Seminar at Sunnybrook, Dr Koenig from the University of Duke, USA. What a guy!

Yesterday was a fun day for me as I met up with some peers and listened to another speaker. Dr Harold Koenig is “the co-founder and Director of Duke University’s Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health in Durham, North Carolina. He serves on the faculty at Duke as Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences and Associate Professor of Medicine.” He has published more than 40 books and has peer reviewed approx. 400 articles. I wished more of my profs were like him. He was funny, inspiring and looking for us Canadians to go South to do research with also the promise of scholarship. And why not? We have not kept up with our own research here at home. I don’t like research myself. I think it is extremely important but I also think that my own boring experience with statistics and research methods in undergrad was a good indication of why I did not like it so much. Our courses was more of how to get rid of students and force them into social science rather than let me turn you into a great researcher, it is very easy and it is really needed in the area of religion and spirituality up here in Canada. If you like, why don’t you come down here and I will train you, but you need to show potential. Potential? Yup, I got lots more than that! I am a potential in progress. Yes, sir, I am. This was the second American speaker in a month and I loved his style. Today he is back in the States seeing his patients as a medical doctor. I am impressed. “Where does he get his energy?” I remarked to colleagues. He was talking all day and never took a break. I always leave people alone when we are given breaks because I think they need them too. But this guy was like the ever ready battery that does not stop. “He’s American. They are all like that. They have an abundance of energy that does not quit.” My colleague responded. I looked at him to see if he was joking, but he wasn’t smiling. He was serious? Do Americans have more energy than Canadians? Better rephrase that. Do Professors of Psychiatry at Duke University have more energy than Professors at ……………? Wait, how are we going to measure that? Rephrase again. Naw. I do not have enough energy and I need to get ready for another event. Plus I have an enduring cold that will not go away. I don’t normally impress easily but Dr Koenig impressed me with his kindness, passion and humour. He has lots of it. He also suffers from chronic pain. He is the second physician that I know of who suffers and is such an amazing healer. The morning was spent with the results of his research. In a nut shell people who are depressed and are religious fare better, live longer and are heavier than people who are not religious. These are people who are seriously ill. This did not apply to people who identify themselves as spiritual. I am not doing the research justice and I have to admit I was surprised by the findings. I remember from undergrad and other seminars that controlled studies where people in hospital were prayed for by a group without their awareness became better more than the control group who were not prayed for. This has been repeated with the same results. I had to wonder why we in Canada are not doing more of this kind of research especially since there is always money in research. The closest I came to research was my grad research proposal. I required a research course for my Masters. I did that at the University of Guelph which was not accepted on my list of courses at U of T. That is annoying because sometimes I forget to submit it as part of my Masters qualification. However, I had more courses than I required. I remember that all my text books in psychology were American and I inquired about this. We just didn’t have enough of us wanting to write the books. That has changed as I see the authors of some psych books who I recognized as profs. We have a lot of talent in Canada so do research and write books. Hey, you can go South. They have lots of scholarships. I am still paying for my years after undergrad. But, I am not complaining. We do have a good education here and that is why people, down under like us. We need to maintain that quality and not think quantity. So for more information about Dr Koenig check out http://www.spiritualityandhealth.duke.edu/. The afternoon was mostly about research and that I had already studied to death but I stayed because of the company. Refresher never hurts. I also felt I was rather living a pampered life having a private practice. I don’t work in prisons, nor do I work with the criminally insane so I feel that I am relatively safe in my work with others. Not, that I have anything against prisoners nor the criminally insane. But, my interest is in emergency response workers. Someone needs to care for those who care for others. Someone needs to care for those who do the work that no one else can.

Sex Addiction seminar and FSNA meeting

It is going to be a busy week. Last night I attended and dined at a really good Italian Restaurant where I heard a speaker and author of "Ashamed No More, A Pastor's Journey Through Sex Addiction" by T.C. Ryan (2012) speak about his journey and recovery. I was impressed by the addiction counsellors in attendance who had fought their own battles and can now help others. I connected with other addiction counsellors and left satisfied with the connections I had made. I haven't had a chance to read his book but I am looking forward to it. I am still reading Divorce Busters in tiny portions. Today I went to the Federal Retirees meeting and was treated to a nice lunch. Keep this up and I will save on eating costs (but not parking). To all retired Federal employees this is a good Association to belong to. I volunteer as a Health Benefits Assistant. There is only so long you can belong to an association before they grab you, but it helps me keep in touch with what our benefits are. This week is a learning experience and I am only seeing clients one day due to all the fairs, seminars, lectures etc....I will have one day of rest and another of more rest. I shall keep you briefed of anything new. For those of you who suffer from Sex addiction, if what he talked about is anything close to his book, I suggest you pick up a copy. Maybe it is time for you to move on from shame and get the help you need. You are not alone. One book he said made him aware that he was not alone was "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick............He identified with what Patrick wrote. Though my interest is not addictions, it has become more of a concern in conjunction with other conditions. It is never too late or too early to talk to someone about addiction.

Professor Carol Yawney ( Published)

Recently I read about your death. Cancer is all it explained. It mentioned that you had lived up North. It talked about you being an expert. Did it talk about your awards? Perhaps it did not know. And then it had an opening for me to seek more information, it said. I pressed my finger on the appropriate key, your image wiped away as swift as the exclamation of your death. I typed to an unknown face that you had been my favourite professor, an anthropologist you were and though that was not my discipline, if I had been younger I would have gladly changed my major to study and work under your direction. I asked whom I could send a sympathy card to. Yesterday I realized I had received a reply from the unknown face who expressed appreciation at my kind words. Perhaps I could offer a small contribution to a scholarship in her name once it was set up. There was no one…..to send a sympathy card to it said. Of course I replied. I would contribute in her memory. Please notify me when it is completed. I continued with my work. There is no one. When I drove home last night, your smiling happy face lit up the road before me. There is no one….. This morning I awoke to study for an exam for my own major… It is the statistics part of my major, which I left for last. I have no interest in raw data and numerous numbers. But it is a must. I went into my small kitchen that I have decorated so elegantly and looked out at my back yard. I inhaled the beauty of nature as I appreciated the trees I have planted and nurtured. I wanted a little park in my back yard and perhaps in my front yard. A place in the city to call home, a place to prepare for my old age when perhaps I can not go too far; a place to feel beauty. And then it happened, tears……"There is no one", no one… How can there be no one? There is everyone…for you have touch so many. You were my favourite professor. Why? You loved us. Love is felt. You taught us about medicine, young and ancient, but you also taught us about ourselves. Remember when I emailed you about going downtown to interview some people about a paper I was compiling? "You did what?" your words shouted. "What is your phone number?" you continued. You will never call me, I hoped. You lived so far up North. You did call and you went on and on about how I represented the university and the repercussions of interviewing without the proper protocol etc….but I got my A anyway, didn't I? Oh, yes you did work us, but why did it not seem like work? There is no one…. You know, we used to talk about you. We knew you lived and studied in Jamaica for many years and we talked about how you must have fallen in love and never married because you still yearned for him. How silly we were, were we not? We did marvel when you spoke of your home up North in the middle of no where, making sure your garbage was sealed so the bears would not get in. You spoke fondly of the people up there and the children. I am sure you mentioned children. There is no one… Remember when I asked you about the books you have written. You shrugged it off and said we would find it boring. And remember when we didn't have you for one class because you had to go to the States to receive an award? You again shrugged it off. The only thing you did not shrug off was us. There is no one…. Remember when you saw me speaking to a staff member one day and you looked at him and said, "She is not what she appears. She is a student." You continued on your way with that flair of yours. There is no one…. Remember when there was that strike with the TA's and we came to class? There were six of us. You asked why we were there? You informed us that we were the university, you as faculty and we as students and then there was them, the administration. There is no one… Oh, Professor Yawney I am so sorry that you died. You gave so much of your self. As I shed my tears, I shed too for the students you will no longer be able to touch. But I know that if there is another place, you will be there smiling and laughing with the joy of another life, for you to grow and touch again. You were so special and humble. And yes we know that you had many friends and people close to you because you told us. There is no one? Of course there is. There is everyone. Silva Redigonda Your student

This is to all veterans and emergency response personnel. If you are feeling suicidal, please remember that if you can get over this hump, you will look back and know that would not have been the right decision. You can overcome this overwhelming emotional turmoil.

Yesterday was a day off and I went to watch a movie after doing what I call domestic duties, such as banking, mail, etc.... It was my brain rest. When I returned I received a phone call which had me reflecting this morning. It has nothing to do with what I am going to talk about here, but it is an analogy of sorts. Too many police, military, etc..... have no one to talk to. Things happen and slowly it builds up. With some of you family is enough of support and family is at times not enough. With others, you do not want your name affiliated with any insurance company as going for help. So where do you go? Where do you go where your identity and not only your information is kept Confidential. You do not want your peers to know, because you do not want to be rediculed or considered weak. You do not want your work to know because you do not want to be considered a risk. So where do you go? You let this build up and fester and no one understands. You open your mouth and it is used against you. I know there are many loops for you to get around to get the help you need. I do have to report by law if you are going to kill yourself. But I have to believe that you will really kill yourself. If you are going for help, and writing up a contract that you will promise not to kill yourself, then I will believe you and will work with you. If you are going to tell me that you are going to hurt someone, then I have a duty to report. However, I also know that at times people say things they don't really mean, because they are hurting. If you are hurting children, I will report that. I have an obligation to protect them. However, perhaps it is time to report that and get some help in that area as well. So, before you look for a final exit. Stop! Give yourself a break. Your identity will be protected. Give me a chance to work with you so you can get back on your feet and look at other choices. Why not choose to live? What do you think?

Conference etc................

It has been a busy week. The conference was very interesting. I spent a lot of time with Revenue Canada HST, first at the booth asking a hundred questions and then I attended the poor man’s seminar. He was so sweet and patient. Not everyone shared my enthusiasm and I noticed that the seminar room was the smallest room. Am I the only one paying my taxes? My day was learning the business side of the house for both my books and psychotherapy. I had lunch at the hotel next door (since there was no more food, by the time I got out of the seminar), looking upwards at a hawk, searching for prey. At one point I thought she got lucky as she hovered suspended in the sky, her bold neck strong as her head surveyed the grassland below. This was my time out during the day, as people nodded coming in and out of the hotel outside patio, where I was the sole patron. I did miss the last two sessions after determining that beating the rush hour back to Toronto was more beneficial than attending something that was not really of use to me. Do I really want to start another business? No! But………no! I have only so much energy. I also consulted for a student during the week, who wanted to proceed to the Advance step of her studies. It was nice seeing my mentor again. After that I met a friend of mine for lunch since he lives in the East side of Toronto, where I rarely venture to. We spent a lot of time catching up, at an outside patio, me munching on a Veggie Burger with Onion rings. Awe, onion rings! My friend is legally blind. He told me about a woman trying to get him to sign something and showed me the brochure she had given him. “I have my white cane. She knows I am blind and yet she is trying to get me to sign up for whatever this is.” I read the brochure which promoted some Asian relaxation art. I don’t think the experience was too relaxing for him. I feel bad for my good old friend who I once was romantically interested in him, for about five minutes. He laughs when I share this with him. His blindness is recent. It was nice catching up, complaining, laughing and being with a trusted friend. My closest friends and more enduring relationships have always been men. They taught me how to deal with other men, since I was a child. I have been so fortunate that what I have always taken for granted as not been the experience for everyone. Yesterday, my body said no more and so I rested. I did absolutely nothing. No guilty pleasure there. I make it my priority to self care. I cannot help anyone, if I am not in tip top shape. I re-energized and today I am myself again. Tomorrow, I am having a full day of lots of fun. Yes! So how can you relate with what I wrote today? I have had one course in business in grade nine of high school. What bored me to death in that one course has served me well in how I record for taxes and business in general. What I take for granted is not that easy for everyone. So, if anyone is reading this who is a teenager, that course you take and complain about why you have to take it and you will never use it, you just may. Remember you need a balance in life. Working (and not scamming others) hard has its benefits but you need to spend time with friends and you need to have time for playing. Try not to tip the scales. Do you think you are working too hard? What is your body telling you? Are you bored to tears? Are you motivated by money alone? What have you ever done for someone else? What do you do for yourself? Where do you find your peace? I find mine in nature every morning when I sit in the back deck and communicate with God, the trees, squirrels and my pets. I love nature in a city, which can be quite fast paced. If you do not have that comfort, perhaps you can find comfort and peace by looking at a tranquil picture, by closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing, by sharing a precious moment with your partner, by spending time in a park, by laying on the grass and looking up at the sky. If you believe in a God, or higher power, why not have a conversation? What do you see, when you look up? What do you think?

Word on the Street was fun

Sunday was a beautiful day though it started a bit rough. First, I slept in, when I rarely do and my pets did not wake me. My boy is quite angry at me and shows his disproval by not cuddling with me, letting me kiss him nor waking me up, which is his job. It was pouring rain when I rushed out - so much for my hair. Traffic is good early morning but could I find parking? Of course not. The hospital parking was closed for the weekend. That is a first. So, I ended up detouring via the construction to my old campus parking lot. Of course they are trying to save money so I had to go to the building a block away to get my parking pass for the day. I had already dropped off my books by then to find my table and chair soaking wet. I decided I was starting to get a tad stressed so I did some therapy on my self and took time out. I went to Tim Hortons because it was the closest. I had driven by Starbucks on Bay and Cumberland but there was no parking and I didn't want to leave my car for a moment, just in case. I walked to Tim's in the rain, while my decrepit umbrella, ready for burial tried to do it's job of protecting me. Of course there was a barrier in front of the entrance door, but I found another and inside, I placed my order, received it and sat down to take time out. It looked like a med team did the same thing. We were all looking at each other politely and looking away politely. I ate my hash brown and biscuit with egg and cheese and sipped longingly on my coffee. Tims never tasted so good. I went to my booth which was on the wrong side of what I had hoped it would be and my day started. The rain departed and the sun shone. How nice. My neighbours were wonderful and we all shared stories and ideas. One took pictures of me and my booth. He just sent them to me this morning. Now I have to figure out how to decrease the size. I am looking a bit rough. Is it the new colour? Is it the rough start? Is it just me? My one and only fan came once again and I was probably more disappointed than my fan that I did not have my second book ready. I said my editor was on page 25 and the book would be ready for next year. Another came around to tell me he had bought my book and let me know that it was expected that I have my second ready for sale next year. Talk about pressure. He thought my book was funny. What a healthy guy! All in all, it was a fun day. It is nice being around people who love books. One author wanted to trade books with me and I was rather pleased that hers was more expensive. Her book "Theft by Chocolate" by Luba Lesychyn had caught my eye. She said, she had worked at the ROM for 20 years and her book is inspired by an actual heist. I had my eye on the cover and was pleased by the trade. My other neighbour, "Edna's pickle", a husband and wife team was a real delight. She provided me with the history of her homeland, GOA. She was selling a variety of things and I took an instant warm liking to her and her husband. He would go to the busy areas and bring people to us. This week I have an all day conference in Brampton. I do hope my car can make it there. I shall let you know if I learn anything that I think is useful for you. Take those breaks, to refocus and re-energize. Find something you love to do. What do you think?

Word on The Street, Queen's Park, Toronto. Come by my booth and say hello.

Time is going by so fast, I try to put the brakes on, but it just keeps flying. In no time, I shall be 95, and still flying. Oh my! Anyhow, this Sunday, Sept 21, is two days away. I am far from ready, but all I have to do is look a bit decent, by fluffing up my hair (in the wind) and perhaps some lipstick and I am good to go. I will pack a few books, a pen, some cards and presto. If you have not bought your copy of, "Hey Guy Buy Me," now is the time. Unfortunately my second book is not ready for sale and that will take about another five months. This one is much lighter, more fun and an easy read. More than 100 books have gone missing so if you see it being sold, where it shouldn't which is anywhere outside Toronto, please let me know. When Corporations loose my books, I am a tad doubtful that the books are missing in action. I will be at WB 19 (which I think means West Booth number 19). I believe they call it the writer's corner. Looking at my map, it should be between the "Wordshop Marquee" and "Vibrant Voices of Ontario Tent". For my one and only fan, I am very very very sorry that my second book is not ready as I had promised last year. So, if you know me, come and bring me a coffee! If you do not know me, please do not bring me anything to consume. My, I need work on being funny. See you there and if you buy my book, remember it has nothing to do with therapy. I write for fun. Do not get mad at me as some readers have. Ignore the small stuff and find the humour. What do you think?