Experiential Therapy - Conference continuation - notes (don’t have name of speaker).

Emphasis is creating optimal conditions. Mindfulness - based interventions. 15 minutes or more to relax. eg. HIV patient wants to go on a date but fears he will be “dumped.” Present orientated- focused on sensory experiences of what is happening now. Allow self to see the process, letting go of the thoughts and can practise by breathing and body scan. Can create optimal conditions after medications. Helpful for symptoms of anxiety and depression. Research - gay men living with HIV (mixed centres and hospitals). Internalized stigma - HIV. Growing “shame.” How to integrate compassion into mindfulness; Compassion is being moved by other’s suffering and wishing that they feel better. Wise compassion includes empathy. Softening defences - Many had parents who didn’t know how to calm themselves down, let alone their child. This is compounded by abuse. There are no coping skills. Client has learned to block them (painful memories). Develop self kindness, friendliness, instead of beating yourself up. Alleviating gentleness, curiosity and empathy guides you bodily and sensory experience, feelings and thoughts. Emotion focused mindfulness - breathing; feel what hands are touching, feel your body in the chair, your feet in your shoes on the floor. Lay meditating five minutes and get feelings about work - take elevator down to deep calm. What’s this? Take elevator up and come back half way. Notice the state you are in at the bottom and then half way. What do you feel? Pausing and finding the right distance from the feeling - if too far away, try a body scan to tune into the body better. If too close and intense, try getting some distance. Find a handle symbolizing the felt sense. Find word for your senses. Do meditate and then journal. Explore experience with your therapist. There are many examples of learning how to relax. I normally use a 15 minute relaxation technique for my clients, I was provided with, back in my undergrad in health psychology. He used it on us, and I felt myself relaxing and the calming sensation after a long day at work and then night classes. I normally provide a handout for them as well as some stress relief tips I obtained in post grad. I normally cater what I use depending on the client’s need. This was part of a workshop I attending. I will not have the names of several speakers from the conferences because they were short and I had to find where the rooms were and handouts were not always given. However, I do think it is important for you regardless of why you may need to know it for it to help. Mindfulness is becoming quite popular. What do you think?

The Internet Murders end of Chap 1, Chap 2 begins..........

.... He hadn’t seen the figure who had been watching him approach and begin to follow him. He didn’t feel his head being raised and smashed against the curb. George had never realized that he would die thinking about wine in his cellar and Sandra who would appreciate it. Chapter 2 Robert was aware of his good looks. He didn’t have to flaunt it. He noticed the girls in the office trying to get his attention and because he kept it cool, they only wanted him more. “Hey Robert! Are we going clubbing Friday, after work?” called Paul. Paul knew that the only way women would pay attention to him would be if he was with Robert. His little paunch wouldn’t draw any women, but Robert’s muscular build did, and someone might notice him too. Not even a badge was helping Paul. He wondered why women couldn’t appreciate him. Paul knew that he really didn’t like Robert. Robert was too much of everything. He was too good-looking, had too good a body and worst of all, everything came easy to him. He didn’t even have to work, because he was wealthy. He had it all. What really pissed Paul off was that Robert was good at his job too. “Huh, sure, Friday. Meet you at Chads,” Robert replied casually. Chad was a local pub just off Jarvis, near the station. Many of the coppers went there after work along with some of the paramedics, firemen and one firewoman. She was too ..... Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks. www.silvaredigonda.com

A journal of a day, almost ten years ago. Self care.

I am due to write to you and it has been busy with work and play and readings. I thought I would share with you a day journal I wrote about ten years ago. I know there are people who read my blog who are in the helping positions. Self care is important for everyone but for those in the helping professions, self care is paramount. One way to keep track of how you feel is by journaling. I usually save what I think I can use in a book or blog etc....Eventually, I should write about dying, even if it is a chapter, and I thought that I could use what I share today with you. For people who deal with suffering I usually recommend that they are able to let those who want to burden them with their problems such as aquaintenances to either limit the interacation or recommend a therapist. Burn out can be a problem and if one wants to help others, they must be able to take good care of themselves. Take time for R & R and do not feel guilty about it. How often do I need to give permission for people to take care of themselves, to have fun and not to feel guilty about it. Go to the gym, spend time with God, if you believe in God, and if you do not, take time with nature. Enjoy a serene space. Pay attention to your feelings and watch how often it can change depending on your interaction with others. A smile can make you smile, a tear can sear your heart and then a donut can make it all good with sound company. Pay attention to yourself, and your own needs so you can be your best for others. 20 May 1909 This week I work my first seven day week for 21 days straight. I should be dead by the time this unit is closed. Would I do this work? I would rather have clients in an office, booking at my leisure. But palliative care is my first choice. There is something unique about being with people who are dying. Knowing it is our time, what havoc it does. Their families I find are so wonderful and loving. How else can they be, for dying strips away all pretence. There is only rawness. Please help those souls Lord. Help them die. Mercy can never be more important than it is at death. Please help Mrs…………..Give her strength for what she is facing. Spare her pain and let her die with dignity as per her request, after so many years of service. Help me to deal with all this sorrow. Let me learn from it. Thank you. This has been a gift. How many years have you worked in the service of others? What sustains you? How do you recognize when you need to help yourself? What do you think?

#Toronto Strong

I have lived in Toronto for most of my life. I came here as a baby and aside from being transferred away because of my first career, this has remained my home. Regardless, of where I move in the future, Toronto will always remain my home town. Have I thought of moving - yes. Will I move? Recently at a barbecue I was asked what I do in Toronto. Where do I go? I was surprised by the question and than it was demanded that I answer the question by another, because I didn’t respond fast enough? We cannot always pick who we want in our vicinity. However, the question stumped me because in Toronto there is so much to do. If I had been asked what my interests are or what I do for fun etc….Where I go? Well last weekend I went to the Bloor fest. I went to a movie. The weekend before I was in Burlington. The weekend before I was at the Harbourfront where I had a great pizza I am still dreaming about. The weekend before that I was at Scarborough Bluffs with an old professor of mine enjoying fish and chips and watching the Swans below on the water. I have been at the gym, at the movies, at the theatre etc…There is so much to do and I do different things depending on who I am with. In Toronto, they often close a section of a street and they sell food, promote the city, have politicians promoting themselves as well as other festivities. Last weekend there were also live snakes for sale which I found disturbing at the street fair. I was not a fan with the woman who breeds them. “Do you sell them to anyone?” I asked. She was not a happy camper, since she had removed the snake from the plastic container to show off one of her prizes. I saw a group of four police people walking and wondered why all four were together. There has been an increase in violence and the amount of police has decreased in the city. It has been a rough few years for the police, where groups bash them. This is not from the majority of the people in Toronto. This is certainly not from me. The safest I ever felt was in New York City as I arrived at 10:00 pm. Why? Because there were police everywhere. That made me feel safe. As our city has grown the amount of police has decreased and has not been replaced. I do not compare my city with others as I hear politicians compare. I compare mine to what is was and what it has become. As we grow, we do not need to decrease but increase. Politicians may be voted in and politicians may be voted out, not by the loudest cries, but the silent majority. We have more guns and deaths and gangs than ever. We have faced two mass shootings and our latest victims were a child of ten years of age and a young teen who had such a promising future of helping others. Not that long ago there were children shot by a gang running after someone. When children die and get shot, we wake up that something needs to be done. We need to protect our children. What happens worse is no longer justifiable. I used to have a pizza night with my elderly pastoral counsellor on the Danforth many times. Unfortunately he died. I have had desserts at Demetres on the Danforth where the gunman shot through the window. Every Christmas with the federal retires board, we celebrate at a popular Greek restaurant. Queen Street is another popular street my mother and I used to spend many great times enjoying the jazz festival before it became so popular that I don’t even attempt going there now. Yonge street is well, Yonge street, the longest street, and who has not been there? As Toronto gets bigger, I have my own isolated spots to escape in quiet which are increasingly being discovered such as the Scarborough bluffs. I enjoy sitting on outside patios for lunch or an evening meal. They didn’t have it so much when I was a child. Violence used to exist in pockets of the city where crime was controlled. Shootings didn’t happen here; only in the States. But whatever happens in the States usually comes here. Why? Do we really need guns in Toronto? The Police definitely need them, but do the gangs need them? We have also had killings where people just happen to be living or walking in an area because rival gangs live there. The police have become so demonized that gangs can control the reporting of crimes. We need responsible reporting. We need to reach out to the vulnerable. We need to protect the vulnerable. We need to have mental health provided by all not only for those who can afford to pay for it. Why is psychotherapy not covered by OHIP? We need more support groups and availability for group therapies. People who are psychotic should not be alone walking the streets. People who are suffering from severe mental illness should have the care, they deserve. We can see how one person can do so much damage by running down people or shooting people at random. This affects all of us. The Police and other emergency personnel have to run into situations where others are running from. Now two police people will have to face inquiries from the SIU. Why can this not be exempted for mass killings? That only makes it harder for the Officers. Therapy is very helpful for people who are dealing with this trauma of what they saw and experienced, of being shot, of trying to rescue, of trying to help those injured or dying. Sometimes people just shut down and don’t want to talk about it but that will continue to haunt if it is not dealt with. Parents who have had their children killed will suffer what they did not think was possible. The community is doing all the things, they normally do and this is therapeutic. The community gathers, the community leaves flowers and notes, the community attends services and the community supports each other - a ritual which provides solace and connections - a grieving process. We are living in different times where one person can do so much damage. However, we also see the generosity of people, the goodness of people, the caring………I love my city. It has and will be forever my home. I normally smile at everyone and offer greetings. I talk to everyone, anywhere. I like it when I sit at a patio either by myself or with a friend(s). I love it that in Toronto we have people from every culture and religion one can imagine. Yes, we have our problems and we need to make changes for a changing world. Do we need guns in our city? What can we do to rid ourselves of arming the disturbed or gangs? What can we do to rid our selves of the gangs? What can we do to prevent burn out for our rescuers? What can we do? We can do lots. We have an educated city with three universities. We have an abundance of museums, and entertainment. We have our waterfront where every summer I get on a tour boat just for fun and listen what the tourists are being told about our city. I watch their enthusiasm which gives me pleasure because I do love my city. It is an unconditional love. However, I would like to see changes to help it grow in a healthy way. To ask me what I do in Toronto is somewhat difficult because there is so much to do and I ensure self care is a daily and weekly and monthly process. I indulged in self care before it was popular because of my previous careers. Self care and who I keep company with is paramount. I surround myself with people who are nice in my spare time. There is always one in every crowd who may challenge you because they think they are better or smarter or have dirty minds, but it is them projecting. Normally someone who is acting smarter may be making up for a sense of intrinsic insecurity. So, what do I do for fun? It would probably take pages. That is one of the things that living in a city is all about. I may go to the zoo, a museum, an art gallery, a park, a festival, a patio, a library, a conference etc……or I may just sit and read a book. Who cares? One thing I do know and which causes me a bit of concern of leaving my beautiful city, is all the options that I do have and take advantage of. I do not live in fear but I am cautious. I love people. I have always had careers helping people and thrive on it. I get fulfillment. So, if you have suffered a loss, it is heartbreak that has to be experienced, but no matter how painful, you will be able to get through it with time and care. Survivor’s guilt is also a struggle. Why did she get killed and I was spared? Re-living the experience over and over again - get professional help. Talk about what has happened to you and what you are feeling. Get the support that is offered. And for the parents of children who kill others. Get the professional help you may need as well. You may have done the best you could, you may feel the pressure of responsibility, you may feel antagonized. You too may need help for yourself. Toronto is a beautiful city with an abundance of good people. Let’s just work a bit harder of making it better for all of us. What do you think? My condolences to all who are suffering from the Danforth shootings.

Theology notes continue (my bad)

It has been quite a while since I wrote about anything in theology and so I will try to get back to that as well. I am returning to my notes: During 1917 - Jews received equality in Russia. From the middle ages to enlightenment, Jews lived in the Ghetto. They learned to survive. For 2000 years they have been pounded upon. 7% of Jews are Orthodox. Three percent of Philippines are Muslim. The Muslim suffers because of Christian tradition. When my professor was living in the Philippines, Muslims were living in the “sticks”. No one could get work at the university with a Muslim name. My professor (during 1980’s) started something which would work for both Muslims and Christians. Theological Issues: Shama - prayer every day (cannot be three persons in one God). Teaching of divinity of God. Jews ask, “Would God have suffered his own son to be killed?” Monotheism If Jesus is God, did we kill God? Claims that is hard to describe to anyone. My prof would not like to describe the trinity. Constantine was doing a political act. 38% of Christians in Canada don’t believe in the divinity of Christ. Jewish conception of Man - Christians and Jews agree there is distance between God and human beings and think this is bridged by body of Christ. This distance must be bridged by human beings. Buddha - First person’s eating does not fill some other person’s body. “I must take the wrap for all my misdeeds.” In Jewish anthropology emphasis is that humans are created in image of God. Humans have two tendencies- to good and to evil (yetsara). There is a belief that the tendency to do good is strong. Judaism - no doctrine of original sin contrast to Roman Catholics or depraved if Protestant. If there is no original sin, you don’t need Christ to come for our sins. To be human (Jewish) is to be imperfect - having many men/women good and very wise but can never be a person perfectly good/wise. Jews believe in free will. If we are helpless is it true to say that we are free? Human dignity remains that humans be free - if you keep trying you can do it. Not to be saved - but call to overcome. It is through sin we come to maturity. We learn from our mistakes. I am a work in progress, therefore if no original sin we can be reconnected with God; amend ways and return to God. This is not only Jewish. This is the rule for everyone. There are no Roman Catholic missions to Jews. Jews are saved through their own covenant (Vatican II). Torah - blue print for Jewish life. There is no authority to say this is the only way that is right. Jewish way (as Ignatius) of finding God in all things. The law is a gift. Jewish view of revelation comes through history. For Jews, Jesus is not the final revolution of God - is continuance. It is for this reason Christianity and Islam is part of the plan. Continued in several weeks with the 18th century - age of reason (I hope you understand my notes). I am typing all notes and then posting them for you as well if you are interested. My objective is to transfer all notes and be rid of the notebooks. I write all notes which is better at retention than typing notes in class or lectures). Next week I want to continue with my Deerhurst seminar. I attended quite a few workshops and I was so lucky that they were all interesting. Have a nice weekend.

End of First Chapter, The Internet Murders

George had thought the coffee shop was open 24 hours. Now what? Looks like he wasn’t the only one wanting a coffee. The tall dark stranger was walking away from the coffee shop and looking up at a woman on the second floor. She’s pretty, he thought. Probably wanted to get her a coffee, before interrupting her work on the computer. I would get her more than coffee, he thought, smirking at the possibility. He would go and see Sandra later and bring her a bottle of wine. But, he needed his coffee. He tried the front door of the coffee shop again before heading back to his car. “Why did I park it several blocks away?” he asked aloud. He looked up again and noticed that the woman was gone and the place looked dark. He wasted no time, thought George. He began walking east “on Davenport. He loved this city. George wasn’t originally from Toronto, but he called it home after living here for ten years. He stopped walking, to look up at Casa Loma for a few minutes, and knew why he had parked away from the coffee shop. He enjoyed looking up at the castle. Poor bugger, he thought. The city took the castle from the poor bloke for not being able to pay his taxes. Nothing’s changed; a man’s home is always his castle. With prices the way they are and banks all merging and ganging up on the little guy, it was only a matter of time … Sandra. He looked back up the street and noticed the dark figure exit the building. That’s odd, he thought. Guess she didn’t like it that he didn’t bring her coffee. Good thing that he had wine stocked up in his wine cellar. Moving towards his Pontiac, as he fumbled with his keys, he slipped on a patch of oil on the rain-slicked sidewalk. He tried to catch his balance, but fell, hitting his head hard. He hadn’t seen the figure who had been watching him approach and begin to follow him[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks. Order at www.silvaredigonda.com

The Internet Murders

No pain; she could not breathe, she thought, as she heard rasping sounds and fell unconscious. The dark figure looked out at the street, then smiling, turned back to Ruby, who lay still. She had suffered a small cut as a result of the struggle. A faint trace of blood was visible. The stranger broke the silence, “You wanted me babe, and now you are mine, all mine.” The shadow dragged her to the bedroom and placed her carefully in a fetal position on the bed, her face to the wall. Long minutes of staring at the whore, then a jaunty walk to the fridge to hunt for some cat food. The terrified feline was cowering under the bed. Another time, hot babe, the shadow sneered before leaving her and returning to the outside night. *** George had thought the coffee shop was open 24 hours. Now what? Looks like he wasn’t the only one wanting a coffee. The tall dark stranger was walking away from the coffee shop and looking up at a woman on the second floor. She’s pretty, he thought. Probably wanted to get her a coffee, before interrupting her work on the computer. I would get[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders." You may order from: www.silvaredigonda.com