Preparing to have my second book published. I have vacancies for therapy.

I have begun my third book, before publishing my second. It is exciting. I spent some of the day working things out. However, the weekend is here and I am balancing work with play as I always recommend. I have vacancies for you out there who require therapy. I have one spot Saturday at 11:00 and I am filling Mondays from 1pm. I do charge $100. for a 50 minute hour. My books however are much cheaper. "Hey Guy Buy Me" is 9.95. I am not charging postage and handling at this time. Cheques may be sent to my office for now. My publisher recommended a web site and face book for my book(s). I may do that after my second book is sorted out. In the meantime, thank you for reading my blogs. Take some time this weekend to sort out how you balance your life. I spent some time at High Park this week and also paid a visit to their zoo. The animals are such a delight. Try to spend one day a week just relaxing and having fun, even if you are a workaholic. Balance is more important than you may think. Recharge, re-energize.

Perceptions

Today I was leaving a work location when someone asked me if I would like to join a knitting club. I almost roared with laughter. I left the building still laughing. I walked down the street and would break into laughter. I found it so very funny. I had told the person that if my mom had heard that, she would turn over in her grave. I suggested that asking me to join a dancing club would be more appropriate for me and a very young person beside her remarked quite innocently, "Really?" My mom used to knit. She used to knit beautifully and I have things that she knitted that will outlive me. That is how it all started. I was asked if I had knitted my hat. I do not normally wear anything on my head, but today with the falling snow, I decided to walk to my destination. I wore the hat to keep my hair from getting wet. I wanted to feel the brisk cold. There is nothing more beautiful in the winter than that first clean burst of snow. Of course we have had plenty of snow. People have a tendacy to project. If I am having an affair, I accuse you of having an affair. Did that ever happen to you? I like to knit and therefore you like to knit or should. I do not believe that anyone over the age of thirty would like to dance because I do not know anyone in my family over 30 who does. Look at the way she dresses. Isn't that dress to long, too short, too this too that for her? "Look at him thinking he is the cat's meow. He will never amount to anything, just look at him now talking to that married woman. I bet her husband does not know......" They cannot get along because they are mixed cultures, mixed race, mixed, mixed, mixed. How to nick this in the butt? I probably mentined this in an earlier blog. I was on a touring bus and sitting next to an old guy. I was starting to feel crowded (as he was getting closer) so I sat on the adjoining seat. The old guy than continued to talk to me while leaning his arm on my leg. Not being one to mince words, I kindly told him to not touch me. A woman seated one seat down, sarcastically asked me if I thought I was a teenager. I wondered what she was projecting? The old guy is 35 years older than I am. The eldest I have ever dated was four years older. "Date them young and raise them the way you like." A sweet neighbour once suggested. I thought he was very cute. The point I am making today is that you need to live for yourself. Sometimes people mean well and sometimes people do not mean well at all, but ultimately you need to live and be comfortable with yourself. We are each influenced by all we have experienced. Sometimes one thinks that he or she knows better because he or she is right and that is it. He or she may have 10 friends who thinks like he and she and therefore everyone in his or her opionion, thinks the same. Some people need support. Instead of saying this is how I think and therefore you are wrong to think the way you do is because, "everyone thinks that" or "everyone does that" Really? That is why research is so important. There are samples of the population, you have a Control group and an Experimental group and you can still not prove anything, just disprove it. You can live in the middle of nowhere land and be lost among those who think differently than you do. You can live in the middle of a big city and still feel lost if everyone else seems to be acting differently. What is important is not what others think you should do or be or act, but what you think that should be. Communication is a very valuable tool. Why not spend sometime today or tomorrow and write out these questions: Who am I? Why am I as I am? Am I happy being who I am? Is it who I want to be or is it who others want me to be. Am I stuck in life? Why? What can I do about it? So, as I turn on the music and do a little dance, I shall chuckle again about the thought of knitting. (oops cannot help it. I am laughing. And as for dirty old men? I prefer to raise them the way I like. Any man older or near my dad's age is simply not an option (Yuky!) And how was your day?

Homosexuality

I have promised to write about this topic. Since the topic is in the air again with Rob Ford wanting only the Canadian Flag up, I have to agree. In my opinion only the Country and Province should fly boldly in the sky. But that is not to bash the gay community. That is only to respect our flag and what it represents to me. That is only my personal view. There are many views regarding homosexuality. Sometimes we fail to see the person because of their colour, gender, sexuality and station in life. We live in an imperfect world. We enjoy bashing others who may be different then ourselves. Sometimes by putting anyone else down, one feels superior and elated. This way he and/or she does not have to look at herself. There is a mentality of I am right and you are wrong. I am smart and you are stupid. I am better than you, because you are not like me. Is this right? Everyone should be free to express themselves without offending fallacious comments. I was once in a restaurant where one of the women in my party began bashing the waiter because he is gay. She justified it with quoting the Bible. I put an immediate stop to that. I was furious. One of the other women later told me that she wished that she had the guts to say something. That surprised me. I thought I was alone in defending the waiter. He was working and he was polite. If the woman does not like homosexuals, that is her right. Not everyone can like everyone. However, she does not have the right to berate someone because he is gay. I reminded this woman how her own people had been discriminated against simply because of colour. Her hate could not let her simulate the information. That is what prejudice is. It is hate. It is prejudging. I like to think of people having a template where ideas, traditions and values have been ingrained by their respective exposures. A child growing up with same gendered parents will think that is the norm, until she goes to school and realizes there is another way of living. This applies to children who are abused, come from loving parents etc………How you are raised, you consider the norm, until you see how other people live. There are also other factors. I have worked with people dying from HIV. It was my choice only because no one else in my group wanted to. I wanted to experience a wider range. However, what I learned about the effects of prejudice, about hate and what it does to people and how one may suffer in the gay community, is an experience I would never trade, even though I suffered to see how cruel people can be to each other. It opened my eyes wider than I thought possible. It is not too long ago that Trudeau legalized homosexuality. I remember those days. It was not all that long ago that it was removed from the DSM, which derived from peer pressure. I grew up in a homophobic era. I have been in a taxi cab, listening to a driver tell me how homosexuals are killed in his country and how he is horrified in Toronto. That causes me concern. Because I live in Toronto and have been educated at two universities here, my exposure to the homosexual community is no big deal. I study with this group, I work with this group and I do not feel that I am any better or any less. I have come to learn that this is the norm. I am tired of listening to people who think they are so much better than the rest of the world. Sometimes it is thought that I can magically “cure” someone who happens to be gay. There is no cure. There is no illness. I do not cure. In my studies it was indicated that 10% of the population is gay. That is the recorded estimate. However, those are the statistics of people who are openly gay. There is an unknown number of people whose orientation is unknown. I forget that there is a stigma against homosexuals because I live in a relatively big city compared to the rest of my area. To me it is a normal way of life that is not concerning, except when I hear the occasional bashing which is one too many. At a Conference recently one therapist thought that the speaker was bias because she was speaking of couple therapy and believed she was omitting homosexual couples. I did not think that. Couples are couples regardless of their orientation, skin colour or backgrounds. Those may be factors which can be brought into the therapy room but may not necessarily define the problems of their relationship. It is the relationship that is worked on. However with this therapist, she is exposed to the problems faced in a small community. I realize that because I live in a city where homosexuality is the norm; it is no big deal for me. However, in a small community where there is more isolation, there may be more factors involved for a couple who may be the minority in the community and face other challenges. So I am going to conclude that homosexuality is not a disease. There have been studies (in my undergrad) that male homosexuals use both sides of their brain as women, compared to men who do not. Keep in mind that people are also born with both female and male sexual organs. In the past this would be kept from them and decisions made for them. There are so many variations in life. Nothing is simple as two extremes. For some of the religious people who think that they have all the answers, keep in mind the way Jesus lived among the poor and those ridiculed. Jesus was always in conflict with what was considered the norm. Why not begin showing a bit of compassion and love towards others and take a better look at how you can improve and grow yourself. If you have a son or daughter who is gay, what you can do is love your child. They have not chosen their orientation. As someone once told me, “Do you think I would have chosen this life, if I had a choice?” Love your child and try to understand the differences. This child is not your private property. This child is a gift for you to love and nurture. For Roman Catholics you should know there are masses at Our Lady Of Lourdes for the gay community. I have attended a one day workshop for counselling gay Catholics. Have a nice day and remember your best friend may be gay. Would that take away your friendship? Oh and while I am at it, bashers are sometimes gay themselves, who hate that part of themselves or want to hide that part of themselves. Remember that the next time you want to bash someone to make yourself feel better.

The Environment and the developing brain --- pending…….psychology notes….

The Environment and the developing brain Cont….from Lead (PB) Exposure . main routes of exposure through air and soil pollution; . Main focus of concern - moderate exposure levels - early childhood exposure . Currently accepted “safe” level: 10-15 /100 ml . Lead poisoning (plumbism) >50 - 80 /100 ml Common Environmental Sources - paint (especially in older buildings) - electrical battery casings - automobile emissions - lead plumbing - pottery and cooking utensils (eg. Old pewter, some paints and glazes). - Leaded crystal Effects of Lead . Blocks absorption of Iron, zinc and calcium (critical to nervous system and bones). . Accumulates in body tissues and selectively in certain brain regions: Hippocampus Amygdala Neocortex Behavioral Impairments (primate and rat studies) Results are very mixed. There are more studies of monkeys than others. . Delayed alternation (animals in maze goes one way and another, another way). . Delayed matching to sample. (visual stimulus). . Spatial and non-spatial reversal learning. Reversal learning is a measure of cognitive flexibility. Simply put, the basic idea is that simple learning is not impaired but when it becomes more complicated there seems to be impairment. Human Behavioral Studies . umbilical at fetus and teeth in children for lead exposure . Prospective studies - mixed results on IQ measures . School achievement - Some evidence for delays and lower achievement in children with moderate exposure to lead.

Veteran - I am talking to you. One suicide is one too many.

     This morning I have received quite a few emails about veterans dying at their own hand, veterans being disrespected and one husband of a veteran who committed suicide getting a notice that 500 dollars or so was required to be paid back because of her death.  Really???? I know that common sense is a fallacy.  I also know that average intelligence is not that great.....but really????? In the case of the latter there was an appology.  This is one year that I can honestly say I do not know who to vote for at any government level.  It seems to be a fiasco.  There is no team work at problem solving and if anyone knows about team work, it is the military.

     My interest is counselling veterans and their families.  There is no shame in getting help.  It takes guts to get help.  I turn no veteran away due to financial difficulties.

     If you are thinking of committing suicide please do not do that.  With help you can over come that though you do not think that now.  What have you got to lose?



Veteran helping Veterans!!!!



         

It takes guts to get help!

     I have been thinking this morning about the startling amount of suicides among young people, the media trying to do something good by destigmatizing mental health, and the people who have the courage to get help.

     The more different one is from another, the more the other is regarded as different, and therefore there can be friction by the one who has power.  We are not all the same.  We each have had a different life.  Some of us have had the blessing to be born to be surrounded by love.  Others first memory is that of terrifying abuse.  Children are not personal property.  Society has an obligation to protect them.

    Children who are bullied and demeaned at times grow up to do the same thing and the cycle therefore continues.  However, the cycle may be halted.  One person may make such an impact for a child or person to make a turn in his or her life.

     If I have learnt anything in my practicum and private practise is how much I admire people who go for care.   It takes such strength to examine one self.  It takes such courage to say enough is enough and I want to be my own person.  I have to admire that.  I was thinking about a canvas whose shape begins to form.  The artist allows you to peek at his or her soul.  If you see tragedy there, you can seek to understand.  If you are trusted, than you can see deeper and that is not always easy.  Ultimately, the portrait takes form with different colours, texture and a story is told.  To be trusted to share is a precious gift.  There is no judgement, no insistence that the artist is wrong.  As the artist begins to feel more comfortable she or he may become more relaxed and perhaps just view life a tiny bit differently and a new canvas is brought forth with hope and another road to emerge and discover.
     I do not understand "stigma."  Stigma perhaps may eventually change to omit survivors of chemical imbalances, abuse of any kind and just plain bad responses.   It is the person who puts others down to justify their own inadequacies and insecurities who should be held accountable.

     I am so fortunate to be able to welcome those who want help.  I am blessed each time I am trusted.  It is each person who steps up to help themselves who should be admired by society as I admire these people who have so much courage to help themselves.  I am the person receiving the gift each day.
   

Something to think about when it comes to religion, spirituality and leadership.

    This morning it is extremely cold again and so I have the liberty of a me day.   I was thinking about Theology.  I was wondering where we as people were headed to.  I was actually listening to the newscast recently when I heard that life as we know it would change due to climate change.  I thought that very interesting because it has been about eight years or more since I attended about a two or three day seminar about climate change and how we are responsible for its increase.  What is happening, would happen but not at this speed.  I lived before today’s technology dominated the world.  However, many in this generation have grown without that transition.  They have been born into technology.  I think progress is good.  I think what we have is wonderful.  I cannot afford to keep up to date with the electronics which advances weekly.  Whenever I do buy something that I need, it is like buying a new toy.  I remember typing and hoping not to make a mistake.  Those days are over.  Or are they?  In everything we do, we tend to forget the consequences.  A friend of mine was telling me how one country was tampering with the weather because they wanted a particular forecast that day.  I shook my head, in agreement that it was not healthy.  We tend to forget about the future and just think in the present.  There seems to be a greed that far surpasses what is best for society, especially the future.  Too many in positions of power play God.  They ignore the warnings of scientists.  I sometimes wonder why?  They have children.  Can they really be that blind sighted?  

       I remember attending a work shop and the topic was the environment.  I thought it would be similar to what I had attended at university.  What I found remarkable is that someone thought I was ridiculous for even considering global warming as a problem.  He became downright rude.  How can you argue when someone is being fallacious to shut you up?  He would learn in time.   I know that I was shocked when I heard about how serious this was.  I wanted to learn more.  I was so interested that had I been younger I would have immediately enrolled in their Masters program dealing with Emergency Management.   We were told that the States would scoop us right up.   I was used to seeing American recruiters setting up outside some exam rooms for certain disciplines.  Why not?  

       I decided to study theology and counselling for the next chapter consisting of five years.  It has been very interesting.  I studied under the Jesuits.  The Pope is a Jesuit.  Jesuits are not normally promoted.  That is not in their mandate.  I am glad that I had the solid instruction I have had from them.  I have also been in the company of the religious of other dominations and I am always learning and consistently surprised.  This is what makes life interesting.

      Yesterday I spoke to a man who told me he had stayed up all night because he had been praying at the temple.  He looked tired, but as he spoke of his religion, his face lit up.  He began talking about his religion.  He was trying to convince me that his religion is a healthy one.  I thought of all the major religions and responded that they are all good in theory.  He was curious why as a therapist I was interested in religion and spirituality.  I explained that it is important for me to know and acknowledge any person who comes to me, including their belief systems.  Religion and Spirituality is a part of their being.  How can I work with a person of the Muslim religion, a Jew or a Christian if I discard that part of them as nonsense or superstition?   I do not have to believe the same thing, nor believe in anything but I should believe in the person who comes to me and I do.  I need to understand what their religion is.  I need to understand what their spirituality is.  I need to understand the entire person.  We are all affected by everything we are exposed to and that includes our belief system and how we understand it.  

       As I come in contact with the religious, of the different dominations, I am always surprised when I see arrogance.  Recently, I was informed that Jesus did not go to the people, but the people went to him.  All that came to mind as she was dictating was, “go yeah among the people.”   So, this morning I was thinking about how people seeking to find God in a world that they do not understand are often mislead.  Jesus was always going out to the people.   Yes people came to him as well, wherever he was.  

       In school we were once asked to read for homework aloud either Mathew, Mark, Luke or John.  We were assigned but I cannot remember which.  I do remember when reading aloud how Jesus was often angry at the religious leaders, who thought they knew so much.  Jesus was among the poor, the prostitutes and those considered unimportant.  If we recognized Jesus today living among us, what do we think, he would think?    

      I remember a physician once asking me quite sarcastically what Jesus would do, in a situation that was being discussed?   I answered that I was not Jesus and therefore would not know what he would do.  This physician was so surprised that he kept pacing back and forth after leaving the office and looking at me.  I wanted to speak to him about that, but I was still in a meeting and once I left, I did not see him again.  However, my statement made an impact on him even though I do not know why.

     When people tell me why they hate a certain religion, I ask why and though very surprised at the beginning of studies, I am no longer as surprised.  Yet when the Minister was telling me that I was wrong that people went out to the people, I remember one of my professors commenting, “If you want to know the bible, ask a Protestant, because they know their bible.”  I am looking forward to seeing him again.  I need an explanation.  Have I got it all wrong?  Was Jesus planted somewhere and all the people went to him at all times?  Can I possibly know more than a Minister who is supposed to know all this stuff?  Me, a layperson?    I never profess to know it all.  I actually believe that I know nothing.  There is so much to learn that I would have to live many life times to learn a fraction of what there is to learn.  What I have learned in studying the different religions is that sometimes I see this aura of arrogance in people who in my opinion should be there to help others and not condemned them.  We are not a melting pot with one religion.  We should be respecting all religions.  There are extremists that distort and make religion something to fear by acts of hatred.  There is no religion that professes hate.  In my opinion what people of all religions and their leadership should be  doing is trying to help people who come to them and they too should make an effort to reach out to others as Jesus did.  Kindness goes a long way.

      People should also see a Counsellor that they feel comfortable to see, may it be a woman, man or religious.  It is their choice.  It is no surprise to me that many cannot believe in God.  It is a surprise to me that some who do believe in God have the audacity to think that those who can not, make the believers superior.  You can have an atheist who is more concerned and considerate of others, than a religious person who gossips and is cruel to others.  

      All these thoughts came to me because one kind man beamed when he spoke to me of being Hindu and telling me about his faith.  This was a wonderful moment and quite contrary to listening to a minister telling me her views in such a condescending way.