What does the brain look like? We are interconnected. We are also divided - Oh and stay home

When I attended an online webinar with Adler School of Psychology, what stuck in my mind was when a picture of the brain and that of the universe was shown. The retired President told us that the brain looks like a picture of the universe. She said that we are all interconnected but we need to feel it for change. She said that when a psychotherapist doesn’t know what to do, be curious. Being curious means taking part. There are so many ways of providing therapy and care for those who suffer. I had never connected the brain with the universe before and would have loved to keep examining those slides. As I think back at the slides and how we are interconnected, I pause to think of why I hear so much about division rather than being connected. There is so much strife and yet in so many ways we are all the same. Yesterday at a weekly meeting one person raised the issue of being Canadian versus not. My question was to ask the client what does it mean to be Canadian? I learned once again about the pain the Asian community is suffering because of ignorance; that is what racism is - ignorance, prejudging, shaming etc….and why? If I was not in the profession that I am in, I would not be hearing all about this and to this extent. I am wondering at what point did we begin to move backwards? Canada is a place as is the States where people came to make a better life for themselves. Canada is a country where people come for freedom, an equal opportunity for their children, a sustainable life. Are we providing that as much as we could? Just last week I was listening to an Aboriginal woman speaking from Vancouver about how absurd it is to her, to hear people in Canada complain about immigrants, obviously because the only original Canadians are the Aboriginals. Toronto is a very multicultural city and we need to protect the rights of everyone. It is no longer ok to be neutral. We need to speak out when one person thinks he or she is better. I think back to a club party I attended a few years ago and a woman of British descent began verbally attacking me in a condescending way because in her opinion I was a foreigner. I wasn’t focused on her core issues. I found it amusing as I watched another British woman whom I know from another occupation, defend me. I still found it amusing because I am privileged. I found it amusing because I am a long standing member of the club and I had the power to do something if I wanted to. I found it amusing because I have an abundance of confidence. However, if that was to happen now, I would take it serious, because people who do this make many suffer. Ignorance in the law is no excuse……. So, this is what has been going on this week for thought. Today I attend another webinar regarding treating mood disorders and addiction. Tomorrow I attend another webinar regarding Compassion Focus Therapy. My phone just activated with an alert, “A stay at home order is in effect. Only leave home for essential purposes such as food, health care, vaccines, exercise or work. It’s the law, stay home. Save lives.” Learn more at ontario.ca/covid response.” Yup, I have been pretty well doing that for a year, and if everyone did that we would be in a much better place but we are all different in our belief system. There are still people who do not believe there is a pandemic and I would suggest a tour of the Intensive Care Unit which is becoming over burdened. Corporations, it is time to step up and pay your people a decent wage and provide them with sick leave. It is time to stop trying to evict people because they cannot pay rent for the time being. It is time that we all stop division as soon as we spot it and unite as one people. I will shortly get my vaccine and I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful that feels. I wish I didn’t have to wait 3 months for my second dose but that is another story. For now, think of that lovely picture I saw of the brain and the universe which were identical and what that means to you in our interconnections. Keep safe. Next Monday I have a full training day. It involves grief which is rampant these days. What do you think?

What is hope? Something for you to think about or share.

I was looking at a usb I have saved and thought I would cut and post some of what I have written in the past. I can add this so you have more than one entry a week. If I were to talk about hope now it would be more elaborate. However, this thought is pleasant to me. What is hope to you? What do you think? Take a few minutes. What is Hope? By: Silva Redigonda My hope is to someday live in a glass house by the waterfront with a dog at my side as I walk along the beach. Is that hope or a dream? Is dream and hope synonymous? Is hope for all? Skinner conducted animal experiments and discovered that when one can no longer control one’s environment, one gives up trying. A dog that suffers electrical shocks and resigns himself to acknowledge he will suffer pain no matter what he does extends to other forms of torture that kills the human soul. Can one understand hope by understanding what it is not? Hope is a perception of what can be. I think that there is a possibility of world peace. Do I really? Actually I do not. Therefore I have no hope for world peace because I believe that it is impossible. Yet, I believe that something must still be done to decrease the probabilities of war. Is that hope? Is hope being a realist? Is hope being a survivor? Hope can be simple or complex. Hope is what it means to the person who has or does not have hope. I hope that the flowers I place at the front yard bring joy to others as they walk by and appreciate nature. I hope that because I love to stop and appreciate the lawns of others which are aesthetically pleasing. I am hoping that someone appreciates what I have to offer my community. I am hoping that someone stops and smells the roses (what a cliché!). Am I superficial? Perhaps I am to some and not to others. For someone who has no food, she may hope for food if there is the remote possibility of getting food. If someone has no hope for food it may be because he is dying, isolated and alone with no possibility of enough food to eat. What is hope? It is so much to so many different people depending on their own stories of their own lives. Has life been kind? Has life crippled? Has life taken away souls and hope is only a senseless word? I have hope. I dream of my glass house by the water, walking along the beach with my dog at my side as I ponder the universe because I have hope – of endless possibilities.

Another Title change? Will Couple and Family Therapy change with the times?

One of my Associations is considering another name change from Marriage and Family Therapy. As you remember I used to hold the title of Pastoral counselling Specialist until they talked about a name change and once it was completed, I let go the designation because it wasn’t working out with my private practice. Spiritual Psycho therapist was too confusing and more than once I was thought to be a fortune teller, mystic or some other. So, I dropped the title and stayed as an Associate. I have a Masters in Ministry and Spirituality so I am not too concerned. Some people believe in God, some do not, and others are on the fence. If they want to explore that part of themselves, have questions, etc……I can work there as well. Religion is often a part of a culture. Some, want to have a title as say Roman Catholic and want baptism, have communion, confirmation and get married in a church but that is the extent of what they want. It is a part of their family tradition. They may go to church once or twice a year for fulfillment. Then there are those in other religions, still Christian who like to “shun” anyone who thinks differently from them. They believe that all will go to hell, except for their small group. It is also them who make the rules and they consider themselves elevated to a level as that of God. There are other religions who are so fanatic that they will slaughter anyone who does not believe what they do, because of course what they believe in, is their correct religion. Than of course there are the Satanists that like pretending to be followers and others who do not pretend at all. It reminds me of a lecture from a doctor from the States, where a physician approached him and didn’t know what to do because the patient had said he is a Satanist. The speaker told him to ask him if it made him happy. I have found that in most religions but not all, people find comfort and solace. They get comfort knowing there is someone good who looks after them. However, there are some who suffer because they feel they have been abandoned. Then there are others who suffer because they have left a religion and are now shunned. I spoke once of being at a conference and someone shunning me because I no longer wanted to use the term of the change in title. That had nothing to do with the Association but with the person’s own religion where shunning is the norm. I found it amusing, though surprised. My bad. Then there are those who suffer terribly because of “sin”. People have so many beliefs that define them. Everyone has the right to question and to choose. Now, another name change may be coming. I belong to the American Association of Family Therapy, The Canadian Association of Family Therapy and the Ontario Association of Family Therapy. I am also a Registered Psychotherapist. I have families and couples who come to me to help them with problems they are having, not because they are happy. In my years of experience I have found that people may come to me because they are in a polygamous relationship, they are having affairs and want help with the relationship not of their spouse but with the man or woman they are having an affair with. Sometimes there are those who have multiple relationships with multiple people. In marriages there are at times what we call a triangle. One person escapes a marriage by going to the garage, a man cave, a woman cave, another lover. What I try to do is reconnect relationships when it is wanted. I have one rule when a couple comes to me and wants to heal their relationship. It is to give up the person they are having an affair with. Sometimes they agree but do not comply and when that happens I refer them. Why? Because how can a couple be serious of working on their own relationship if they are not willing to let go “the escape.” The whole idea is to actually get their relationship back on track. There are those who would be willing to pay me anything to help them achieve what they want which is part of their control issues. Sorry, I cannot be bought. I sometimes see couples separately and together which is quite successful when both parties really want to work on their relationship. I find this quite successful for the most part. Change is usually required which is compromise and that is not always a motivating factor for one who is quite happy in a role of power and control. There are those who have another motive than trying to work on their relationship and there too I suggest they find someone else. I have refused to go to court on anyone’s behalf because there are always two sides. So it would be unfair. In couple and family therapy what is worked on is the relationship. When working one on one for other reasons, it is their personal care. I am not open to a name change because I am very serious in trying to help couples succeed in their relationships. A couple is a couple. I have had people in an open relationship ask me what I think. It is not about what I think. It does not matter what I think. What matters is what they think and how it is effecting them. Most often, one person will let go the person they are having an affair with and terminate the relationship on their own, once they have processed their thoughts. More often than not, there is a complete surprise of infidelity. One thought everything was great. The other person did not. I was once asked by a Priest and educator what I found to be the most common problem with couples. My response was communication and he agreed. Now this is just a simple walk through the park without any real depth. It is a scratch on the surface. Now let’s talk about families. Again, there is incest, (if I know of child abuse I report it as per law). However, it is adults who tell me of their painful youths, both men and women. There are sexual relations with in in-laws which destroys the dynamics of the family. There is addiction to gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, shopping etc….There is hoarding of clothing, animals etc….I need to always consider the welfare of the child and though there may be a fine line between abuse and bad parenting skills, there is a way of navigating that. A child once he or she is fourteen what is talked about in the therapy room does not need to be shared with the parent. A child is not personal property. A child needs to be loved and feel safe. A child needs routine. There are parents who have no idea how to raise children and think a session or two will resolve them of responsibility. I can honestly say that in many cases, it is the parent with the problem and not the child. The City of Toronto has an on line site where parent(s) can sign on to have guidance in raising their child. Then there are others who believe it is everyone else’s fault and who refuse to look at themselves. Then there are those who think it is all their fault, and they too need to have some self reflection. Abuse is never anyone’s fault who is being abused. They should never feel ashamed and they need help in processing that themselves. So, what does this all mean? I will continue to support the term Marriage and Family therapist. Of course there are changes. Our world is becoming more confusing. Everything is more violent in gaming and on television. Where children used to find comfort watching what could be a loving and supporting family, when they had none and depended on that for hope, now see everything which is more confusing. They are learning about having sex before they are mentally prepared. I remember asking one child how she learned to cut herself. She said she learned how watching a family show. We need to be mindful of what children are watching and explaining what they are seeing. They cannot be sheltered in this day and age with the internet and therefore education and being open is the key. Children can only share if they feel safe to do so. So, there are at times when I am challenged with what I am working with. I must always be mindful that it is the person who comes to me for help to provide that without judgement. If it does not fall under Family and Couple therapy it does under psychotherapy. If you are looking for a therapist, find one who you feel connected with. That has been found to be more therapeutic than their own knowledge. I encourage you to surround yourself with people who are supportive and not consistently telling you what you should do, how to behave, and think they have a better grasp of who you are than yourself. Practice self care which can be meditating, being in nature, listening to music, dancing etc…..Take up a new hobby such as an art class, learn to play an instrument, join a zoom group with shared values. Get to know who you are, not what others have notions of you. Learn to live life and love life. Find that hope and examine what is stifling that. So this Easter have a good one with family, friends and pets. Happy Easter.

Taking a mini break for psychotherapy and seminars this week. Writing and reading for fun only. "The Internet Murders" continues

I have decided to keep this week a me week. Of course, I still have to make appointments, answer calls etc……but that happens when you have your own business. I ordered two books on line. One was disappointing. It was an author I really liked for many years but for now I don’t really want to read about incest, swearing and using Jesus - xxxx. I also put his book out on the sidewalk and no one, to my surprise picked it up. The book had such hype. However, I continue to watch movies which is based on his books. Someone did pick up a binder I put out. The second author’s book I plan to continue reading today while basking in the sun. It is supposed to be 20 degrees today, the warmest it has been to date. It is from Dean Koontz, “Devoted”. He never disappoints. I have now written about 100 pages of my next book. Because of Covid and everything going on line, I have attended quite a few seminars from another Association I belong to “Sisters of Crime”. There are brothers too who belong and one of them visits my booth at Word on The Street each year and told me about the Association. I quickly joined. The book I am presently writing is about murder of course, has my darling “Holy Terror” in it of course with a more profound evil vs good in it. There is no swearing in it to fill in the blanks. I want to write another 100 pages. This week since I am taking a break from therapy, I shall insert more of “The Internet Murders”. If you are interested in buying one of my books or ebooks, feel free to order from http://silvaredigonda.ca. “The group of young men saw the girl flying out of the building as they stumbled along towards her. They began laughing. All but one – the designated driver. He called 911 as he ran to the girl’s side and moved quickly to help. Her head had hit the pavement and there was a lot of blood. His buddies stopped laughing as reality hit. One of the men began to vomit. Cory quickly removed his shirt and pressed it against the wound to try to stop the bleeding. His friends removed their shirts in turn and finally Cory managed to staunch the flow of blood. He ripped up more shirts to apply pressure, and he bandaged her head wound. She was breathing and moving in and out of consciousness. He looked at her features and realized that despite the wounds, she was beautiful. His awareness was interrupted by the sirens of the approaching fire trucks. Where was the ambulance? The cruiser pulled around the corner after the fire truck, a short distance from a small group of people. Why was the fire department always first on the scene, Philip wondered? Philip silenced the siren, but kept the red flashing lights activated. His partner, Tomasso, smirked and began to chuckle. “Look at all those bozos stripping for the gal. What do they think? Do they think that’s going to make her come around? Tomasso’s roots were from southern Italy, and his sense of humour was always getting him into trouble, especially since he had no sensor to turn it off.” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

IOM Launches Manual on Community-Based Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies and Displacement

IOM Launches Manual on Community-Based Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies and Displacement: Geneva— Mental health and psychosocial support are increasingly considered an essential element of humanitarian responses for populations displaced due to wars and conflicts, natural disasters, famine and poverty, and those torn by emergencies. Mass disruptions and displacement can bring to several sources of stress for individuals, families and communities involved. Providing psychosocial support in educational, cultural, community, religious and health settings reduces vulnerabilities, and prevents their stagnation.

Language, culture, race tid bits (from notes)

I have attended quite a few seminars and conferences during this past year. To encourage continuing membership there was a lot more free events which I took advantage of. That doesn’t happen too often. This year of course due to the pandemic, we all went on line. I normally provide the notes of what I learn or refreshed for you. However, there was a lot of information that was for therapists to increase their performance. So I won’t be providing you with all the information. However, I can give you tid bits here and there for your interest. So, here goes. During my 16 Jan 21, seminar, I learned from Dr Jessica Dere that from 76 studies (USA) it was determined that the therapeutic relationship was much stronger when the therapist spoke to clients in their first language, even though it was the therapist’s second language. I can relate to that and I will expand as well. Italian is my second language and my name is rather unique. Sometimes people mistake my name as from all kinds of culture. Sometimes, a client or relative is trying to find someone who understands their culture, or religion or both, along side of the language. However, this does not apply to all. I have had clients purposely seeking me out because I am not of their culture. They don't want to be judged. So, it would have been nice to know exactly how the studies were conducted. I have only referred people to therapists of their own culture twice in my entire career as a therapist. That was because I thought someone of their own background would benefit them therapeutically. There is so much shame for some people and to have shared experience, can be very helpful. That can make them feel vaidated. I try to help people through their lens. When it comes to what is normal or not, I like to refrain from labels. However, there is a lot of normal out there that some don’t realize and that becomes therapeutic. Then there are those who try to normalize child sexual abuse as an example and that is where I step in and say no that it is not acceptable. I remember years ago hearing some man talk about how right it was to have sex with a child. I challenged him and later he approached me and wanted to know that he was just talking. He did not know, that I knew he was a pedophile. That causes so much harm. The second lecturer on that day was Dr Jackson, Associate Professor, Couple and family therapy (The Black male Therapist) from Texas. His question: How do we deal with evil in the world? When did we realize when we were different? 80% of teachers in the U.S are white. Dr Jackson said that racism is everywhere but experienced differently even within the same racial background. If you only see one lane, you may not see the other lanes. I recommend this professor. Dr Jackson is on Instagram, Facebook: The black male therapist. www.theblack therapist.com. That is all for today. Why not think about what Dr Jackson asked. What do you think?

Theology - Faith seeking understanding :Notes

Gospel of Mark Morale theology starts in scripture - your exercise. Morality becomes more than a set of rules but objectively is essential. Contemporary Ethics Pluralistic: Secularized - we get rid of God; Philosophical ; abstract principals- Autonomy beneficence, non- maleficence and justice. How do we define death? Who should we transplant? The right to make own choices. - Individualistic - (rights based). It has become a bit legalistic. We have forgotten that if I have rights so does Sandy (eg). With every right there is a corresponding duty. Christian ethic of common good. So therefore, there is a bit of social ethics and contemporary ethics. Systemic Theology: overarching discipline that seeks to work out a coherent view of the world by integrating the truths of faith with all other truths we can know. Morale Theology: A particular expression of system theology which focuses on the implications of faith for the way we live. Eg. Morally wrong - abortion (sanctuary of life). What we seek in both is coherence. War, Capital Punishment. Bishops of the Philippines - environment crises going on is the ultimate pro life crises. Evangelium Vitae-sanctuary of life. - ecology -poverty - abortion - war D.V., CP, CON.EL. Mediation ethics - Both/and faith (in life of Jesus Christ) and reason (what is reality in the world and incarnational principle - when we seek - we seek in resurrection of Jesus Christ. God became incarnate. What does that speak to us of faith and reason (of the reality of the world)? We have often done things to get into heaven and not often for others. Where do we find what we are called to reveal? From universal love to discipleship. Not only what should I do but who should I be? It becomes much bigger than the rules. Jesus never expected blind obedience. Call and response - call to conversion - then we are called to follow Jesus and then to call what is good.