Cut and pasted for you from York University Bulletin - Managing your emotions around COVID-19

8 tips for managing your emotions around COVID-19 March 31, 2020coronavirus, COVID-19, York University psychology clinicAva Baccari York University students at Glendon CollegeThe COVID-19 pandemic is challenging all aspects of our daily lives and so change is required; and yet change is one thing that most of us find difficult to accept. Humans are creatures of habit and now, as all of our daily routines are disrupted, emotions such as worry, fear, sadness, and loneliness seep into this experience as we try to keep ourselves safe from an imminent threat. Below, are some of the common reactions that you might be having in the midst of this pandemic, and some suggestions about how to manage them. It's important to recognize that individuals can experience a wide range of reactions–so there's no right or wrong in terms of the particular feelings you may have. What is important is being able to bring a sense of perspective so that negative emotions don’t escalate beyond an ability to manage them. For many of us, keeping this sense of perspective will be a challenge and so those individuals also have to practice self-compassion–the opposite of being critical of oneself. Some of the common reactions you may experiencing right now could be: • Anxiety, worry, panic • Anger • Feelings of loss or grief • Hyper vigilance to your health • Social withdrawal • Skepticism or bravado/excitement Here are some strategies to help you manage. 1. Acknowledgement and evaluation. It's important to acknowledge whatever emotion you are feeling and evaluate its usefulness: “It's understandable that I am worried or sad or don’t want to get out of bed given this pandemic, and is this emotion/behaviour helping me?” For example, a little worry can be very useful because it might help you to follow the important guidelines to wash your hands and not touch your face, and to keep two metres away from others when you must go out in public. However, a lot of worry that leads to panic attacks or hyper vigilance is not helpful and needs to be countered. Think about what you might say to a friend that would assist them to find the strength to counter these unhelpful thoughts and gain some perspective. 2. Find activities to complete that you have control over, and can give you a sense of mastery or effectiveness. Intentionally engaging in activities such as household chores, listening to music, or watching a TV show, can counter the negative emotion propelling you on a downward spiral. “I am going to help myself stop worrying by watching my favourite TV show.” 3. Develop a “worry/sadness” box. This is another useful strategy to help you develop control over negative thinking. You can have an actual box or imaginary one. The idea is to write down the thought(s) circulating in your brain that you can’t get rid of, and imagine putting them in a box as a way of creating some distance. You can go back to the thought at any time, or you can simply use the space created by writing down the thought and moving onto other activities. 4. Adopt a mindset of gratitude. Research has indicated that identifying three things each day that you are grateful for can have a positive impact on mood. 5. Practice mindfulness. There are guided meditations on YouTube that will help you focus and break the worry or sadness spiral. Walking meditations can also be useful; to do this on your next walk, consciously pay attention to what you are seeing and have an inner dialogue about it. "I see a black car; the sidewalk has a big crack; the grass is getting greener." This will keep your thoughts focused in the here and now, and not on worry or sadness. 6. Control how much media you consume. Particularly if this is a trigger for starting the worry or sadness cycle. 7. Watch how you speak. Our language impacts how we feel, so pay attention to your inner dialogue and see if you can replace descriptors like “awful", "terrible", or "scary”, with “interesting" or "not helpful”. Self-compassionate language falls in this category: “I know that I am worrying a lot and I am trying to take small steps to counter it.” 8. Keep connected. We are social beings and the accurate phrase for how we should handle this virus is: “physical distancing with social connection.” Our social contacts can provide support, encouragement and distraction, so please remember to reach out. Remember, change is hard. Set small goals for yourself as you try to manage your emotions during this difficult time, and be kind to yourself. Louise Hartley is the Director of the York University Psychology Clinic. Post navigation

Thought of the day

There is a lot of strife among families. Much of it has to do with one person feeling wronged from the other. I work with this in family therapy. Emotions are very powerful and normally it takes a few sessions to delve beneath all the hurt. Why not spend some time today thinking who you are not at peace with? Have some self examination and reflection. Perhaps you may think of reaching out and letting the person you are struggling with know that you do love them. Sometimes that is enough to begin a healing process. You may call the person and say something like, "I just wanted to let you know that I love you." There is no need to say but, however etc......Just say the words you feel in your heart. I still remember a woman at the cemetary during the Christmas season anxiously waiting for a sister she had fueded with. She was hoping that her sister would visit the grave. She just wanted a glimpse of her. Yet, she wouldn't connect because she had lost hope. Hope is always there, you just need to reach out and re-ignite it. During this time if you wish to ask a question or say something you feel will help others, feel free to say so. Kindness is needed during this time. What do you think?

Domestic Abuse

As I am watching the news this morning on CP 24, what I see scrolled is the following: "France is relocating women by their partners into hotels as domestic violence spikes 30% since lockdown." This pandemic is exactly the ripe conditions for abusers. Their partners are isolated and become under their complete control. I have heard many nightmarish stories from survivors of abuse. It is difficult for those being abused to get help. There is embarrassment, shame, low self esteem etc.......Both men and women suffer abuse from both sexes. This extends to children and pets. Anxiety also increases for the abuser during these time as it does for all, but self management is fragile. Remember that this abuser is merely a man or woman who is abusing because he or she can. The unknown may be scarier than living with the abuser. No one deserves to be controlled, emotionally or physically or financially abused. Abusers are in all realms of society. They are physicians, police, military, politicians etc..........The abused are also in all arenas of society. They are professionals and everyday hard working people. The abuser will make you think that this is your fault. The abuser will in attempts to isolate you, discourage you to communicate with your family and friends. Take this time to understand that you have power over yourself. You just may not know it yet. You have come to believe that this is your fault because the abuser has told you this. This is not love. This is not passion. This is brutal control. What do you think?

Thought of the day - self care

When I was on an ethics course last December, one question we were asked, was this: I invite you to imagine you are in the forest. You are walking and then see a bench where you sit down. You have the choice of sitting next to anyone of your choice. Who would you sit beside? I am going to suggest that who ever you decide to sit beside, think of what questions you would ask? Have a conversation. What do you think?

How was your week? #COVID - 19

I am quite a structured living person. I like routine. Sometimes, I cheat and I am ok with it. I usually fill up my fridge and freezer and when the freezer is empty, I do a thorough cleaning and then go shopping and fill up the freezer again. This is one way to ensure that I don’t keep the food in the freezer for too long. It was just my luck that just before life as we know changed, I had done that shopping after cleaning up my fridge/freezer nicely. Last week I mentioned wanting to extend my practice to electronic. I am almost there. I spent the week becoming informed as much as possible until I was exhausted. I went out for a walk twice to clear my head, while trying to stay away from people from at least six feet. I was doing well until I walked into a local bakery. The first time I went in was only because there were a few people within and the second time I was alone. All the chairs and tables had been removed which is good and following Toronto’s standards right now. Even though there were a few people, the first time I was in, a woman was zig zagging all over the place searching for what items she wanted the clerk to get for her. I was zig zagging right behind her trying to maintain my distance. Finally, I had to say the words, “social distancing.” I had it be known that unless social distancing was not being complied with, I wouldn’t be able to return. A week later, I went for my walk and needing some basic foods, and seeing no one within I walked in for the last time. While I was trying to maintain distancing, people walked in and just moved in ahead of me. As I remarked about this, fury ignited and the proprietor suggested no fighting. As much as I love this bakery I will not return until the pandemic is over. It would be so easy for them to rope up the area and serve one person at a time, but it is not being done. I realize that not everyone is taking physical distance crucial but it is. I decided that the time had come when I had to venture further and so I went out to Fortino’s. It is situated at a mall and so I went and was surprised by the amount of parked cars in the lot. I was headed to the grocery store entrance when I was directed to enter via a caged pathway with poles spaced apart and a note attached to stop there, having a clear appropriate distance from each person. I had to wait until those before me had their cart which had already been cleaned for us. The tv news has asked us to shop alone and for the most part this was being done. The aisles are not made for distancing, but everyone was doing their best. I did buy more than usual because I want to minimize going out. It also cost me a lot more because I normally buy different items at different places. Not at this time, however. There was direction for us to enter each cashier stand which was being protected by a shield. One thing I did notice was the amount of people wearing face masks. My thoughts went to the health care workers requesting protective masks and other equipment. I wondered why so many were wearing what the health care workers need right now. I also noted that all but one, was wearing them incorrectly. Now I am hibernated nicely in my home. However, again I had a knock on my door a few days ago by a well meaning person who handed me a card. I went to the kitchen to wash my hands before returning to my phone call. People are still not getting it, that maintaining distance is very very important. Families are still visiting families and neighbours are still visiting neighbours. Now is not the time if we want to contain this virus. If people did what they are asked to do by health officials, we could combat this. If the virus has nowhere to go, it will cease. I am still seeing a minimum of clients who need to be seen, but we are maintaining social distance and the area is cleaned after each session. I would really love to do therapy on line and as I extend to electronic, I will encourage this more so. Last night one family member died from the COVID - 19 virus in Italy. He was creative, an activist in his younger day and had so much to still offer his family and society. I had never met him, but had heard so much. This is a very serious and deadly disease which people need to take seriously. This will get much more serious, before it gets better, so wake up and smell the coffee. Stay home. By the end of next week I want to be set up to begin my electronic practice. One of my associations has really stepped up in providing us with information and support. Wednesday we will begin conferencing and developing self care measures on a weekly basis. I am deciding if I should practice just in Canada or extending to the US and overseas. I need to always be mindful of the laws and regulations of other areas to determine if I have to omit certain states, provinces or countries. This will be a work in progress. However, for now, I need to get online to encourage my own clients to seriously consider this alternative. I still have lots of work to do. This is a good time for all of you to reflect where you are at this time in your life. How is this pandemic affecting you? Is your country taking this pandemic seriously? Are you in an abused relationship and noting that abuse is escalating? The police is still working. This is a time to ponder, reflect and determine what is best for you. This situation will subside eventually. I wish you all well and thank you for reading my blogs. My favourite city New York is suffering so much. However, I have faith in their mayor and governor to do the best they can. Our own politicians are serving us well, though I don’t think it is wise to travel on flights, trains and buses within provinces at this time. Tomorrow they will state that travellers cannot fly if they have signs of sickness. However, you can be a carrier without showing signs of sickness. We need to protect our more vulnerable places and people. I don’t normally do anything on line on Sundays or work. However, I wanted to talk to you today because the rest of the week I want to focus on the care of my clients and electronic measures. I do need to buy a new computer as soon as the stores open again. I don’t want to be taken advantage of on line. I know where I will go I will get a fair price, thought expensive for what I buy. I need what is best for my clients without being gorged. If you have a question, don’t hesitate to ask. In my last blog I provided legitimate resources regarding the pandemic. There is no cure right now so don’t believe these fraudsters trying to make a huge buck on your health. You may consume something that can cause harm. Maintain your distance from others and don’t go out if you don’t have to. Our Prime Minister and Premier are calling out people and corporations trying to take advantage of people by hiking up their prices. They can get up to one year in jail as well as a hiked fine for them. I wish you all to keep safe. Remember you have control of you. There are a lot of sites for mindfulness and self care on line. However, if you think you need more, let me know and I can talk about that. Be safe. What do you think?

An Introduction to Telebehavioral Health Practice

Electronic Practice

I have already been asked if I provide Electronic Practice. I wrote a paper about this when it was just beginning and I was a student. I may have already posted it years ago. If not it will be posted here eventually. I still have clients who want to meet face to face. At this time I am still seeing them though providing them the option by telephone. I have been providing tele therapy either because my clients are travelling, or other circumstances for quite a while. I have always preferred face to face, but realize that circumstances are quickly changing. I have also been asked to consider this option even if temporary through this pandemic. Do I prefer face to face at this time? Of course not. However, I consider my occupation an essential service. I do weigh, as asked, each case to determine if face to face is the only option. I do maintain social distance and disinfect areas between clients. My careers have always been in the service of others with their own particular risks. There is more involved than just starting an electronic practice on demand. I may need to buy another computer. I will probably need to have a HIPPA compliant program. I will need to know if I am authorized to provide therapy where the client lives. I will need to know their laws of duty to report etc…..There is much involved. Time is evolving and perhaps it is time to expand to this domain. If I start this, I will more than likely continue along this path, providing more options for myself and my clients. There is much more to consider. Right now I want to educate myself on what I need to know. I have lots of questions that need to be answered as well. That is that for now. Monday I will be attending my seminar (5 hours) on line. This is what I was informing you about a few blogs ago regarding physical diseases causing mental illness. It should be interesting and as per usual I will share notes with you. I will miss interacting with my colleagues. For now take care of yourselves. Toronto is getting quiet and I must admit I am enjoying this down time. I feel like I am on holidays without all the noise that comes with the city. Many find this time eerie. Listen to the advice of the medical doctors especially those dealing with infectious diseases. My politicians are stepping up to the plate. They are listening and working with Health Care Professionals. Not all countries are, so please listen to those who know. Right now social distancing is more important than ever. Stay home if you can. This may be the time when you have to say no to people who want to see you. It may even be family members who simply do not understand. I had an elderly woman contact me telling me she just got back from Florida but was well stocked. When she isn’t, I shall bring her what she needs and leave it on her porch. That is how you can help those who need help. Keep in contact by telephone or internet. This is a very serious time and no one is immune. I studied about this happening in the future in an undergrad course. I think it was “Medicine Biology and the Human Body. Anyhow have a safe weekend. I am providing you with my blog today because I want to focus on my own education and clients next week. Take care of yourselves. Keep your physical distance from others regardless of your age; wash your hands more and keep your hands away from your face. This affects everyone. This is all temporary. Ride out the storm by quieting your soul.