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Tuesday, 11 March 2025

Don't think I shall make it this year but this is open to everyone. I will try to cut and past the program

 It's final - The Men and Families super exciting conference will be at the Hilton Barbados Resort this September 19 - 20, 2025.


We are extremely pleased to share with you our tentative schedule. We also have a flyer with all of the speakers on it. Please see attached. 

The conference rooms have limited space so please do not wait to register! 

Early bird: May 15

This is a hybrid conference with all (but 1) of the speakers will be in-person 🙂 

HOTEL RESERVATIONS: Limited rooms reserved!!!

We have a special conference rate of $199 USD/night (with taxes, $219 + 10% service tax + $9.63 = $249/night). So when you use the code, you'll see $219 but that's including the tax.

Or the group code: 90O

For more details, see www.IFAlliance.net 

We would be grateful if you can distribute this far and wide!

Let's make great connections in Barbados 🙂 

Can't wait to see everybody again.

Sue and Rebekah
Conference organizers


Susan S. Chuang, PhD, Acc.FM

Professor & Accredited Family Mediator 

Associate Editor, Journal of Family Psychology

Series Editor, Advances in Immigrant Family Research, Springer

Series Editor, Men, Family, and Society, Springer


Macdonald Institute, Room 133D

University of Guelph

Guelph, ON  N1G 2W1

Email: schuang@uoguelph.ca

Susan S. Chuang | Family Relations & Applied Nutrition (uoguelph.ca)


Upcoming International Men and Families Conference - Barbados September 2025www.IFAlliance.net 


Recent publication: McGraw Hill (2023)

           


Hong Kong Researcher: In Chinese Context. notes from men’s conference

 




Psychological Trauma:  stigma, cultural stigma, masculinity.  China and Hong Kong.  Traditionally three character classes in Chinese culture.  Nowadays masculinity signifies a man with material and upward mobility. Rresearch targeted research participants.  Heterosexual men,  found 19 participants:  Findings and discussion.  Male was hit by his wife with a pair of scissors.  Since then, he has had fears to sleep with her.  His wife said it was acceptable to beat her husband because he did not make enough money.  He internalized it - felt shame and ashamed.  Another participant was attacked by his ex-wife with a hot iron several times.  She criticized his ability and depreciated him as an indecisive.  Gradually he accepted her criticism as being wimpish and a coward.  He dared not express his views in front of others.

Another participant, his wife would kick him and tell him that he was useless and not making more money than her.  Many of the participants excluding four, were considered useless by their wives and not earning enough money.  Physical violence was always associated with not making enough money.


Another man was slapped and kicked by his wife in front of the children.  His daughter expressed shame, because her father could not provide enough money for her to participate in school activities.  It was found that fathers who were attacked by their mothers was contributed by the father’s relationship in that he could not provide sufficient finance.  Not having a high finance, these fathers still strive to be good fathers.  Results:  intensive shame and stigma; superiority in earning incomes, expectation of high income.  First priority is to provide financial resources.



This year the Men's conference is in the Carabean.  I do not fly and time this year is difficult since I am planning on moving.  Soon I shall be returning to Niagara to look at more houses/condos.  However, I do need 20 hours of education each year so I am going to have to attend something, which will probably be the conference by the Canadian Association of Couple and Family Therapy which will be held at Guelph University.  The last time I was there I had a great time and met wonderful people.  This time it will be difficult because we won't be babied as much.  The last time if we had a choice of hotels or staying on campus (I had a entire townhouse to myself, but I found it creepy).  Those choosing to stay at hotels had a van provided to transport them.  We had many activities where transport was provided and we had great food.  This was organized by York University Retirees.  Those were the days my friend.   This time.  Your on you own pal.  


Monday, 3 March 2025

Child sexual Abuse , University of Berlin, by Anja Berger

 At my last conference with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists one of the speakers from Germany, Anja Berger, from Berlin’s School of Economics provided a lecture regarding child abuse, men’s sexual aggression.  The data she provided is 12 years old.  Sexual abuse is still high.  Re-victimization rate of a child is 47%.  This experience distorts the child’s self concept, view of the world and affective functioning.  Pathway:  traumatic sexualization, Betrayal:  many abusers are parents, fathers and mothers who keep quiet.  Stigmatization.  Children don’t know how to escape, what to do next.  There is a sense of what to do next - a sense of worthlessness.  Later in life there is a risk of low self esteem, helplessness and insecure attachment.  There was an experiment where every third male has experienced emotional abuse in childhood.  Men we see you and hear you.  Continue to work with the group and vulnerable behaviour starts and the question is how to help you?  The study was explained and it consists of University students.  This would probably increase among non-university students, depending on social economics.  


     This year the conference will be held in California.  I wish it was closer.  Attending  all depends if I buy a house in Niagara and if I am settled and also the costs of course.  Time will tell.  I will be attending a conference in Guelph hopefully with the Canadian Association of Couple and Family Therapy.  At the moment I may see clients in Ontario and Quebec on line or in person.  I do however consult outside the area.  


If there are any errors here I claim full responsibility.   www.redigondapsychotherapy.com.



Friday, 28 February 2025

Thoughts of the Week - Rob Ford congrats for winning 3rd election/ Niagara Falls

 It's been a busy week, but most beneficial.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to vote because I couldn't get out of the drive due to the mountains of snow which has not been cleared by the city. - bad city.  However, nature wanted me to vote, so it rained and rained and warmed up just so I could get out, which meant I could vote.  I belong to St Paul's riding and this year the Liberals won first spot which they losed to the NDP last time.  Conservatives came last.  But Rob won overall with a majority and so I may just get free go train service as a Vet.  Time will tell.  I have been thinking a lot about Niagara Falls and have selected two spots of interest.  One is a condo in Chippawa.  Now Chippawa is part of the City of Niagara Falls.  With this particular place there are stairs galore from the ground to the second, but I was told I could put in a chair lift.  The only reason I would consider it is because the location is cute.  I can just walk across the bridge for my coffee and in the summer I can drink it sitting at the picnic tables overlooking the river.   I can watch Niagara's Falls fireworks from my small balcony (it looks small).  There is a parkette across from my condo with a gazebo where there is music during the summer.  Looking out of a window I can see the clock of the closed Town Hall.  No it is not Rockwell, it is Chippawa where James Cameron (Titanic) hails from.  Very cute.  Now during late March I will have about three free  hours in Niagara FAlls where I can look at houses so if it is still on the Market I may just put in an offer, depending on those stairs.  Can I grow old in there?  Don't know.  But there is a shop next door that sells flowers, a grocery store (which doesn't seem to have anything vegetarian) a hair salon, a pet grooming service, a veterinarian and more.  Eventually, I would like a doggie.  I would be able to cross the bridge and walk along the river to the Falls.  But that is about four kilometers away.  I love water.  So, the house looks like a recent development, is also cute with a basement apartment and main floor space for me.  It has a gazebo in the backyard and enough parking for two.  I would need a car for anything and everything.  That does not appeal to me.  However, I know people want to visit me and it is better since I hail from Toronto which has a lot of people.  So, lots to think about.  If you are thinking about buying a house, please go see it first.  Sometimes pictures are so deceiving.  A house can look big and surprise, it's not (remember my first trip?).  An offer was placed on that house I liked near the river.  I don't know yet what the offer is and if it was accepted so I am curious of course.  Oh that small town also has a cute white library nearby.  As you can see, I like cute.  It also has a Catholic Church - nice.  So, I'm good.  Let's wait and see what happens.  In March I plan to socialize a lot due to my being snowed in so much.   Please have a wonderful weekend.  Ensure you balance your life.  We need people and we need a safe place.  Find a space for yourself, where you can be yourself.  Surround your self with caring people who accept you as you are.  There are many people in the States now losing their jobs.  People can identify themselves with their work and when that is lost, there may be a sense of loss of identity of self.  This may be a good time to ask the question, "Who am I?"  The way this is being done right now in the State may cause moral injury.  I wrote of it before along with PTSD, so I won't repeat myself.  If you are new here, you can search at the top and it should appear for you.  Find relaxation in music, art, dance, etc.....Anyhow, have a wonderful weekend.  What do you think? 

Monday, 24 February 2025

T-buds Tea Lounge and Cafe - I love their classical Tea

 I treated myself (still snowed in with my sad car) this weekend with a delivery of my Classical Tea.  Their High Tea includes more but it also contains meat.  They are now delivered by uber eats.  But going in person is worth the experience.  T Buds is situated on the East side of the Road, North of Lawrence on Yonge Street.  You need to find parking on the street.  You also need to be able to climb the stairs to the second floor and it brings you into a small but well used space.   The husband and wife team are from Pakistan, a delightful couple.  They have lived in Canada for 13 years and it is wonderful to have them.  Now I am not a tea drinker so they did bring me coffee.  Their speciality is tea and I was educated on their expertise.  There are mega canisters of various teas to offer




customers.  I was brought champagne (non alcoholic) tea and it was wonderful and refreshing.  If you stop in Toronto, I recommend you go and attend this fine gem.  If you are living in Toronto, please check it out and support our small businesses.  www.t-buds.com

Thursday, 20 February 2025

Update on move to Niagara Falls

Well, I guess it is not happening, not now. The owner of the house I wanted well, she wanted more money once again. But what was most concerning is that once again, she removed the clause that there was no known problems with the mechanics of the house "to her knowledge". Since she removed this clause for a third time, I believe there probably is a problem with the house and she knows it, thus making this house a concern. I had already offered her money at the high end of what the house is worth. I had told my agent the night before I increased the price once again and put the clause back in, that if the owners were going to counter offer again, that was it. I do not play games. My agent asked if it was ok that the owner's agent sent me an email with the agent giving that info. NO. The agent is not the owner so what can the agent possibly say? My agent said that I was free to do two inspections even three of the house. NO. Now why would I do that? If an inspector is qualified, why would I need two or three more? That does not make sense to me. Also, I need to pay for the inspector. She said that this is how things are done? Really? Games? Why? Not me. That wasn't the only problem. With this particular house the furnace and central air are rented. It costs just below 200.00 a month to rent and if they pay it off, it will be a small fortune. Also, with whom they are renting from, they normally put a lien on the house. I would want proof that they own the furnace and central air. If I buy the house than these problems becomes my problem. Even though you cannot sell a house with a lien on it, what I have learned is that no matter what the laws are if there is no enforcement, than you are stuck with lawyers and court costs. Too much drama, too many problems and so I have to let this go. I will be watching this house and am sure that there will continue to be problems and that they won't get my offer any time in the future. The property will sit, unless the homeowner takes care of the problems. They still won't get what they are asking for. Greed is something, isn't it? Now, some learning curves. It has been a long time, since I was searching for a house. My agent said that I should be prepared spending 100,000 for the process of buying a house. Say what? Ok, lawyer fees, but what I wasn't expecting were the taxes that have come to light. Of course, we are always being taxed to death. I didn't know that the percentage of realestate fees now have HST. I didn't realize that Toronto has double the transfer tax of any other property in Ontario. Come on! So what am I going to do now? I haven't given up totaly on NIagara Falls, but it is obvious that houses near the falls have problems. What I didn't tell you the last time we talked was the shady renovations I saw. My dad was a bricklayer who took pride in his work. Whenever we went walking about the city he would point out sloppy work to me. I owe my work ethics to him. I know about the rental of appliances etc...and liens to the houses because of Market Place. That is the show where I sometimes post a video for you to make you aware. I shall be posting a video soon about how corporations are taking over veterinarian clinics and I urge you to watch the program if you have a pet. Whenever you do any work which causes stress make sure that you balance yourself. As you saw I was busy during the day but relaxed by watching nature (the falls), movies and reading books. Even though I stayed at Fallsview, I never gambled once. I was there simply for the view. Not that I gamble anyhow. If I do in company, 20.00 is all I bet and it hurts when I lose, so I am safe. Something else to be aware of is never feel pressured into doing anything you do not want to do. One woman once told me that the only place she feels in control of herself is when she is in a booth voting. That is the only place she can feel free to do what she wants. How sad. This was a random stranger telling me this. This is not all that uncommon, people feeling they have to do what other people expect from them and they suffer because of not being able to say no. If you are one of these people and don't know how to say no, please get some help. Anyhow, let me tell you a story about my Miata. During my second career I was searching for a new car. It had to be a convertible. I chose the Miata. I would be given one price and than a higher one etc...So I sent out six faxes (at the time) telling each dealership what I wanted and asking for a price. I went to one dealership and after driving the car and really wanting it, I was told that the price was higher than what we negotiated on. Before going to the next dealer, I called and said I didn't want to waste my time, so if the price was not as quoted tell me now. The salesman said of course he couldn't give it to me (the price he had quoted). So, what I did was call the factory where they made the cars. I told them that I really liked the Miata and told them why I wasn't going to buy the car. I get a call back a bit later and I am told to go to Richmond Hill and that the Manager was expecting me and I would not have any problems. I went and in fifteen minutes I had bought a Miata from her, which would be coming from Europe. When I bought me last car (times have changed so I buy used)I was told it was the last car they were selling made in Germany. Everything else now was made in Mexico. I just made it. So, all this game playing people is being done, because we tolerate it. This is the way it is done my agent told me. It's not my way. I took the highway - actually I took the scenic tour home. Buy for now. Good talk?. Oh by the way, if the owners did reach out to me and showed proof of ownership, and agreed to my clause, I would consider it and take it furnished for the grief. I do love that house - minus scary basement.