Canada Day - 1 Jul 21

I woke up this morning and sat out front sipping my coffee while my pets frolicked nearby. I was surprised by all the garbage bins lined up with precision along the sidewalk. I wondered if they had forgotten it was Canada Day? I pondered how I would celebrate Canada Day, on a day that everything is still fairly shut down due to Covid. Yesterday I learned that my hair stylist had retired. I cannot blame him. I was fortunate to have had him and he is like an icon who was always there. I made an appointment for next week, when I will also getting my second vaccine. I shall wait for two weeks after that for things to proceed more normal. When I am fully vaccinated, I will once again venture out into the world with cautious optimism. It has been quite a year where I lost a very close friend to Covid as well as a few out of country relatives. I have taken Covid very seriously and went entirely online for my work even though I altered my office, ridding it of any comfort to be replaced with wooden/metal chairs and the minimum of books. It now looks empty, sterile and uncomfortable but as safe as I was able to make it. However, I will still remain closed. I pondered after learning that my hairstylist retired what that would feel like. I have never been retired for more than a month. During this pandemic in my business I was very busy and have evaluated once again my associations. Before the pandemic I would enjoy taking a day off the week to enjoy the theatre and explore the sites of my city which seems to be forever changing. I miss my city. It is like being in a womb with the urgency of escaping and living life. It has been quite a year for everyone and I have been more aware than ever of my own privilege. As the heat is killing hundreds out West due to intense heat including pets, I am kept cool, though again in isolation. I have had air conditioning since I was a young person living with my parents. I don’t think we needed it then, but my mom wanted it and she got it. It used to give me a headache then but now it is no longer a luxury but a necessity. This Canada day I am missing my parents. This has much to do with the pandemic. This year has been a learning experience. I had my eyes shut for too long, again mostly because of privilege. I have had the freedom to always choose whether it was my school, profession, education and/or life style. I learned the value of work from my father. He was dedicated though he always made family a priority. To this day I am always early and prepared. I don’t know what it would feel like not to work because I have been doing it since I was thirteen years old (part time of course at that age). I had my own bank account at that age and would shop for my own clothes and entertainment. I learned to be independent but also learned about having fun at every opportunity including work. This is all because of family learned values and also the opportunity that Canada has given me. I don’t know who I would be if I had not been raised here. That is what I can celebrate today. However, today as I have been watching the news, we also have shame in how we have treated our Indigenous people. The Aboriginal bodies found buried in unmarked graves at Residential Schools sites is a dark scar on our history. Children should never be taken away by force from their families for no reason other than thinking one race is better than another. It broke my heart as I heard an Aboriginal woman talk on the news that she used to use bleach to try to wash away the darkness of her skin. She said that Natives were not believed to have a soul. I knew that slaves leaving for Canada for freedom was restricted to them as Canadian Slaves remained so as to not upset the elite. We have our sins. The residential schools have not been closed all that long. I believe it was in the seventies. I believe a criminal investigation has to be conducted and criminal charges laid. Ignorance is no excuse under the law. It is ironic that just about a week before this scandal was brought to light, I watched a movie based on a true story about an American woman who returned to Ireland to find out what happened to the son she gave birth to and who was taken away from her as a toddler, at a home for girls also taken care of by nuns. She had the help of a reporter who helped expose how children were given away to rich clients. The nun responsible for this was still there and very uncooperative. She still believed that she was right and had no empathy. This woman’s son had been adopted by an American family and he too returned to Ireland at that same place to find his mother. Both were deprived even years later of being united. This involved more than one old woman. As a Roman Catholic this is all very disturbing because all of this is so much against the concept of Catholicism. I have had the honour of knowing so many wonderful priests and nuns. However, like in any institution or corporation or country there are people who are a reflection of their own biases, cruelty, kindness etc……The residential school was a systemic notion that the white man knew better. This wasn’t only a problem with the Church, but also the government and the education system. How does one think that it is ok for a child not to be able to speak her own language, to be taken from her parents and to be forced into another religion concept which is so far removed from what Catholicism is. As Canadians we have a lot of work to do and it should begin by taking responsibility for our wrong doing and to do some serious work in stopping an arising bigotry like I have never seen before. There is too much hatred spreading like weeds. There is a notion of freedom being an expression of hatred in harming others. That is not freedom. Freedom is for everyone who walks in our country to be able to feel safe and have the opportunities that are for everyone equally. We need to educate more because something is obviously lacking. We need to rethink how we are dealing with those who harm others. We need to protect our children so they can grow and prosper. It is time to take a good look in the mirror and decide what kind of person we each want to be. It should begin in school to learn to be mindful and respectful and to begin the dialogue of the similarities we all have as individuals as well as our differences. We need to understand and learn world religions, cultures and politics. We need to stomp out all this negativity and imposition on the rights of all of us by not only education but justice. There has to be accountability. So this Canada Day, I shall enjoy the day and do no work. I shall play as I look into the future for change and growth. Happy Canada everyone. My thoughts are still in Miami as well hoping for a rescue. Thoughts and prayers this day for all who are suffering.

Brief Therapy for Couples in Crises (notes)

During our Annual General Meeting with CAMFT last fall we also had a session regarding brief therapy of couples in crisis. Front line workers were struggling with some sleeping in garages because of concern for families. There was an interest from the CAMFT community. The emergency Response Therapists was launched. We were asked to consider volunteering. There was a request for emergency response for families who were uprooted. What is brief therapy? There was a five year study of 100,000 scheduled outpatient appointments. The model or most frequently occurring number of sessions in all models of therapy is one. Even one session of therapy is effective. There are six essential components: 1. rapid positve alliance between client and one therapist. 2. Smart goal. What is the most useful step to talk in this session? 3. Clear responsibilities. 4. Emphasis in strengths - resources. 5. Introduction of novelty can be a reframe, a story, the miracle? 6. Here and now and next and not so much of the past. The purpose of therapy is hope. Dr Charles Snyder indicates - have a goal, a pathway there and a sense of agency. A solution focused modality is good for brief timed lined work. 1. Goals. 2. Exceptions. 3. Scaling 4. Relationship 5. Coping - we focus a lot on what sustains them. Strengths: resources. The five regrets of people on their death bed: 1. I wish I had stayed in touch with friend. 2. Let myself be happier. 3. Courage to express myself. 4. Wish I had lived a life true to my dreams instead of what others expect. 5. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. A definition of crises - a state of psychological disequilibrium and unable to cope. Criteria -1. exposed to a stressful or hazardous 2. Considerable upset or disruption. 3. Individual unable to cope with methods that previously worked. People who found meaning had more adaptive hormonal responses, making them more resilience in the face of the stressful event. Actions: What can I do for my client? Ask client to do something. Post card study: Post cards recipients reduced suicides. Volunteer therapists were asked to contact the client in 24 hours. The quicker one could respond, the better. Be timely to build the therapeutic alliance. Volunteers were asked to provide 3 free sessions. The first session was the key. We are building a connection. What is the problem? the concern? Everything is overwhelming. Session one is what is the essential single concern (so no longer a big overwhelming thing). At the end of session One, paperwork is so key to a lot of what we do. Are we able to do a mountain of paperwork when there is a crises? Scaling - rating and ask how clients are feeling at the end. Session Two: Brief therapy about active work doing. We can start to do some work. Now an alliance has been developed. Then ask for paperwork. How many more sessions? Session 3. Where are we headed? Not a mystery at this point. Summary of what is done and what will they take with them. After three sessions, the client becomes our own. To be continued later in the week.

The Black Family: Representation, Identity and Diversity, AAMFT, notes

The lecture panel is from five black panelists: Four with PHD’s. Definition: What is black? Most families can only go back four generations. There is not one way to think about black families. There is different cultures, food, music, and fashion which has been connected. There is a history of being Kings and Queens - all is part of a society. Where are you from? The blackness of what is expressed. You can be born in the U.S.A., raised in Africa and return to the US. What is important is self definition. Real representation is in the individual person. What is the value of diversity? Resiliency of black love - falling in love and staying married. What is taught in school is not enough. Diversity is also about diversity - clinically - to let people explore themselves. What connects black people to one another? There is hope against all odds that connect black people. One panelist commented that you don’t normally hear white people say it is going to be alright. It’s a sense of community which connects black people. There is a history of oppression. Creativity, hope and pain connects them. It’s about being seen. One panelist said that her child is bi-racial with curly hair. She gravitates to books where she looks for the same. Is there a representation for everyone in the black family? Are there some, more under represented? What about those who are silent and no one helps them? One panelist studies black fathers. What does fatherhood look like? Black men and black fathers - some are over represented. Full representation fully matters. There have been people who have never had anyone to model. One therapist said he wanted to see other people like him, for him to see. To see black success is important - to hear that story. Yes, I can do that too. As a therapist, others can say, I can do that too. Distinction Canadian vs American? The US focuses on Black history. What is the history of black people in the States who moved to Canada? The way slavery was liberated was not afforded to America. What is it like to be American? Hope - can be just to reconnect with families. Thoughts and prayers today are with the people in Miami. At this point there are 159 people still missing. Four have been found dead.

Do you like to read? What I have been reading lately.

Whenever I get a chance to read, I do. It may be during a meal if alone, or resting outside. I need to read much for work, however I also enjoy to read for fun. I get periodicals regarding Couple and Family Therapy from the American Association and Family Therapy Ass. I also get periodicals from Psychology today. I started reading Hemingway because I watched a movie based on his relationship with his second wife. I have a volume of classics. When I started his volume, I cringed because of a lion hunt. I find it difficult to read because I love animals and think of hunting as a primitive sport especially such majestic animals. However, his writing deserves his acclaim. I had to take a break after a few pages. I am also reading a small book about the Jesuits when they came to Canada and their experiences with the Native community. I also completed reading Coping With Family Violence by Dr Morton L. Kurland, MD. a psychiatrist, published in 1986. It is dated but very much still informative for young people who it is meant for. He mentions the Barbara Sinatra Center for children. I looked it up and am pleased it is still there in the U.S.A.This will be left out for someone to pick up. I also read a small illustration of the Islam religion. That already has been picked up by a frequent drive by person. I received the booklet on the Islam religion when I was touring a Mosque during “Doors Open.” There was another I skimmed through about the Hindu Religion some time ago but it was too massive to read completely. As you know I have donated most of my books at the beginning of the pandemic. What I find amusing is that now because of the pandemic and everyone going on line, they are buying books in bulk at used bookstores to give the impression they are well read. Now that is a research study for you. I am glad that my sense of humour is flourishing. It appears we are going into phase two where salons will open and I will be able to get my hair done. Right now it feels I am wearing a mop. It is heavy and longish. Fortunately it doesn’t look bad, but many a time, I have been tempted to cut it off myself. Thankfully, I didn’t do that. Unfortunately, I haven’t had time to focus and write my book lately, due to other commitments. It would be easier if I was writing about therapy, but I just need to catch up and then be able to concentrate on my creative juices. I shall get there. I am always evaluating my associations and my services. I have decided to decrease my services and focus more on my private practice. I have turned down opportunities of interest because of my work load, so I am changing the load. What are you reading? Do you like your work? Do you have control of your life and where you want to be at? Please do not hesitate to ask if you have a question or if you want to share. What do you think?

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Some definitions for you if you are interested in Theology

Ebla- a city of ancient Syria. Edomites – Traditional enemies of the Israelites, the Edomites were the descendants of Esau who often battled the Jewish nation. Edom was in southeast Palestine, stretched from the Red Sea at Elath to the Dead Sea. Enuma Elish – the creation of the world begins with the universe in a formless state, from which emerge two primary gods, male and female. Etiological stories - creation stories or stories that explain or justify certain things. Exile- The Babylonian captivity of the Jews, 597 – 538 B.C.E. Gilgamesh epic – the hero of Sumerian and Babylonian epics. Henotheism – the worship of a particular God without disbelieving in the existence of others. Hexateuch – the first six books of the Old Testament. Hittite Grant – is similar to the grant of the dynasty of David. It is found in the decree of Hattsilis concerning Middannamuwas, his chief scribe. Jamnia – A place near Joppa. circa 90 where a council of rabbis declared the Old Testament canon to be completed. This eventually became known as the Masoretic text. Levites – The subordinate ministers appointed in the Mosaic Law for the service of the Tabernacle and of the Temple. Mari – an ancient city on the Euphrates, in Syria. Masoretes, Masoretic Text (MT) The authoritative Hebrew text of the Jewish Bible regarded almost universally as the official version.

What a week!!!!

Do you ever get a week where everything is nutso? Well, I am very solution focused. Sorry I am a tad behind in my writing to you. One day was spent trying to figure out how to waste my time by trying to find my second vaccine which was not available though the press said it was. Another day was spent trying to make Revenue Canada happy. Fortunately I keep everything for 10 years, but how do I deliver all that out East? I never procrastinate. I believe in getting things done now, so it does not load up. This is why I sleep like a baby. How did that phrase start? Anyhow, my first experience with the vaccine was rather smooth. I went on line, signed up and ended up going where there is lots of free parking. I entered the line where people were squabbling and a fireman was loud enough to make the trees shake. Then there was a younger fireman more gently telling the elderly ladies that everyone would get in. I went for a walk and returned in time for my cue. I went in, all was organized and I showed my expired health card about five times and the print out of my appointment, once I believe. I saw another fireman vaccinating people and wondered who was at the station in case of a fire? I wouldn't mind being taken out of a building by a fireperson but getting a needle by one? Fortunately, I was sent to a woman and still wondering I asked how long she was giving needles? She said she had experience before attending for COVID. "Are you a nurse?" I asked hopefully. "I am a doctor," she replied. I breathed a sigh of relief. She then talked about what a beautiful day it was, attempting to distract me from the fatal shot. Of course I played along and said it was certainly a beautiful day as the needle pricked my arm. I thanked her and was informed I would not be getting a chocolate bar when I asked (Saw on the news that they were getting nice chocolate bars during the first days)went to sit down while I watched another woman being rude to one of the workers. I have my second date confirmed, however when the news told us we could get our second shot sooner and book on line if we received our first shot before a certain date, which I did, was a mess when I attempted that. I would share that but I have to prepare to work. So, I hope I am forgiven for being late this week. Hopefully things will get back to normal sooner rather than later.