Tomorrow, Thurs and Friday I am attending the conference. I tried to cut and paste what I am attending - no luck. Humour requried.

For Love of Country : Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

The next evening I returned to the Ranch with Sandy, her sister May, and Sam for a few drinks. Sandy and I had met Sam at the security firm where we worked. Both Sandy and I had previously worked in an office full time. Sandy left to work for a security firm and enjoyed it, so when my boss said his company was not in the position to offer me an increase in salary, I resigned and started to work at the security firm part time: I enjoyed security more than office work. I started to work full time, but though it was fun, I knew it was not sufficient. I had always wanted to travel and be a policewoman. What occupation could offer me both? We decided to go dancing at the Calek Club. It was my first time there, though several of my friends had frequented this venue. “Would you like to dance?” an unfamiliar voice asked from behind me. I accepted willingly. As we danced, his arms tightened around me. “Do you come here often?” he asked. “First time,” I replied. He continued to move his body closer to mine. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. “You seem to be celebrating,” he whispered into my ear. “We are. I’m joining the Canadian Armed Forces,” I replied proudly. I felt his arms loosening from me. “What are you going to be doing?” he asked cautiously. “I’m going to be a Military Policewoman!” I exclaimed. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.”

TGIF (Thank God it's Friday - to those from countries who may not feel this) and Tid bits

I have caught up with client work and am doing fairly well. Since the loss of Holy Terror, I took the time to baby Mr Attitute who is replacing much of Holy Terror's duties, such as greeting me with kisses every morning and trying to imitate her vocal cords. We are almost back to normal. I am still waiting for Revenue Canada to do my taxes after contacting them four times. Really? I have caught up with telling them how annoyed I am. I am behind in paper work which is normal and my book stuff has taken a back seat. I had sent out my last book for traditional publishing and am waiting for two more responses. Traditional is difficult to find when you are an independant author, however, it is possible. I have reached out with my own self publisher and told her what I am doing. I need to reach out to more traditional publishers and again that could be a full time job. Authors have become big business for scammers and publishers who are finding ways to diminish costs. It does get tiresome. So, I have had to put that aside since my practice gets busier in the Fall when the sun is not so bright. I have another three day conference with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists which I will be attending on-line and have managed ideas to work around it. I have taken much more education hours than I need, but I think it is important to keep up to date with whatever is out there. My hair has gotten darker because my hairdresser cannot keep me as a blond. I have decided to continue seeing him to wash and set and to find another who knows how to provide me with my favourite colour of the moment. I shall keep him, because he is funny and charming. I wish he would take half the courses I do so he could learn how to colour. How complicated can it be? Oh boy. I have received my flu shot and will be getting my 5th vaccine for the pandemic. What fun. So, that is all for now. Today will be a short day and then my weekend arrives. I am really looking forward to it. It is supposed to be 20 tomorrow and I am debating putting up my Christmas lights while it is still warm. However, I am still in the Hallowe'en spirit. I normally get into the Christmas spirit at the first fall of snow. It energizes me like the sun. I was actually looking at a Christmas bus trip to Florida just incase I may want to do that in the future. I love travel. However, I don't know if I can be in the Christmas spirit when it is beautiful and sunny and I can go swimming? Time will tell. For now, I am busy working but keeping it balanced. Also, if you are a charity organization in Toronto I can provide you with copies of my first book, "Hey Guy Buy Me". It does need to be a legitmate charity so scammers, I am not in the mood for you. I stopped providing pro bono therapy because I was reminded by Revenue Canada that I am not a charity organization so cannot claim anything if I do that. My books however, I will not claim but am able to help charities, because it was my first book and I ordered lots. Of course I never made that mistake again. Live and learn. So that is all for now. I have lots of notes for you. So be patient with me. If you want to buy my books or ebooks regardless of where you are in the world, please feel free to order from me directly at www.silvaredigonda.ca or ebooks through my site or Indigo. Have a wonderful weekend. Mr Attitude is howling for me to privide him with fresh air and fresh lunch. What do you think?

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman

My mother’s face remained serious. “You are at the peak of womanhood. You will be able to withstand the physical training.” On October 3, 1974, at the Canadian Forces Recruiting Centre, I swore the oath of allegiance. I felt proud as I placed my right hand on the Holy Bible. “I Silva Redigonda do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, her heirs and successors according to law, so help me God.” Capt Fowler faced me and the other four women in the room. “Your training will be exactly the same as the men’s,” he stated. That evening I went for a walk with Sandy, and we stopped at the Ranch Restaurant. “I love him,” Sandy said, pain stricken. That night as I slept, my nightmare returned. I was on a passenger flight and as it flew through the clouds, it exploded.

Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.”

I have been asked to post the itinerary of the Seminar I attended. Done! https://www.internationalfamiliesalliance.com

I have cut and pasted the itinerary. Of course I took notes and that will be provided in due time. Though I cancelled the Nov conference regarding famililies due to the death of a pet, I am looking forward to next year events. Remember that this is also open to the public. https://www.internationalfamiliesalliance.com Program design by the EDGE of COMFORT ZONE edgeofthecomfortzone@gmail.com 2 Welcome We are honoured and excited to welcome all of you, presenters and delegates, from around the world. This is one of the first government- funded conferences to collectively discuss research, practice, and policy on men’s and boys’ experiences with violence and victimization. This multidisciplinary conference will also address issues of fatherhood, father involvement, and fathers’ relationships with their families. With two keynote speakers, three panel sessions, and 60 presentations from 21 countries and regions across six continents, we hope this momentous event will be meaningful to you professionally and personally. Lead Organizer—Susan Chuang, University of Guelph, ON Co-organizers—Susan Burke, University of Northern British Columbia, BC Myriam Denov, McGill University, QC Alexandra Lysova, Simon Fraser University, BC Benjamin Roebuck, Algonquin College, ON 3 DAY 1—THURSDAY Wellesley Room 7:45–8:45AM 8:45–9:05AM REGISTRATION WELCOME & INTRODUCTIONS Susan Chuang, Lead Organizer University of Guelph, ON, Canada WELCOME FROM Hon. MP Judy Sgro Humber River-Black Creek, Member of Parliament INTRODUCTION OF KEYNOTE SPEAKER Alexandra Lysova, Co-organizer Simon Fraser University, BC, Canada KEYNOTE SPEAKER—Denise Hines George Mason University, VA, USA Men’s Partner Violence Victimization: What We Know and Implications for Family Policy and Practice Sponsor—Jake Shen Criminal Defence Lawyer, Canada FROM THE VOICES OF MEN Benjamin Roebuck, Co-organizer Algonquin College, ON, Canada Sponsor—Phil Thompson Transaction Advisor, Business Lawyer, Canada LUNCH—Bangkok Garden, 18 Elm Street Sponsor—Gene C. Colman Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre, Canada 9:05–10:00AM 10:05–11:15AM 11:30–1:00PM SESSIONS 1:00–2:20PM 2:25 –3:45PM 3:50–5:10PM 6:00–Onwards! Wellesley Intimate Partner Violence Intimate Partner Violence Intimate Partner Violence Rosedale We for He: Extended Families Children, Men, and Communities The Spheres of Family & Work Life Avenue Fathering, Father Involvement Violence, Stigma Gender Equality 10—COURSE CHINESE DINNER! 421 Dundas Street West, 3rd Floor Sponsor—Brian Ludmer Ludmer Law, Canada 4 DAY 2—FRIDAY Wellesley Room 9:00–9:10AM ANNOUNCEMENTS Susan Chuang, Lead Organizer University of Guelph, ON, Canada WELCOME FROM MP Karen Vecchio Shadow Minister for Women and Gender Equality and Youth Elgin-Middlesex-London, Member of Parliament INTRODUCTION OF KEYNOTE SPEAKER Myriam Denov, Co-organizer McGill University, QC, Canada KEYNOTE SPEAKER—Joshua Coleman Council on Contemporary Families, CA, USA A Cult of One: The Role of the Troubled Wife in Causing Parental Estrangement 9:10–10:10AM Sponsors—Inzola Group Taro Inoue Criminal Defence Lawyer SESSIONS 10:15–11:35AM 11:45–1:15PM 1:30 –2:50PM 2:55–4:15PM 4:20–4:40PM Wellesley Sexual Victimization, Domestic Violence Rosedale Parental Alienation, False Allegations Avenue Government’s & Organizations’ Responses to Men’s Issues Programs & Services for Men Programs & Services for Men LUNCH—Bangkok Garden, 18 Elm Street Legal Perspectives Words of Legal Wisdom Treatment & Digital Applications From Violence to Homicide FUTURE DIRECTIONS & CONCLUDING REMARKS Benjamin Roebuck, Co-organizer Algonquin College, Canada See you all in Fall 2023! 5 DAY 1—THURSDAY Sessions 1:00 – 2:20PM Wellesley Violence Against Men: Fragmented Commission of Patriarchy M. Mahapatro National Institute of Health & Family Welfare, India Am I Always the Perpetrator?: Revisiting the Cycle of Violence Through the Lens of Male Survivors in Bangladesh M. Khatun1, M. Faruk2, & S. Mahima2 University of Guelph, Canada1 & University of Dhaka, Bangladesh2 Experiences of Male IPV in a Rainbow of Sexuality B. Russell & J. Hillman The Pennsylvania State University, Berks, USA How Men Talk About IPV Victimization M. Corbally Trinity College Dublin, Ireland Rosedale We for He: Extended Families Avenue The Impact of the COVID Pandemic and Links to Parental Burnout among Brazilian Mothers and Fathers L. de Santis & A. Noronha Universidade São Francisco, Brazil Gender Equality Denied: Social Forces That Impede Positive Father Involvement and Steps Moving Forward J. Ball & J. Pratezina University of Victoria, Canada Spousal Roles of Supporting Husbands’ Fatherhood in Chinese Families: An Intervention Perspective A. Wan & W. Tsang Family Value Foundation of Hong Kong & The Hong Kong Polytechnic University, HKSAR Parental Impact on Children’s Psycho-Social Adjustment in Chinese Immigrant Families: A Critical Review of the Use of Theories G. Wang University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA 6 DAY 1—THURSDAY Sessions 2:25 – 3:45PM Wellesley Chinese Male Survivors’ Account of Stigma Masculinity in IPV W. Tsang The Hong Kong Polytechnic University, HKSAR Perceptions of Men and Women on Healthy and Violence-Free Intimate Relationships in Vietnam S. Sirikantraporn Fullbright University, Vietnam Male Victims of Abuse: Systems of Coercive Control and Victimization E. Tavares ChildWatch, Bermuda Silenced, Invisible, and (In)vulnerble Masculinity: Men Subjected to Heterosexual IPV C. Hansén Linnaeus University, Sweden Rosedale Fatherlessness: The Crisis for Our Boys V. Greene The Boys Initiative, USA Exploring Fathers’ and Children’s Experiences of Domestic Violence and Abuse E. Bates, J. Taylor, & D. Gibbons University of Cumbria, UK Men Victims’ Experiences and Meanings During the Period of Residential Care in a Portuguese Shelter A. Machado Universidade Lusófona do Porto, Portugal An Interpretative Descriptive Study on the Mental Health Impact of Cumulative Lifetime Violence in Men Avenue The Complexity of Fatherhood for Children Born of Conflict-Related Sexual Violence M. Denov McGill University, Canada Who Is Walking With Our Brothers?: Indigenous Men, Colonial Violence, and Parenting S. Burke University of Northern British Columbia, Canada Childhood and Adolescent Experiences With Violence Among Crime-Involved Males H. Van Ngo University of Calgary, Canada Building Community Support for Boys in Kenya: Leave No Boy Behind J. Ouma Lifesong Kenya, Kenya P. Taylor, K. Scott-Storey, S. O’Donnell et al. University of New Brunswick, Canada 7 DAY 1—THURSDAY Sessions 3:50 – 5:10PM Wellesley Fathers’ History of Interpersonal Trauma and Challenges at the Transition to Parenthood E. Woodin, L. Waldis, & E. Spargo University of Victoria, Canada Barriers To and Facilitators of Help- Seeking Behaviour Among Israeli Men Who Experience IPV K. Gueta & T. Shlichove Bar-Ilan University, Israel How My Work Led Me to Question the DV Narrative and Investigate Male Stigma L. Robertson University of Regina, Canada Fathers and IPV: An Autoethnographic Analysis of Current Literature on Men’s Experiences of Abuse Involving Children B. Hine University of West London, UK Rosedale Work-Family Balance of First-Time Fathers in Urban China X. Li1, K. Sun1, L. Ren2 et al. New York University Shanghai1 & East China Normal University2, China Men’s Experiences of IPV in Australia: Impact on Personal and Working Lives A. Walker, K. Heine, C. Kanizay et al. Deakin University, Australia The Differential Effects of COVID Pandemic on the Labour Market Outcomes of Canadian Men and Women With Young Children T. Fang & V. Ha Memorial University of Newfoundland, Canada Rescuing Men Who Are Marginalized and Homeless To Regain Their Stability, Dignity To Realize Their Potential O. Matsi People on the Side of the Road, South Africa Avenue “Why Did I Think I Had To Do That?”: Mother-Father Couples’ Changes Towards Gender Equality J. Pratezina University of Victoria, Canada Conflict, Abuse, and Violence: Political Resolution Through Equal Shared Parenting G. Cheriton Canadian Equal Parenting Council, Canada Where Are the Authentic Men? J. Jeanetta-Wark Center for Integrated Well- Being, Inc., USA Stop Abuse For Everyone: A Critical Component of Equity T. Henke Stop Abuse For Everyone, USA 6:00PM —10-Course Chinese Dinner! 8 DAY 2—FRIDAY 10:15 – 11:35PM Sessions Rosedale Addressing Paternal Alienation as a Form of Family Violence in Parent-Child Relationships: Toward a ‘Responsibility-to- Needs’ Framework E. Kruk University of British Columbia, Canada Child Custody and the Best Interest of Children: Helping Fathers Responsibly Address Charges of IPV J. Hamel Private Practice, USA Accusations and Allegations Against Fathers Y.- S. Teoh, P. Chen, & P.- H. Chiang National Taiwan University, Taiwan And the Family Court Judge Says?: Allegations Against Parents in Ontario S. Chuang, C. Ali, M. Mathew et al. University of Guelph, Canada Wellesley Black Male Sexual Victimization R. Wright The Peoples’ Counselling Clinic, Canada The Effects of Victim Gender on Rape Blame Attribution C.- Y. Huang Keele University, UK Developing a Culturally-Competent Response to Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Avenue Challenges and Successes of a Men’s Charity Organization T. Moore & J. Trottier Canadian Centre for Men and Families-National, Canada Ending the Battle of the Sexes: Depolarizing the Gender Discourse and Broadening Our Understanding of Gender Equality J. Trottier Canadian Centre for Men and Families-National, Canada Family Violence in Thailand: Are Wives Only the Victims? N. Pichyayothin Chulalongkorn University, Thailand S. Green & C. Crabson Stop Abuse For Everyone & Valley Oasis, USA 9 DAY 2—FRIDAY 1:30 – 2:50PM Wellesley The Newly Expanded Definitions of “Family Violence” in the Divorce Act G. Colman & T. Campbell-Dailey Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre, Canada How Family Law Deals With Coercive Control, Gatekeeping, Enmeshment, False Allegations, and Alienation B. Ludmer Ludmer Law, Canada Sessions Rosedale Male Sexual Victim/ Perpetrator Treatment J. Dubé & R. Wright The Peoples’ Counselling Clinic, Canada Developing a Digital Intervention for Survivors of IPV: Possibilities and Challenges H. Micklitz, G. Andersson, J. Bengel et al. University of Freiburg, Germany Mobile Applications for Low-Income Fathers: A Systematic Content and Comprehensiveness Analysis and User Rating Review M. Trahan, L. Schneider, & D. Hernandez Texas State University, USA Development, Digital Media, and Defence: Exploring the Gendered Aspects of IPV in Teen Relationships S. Bekaert Oxford Brookes University, UK Avenue Values, Culture, and Effective Social Services for Men S. McMurtry, B. Barberree, J. Dickson et al. Canadian Centre for Men and Families-Alberta, Canada The Nexus Story: Past, Present, and Future of a Peer-Led Men’s Trauma Recovery Program M. Healey Canadian Centre for Men and Families-National, Canada Masculinities and Care: Men’s Experiences as Victim Service Providers in Canada B. Roebuck & D. McGlinchey Algonquin College, Canada 10 DAY 2—FRIDAY 2:55 – 4:15PM Wellesley JJ Desgranges Lawyer, Adjudicator for the Law Society Tribunal, Canada T. Inoue Criminal Defence Lawyer J. Kirshen Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre, Canada J. Shen Jake Shen Criminal Defense Lawyer, Canada B. Hay Black Daddies Club, Canada How to Thrive With Your Children After Family Break Up H. Nabert Father Resource Inc., Canada Sessions Rosedale Male Victims of Intimate Partner Homicide: A Preliminary Typology A. Lysova1, B. Roebuck2, & K. Hanson1 Simon Fraser University1 & Algonquin College2, Canada Sentencing Men in Cases of Intimate Partner Homicide: Relevant Factors K. Hanson & A. Lysova Simon Fraser University, Canada Engagement of Black Fathers and Black Men in Toronto Avenue Programs and Services for Fathers D. Soleyn Dad Central, Canada The New Kid on the Block: A Case Study on Building an Effective Mental Health Agency B. Rafii Canadian Centre for Men and Families-York Region, Canada The Policy of IPV Service Providers in Israel Regarding Men as Clients A. Ben-Porat1, R. Dekel1, & O. Gilbar2 1 Bar-Ilan University & The Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Israel2 Men’s Experiences of Family Violence: A Community Mental Health Perspective S. de Villiers & C. Berry Calgary Counselling Centre, Canada See You Next Fall 2023!!! 11

Self Psychology - Harvard Medical on line continues

Strengths - Ask someone you respect who knows you well what your strengths are. Notice what people compliment you on. Think about what now comes easily to you. Strengths linked to happiness: gratitude, hope, vitality, curiosity and love} closely linked to happiness. Apply to daily life. Pick one of your strengths and use it in a new way every day for a week. Bravery - new activity that makes you nervous. eg. public speaking. Curiosity - read an article or watch a documentary of what you know nothing about. Self Control - make your week free of insincere comments. Appreciation - set a beautiful table for an ordinary meal. Open mindedness - listen or watch or read something you disagree with and consider legitimate points it may rise. Creativity - find an alternative use of an ordinary household object. Love - write a note to someone you love and place it where the person will find it (such as in brief case, lunch box or under the pillow. If curiosity is one of your strengths, pick an article covering a topic foreign to you and learn all about it. Benefits of mindfulness - path to well being. Open your mind to the pleasant and unpleasant. Mastering mindfulness - Calming fight and flight effects. Key to self awareness. Positive effects is the awareness of each moment. If mind wanders bring it back. This helps with cancer, heart disease and diabetes. Prayer and Meditation: a larger perspective of life. Next topic regarding self psychology continues with key to mindfulness

Introduction to Psychotherapy with Non-monogamous Clients

During 22 Sep 22, I attended a two hour Introduction regarding psychotherapy with non-monogamous clients. These are from my notes, further to my earlier entry regarding this topic. This talk was provided by Carling Mashinter, MSc, RP. No statistics were provided which I find important. I indicated that I was curious of the statistics regarding the percentage of the population of different countries who are polygamous. From what I recall from my undergrad is that the majority of the world is serial monogamous. If I haven't shared those stats to you, then they are somewhere in my notes to provide to you. The speaker stated that her clients have complained that therapists don't understand the terminology. Common concern from clients was social isolation including shame and secrecy, dicision making challenges, internalized negative beliefs about self and their relationships. Another concern was safe and secure attachments: boundary isolations do happen. As an example nights when all partners are together but one arrives late. The speaker stated that this could lead to attachment injury. There could be jelousy, differentiation process - difference in relationship structure preferences. The speaker talked about the Use of Capacity - decision making on use of finite resources (time, energy, physical, space; finances. Maintenance of safe and secure attachments in the context of capacity changes one or limitations. Sites and Podcasts for this topic is more than two.com; www.polydictionary.org; podcast: www.mutiamory.com and intellectualerection.wordpress.com. I have not checked out the resources. What do you think?