It's the most beautiful time of the year

I am almost ready but not quite yet. It is the journey. I am trying to keep it light this year. Christmas for me is amazing. I love the lights, music and well wishes. I love watching the community reaching out to help. This Christmas is extra special because COVID, wars and dictatorship seems to have taken a toil. I would wish that during this period that everyone would put down their arms and look up at our beautiful planet and unite to make it better. It is so possible. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friends. I wish you a healthy New Year. I shall be posting excerpts from my books in the days to come. Is that a bell I hear ringing? What do you think?

The Internet Murders continues www.silvaredigonda.ca

She was too close to the nursing station to risk finishing her off. Waiting for the right opportunity was fine. In the meantime … on the computer, there she is, another whore …. A Starbucks coffee rested nearby for the figure to sip on. Aw there was nothing better than Starbucks … and the little minxes. The figure typed expertly. “Why don’t we go into the private room to chat? I find you charming, and please forgive me if I am too forward, you very sexy cat woman.” “Spiderman, you are forgiven. I can be a very bad girl.” Philip and Tomasso were talking in the patrol car. It was another nice day in Toronto. The sun was bright and traffic was moving again. Rush hour was over. They were going to check up on the girl at St Mike’s hospital. “So?” Tomasso asked Philip. “How did you like your meal last night?” Philip grinned. “It was great. Your mom is the best.” “I thought you said your mom is the best?” Philip smiled. “Our moms are both the best!” They parked outside the coffee shop and entered the hospital. The angel stood boldly in the hallway; a light streaming on it offered a brilliance of power. “That is one beautiful angel, hey Philip?” Philip grinned at him. “Isn’t Raphael the angel for those who are sick? This is more like St Michael, the archangel. See, he has a sword.” “How should I know?” Tomasso replied. “Angels are angels. They have wings. See – look at the wings. And, this is St. Michael’s hospital. Ain’t it?” They took the elevator to the fifth floor and walked to the nursing station to check out the latest on Sandra. She was recuperating nicely and she would be able to speak today. Tomasso decided to stay at the nursing counter to talk to the cute brunette. He had a thing for nurses. They could make you feel better. That’s what he told Philip. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.”

It's that time of the year to be sick

I have been so good at removing my mask only when eating outdoors but it is seemingly imposible to sit six feet apart and so there were six of us and now all six of us are sick. I am however getting better even though just a few nights ago I felt my head was going to explode. I tested myself twice for Covid and it was negative. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I wasn't fully vacinated for Covid and the flu. I am slowly healing and grateful for that. I have had to delay and delay and thoughtful people have arrived bearing Christmas gifts while staying safely on the porch away from me as if I have the plague and righfully so. It does feel like Christmas. I have my lights outside and my beautiful tree inside with a miniature small fire place next to my tv. I have been watching Christmas movies which have become redundant since it is always the same. A rocky relationship and then there is prince charming sometimes literally who arrives and then there is a new location and/or new or ex boyfriend and romance blooms once again. If I was lucky there would actually be a Christmas song. Do I have to write my own Christmas story? Ok, let there be romance but really how about something more substantial. Then there are those really low budgets but they hire one known popular male figure who is getting older but the women are getting younger to the point that they look like their daughters. That's when I change the channel. However, there have been Christmas musical shows that I have enjoyed. I watched the Voice last night and was not surprised by the winner. I agreed with America as they eliminated one by one in the same order as I had in my head. We were on the same page. Being Canadian I can't vote and I understand. I am expecting family when I heal and so need to heal fast since I haven't even started shopping. Wait. I did. I went to Homesense and Walmart before I was struck down. At Homesense I did Christmas shopping but I kept it all for myself. Walmart? I bought two boxes of Italian chocolates and the rest again was for me and Mr Attitude. One box of chocolates I gave out as a gift to someone still unwrapped. I need to do better next year. When you're sick, you're sick. I do feel much better though and may not need the anti-biotics some others are on. Anyhow, that is it for now. Sorry for the delay in writing my blog, but I was dying over here. What do you think?

Hey Guy Buy Me - Half price for the holidays ($4.98 world wide) www.silvaredigonda.ca

It is the Holiday Season and it is time for gift sharing. Hey Guy Buy Me is my first book which I wrote in no time during my breaks. It was so much fun. I have had so much different responses to this book. Men and women buy it. Secure men love it. I won't share what the others have told me. Can't please everyone, however remember I wrote it in fun! I have dropped the price for this book for the holiday season and let me know who you are buying it for so I can acknowlege them with my John Henry. If you want me to write something, keep it clean. Have a good weekend people!!!!!!!!!!!

Improving Desire in long term Relationships - notes from AAMFT Conference (9 Nov 22) Speaker is Angela Skurtu, LMFT.

The speaker is a sex therapist. She stated that 70% of males are spontaneous and 30% are responsive. 70% of females are responsive and 30% of female are spontaneous. Responsive Desire types are forever maybe. They need to move into desire. Responsive to desire - feeling loved, feeling seen or appreciated, feeling beautiful or handsome, feeling having a great conversation, being affectionate in non-sexual ways. (Creating warmth and attention). Talking dirty or flirty. Putting mind on a sexy topic. Watching a sexy movie. Laying naked with each other and rubbing bodies together. Making out or cuddling. Creative waves, dry H——ing. May suggest a date night. May affectionately touch partner (not necessarily sexually. May not be fully invested in sex as it starts but may get there. Likely will suggest an activity that will build desire over time (if that’s an option). For Spontaneous persons- if available why not take it? Think about sex more frequently. Feeling sexually aroused and then act. Many post they can have sex daily, often initiate sex more frequently in sickness and even potential death would not prevent sex. A person can be blends between Spontaneous and Responsive. There is no hard fast rule. As people age they become more responsive. There can be times when one is more responsive or spontaneous. Everyone has some response traits. Nerve endings fire differently as we age. We numb more and so need more build up and direct stimulation. Desire strategies in therapy Individual sessions. Assess for trauma, relationship stress, underlying resentment. Assess for sex education background and general comfort with sex. Help the individual identify a personal goal for their sex life. “What’s something you can get out of this for you? What makes sex good for you? Is the sex good? What kind of sex are you having? Some clients have struggled with sex from the beginning. Boundaries in relationships. Have date nights and find ways to be alone. Maybe challenge old belief systems that sex is not good. If a person doesn’t want sex, go back to when it was good. Nostalgia. When you have enjoyed it, what was good for you. Has there ever been good sex? What do you see around you that looks appealing or not? Try to remove the idea that sex is for the other partner. Sexual Journey: 1. Try anything, 1, 2, or thrice. Bring a sense of non judgemental curiosity. 2. My body is beautiful. (There is no need to arrive or get somewhere first. I am worthy of pleasure. 3. Exploration mentally, physically, emotionally and spirituality in core values. It can be common if one doesn’t like his/her body now, didn’t before. Maybe said ten years ago. 4. How can you see yourself as your partner does? Explore the body and what is felt. How self compassion facilitates hot sex. Understanding and respecting brakes. The idea of having intimacy of some kind that works for you. Develop sexual creativity. Developing a personal connection around sex. Massage, nude nights. 5. Some dissociate when having sex. - feelings are flexible. - Make a choice to move toward a feeling - create a setting or a mood that would enhance said feeling. - Cultivating curiosity when selling and action state. - Deeply love and accept yourself even when you can’t get there. (cultivate self compassion). Sex Routines: Hobby sex (not a chore) - anticipation. Maybe be flirty. Looking at different aides. Thinking about it, talking to partner about it. It is not something that just happens. Intimacy can be flirty, touching etc…affection not sex. Social, emotional (talk about feelings) intellectual - talk about sex. You can be intimate during stress. You need to find creative ways. Talking, watching a romantic film, cuddling naked etc…creating shift. Awkwardly go for it. Build tolerance for the uncomfortable. Taking risks. Flirting. Non serial affection. Changing the meaning of touch. The speaker provided an example of a man who was slapping his partners butt. He was asked what was going through his mind. His response was pretty and he wants to be close. He had to adjust his touch. Get clients to express what they mean when they touch and how the other feels when received. Angela Skurtu is a sex therapist and works solely on this topic. She is on u tube where she shares with clients.

PTSD and Moral Injury (mental health and military research)

I mentioned yesterday that I would attend a one hour webinar which I did. Dr Anthony Nazarov, Phd, spoke about the latest information regarding Mental Health and Military research results. I found the topic very informative and interesting. Even though this is based on our military and veterans it can apply to anyone who has suffered PTSD and Moral Injury. I will be receiving a copy of the slides and video. I asked if I would be able to share what I receive. I was informed that I could share with anyone who would benefit from it. I think information is very important for people suffering with moral injury and PTSD. I will be reaching out to the Veteran community and CF I know. I will also be sharing this with clients who may have or still are suffering from moral injury or/and PTSD. If anyone of you are reading my blog and feel this one hour video or slides or both may help you please provide me with your email and I shall attach the info for you or forward what I receive. I will receive one education hour for this but no one else would be able to use this as education hours because you were not in attendance. It will take about one or two weeks before I receive this. I have reached out to Dr Nazarov and asked to be kept in the loop with the latest research. I have a special interest in providing therapy for veterans, military, and emergency response persons. I do not provide therapy through Veteran Affairs because I refuse to share any information which is disclosed to me. I have a duty to report if I believe a person is going to commit suicide, the key word is believe. I also have to report any child abuse, or if a client is going to cause harm to someone. Of course if I am subpoened to go to court, I also have to disclose. Otherwise, I will not share even if the client signs a release form (under duress). The reason for this is that trust between a therapist and client is very important. People carry so much and when they realize that information with be shared with their employer or organization who has some control over them with employment or benefits they will not share what may be bothering them the most. They will censor themselves. The therapuetic relationship is very important. Please note that I cannot provide therapy to anyone I know. What do you think? Have a good weekend.

Wow - Christmas is coming to town..........tid bits

Last night I finally got into the Christmas spirit watching the Rockefeller Center Christmas show. I have fond memories of taking holidays to New York City and it is my favorite city by far. I know Toronto is a big deal in Canada for better or worse, but it is New York that fills me with excitement. Though I had planned on living and working there one day, I am still here people. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton is my favorite celebrity couple and I am a sucker for the Voice and watch it faithfully. I don't know what that is going to look like without Shelton. The invitations for Christmas parties and gatherings are arriving at my door but I am very much aware that COVID is still here and not my friend, so I am keeping that to a bare minimum with my social bubble community. I recently turned down a meet and greet and was so happy I did, when the host picked up something and became ill. Call me a sucky baby, but I want to be as healthy as possible. So far, so good. I enjoyed the warm weather where I spent most of my time outdoors. Today I am working and I will also be attending a one hour webinar "Intro Meassurement of Moral Injury." As you know I have more than enough courses under my belt for the year, but I just couldn't help myself when I read how PTSD is known for veterans and burn out for Doctors. That caught my attention because PTSD and burn out are very different. Burn out is something many of us have experienced from over work. PTSD is a physical response to trauma. So, my curiousity was perked. I shall let you know if there is anything of interest to you. I try to get all my work done in December for the year and of course that is not going to happen. But, that is ok, because self care is very important for all of us. I am not going to talk about China and Russia provoking us and begging for war by flying close to our air space. I am surprised that Putin is still alive to cause so much havoc in the world. Now there is starvation in the forecast for so many people suffering poverty. Putin, you are not respected. It is too bad it is not you flying in our space. However, I am not going to talk about that. Tis is the season for sharing, loving each other and doing something for someone else and don't forget ourselves. Christmas is a very difficult time for some people but remember that this is also a time for hope. There has been a lot of suffering in the world but don't forget that there has been so many reaching out to help. What do you think? I have included a photo of Holy Terror. I miss my baby girl. www.silvaredigonda.ca

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