe'en party?