HOW THE CULTURAL ELEMENTS OF POST-MODERNITY ARE ACTIVE IN MY IMAGE OF GOD, SPIRITUALITY, PRAYER, THEOLOGY, MINISTRY AND WAYS OF LIVING, FEELING AND INTERPRETING; HOW THESE POST-MODERN DYNAMICS ARE ACTIVE IN MY CHURCH COMMUNITY

(This paper has been condensed and much as been removed for the sake of Confidentiality of others. Hopefully it still makes sense. THis is from a theological perspective) (Pastoral) HOW THE CULTURAL ELEMENTS OF POST-MODERNITY ARE ACTIVE IN MY IMAGE OF GOD, SPIRITUALITY, PRAYER, THEOLOGY, MINISTRY AND WAYS OF LIVING, FEELING AND INTERPRETING; HOW THESE POST-MODERN DYNAMICS MAY BE ACTIVE IN MY CHURCH COMMUNITY My understanding of the post-modern world is based on the authors Gallaghar and Borgman. The next ten pages will reveal what that understanding is in development with the authors. Borgmann describes postmodernism has a movement marking an “emerging divide between two epocs.”(Borgmann, p 48) Gallaghar describes postmodernism as remaining “largely in a mode of refutation.” (Gallaghar, p 87) The author continues that cultural post- modernity is beyond critiquing negatively. For some, it provides a new humility that is an opening to faith and, “For others, it is a lethal form of relativism that undermines all truth claims.” (ibid. p 87) Borgmann agrees that there is a division of how postmodernism is viewed. Some welcome a post-modernist label for their work, while others are “offended” by it (Borgmann, p 48). I view postmodernism as a process of recognition and protest and of moving ahead. I view post-modernism as a new view from one that has exhausted itself. I view postmodernism as a recognition that things are not always as they seem. I view postmodernism as a foundational shift of saying no. I view postmodernism as a movement towards a new spirituality; a new inclusiveness because for God there are no outsiders. We are in an era of exploration. We are no longer white and Western. We are a combination of all people around us and we are moving towards a new era of being one. There is a collectiveness; a unity. People are more educated. People are asking more questions. Curiosity is encouraged. There is an expectation. People need to have things make sense to them. All this and more is post-modernity. I agree with Gallagher and Borgmann that there are different views regarding postmodernism. Some feel that it is all negative, others positive, while still others seem to find its’ meaning within the spectrum of the two. Borgmann depicts a cultural change in economics. Large companies, “have shrunk or disintegrated” (Borgmann, p 62). Borgmann adds that though the American economy appears to be declining, others such as “Japan” and “Germany” are thriving (ibid, p 62). Gallagher’s post-modernism distrusts institutions as manipulative forms of oppression by the powerful (Gallagher p 89). As corporations dismantle, jobs are lost and people are faced with a new reality. How will they feed their families? How will they pay their mortgages? Can they continue to live in their homes? Where do they turn to? How do they deal with such a shift? Corporations redefine themselves into other companies, others merge in unity such as the banks in attempting to hold on to their massive power, still others take advantage of the low cost of labour in third world countries, paying pitiful wages for long treacherous work, in poor conditions. The paradigmatically post modern firm is a small group of well educated people, eager and alert to find market openings and to fill them quickly with high-quality goods and services. Informed cooperation is second nature here, a necessity of prosperity. (Borgmann, p 77) In Educational Psychology I learned that in post-modernity the entire concept of competition needs to be re-examined because it does not work. Only by cooperation and brainstorming together rather than against each other can we be stronger. And in a work shop for the career woman I learned that five years is the length of time one should be prepared to work in this post-modern world. Work pensions, stability and loyalty to an employer for a lifetime will shortly be behind us. I agree with Borgmann that post-modern cooperation, would be sustained not by a rigid structure but by shared information and flexible adaption.”(ibid, p 77). In the process the poor grow poorer and the richer become richer while the middle class struggle to maintain their status. What does this do to our spirituality? We seek help. There are those who feel betrayed by governments, who turn to others for help and others are helping. There are those who turn to God, even those who deny God, are seeking God. They call this spirituality and prefer it to the concept of religion because, “postmodernism does not so much reject atheism as assume it.”(ibid, p 90) Some find themselves growing closer to God and others scramble also with others for a new definition of God. Both return to a classical world of mythology and/or Jesus in a movement to find meaning in their lives that supersedes the situation they find themselves in. They look or deny God but it is God who they search for, for meaning of their existence in a world that seems fragile. “Postmodernity, at least in some of its tendencies, is much less sure about atheism.”(ibid, p 92) Postmodernism becomes about relationships with God and with each other. It is also about our relationship with ourselves. We look into the past “because in order to go forward we also need to go back.”(ibid, p100) By looking at our past we try to regain the importance of relationships with God and with each other. As people I know have lost their corporate careers here at home and I see them either suffer or content to slow down, I feel an ongoing transition that is not quite finished and therefore I agree with Anthony Giddens who “argues that it is premature to label our age postmodern” (Gallagher, p 91) . Another European I know informed me that his position after seventeen years has been terminated because his company is dismantling. Germany too is affected. Fortunately, he is financially secure. How is this cultural element of post-modernity active in my image of God? I have always felt that there is so much we do not know and understand. We have the Bible. We have Jesus. We have our Pope. We have prayer and a sense of another; at least I am aware of God. But it also does not make sense to me. Perhaps I am a dreamer. Perhaps I like to focus on good. But my eyes are not closed. Postmodernism is a turning point of looking at how we can help each other and our community. God is very much around and I can see God in all this mess. I was sitting in a bakery shop, shortly after taking a second retirement and starting grad studies. I was wondering if I would be able to make it on my savings. I was eating a pastry and drinking a coffee and feeling the stress of change. I felt a presence in the seat beside me or at least from the area and I then felt comforted. I did not understand it but I know it was related to God. In this second term of life, of postmodernism, I want to continue to help people in a different way than I did before. I want to validate who they are as people. We have globally made a mess of things and now we have to fix it and it can only be done in my opinion returning to values. Who is God in this post-modernity? I don’t really know. My image of God is consistent. My image of God is transcendent. My image of God is the person who walks down the street, young or old, beautiful or painful to the eyes. I see God in all beauty. I see God in nature. I will look at my pet and marvel at her beautiful face and I will look at my other pet and tell him that God smudged him when he designed his face. My prayer is usually a discussion with God and I try to hear God. I keep company with those who I feel are kind. I realize there is poverty in the church community, but somehow it is being missed, denied or rejected. A professor once said that Christmas begins during this date and ends at this date and my mind ventured to what Christmas is to me. To me Christmas is all year. I wish that the festivities and warmth and exchanges can last all year. “Churches are perceived as being part of the naïve and authoritarian past.” (Gallagher, pp 89-90) This extends to my theology. As a theological student I ponder how during Holy week, I must prioritize my study and papers before celebrating Lent. This is the second year that Holy Week took a secondary role. I wonder that the Classical view of Adam and Eve is still recited literally and ponder why? This too I am sure will change because things need to make sense now for people. In amongst all this imbalance, “Work is replaced by shopping and the fetish of style” (Gallagher, p 90) and “banks offer you dozens of ways of protecting and profiting from your money.”( Borgmann, p 74) This extends to money that one does not have. This is borrowing off mortgages with astronomical interest rates, bank loan sharks, and credit cards which seem to be the only source of payment in a post-modern culture. People with too much money and little time for anything else can enjoy the abundance of services provided for their benefits. “…it [the service industry] provides intangible goods, it needs no space for its offerings.” (ibid, p 74) This can range from those who will worry for you, “about your dog’s diet, the safety of your child…the mess of your files…”(ibid, p 74). You can find a service for absolutely anything including how to declutter your home. At the other side of the spectrum you have people who cannot manage to live on the minimum wage and hospitality continues to expect you to pay for his employee’s wages with tips. It is no longer to insure prompt service. Tipping is to ensure these employees can afford to eat. This is what I ponder when I have horrendous service and still tip. Jesus had a soft spot for the poor and this image is extended to me. I too have a soft spot for the poor. I have put myself first and right or wrong, I continue to do so financially. I do like fine things but I do not need to buy the latest or best. What I buy I use until it is dead. My oven is green. My television died after 28 years of service. But, I did replace it with the best after its demise. I buy what I like for clothing and keep it until it is worn. I put on my front lawn anything that can be recycled and that includes placing any items I do not need anymore but that can be used by someone. I do not need to take it anywhere because all is picked up and used from my front lawn in my neighborhood. I rarely shop at Wal-Mart and if others did the same there would be no Wal-Mart. I realize my power as an individual. When the city came out with saving money by using water at specific hours for washing clothes, I called them and informed them that I would wash my clothes when I wanted and that all this was doing was exploiting the poor. It is the poor who will try to accommodate the city and it is the poor, with God knows how many menial jobs, who need to wash when they can. I buy my prescription drugs locally and it was my father who impressed upon me that this is what I should do. And so, I no longer get my prescriptions at Costco at cheaper prices. I support the little man as much as possible and within my ability. I will buy a pie from a stranger whose husband no longer has a job and this is the only way, a wife can try to support her family. One priest remarked that we live in a wealthy area [from his perspective] and chastised people for going inside and locking their doors. He found that people were doing this when a stranger, not well kept, was walking through. I call this fear. The priest remarked that the man could be God. I thought of an older man, some years earlier who was caught in the rain and he huddled to the neighbor’s tree next door. It was pouring and the wind was brutal. I was concerned that he might be struck by lightning. I offered him my enclosed alcove. I asked him if he wanted a coffee and he said yes. So I made him a coffee with the sugar and milk he wanted and along with a cookie which he also accepted. I brought it out to him. I ensured he was dry but did not invite him into my home because I did not know who he is. I never saw him again. There is so much crime that never existed before with such magnitude in our city that apprehension has become the norm. This I suggest is also part of postmodernism. Another infliction of post-modernity is loneliness. Computers have replaced the, “the social connective tissue that is made up of voices and shouts, of gestures and expressions…” (Borgmann, p 69). Computers also allow people to do most of their work away from the workplace, thus removing the person from the social exposure related to work. Borgmann offers an example of computers in restaurants to demonstrate limited communication for the promotion of efficiency, “ …no other communication between waiters and waitresses and kitchen staff is normally permitted…it obviates disputes endemic in most restaurants... ” (ibid p 69). Gallagher writes of how he and his students, “discussed how in postmodernity the fate of the self deepens into a new isolation and loss of connections.” (Gallagher, p 92) I have been to five funerals this semester and as a result, I realized I lost connections with too many relatives and old friends. First it was work and then it was school that kept me focused for the moment. I realize that I am missed and that I to missed those connections. I am intent in renewing old relationships this summer between semesters. In my image of God, I see Jesus reaching out to the poor, the sick and the lonely. Jesus always cured, encouraged, and motivated. He was a teacher for us to do the same. I love my church and my priests. They do the best they can. We all have different perspectives. I pray that God leads me to where I am expected to be and do the most within my ability. I love the comfort of my home. I love my pets and family and friends and I love to socialize. I have always been drawn to people and love parties. Yet, I know that there are people who are alone, who are not socialized and who do not have friends. There is so much work to be done in the post-modern world. On Good Friday, I received a flyer at my home from a fellow parishioner. It was an advertisement that two neighboring Catholic churches were holding a procession which would pass along my street. The group would gather at one church and walk passes my church and then stop at the second Church. It was requested that a candle be lit and placed on the verandah while the procession passed. I decided to light several candles and brought out an angel (it was pointed out to me by a friend that I have angels in every room. I had not noticed). As night fell, I waited for the procession to arrive. A police vehicle led the sea of lights walking down the hill. It was blocks of people. The policeman remarked how amazing it was as he drove by me. I responded that it was wonderful, never taking my eyes away from the people. I noticed two neighbors who are not Catholic bring out a candle and light it. At this moment watching Catholics and non Catholics coming together to marvel as crosses and a statue of Mary made its way past our homes, I felt that this was the best that post-modernity had to offer. There was only a mysterious aura of awe. No words were necessary. At this moment I felt proud of my country and church. I felt proud that there was a unity of the faithful and that it touched all. There was a silence as people walked by. I noticed the porch lights coming alive as people who had no candles lit their verandahs. People from other streets came to ours to watch. Though I have seen many processions walk by my house and elsewhere, none impacted me as much. We are living in a world of post-modernity. The authors have clearly depicted a time of computers and economic change that requires and is getting a renewal of attention. With this change there is a movement towards relationships. Our economic culture which has failed to sustain us is crumbling and we are redefining ourselves as people in relationship with each other and with God. It is a new generation that is more educated, more spiritual, and is asking more questions. We are aware of change as we are forced to see our needs revamping. Systems in place are changing. Corporations that have grown strong and powerful are collapsing. Through all this unsettlement, relationship is becoming important not only with ourselves and each other but also with the other – God, if realized or not. Bibliography Borgmann, Albert. Crossing the Postmodern Divide. “The Postmodern Critique of Realism. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1992. Gallagher, Michael Paul. Clashing Symbols: An Introduction To Faith And Culture. “The Postmodern Situation – Friend or Foe? London: Darton, Longman and Todd, 1997.

Bi-polar 1 & 2 revised since. However valued for comparison Psych notes (abnormal psychology)

Bi Polar 1 currently or most recently in a hypomanic episode. previously had at least one manic or mixed episode. mood symptoms cause clinic bipolar ally significant distress or impairment in social, occasional or other areas. mood episodes in criteria a & b are not better accounted for by schizoaffective disorder and not superimposed on skitzo , delusional or psychotic disorders. Longitudinal course, specific (with or without Inter episode recovery. - with seasonal pattern - winter/summer disruptive of monetonin system (applies only to major depressive) with rapid cycling. Bi polar 2. Presence (or history) of one or more major depressive episodes. Presence of or history of at least hypomanic episode. there has never been a manic episode or mixed episode (MAJOR DIFFERENCE). Sometimes people become psychotic when suffering from mood disorder. eg. manic - mind races- than becomes delusional. It is hard to diff. someone in manic phase from skies. But of course there are ways. One way is the IQ test Shifley developed in the 40’s. Skitzo’s typically have no deterioration in vocabulary. Know what words mean. Skitzo’s have problem with distract thinking, deduction. Average Skitzo T= 50 Manic can score anywhere here. Abstract reasoning for Skitzo 11/2 SD worse, T score =35. Manic T= 35, for abstract thinking. Difference is skits will do two or three and then stop (“I can’t figure it out.” Manic might get first or second and third and will fill everything but will free associate. eg> Scotlands Landscape Scapegoat. goat = goatee/herd (is the true answer) Depression can work in many ways. There are levels of severity. It can become so severe that it can generate into a psychotic illness. Example: - Female client works in a bank and has raised two teenagers. Client becomes depressed because she can no longer work and take care of her family. Her delusion is that her eldest son has developed cancer because she did not wash his ear out. She does not believe the physicians and feels it is her fault that her son will die. She decides to kill her entire family. When everyone is sleeping, she clubs her husband. Her eldest and youngest son stopped it. Her husband is brain damaged and requires a wheel chair, as a result of the attack. This all started with depression. What causes mood disorders? Beck’s ideas: Negative Triad pessimistic views of self, world and future <>negative schemata or beliefs, triggered by negative life events (eg. the assumption that I have to be perfect).<>Cognitive Biases eg. arbitrary inference<>depression. There is a lot of issues in clinical psychology. A lot of validation comes from outcome when there is a treatment on the hypothesis. Cognitive Therapy - try to get depressed person to cite evidence for negative beliefs. Challenge negative triad. e.g.. Everyone hates me. Therapist - I met your spouse and he seems to feel much for you. If he hated you, why would he do that? Because Cognitive Therapy is most effective, there is a belief - that this is what is underlying some form of depression. It does not work for depression that comes very suddenly for no reason. It may be biological. In Journey Into Darkness ECT helped, when nothing else did. Most people do not have this type of depression biologically induced. What causes change in the brain? Biological level or response to something in the environment. to be continued……depression Learned Helplessness.

Update, book 2/book 3/ and College of Psychotherapy

It is raining out and damp. It is cold. I have one pet laying by me, with her tongue sticking out. I see her fangs. Her face looks like that of a bat. She is happy. I have made her a character in my third book. Her name is Holy Terror. This is not her real name. I have changed her name to protect the innocent. She will be the only real character in the book. All others are purely my imagination. I am on page 60 and have decided to slow down a bit. I want to write about 200 pages this time with a cap at 250. I was reading an article about an author yesterday and she talked about how she writes and said that she is never asked to teach because she has no rules. I realized that I write the same way. I did take one creative writing course in undergrad and loved it. However, my major was psychology as you well know. With this book that I am writing now I just realized after page 50, who my killer will be. I also decided how I would either kill the killer or capture him or her. I have also decided why my killer kills. I realize by writing this book, that I make notes on a pad for the different characters, their characteristics, a few clues here and there and a few questions for later in the book. I develop my characters as much or as little as I like. I am giving birth to a community that does not exist. I am providing characters with a face and physic and personalities that I enjoy creating. What I would like to have, I realized yesterday is a big black board so I could chart everyone with clues and connections etc......This would be easier than using different pages for different characters etc....I am enjoying this game of murder. So enough about my third book in the making. My second book has not arrived yet and a relative emailed me yesterday saying that I should be very excited. I replied that I would be more excited when my web is up so I can sell my books and when I receive my letter from the college of Psychotherapy all within the two or three weeks. Needless to say I am rushing to the door each time I hear the mail come from my faithful postman. My second book is a surprise. It took me a long time to write and it was spaced out a lot. I had to think hard and I am hoping to have a positive reaction from it. I have learned from writing my first book, that people respond quite differently. It is the same book, but each who read it had a different opinion. Some gave my book to men who they thought needed it to help them with women. I never wrote the book to be taken seriously or as a therapeutic book. I wrote it for fun. Some men I am told hated it and me with it. They thought I was telling men what to do. Other men approached me to tell me they read my book and found it amusing and entertaining. A few told me that the book had really helped them. I wrote one little book, "Hey Guy Buy Me" and I had so many different responses. That is life! There are all kinds of people out there and they come from different places and what they read or see or interchange is a reflection of who they are. I am included. What I write comes from a place within me. If I had a different life, I would have written different books. Keeping that in mind each book I have written and am writing is different from each other. I have not written any books on therapy. I do not know if I will. Never say never. I may change my mind. I am looking at Holy Terror right now and she is covering her eyes with her hairy arm. She is so cute and I feel like just kissing her, but I know that will annoy her. Animals are cute, are they not? It is not too difficult to write about someone who is always in your face. I am looking forward for my books to arrive and as a result have not committed myself to much this month. Next month I will be attending two seminars so far. One will be a day seminar about complicated grief which I have mentioned earlier and another will be about gender transitioning. Both will benefit my practise. I received another email today about stopping or fighting the College of Psychotherapy. I even replied once that I am pro the college. The public requires protection. It is as simple as that. I understand the fears that people who have been practising without qualifications have. I have heard of people with only an undergraduate degree in psychology practising as a psychologist. I have heard of people with no training whatsoever practising simply what they have learned from their own therapy. There are people practising out there with zero qualifications. They should be scared and they will not be able to make the big bucks they make anymore once the College is in effect. Am I concerned that I will not get a letter of acceptance? No. I am anxiously waiting for it, because I think it is long overdue. So, for now, I encourage you to have a nice day. Life is very short and you realize that when you work with people who are dying or very sick. If you had two years left to live, what would you do that is different than what you are doing now? If your partner was sick and dying what would you do for him or her that is different than how you are now with your partner. Why not take a bit of time to think about where you are in life, what your goals are, your interests. Ask yourself what makes you happy or sad and then take a little step towards moving ahead. What do you think?

How was your Easter?

I notice there were 20 posts read by my half side, Switzerland. I think it is the most beautiful country that I have ever seen myself and am not surprised that my mom never got over missing her beloved country. I spent hours with her looking at utube moutains of Switzerland and yodeling. Norway is second for me. I will be disclosing that in my second book which has not arrived yet but soon. I love my country and it is pretty in some places but living in a city, you have to know where nature lays. That is why I make sure I am always close to nature. I always enjoy celebrating and this Easter was no exception with those closest to me. I did not venture out too far this year and most have come to me or are still coming. That is what happens when your car is elderly. I have loads of chocolate and baked goods and other good stuff to eat. Baked stuff of course was brought to me. After all this indulgence I do have to get back into some semblance of shape. I have never in my life spent so much seating. I have not figured out how to type and run at the same time. Actually, I do not run anymore. I can do more walking but my pets do not like it and they like being glued to me at my desk when I write, especially my female. So, it is not my fault that I am not in the best of shape. I am surrounded by pastry shops. The healthiest snack is a grilled cheese( the Portugese way which is a thick bun with lots of melted cheese within). That is what I was telling some acquaintances last week while I was indulging in the only healthy thing in the pastry shop - no lettuce - no tomatoes etc..... So, it is not my fault.......that I have developed a sweet tooth. It is the fault of everyone that brings me delicious stuff (and I cannot be rude). I am a victim of my neighbourhood. So, I am still celebrating Easter and am expecting more company today and just maybe I can share all those goodies with others and be free of celebrations for some time. Then my male pet and I can start dancing again (he likes to dance with me). I have filled the fridge with fruits and vegetables - now I can go back to healthy living. Right!!!!! Thank you for reading my blogs. Feel free to share your thoughts. I do not bite. Well, maybe..............Now I will write a little for book three. I have 50 pages so far and if you do not like my second, you will my third because this one is not true. I make it up and if anyone recognized themselves it is not them. What do you think?

Update and Happy Easter

Happy Easter! It is still cold out and I am concerned about global warming which is becoming more known as climate change. I did attend a three day seminar regarding the changes in weather about six years ago and it was not very promising. However, I always have hope that society will take a wake up call and not get used to this. But, actually take a more responsible role to not only respect each other but nature. So it has been a cold start and I am anxiously awaiting warmer days where I can at least be outdoors with minimal dress and feel the sun on my face. I intend to spend as much as possible outside for our short months of wonderful weather. I have written about thirty pages of my third book and I like it, if I say so myself. I really enjoy writing stories. It’s fun. I am awaiting delivery of my second book which will take about two or three weeks and then I will begin the process of a new web site just for my books. That too will be fun and if fun actually brings in some money, than I will be able to have even more fun. I have a dream of trading in my 19 year old car. There is still some school debt hidden somewhere first. Yeah! To dream………… The College of Psychotherapy (CRPO) is starting up soon and applicants should be receiving invoices in the next two or three weeks. Why don’t you check out the site. You can see it on-line. There has been a lot of resistance, much more than I thought, but the public does need to be protected. This is so long over due in my opinion. This week is Holy week for many. It is a time for family and friends and lots of chocolate. Chocolate just came to mine while I was typing. It is a time for reflection of what you have in your life; what you are thankful of. It is a time to examine your life. What have you done for others? What have you done for yourself? What do you believe in? Does it provide you with peace? How is your health? Can you sleep at night? Why not? Have you got anyone to talk to? Have you got anyone to laugh with? Are you happy with your partner? If not, why not? What can you do to find peace and happiness within yourself? Are you looking for something and are not quite sure what it is? I wish you and yours a Happy Easter season with lots of blessings! What do you think? I just noticed that it is April Fools day today. Gotta go and fool some people I know. Have some fun today with April Fools!

Hypomanic - Abnormal Psychology notes

A distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive or irritable mood lasting throughout at least four days, that is clearly different from the usual non depressed mood. during period of mood disturbance 3 or more symptoms have persisted, 4 if mood is only irritable and have been present to significant degree. inflated self esteem or grandiosity. 2. Decreased need for sleep. 3. More talkative _____to 7 (same as posted previously in manic. Not as severe. The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning or to necessitate hospitalization and there are no psychotic features. not necessarily something that is depleting. Executives climb the ladder working 15/16 hour days. They channel their energy. If not, might have a problem channeling.

Confession - A Catholic’s Nightmare (can be) (Pastoral)

Confession is a requirement in the Roman Catholic Tradition. It has changed though from the past. Now instead of telling each and every individual sin, you may confess to a theme. You may also do it once a year. So this Easter season, I was talking to a friend of mine and she wanted to know when I was going to confession. “7:00 o’clock,” I told her and she replied that she would meet me there. I went to my Parish church earlier so I could get my thoughts in order and think of my theme. I always say I do not have patience. The last priest which I blogged about told me that I needed to be more patient with myself so I could be so with others. That made a lot of sense to me. This time I had an entirely different experience with the same sin (plus one). I sat myself in the pew to ponder my sins. I have been so busy that I have not really had time to sin. However, knowing I am far from perfect, I must have sinned, so how did I sin? The Pastor stood at the front and in the Portuguese language talked much. I thought he would say the same in English but that did not happen. I felt lost not being able to hear anything in English. I asked someone seated behind me what he said, but she did not speak English. I was wondering if I was going to be able to say anything else besides me having no patience again. That was beginning to sound dull, even to me. I must add something this year, I pondered in the English language. The Pastor left and returned to say that there would be Priests coming and that Italian would be heard from him at the back (in the confessional stall) and Portuguese would be heard at the front. English would be heard as well. I remained seated thinking about my sins. Is that really a sin I asked my self? No, I told myself, it is not. As I sat there contemplating of the entire method of confession, Priests began piling in. There was an Asian Priest and a long line quickly formed at the right front side of the church. No one was going to the Pastor. I followed suit to the Portuguese line. As I stood in line, I saw my friend enter the church. She was looking for me and I waved like an idiot for her to see me. She does a lot of work in the Church. She is a good person. Her sin is not having enough fun. Another priest comes in, a tall man, I later learn is Polish. She goes to him at the front left side of the Church and in no time, she is seen. I notice that people from the Centre seem to be moving fairly fast. There is an African Portuguese Priest who I thought was Canadian but boy was I mistaken. I notice that my line is not progressing and that another Priest has entered and is at the back centre. The centre line is almost empty and so I join the shorter line. I now see the other priest who is at the back near the altar and is very close to a person confessing. He has a very kind and serene type of face and is middle aged, older than the rest. Both he and the confessor are seated. The other priests at the front all have a mobile kneeling post for the sinner to kneel on. The priests however sit. This is very different from what I am used to. I am used to sitting. I have gone back into time. I see the Asian Priest assisting the elderly people to rise and kneel in front of him. He picks up an elderly woman’s purse to assist her. He is uncomfortable and I notice he is thinking of giving her his seat, as he looks back at his seat. He is compassionate. However, he cannot give her his seat. Where would he go? He cannot kneel before her. I am next and go to the African Priest and kneel. The Priest behind him at the back has a chair for the sinners but someone is still with him. I have forgotten when I last confessed and do not want to lie. He asks me if I speak Portuguese. I say no and ask if that is a problem. He says his English is not fluent but I do not guess that at all. I tell my sin of not being patient and throw in that I get angry some times. Then I hear it. I get a first experience of a different perspective from the last Canadian Priest. He begins to instruct me with Jesus always being patient and I am to continue in rote. I know what he wants to hear so I finish his sentences. I am responding in rote from my early childhood. He wants me to complete his sentences that Jesus is patient with me and therefore I should be patient with others. He is referring to the new Testament and what I really want to say is that Jesus was always getting mad. How can he not with the fools he had to deal with. However, I am visible to all the people in the Church. I have said my two sins and I am there forever getting a lecture. He then gives me my penance. “I want you to spend 10 or 15 minutes thinking about God etc…..”I am pleased. My penance is just spending time with God for 10 or 15 minutes. I do that anyway. I was hoping for a Hail Mary but this will do. Then he continues, “ and every day I want you also before you go to bed etc……and everyday before you open your mouth, I want you to think……” I say my Act of Contrition and he forgives me for my sins I am sure and all the ones I forgot, I am sure because that would be the routine, but of course I cannot understand because it is not in English.” I join my friend and she tells me she has to say the rosary which she does not mind because she does that anyway. I am in shock and told her I have penance for a year and stress the part about thinking before opening my mouth each time I open it. “What would be my penance if I killed someone!” I cry out rhetorically She is amused and I see her laugh which is good because she had to go to a funeral the day before which saddened her. My penance is amusing her. I do normally spend time every morning with God and normally when I go to sleep. However, to think every time before I open my mouth? That is not possible. I don’t know if he misunderstood me or if he thought I need anger management and this was his way of trying to help me with it. If I ever see this Priest again, I would certainly approach him and tell him what I really thought about Jesus and how he got mad. I would also say that it was the man part of him. Does God get mad? I am not God. I am only a mere person. Of course I get mad! What did this teach me? I am glad that it was me who he gave this penance to. I am glad that he did not give this penance to someone who could not accomplish this and think it was his or her fault. I wondered what education this Priest had and what Order he was from. I thought of the Asian Priest who thought so much of the elderly people who knelt before him, that he helped them as much as he could. I wondered what my penance would have been if I went to him? Would he have told me to be kinder towards myself? Would he have given me a Hail Mary? You are probably wondering why I am talking so much about my confession. It is simple. When you go to confession, you are confessing to a Priest who has a perspective stemming from his own education, culture, order and experiences. Penance is not meant to last until your next confession, which in my case is once yearly and he knew it. Confession is meant to be inviting. There was a reason why the Church made changes. So, if you go to a Priest please keep that in mind. Priests are like everyone. They are good and bad and wise and not so wise. They are human. We are not all the same. We are what we are because of our origins, our experiences, our exposures, education and biases. We are a product of everything we have been exposed to. We carry in ourselves all that has happened to us and all we have learned in how we interact with others. I would love to see that Priest again, to have a discussion regarding his penance and his views of confession. My suggestion to you is if you ever go to confession and do not experience a warm and inviting presence, and feel bad about it, please go to confession to someone else asap. This brings me thinking to what a colleague of mind said to me once. “It is easy for you to say go to someone else. What happens when you are from a small town and there is no one else.? I do hope I see this priest again so I can speak to him about how he came across to me. I would like to share that Jesus was God as well as man and that he was very much annoyed with others. He was always looking to change what he found unjust. He was annoyed with the religious leaders of the time and how everyone judged others instead of looking at themselves. He was supportive of women and they in kind supported him. There is so much we can learn from the life of Jesus. In the end, he summed us up, “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” Easter is fast approaching. Why not remember someone this season. In my neighbourhood several of us exchange small treats. Regardless of what I get, I appreciate it all equally, from farm eggs to chocolate to trinkets. It is an expression of love and that is what Jesus taught me most of all - love. What do you think?