Thoughts are with Eastern Canada and the States - huricanes

Eastern Canada was hit badly and the States even more so. The devastation and loss of life is terrible. I just want to express my sympathies. I have driven down to Disney World at least three times and taken the train once. I have often stopped along the way taking in the sites. It is beautiful. I have always found the people kind and dreamt of spending some winters there when possible. So much sadness. Eastern Canada, I haven't seen but I know and have known many wonderful souls from there. They also have such a generous spirit. My thoughts and prayers.

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

“My mother’s smile vanished, replaced by a somber stare. “You are so fortunate to be living during a time when you have all these opportunities that were previously taboo for women.” A sadness shadowed her beautiful face. She continued solemnly, “If I only had the opportunities that you now have when I was young. It was a different time then; I had no choices. If I were young today, I would be doing the same thing you are doing.” The sun shone, its rays reflecting into the diner. “The basic training.” I paused. “It’s a killer.” When I had told Phillip I was joining the Canadian Armed Forces, a cloud had masked his handsome face, as his own memories returned to torment him. Phillip was a medical student whose idea of a date was to take me to an autopsy where he could carve some poor cadaver in his attempts to dissuade me from smoking. A health fanatic, he acknowledged that his own parents were being tortured by his constant nagging about the merits of proper posture. In spite of his attractive blond hair and blue eyes, being in his company was a chore. I would not date him Phillip and his best friend had joined the Forces to have their medical degrees paid for. During training, his best friend died. Phillip resigned as a result, and not without bitterness. He blamed the Forces for his friend’s death. His attempts to discourage me from joining failed. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.”

Bringing you up to date - me, me, me

I have booked way too many educational events but it is all good. I have a thirst for knowledge and have a curious spirit. I had found that most of what I was learning was redundant. Addictions I have been drowning in, however, there is such a problem out there that I cannot ignore it. I have been attending anything new but what is most important to me is the research out there. I have also been incorporating more fun. We are social creatures and I am definitely one of them. I have always enjoyed groups of people, functions, social gatherings etc….I have also enjoyed spending time with close friends though death has claimed too many. Last weekend I was in my favourite place in Canada - Niagara Falls. I was with a group and someone told me that one person had free tickets to catch the show. Knowing my love for theatre I was asked if I was interested. In a heart beat I flew to the area, but behold the person with tickets was not there. I asked the Usher if anyone had left a ticket - nope. So I hurried back to find the host and she too was invisible, so I returned to the Usher to pay for a ticket. Hold and behold there was a man telling the same Usher that he had an extra ticket for anyone who wanted it. (I am anyone) I reached out my palm and said yes. He gave it to me and we were off. He told me we had the front seats and I thought that we would be just near the front. Nope. We literally had first row seats. Of course I offered him payment for the tickets and he declined saying it had not cost him anything. Not used to getting anything for free, I took out 20.00 ’s from my wallet and suggested he take at least a bit of money. He declined once again and I was floored. The man is from Scarborough and I was impressed. I loved the show. It was “Spirit of the Dance” and they had the Irish Tenors and Celtic girls singers. Before I knew it, it was finished. I had a real good time and then I thanked my gentleman and departed. I told him he had made my week. I wanted to give him at least a book, but he asked me no questions except a few basic ones and I didn’t want to ruin his generous spirit by giving him any cards. It was a very nice gesture. This was just a nice guy and it was refreshing. The next day I called Revenue Canada and the woman I talked to helped me out (because I still have not received my return after seven months). She too went out of her way to be nice. She even checked my last years return and indeed my accountant had royally erred and not in my favour. She provided me with some instructions and am sure that will all be sorted out. I was flying. I went to see my host and told her about the kind man with a generous soul and she said nice things happen to good people. Do I agree with that comment? Nope, but I took it anyway, but here is where I become the psychotherapist and not the writer. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I cannot recall how many times I have heard people say how upset they are because they have fallen in bad times at no fault of their own and how they feel they are being punished by God. Sometimes their reality tumbles and they are devastated. They are not alone and this is where it also benefits them to get support. There are children starving and dying in certain countries. Do they deserve that? There is an exploitation of children women and men. Do they deserve it? No. When people are dying from a disease, do they deserve that? No, no, no. So remember take the good but also remember that it doesn’t define you. This guy I met was simply an honest man and a giving man. I am appreciative of this, because we are living in a world where it can be quite dangerous. Seeing such souls as this is uplifting. Why not do something nice for someone if you can today. How was your week?

Why do People forgive their cheating partners?

I read an interesting article in Psychology today, pp 16-17, Oct 22 edition, which I will like to share with you. Dr Bockarova is a researcher at the University of Toronto who wrote the article. She reports that infidelity occurs in 20% to 25% of marriages and close to 75% in dating relationships. The partner cheated on may experience symptoms such as flashbacks, depression and anxiety. I have provided couple therapy for marriages exceeding 30 years and for others who are dating. I have found that long term marriages seem to be more invested on working on the relationship, though not in all cases, while those dating may normally decide that their partner doesn’t meet their needs and therefore terminates the relationship. I have found that newly married couples will work hard to make their marriages work. They also seem more willing to do the homework and to continue to utilize the tools they have learned. The University of of Nicosia in Cyprus found that people are most likely to forgive a partner’s affair when they have children together to minimize upheaval in the children’s lives, when they themselves have been unfaithful in the past, when there feel there is a low likelihood of a repetition or when they depend financially on their partners. Younger people were more willing to forgive in general. Psychology Today ends with the notation that cheating often leads to the end of a relationship, but in some cases, it marks the beginning of a new relationship, perhaps more painful and less trusting. What I do with couples when there is an affair is for the cheating partner to terminate the affair. If the partner is unwilling to do so I cannot help them and therefore stop seeing them. I let them know at the beginning of the session. If a person is not willing to let go the affair than how can they seriously work on their relationship? I also encourage the cheating partner to be completely open with their partner in regards to access to their phone etc…where they were corresponding with the other party. I have found that it takes a lot of healing and the person who has cheated cannot expect immediate trust without a lot of hard work, and that trust may never be achieved, but there may be compromises to continue in the relationship. With yesterday’s seminar regarding polygamous relationships what is very different is that there is open agreements in the relationships. That is all for today. Remember you can always ask me a question. I will talk more about yesterday's session in the future because I think there were some important aspects. I have lots to share with you and want to catch up. For now have a good weekend. Take some time for yourself each day to enjoy some quiet time, to relax, to enjoy nature and to re-energize. What do you think?

Introduction to Psychotherapy with consensual non-magamous clients

Hi, well in about twenty minutes I am going to attend this workshop. I have had polygymous clients but mostly it was about them trying to determine if this is what they really want. 100% decided they did not wish to continue. This will be the first official training with CAMFT regarding this. What I normally tell clients is that sometimes one of the couples becomes emotionally invested with the third person and then the relationship of the couple is pretty well over. Anyhow, unless I learn something that I think will be of interest to you, this is about all I will share. However, I do have slides and I don't think it will be a problem to share if you are interested. Have a good weekend. I know I shall. Autumn is officially here and I am looking for warmer clothes to stick in the wash from last year. I may write a blurp tomorrow about why people stay in marriages when partners stray. I read an interesting article in Psychology today about that and I wish to share. Later.

I am still here. Busy, busy, busy

I have not abandoned you. I am here. Fall is officially here tomorrow and I have been trying to put on the breaks. This morning while having coffee in my backyard I saw the tiniest hummingbird. What a gift! I have now seen two in my life but had no idea they could be so small. I had just finished breakfast and Mr Attitude had his paws on my leg so I picked him up and was about to kiss him when I saw this cute little creature watching me while his wings reminded my of fairies. I have to read a bit about them. People are still dying from COVID in our overwhelmed hospitals so I am still wearing my mask and have not opened up my office though I am seeing clients on my platform. I like this new platform which was started by a therapist who wasn't happy with what was out there. I am thinking of opening up world wide as a consultant. I attended my first live conference. I tested myself and was COVID free. The conference was about "men". Since this was world wide I attended one session held in Hong Kong (webinar) and another from England. Of course I shall be sharing with you. I have a webinar tomorrow for two hours and I have made room for some fun. Last weekend I spent Sunday at the Ukrainian Festival. It was wonderful listening to the men's choir on stage while eating lunch outside. I bought some sunflowers where the proceeds are going to buy a truck for Ukraine. The World is slightly mad with dictators still trying to claim land which isn't theirs and women are suffering and dying from foolish men with have no idea about the Muslim religion except to manipulate it for their own selfish and ignorant self-fulfillment to raise their stature. We continue to pollute our planet which is so beautiful, but there is hope! We can all do our part. Enough about politics and hate. I haven't had time to write for fun and once I catch up again I want to get back to it. Ominous did have offers from publishers but I didn't accept any because it seemed too selfish on their part. I am looking towards traditional publishing but that seems to take a long time which as you know I am a bit thin on patience. I am waiting for two more responses and if I get one that is traditional than I shall jump to it. I am waiting to hear from one in England and another from the States. I have a publisher I have written my first three books but am considering a Toronto publisher because she has her own book store. I haven't reached out to her as I have put everything aside on my favourite hobby. I didn't go to the zoo yet but shall let you know as soon as I do. For now, I didn't want you to think I have lost interest in my blog. This is a constant. I want you to have a wonderful weekend. Enjoy the weather while you can. Florida is appealing to me more and more as weather changes. I miss Disney World, but still cannot travel more than one overnight. Spend time outside in nature, it does wonder for the soul. Talk soon.

Self Psychology - Harvard Medical on line continues - notes

People have the ability to adapt quickly with both negative and positive circumstances. Regarding lottery winners - a year after winning, no happier than the control group who didn’t. How to get happy: 1. Feeling good - seek pleasurable emotions and sensations, seeking to repeat and savour pleasant experiences. 2. Engaging fully - pursuing goals and activities in which totally immersed. 3. Doing good. Take a walk outdoors, volunteer, have lunch with a friend. Several studies indicate that marital satisfaction declines after the first child is born and only recovers after the last child leaves homes. Being married, having more friends and having more sex is all positive. Exercise: Smile at the first ten people you see today. The facial expression you make is likely to make you feel better. To be continued with strengths