My books are for sale at my web site www.silvaredigonda.com

I have written three books and am aching my way through my fourth. I call it aching because the book will be dark, focusing on good and evil forces. This will be very different from the first three. I am spending more time thinking about this one than the previous three which were rather automatic. I realize that as I write each book, I get a tad better. I am in no hurry this time. I want it to be scary but I also want people to think. My first book, "Hey Guy Buy Me" was fun to write. I wrote it for pleasure and I was surprised by the reaction from men. Some hated it and me as a result. Some adored me and some well........My second is my biography, my rite of passage. More than one person who has bought the book said it was honest. I have to read it again to understand why people find it honest. It is honest of course, but what do readers see? My third book is my favourite. I had fun writing that book and it was an easy flow for me. I used a board to write that one and I will probably use my white board for my present book. In this book, though the main character's gender is female, and is a reporter. I may change that. I want a strong male character as well. I will probably make him a policeman or maybe not. When I go to shows/events etc... my books sell quite well. I always enjoy myself especially when I have someone come to me and tell me what they loved about my books. I don't so much when someone returns to insult me, mainly from their perspective of what they read from Hey Guy Buy Me. What I do recommend from women is that if you buy my first book, give it to a man you want to understand and see his reaction. If he is hostile, maybe that is something you should be mindful of. Remember I wrote it for fun. People are asking me more if I have written any books about my psychotherapy, couple therapy etc... I am asked this so often that I am considering it. However, because my life is very consumed with my work, my writings are my break. I have written stories since I was very young. I loved reading them to my mom and she enjoyed hearing them. My mom was my greatest fan and she was a great motivator. Fr Bill was my second motivater. However, I don't need much motivation, just time. If I ever retire, than I will become a full time writer. Now it needs to take a back step from all else. It is my hobby. Some bake and well some write. Has I said, I do well at the events I attend, but not on line for some reason. So if you want want to order my books on my web site, please feel free to do so. You may want one for yourself or as a gift to others. I am a one person operation so feel free to email me or write to me about any concerns or requests. My web site is also secure which you will note by the tiny padlock you will see. So, why not consider buying a book from a self published author who writes for the fun of writing. I can mail you any of my three books (autographed of course)or you can download my second and third. I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. www.silvaredigonda.com

A retreat

Last Saturday I went to a Retreat at my old school at Uof T. As I approached the doors to my college, my eyes rested on the homeless statue that lay out beside the front doors. It was representative of the homeless which all the colleges (religious) had rejected at the time. I actually read about that in the paper and marvelled. Regis had accepted it with warmth. It was fun and exciting to see my old classmates and catching up. One of our alumni had died a week earlier and seeing the Dean of Students become emotional when talking about him, I knew the reason I had picked the discipline of Spirituality and Ministry. Regis College is run by the Jesuits and we were informed that when we are educated by the Jesuits we are never let go (or words to that effect). We were reminded of our high quality education and our obligation to educate and to give back. We examined passages and dissected it casually and honestly. The alumni post grads had gathered together and it was like a wonderful family re-union. There has been no organization, association, education etc…that has made me feel like being home as at Regis. When I was greeted with warmth and excitement from my classmates, it reminded me of my fun time at university. One of my classmates is now the President of the alumni and I know that she is well suited for the job. When I noticed the surprise that I had attended, I asked “why?” I was reminded that I had not been at an event since I graduated. I do go to the annual Culture event once a year, but they were right. Often there is a conflict in schedules and they hold meetings when I see clients. I have failed to attend alumni events after the first meeting. However, it is not intentional. During the last invitation, I had accepted, but had to cancel it because I went on a code of ethics refresher which lasted a full day, at a downtown hospital. Continuing education is mandatory for me and ethic courses are important. I have had more than my share. Each occupation I had required a degree of ethics and when studying for my Masters, I had more than I required. However, though the Ethicist of one course I took, had a PHD degree in ethics and had worked in hospitals as an ethicist, taking her course was rejected by one of my associations. I was in three programs at the time and trying to find courses accepted by all was challenging at times. There is always some prejudice we need to face and I am aware of it, so I just took more and therefore graduated with more courses than I actually needed. I choose my battles. I also took a Research Course regarding family therapy at Guelph university that is not on my transcript and keep forgetting to include that. I certainly had no interest in research at the time, but I am not so disagreeable about it now. It has to be of very much interest to me. If I ever consider to go back for a doctrine or PHD, I know exactly what the topic will be. However, getting someone interested in the topic might be another story. Being with my peers at Regis felt good and the positive feelings of being with each other all returned as if I had never left. One of my fellow students is also teaching at the school and that's great. I quickly got to hear who was doing what, who was sick, retired, etc…..It really is like a family re-union that meets after years and really catches up, being happy for each others successes and sad for those who are ill. Food was shared and what I really like about Regis is the warmth, I would love all to experience. So, the retreat did the trick. I was nourished and what better time than at Christmas. What do you do to relax, reflect and renourish yourself? What do you think?

Silva Redigonda, Registered Psychotherapist/Registered Marriage and Family Therapist : Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/fami...

Silva Redigonda, Registered Psychotherapist/Registered Marriage and Family Therapist : Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/fami...: One Christmas season I was visiting a cemetery. Someone close to me had died and the pain was fresh. As I was leaving, I noticed a w...

Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/family

One Christmas season I was visiting a cemetery. Someone close to me had died and the pain was fresh. As I was leaving, I noticed a woman probably in her forties or fifties, pacing anxiously where her mother rested, inside a wall. I smile at everyone and she took that as an invitation to explode her feelings. She talked about her mother dying and her estranged sister who was married with a family. She was single and grieved being so. She longed for her sister and was hoping that the sister would visit their mom so she could see her. They were angry over matters of the will. They had different perceptions of events. Since, she obviously had the need to vent her suffering, I listened patiently. When it was over I left and she remained hoping her sister would visit. She wanted to mend differences and her sister did not. As I wondered what to write for December which for me is precious, she came to mind. She is representative of so many this season with families struggling in their relationships. During couples or family therapy, the initial sessions (though not always) normally consist of defusing emotions and outbursts. People are emotional beings and often (though not always) the suffering pours out in angry outbursts, name calling and blame. My objective is to dig underneath all this fury so that the families and couples can look at themselves and others more objectively. Having each member speak about how she/he feels and their perception of events shared, sometimes differs very opposite from what is perceived from the other(s). Often there is much love and there are feelings of betrayal, deception etc…..There are many couples and families who would benefit from therapy. Not all are comfortable with therapy and some find it beneath them. However, often even working with one person can help the person make changes in their own thinking and behaviors which has a domino effect. In families there is often one person who is different from the rest. He may be more educated, more creative or think polar opposite from the rest. Because of this he may be seen as the problem, while he may be not at all. This Christmas why not think about someone you are not at peace with. If you believe in God, why not pray about this? Why not ask for help? If you do not, why not reflect on your relationships? Think about what happened with this person to make you distant yourself? Think about the possiblility if another perception is possible? Sometimes one thinks they know the other person and that is often not the entire truth. One builds a perception of the other from one’s own experiences etc…Ask the other person instead of thinking you know the other person so well. I do hope that this Christmas if anyone reads this blog, they actually reach out to someone who they are having difficulty with. Take it slow. Do you miss this person? What is it that you miss? How close were you? What changed? Why not be that person to take the first step. As I think of that woman who was waiting for her sister to arrive, her sister who no longer wanted her in her life, I wonder and hope that they did see each other again, and if not, I hope that one has had the courage to pick up the phone. In each relationship, one person needs to reach out for help and resolution. If this blog has helped only one person to consider reaching out, than I have been rewarded. What do you think? www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Are you ready for Christmas? Made in China....using acronyms - gotcha

Recently I was asked if I was all ready for Christmas. Ready? For Christmas? Naught! Times goes so fast and putting on the breaks just doesn't do it. So yesterday while conducting one of my chores, I happened to be at a store and noticed a beautiful house coat with two accessories of soap or lotions, presented and packaged so beautifully that it caught my eye. It had an opening ecouraging me to touch the softness. The marketing worked. I approached the beckening gift and picked it up for closer observation. I did not touch the tempting fabric. I read where it was made. I was confused. It had three letters. I approached the saleswoman and asked where the item was made. She looked at it and said it was made in the U.S. I told her it was packaged there but not made there. She nods and notices the three letters. She then went to Siri and asked. I hear the voice indicating it is from the Republic of China. Gottcha! It is made in China. The saleswoman states they are trying to fool us. I respond that the mega companies think we are all stupid. I inform the Saleswoman that I only buy Canadian, USA or European (or at least I try to) I buy from other non communist countries where people are not exploited. I saved some money as I walk away from what was a tempting parcel. Christmas is that time of year that I try to get everyone I care for something. I want them to know that I am thinking of them. I want to make them smile. Christmas is so quickly approaching and I realize that I should begin to write my cards. December is the month, that aside from work, I focus on family and friends. I make a point to visit everyone in their home or ours. Christmas is also a time that is very difficult for many. It can consume some with saddness. Not all homes are happy ones. Some homes are very abusive and sometimes Christmas can triggr many unhappy memories. This Christmas why not make a point of changing negativity into something positive. Don't have any family at all or don't want to be with family? Start thinking if it is possible to forgive. Volunteer at a food bank or shelter to help someone else have a taste of being cared for even if it is only at Christmas. Take that time to do something nice for someone else and focus on how that makes you feel? Visit a lonely senior. Take an animal for a walk from a shelter. Move away from all the electronics and go out and feel the joy of Christmas and being with people. It may be contagious. If it is too much to take, see someone professionally before it consumes you. Find a support group. Suffering alone is not helpful. You need to make the changes yourself. Reach out for that help. Christmas is coming and I have a hope for all who need it that this is the year that one reaches out for a helping hand and finds joy. What do you think?

A moment with a veteran

It has been busy. Too busy. However, now I can slow down. I have attended at least three conferences, education days etc….revolving around the person of the therapist, ethics etc….I have been to functions and was even a clown at the Christmas parade. When I got a call for another function, this weekend, too tired, I had to decline. Play hard and work hard has its moments and too much fun can be exhausting as well. So, it is time to refocus and R&R. I have been thinking of my horror story which I have spent more time on thinking, than any other book I have written. Normally I have a thought and just write. However, this is a scary story and in the Christmas spirit which is my favourite time, it is difficult to think of horror. Or is it? There is much sadness during the holidays for too many. I will figure it out. Yesterday I had a day off for a bit of fun and other stuff so after an appointment, I decided to have breakfast at Tim Horton’s, prior to my next function. I normally prefer to make my own breakfast because I buy free range eggs which are bigger and healthier looking. It also tastes fresher. That is just me. I brought my Dean Koontz, The Silent Corner with me to read. I am almost three quarters finished, and read portions whenever I just want to read for fun. Dean Koontz is one of my favourite writers. After one book, I was hooked. So, I get my order, ask the server to clean my table, which I never had to do in the past. Tim’s was always clean. I sit, open my bag of an egg and cheese on a tea biscuit with hash brown and my enormous coffee which they call medium. I begin to eat and then while sipping my coffee, I open my book and begin to read. I become fully immersed, oblivious to the full coffee shop. I have read for about ten minutes, no longer noticing that I am turning pages when I hear a man with a loud and anxious voice asking who is the vet. It distracts me, partially thinking that the man is looking for a veterinarian since there is an animal hospital near by. I don’t look up as I am really enjoying my moments with Dean Koontz. Again the man bellows who the vet is and talks about the make of my car with my IV plates. He gets my attention. I am wondering how my car got into trouble without me in it. I feel my heart pacing, from the tranquility I was feeling, reading about a woman, bad guys want to kill as she tries to find answers of who killed her husband. I look up towards the voice and see the anxious tall man, looking at me. I wonder how he knows, as I say “I am.” He tells me he served for ten years and where. He asks me and I tell him, how many years I served outside my country. He continues with which regiment he served and now it is my turn, and I comply. He then tells me his occupation now and wants to know if I am doing anything. I reply that I am a psychotherapist. He is standing in the middle of the coffee shop while I am sitting by the window. He found me. He wanted a moment with a fellow veteran in a city which he travels to work but does not live in. The commute seems incredible to me and I wonder how often he gets to go home. There is no time. He came in to get a coffee to go, but he also had a need to know who the veteran was because that is the connection. That is the recognition of one knowing another by shared experiences. He leaves and I return to my reading. I continue to wonder how he knew it was me. I look around the coffee shop and believe there could have been others who were veterans, but he knew. One woman almost turned around to look at us, but stopped herself. All others seemed as oblivious as I had been earlier. It was a special moment. I too have approached other veterans but a tad more subtle. I ponder how when there is education of therapy in how to deal with the veteran the focus is the mindset of the military culture. I know that there are some trying to reach out and wonder of the effectiveness. Treating veterans as a strange specie is not the answer. I haven’t seen that with any other group. If I was wealthy I would have a place where veterans and emergency persons could go and only be surrounded by others who are the same and are now therapists etc…. It would be a safe place where one can find opportunities for therapies, including group therapies, help with resumes, or any other supportive requests. I think of the homeless veterans who do not identify themselves as such because of shame. They are proud. They need a place to be where they can re-adjust and feel valued by being with their own. It would have a recreation area, a library, a fire place and a few cots to sleep or rest. It would have a cinema room, a pool table, a dart area. It would be alcohol free and that would need to be enforced. No others would be allowed except for special functions or open houses. However, there would be a coffee shop adjacent to it where one could bring their loved ones and there would also be a space for couple and family therapy adjacent to that coffee place. Why don’t we have this? What do you think? www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Colours / barriers

I have just one more mini mini lecture I attended at Deerhurst. I don’t have the name of the lecturer but it is from an art committee at CAMH. John Henry was/is on the project. What was said is that colours will be bright but the wood would be tectured, for clients to feel comfort. Pastoral Connection by helping them with art. The question is, “Do you want to do art? No. Want to take pictures? Their reality was creative. When one is arrested and not seen as responsible he or she can be placed within for 6 months, for review in a security environment. In the Criminal process it would be less time. There is extensive renovation now at CAMH. I do my best to maintain an office peaceful for clients. The walls are white and the floors are wooden. I have books and some plants and artwork. I normally ask clients if they are comfortable. My objective is to provide a peaceful and safe atmosphere as well as a comfortable one which is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I take all feedback seriously. People are able to express themselves through art. I have found it extremely important when one cannot verbalize how one feels but can do so by drawing a smile or frown and using colour to express their own emotions. www.redigondapsychotherapy