New Years Resolution

     The beginning of the year is full of promises and opportunities.  We can discard the previous year and become more motivated for change.  Mine this year is quite simple.  Have more fun.  Work smart and not hard as my favourite grad professor, Ovi Mohammed likes to say.  Of course I felt that being his student was working more hard than smart in my case.
     The power failure we had in Toronto made me aware of how much I do have in my life.  I do not starve, I have a home and I have love.  What more can one ask for?  How many of us want a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger lifestyle?  How many of us want to reach out to the sky?  Is there anything wrong with that?  I say no, unless it consumes to the point of no return to common good.  Why not spend some time reflecting how last year has been for you?  Were you happy, sad, inspired, devestated?  What motivates you?  What does not?  Are you happy in your present situation?  What can you do to start changing this year to make your life a bit better, more peaceful, more rewarding?  Sometimes one small step is all that is needed, before you take the next small step.  Why not draw up a list and take a look at the good things in your life.  Do you have enough to eat?  Do you have enough to drink?  Is there anything you can do to make your life healthier?  What is it that you can change this year?  Take a look at the mirror.  Do you like what you see?  Why or why not?

     Take a look at your partner.  What can you do, to enhance your relationship?  What can you do to ignite lost passion?  What can you do for your partner?  What do you get back from your partner?  Is there a balance in the relationship?  Why not?  What can you do about that?

     Life is a precious moment!  What can you do this year to recognize that?  I wish you a happy new year.  I wish you a peaceful New Year.  I wish…………………………

My power is back on. Michigan and Manitoba is coming to help us.

      Last night my cable and phone came back on.  There is still much of my city powerless.  I was able to watch the news and recharge my computer and phone.  I watched the news and smiled at the acts of kindness these conditions bring.  People are worried about their sick neighbours and the elderly.  People are trying to be patient but concerned.  People are coming together, helping each other.  I kind of enjoyed not having a phone for a bit.  I am not much of a talker on the phone and would rather meet up with a person if it extends two minutes of discussion.
     They have stations throughout the city to help with people who still have no heat.  They also have food for them.  I think that is very nice and it demonstrates that our city is prepared for emergencies.  We also have crews coming from Manitoba and the good USA Michigan coming to help us restore power to the rest of the people in Toronto.  I am feeling more confident that I can retain my heat.  I have learned from this.  As soon as I pay off all tuition and other expenses that have accumilated because of my education, professional etc…….. I will get myself a fireplace where I do not need power to start it and keep it going.   They have a name for that in psychology but I cannot recall it at this moment.  I will eventually go through all my notes and place them on my blog before discarding them all.  This power failure has kept me grounded.  I read half a book yesterday and watched a CD.  I am really resting though there is an element of stress wondering how much longer I will be warm.  Today I am feeling more confident knowing that help is coming to our city.  Our American neighbours and ourselves help each other consistently.  That is what neighbours should do.  How many countries can brag about that?  Well today I am bragging.  I appreciate that people are giving up their holidays to help others, even in a different country.   Soon the rest of our city should be up and running.

     Because of this storm, I started my holidays a bit earlier and took the time to just sit and read in warm clothing and not even thinking about going outside.  Now I will deliver the rest of my Gifts and prepare for Christmas.  I will visit those I need to visit.  My family will be warm.

    Merry Christmas.  Thank you USA for helping us.  Thank you Manitoba for helping us.  Thank you Ottawa for helping us.  Thank you for reminding us what Christmas is all about.  It is about reaching out to others with acts of kindness.  It is about the affairs of the heart and soul.

                                                    Merry Christmas!  

ICE STORM - Shut me down, Thank you Toronto for getting my power back on for the moment.

     We have an ice storm that came up from the good USA.  This America, you may keep.  I am afraid that with global warming this is probably only the beginning.  So, I was told at a seminar a few years ago about Emergency Management.

     The view outside was beautiful as I awoke yesterday.  The trees in my backyard had a beautiful sheen.  The little beasts outside in their nests remained intact.  Once I walked outside my front door and slid down my driveway, I knew I was in trouble.  I had sanded my drive twice that morning before 0800 to no avail.  I realized that walking on the sidewalk in my area was impossible and so walked on the roadway which was ok.  My salute to the city for the hard work that they do.  Our roadway is always taken care of for us.  At a Christmas party at a cousin's house in Richmond hill, with their upscale homes and horrid snowy roadways made me appreciate my bigger city and more effecient clearer roadways.

I saw a nighbour's tree branches on the ground and other branches were crackling and ready to fall.  It seemed that braving the cars was easier than braving falling branches.

On my return home,  I saw one man nearly fall in a lane way as he attempted to walk back on the lane from the snowed area.  People seemed to be in good spirits because it looked Christmasy.  "Looks like we are going to have a white Christmas" one woman who I do not know shouted.  "Yes!"  I replied with a smile.  I like white Christmases myself.  If I ever lived in a warm climate, I would have to return to snow at Christmas.  New York has snow!

I listened to the news as I entered my home after attempts to enter my drive met with negative results and a neighbour said salt did nothing and I had to break the ice.  Break the ice I did and then managed to call it day.  The city warned that it may take 72 hours to get service back and that 250,000 people in our city had no power.  That was enough to have the insight to cancel appointments - safety first.
Good thing too, because my power went out and with that was my heat, my coffee opportunities and my news.  I was alerted that my home phone was not working with someone calling my cell phone.  I need power to utilize Rogers phone.  I knew that but took the better rate than Bell provided after being with them forever.  I knew that my cell would work in power black outs.  I was asked if I would be leaving my home and a hotel was suggested.  I will not leave my pets behind and they would not like a hotel.  It had not reached that stage.  After all I had no power for two hours and I was not in panic mode.  Besides my city with the hotels in them have the same problem, so I would have to leave the city?  No, it is not an emergency yet.  I finished reading Bill Cosby's Love and Marriage which  I enjoyed reading for fun.  I ate realizing I have enough food to last a week and enough chocolate under my tree to last me at least a month.  I would not starve in three days.  I checked up on some elderly neighbours.  Their house was very warm and they had layer after layer of clothing on.  They showed me two measly candles but I was assured that they would be ok as the neighbour next door to them have a wood fireplace and that is where they would go (whether the neighbour liked it or not).  I admired the spunk.   As my home became colder I decided to go to bed much earlier than the norm.  I watched the CN tower boldly shine their lights.  The neighbouring towering buildings did the same while my neighbourhood fell to a blanket of night cold.  One pet found himself under the blankets with me, the other found her own space.

At 0615 this morning the power went back on and I wasted no time to get up and make that coffee, I so much was looking forward to.  As I drank my hot coffee and began to feel the heat once again, the power went out.  When the power came back about 15minutes later, I immediately went to make another pot.  I did not forget to give Rudy, my squirrel, his four peanuts for the day.  My power is still on, though I am expecting it to go off again eventually.  However, my home is almost warm again and I have had a good breakfast of toast, eggs and tomato with I will not tell you how much coffee.  My cable is not working, nor is my phone but I am listening to the radio and the people of Toronto are being informed that we will all have power by Christmas.  We had two hospitals with no power and of course they were given priority as they should.

     As I was drinking my hot coffee and watching the 24 hour news, I thought of my life and how much I have to be grateful for.  How many people live in countries where their well being is not foremost.  I love my country and I love my city.  We don't have politicians trying to convince women that they should not drive cars because it would not be good for their ovaries (really???????How stupid!)  We elect our politicians and if we do not like how they run our cities, provinces and country, we can demonstrate that by voting.  Today I am feeling very very rich.  I have a warming home, I have a city who is working very hard and 24/7 to bring things back to normal in what I am hearing is the worse ice storm for Toronto.  I live in a country that has given me the opportunity to serve it and to choose the education and careers of my choice.  I live in a country where I have the freedom to say what I think.  My parents couldn't have picked a better country to immigrate to.  My parents became citizens so I can be a citizen because I was too young to do so and I asked them to make that move so I could have the occupation I had chosen.  I have a home.  I have good food to eat.  I have people who love me and care for me.  I have retired and though I did not have to work again, I chose to do so.  My country has given me so much that I can never return all I have been provided with.  This Christmas in my now warm house, I realize that I have my greatest gift - my life and my choices I have made for myself with my country supporting me all the way.

         Thank you God and thank you Canada.  To the world I wish you a Merry Christmas.  I wish you a Happy Hannakah, I wish you happy holidays.  I wish your warmth.  I wish you food.  I wish you freedom and I wish you peace and love.

         Thank you to all the city employees who are working so hard and are away from their families to get Toronto back into the life that we have become so accustomed to.

    
        

   
     

Registered Marriage and Family Therapist - Fees are not going up! Merry Christmas

    It has been a long road.  I have just been transferred to clinical fellow.  This is a wonderful Christmas gift.  Next month, I shall have my oral for phase two for specialist as a pastoral counsellor.  In April which may be delayed, the college of psychotherapy should be up and running hopefully.  This will be a College that protects the public.  I will not say too much about it right now, except to say that this is long overdue.  I think that there should be protection for the public in all venues.  People go to someone for help and expect that the person is qualified to do so.  This is not the case at this moment but this will change soon.  I would like to see this expand to all services so that everyone is accountable and is registered with some body.

     I want to thank you for reading my blogs and travelling with me.  I will continue to develop my self professionally as is expected of my Associations and as I expect of myself.

     My fees will continue at $100. for a 50 minute hour.   I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!

Silva

Professional Numbness - Military, Police etc........

     There are occupations out there where one has to be in control at all times.  One is expected to resolve problems, calm people down in horrific situations and to respond appropriately at all times.  In this day where there are cameras everywhere, there is an expectation of perfect responses to impossible situations.  One is being judged by the media and the public.  These are additional pressures.  

     In my own training many years ago, I was briefed along with others that military, police, and physicians were statistically more prone to abusive relationships at home.  I being young and thinking that such professions were among a higher standard of conduct was surprised.  Now, being more mature, educated and down to earth with experience, understand what was told to me many years ago several times.

    Perfection does not exist.  I think most people understand this.  We all come from various backgrounds with various amount and depth of what is referred to as "baggage".  Much of that baggage is screened for in various testing for various careers.  There are also IQ tests etc.....for various occupations.  What is there for testing the pain and emotional responses one physician feels when she loses a patient?  What is there for testing a soldier who was forced to kill?  What is there for testing a policewoman or man who for a second, had to make an instant decision, right or wrong?  One thing that is common with these occupations is that there is an expectation of higher standard to be in control, to be wonderful; to be a hero.  It is an occupation that an expectation is taken for granted.

Now let's examine the person.  What is going on inside?  Is this person a machine?  Is this person programmed for perfection?  Does this person have anyone on his side?  Who is in control of this person?  Is he or she in the same occupation, with the same experiences?  Is this person a politician who wants to have a job in the future in the right circles?  Is this person going to support the struggles suffered by one man or woman who suffers when a child dies or an animal is abused beyond recognition, when one witnesses the scars and wounds and suffering that many are free from.

I recently heard a speaker talk about a woman who was raped.  As far as the speaker was concerned this woman was ok.  At break time, I blurted out that this woman knew nothing about the sexual assault of a person (male or female).  The thing is that people respond to situations and crises and many times, they do not even know how they feel.  They put themselves on mute.

At another training session, I heard how nurses who are so much in control can completely break down when a member of their own profession dies.  This was not understood by the speaker.  The speaker did not understand, that the tipping point was having someone close, a colleague die.  All that suffering previously experienced was pushed aside, to function, to perform with professionalism.

One aquaintance once was so angry, that others near us just tried to stay away from him.  He was looked at with distaste.  No one wanted to be near him.  He was too angry.  All professionalism gone.....There was no need to be professional.  The setting was safe.  "What happened" I asked.  He told me that he was assisting with an abortion and the fetus was still alive, in a bucket.  He held the fetus, in the room of the hospital until the fetus died.  The mother never knew.  As my aquaintance began to share more suffering without crying, the agitation slowly diminished into sorrow.  He is a professional, able to keep facial and posture purfection at all times.

    There are professions who witness what others who judge them superficiously, cannot imagine.  There is this aura of professional who protects and heals.   Often there is no support system for them.  Often it is inadequate.  Often to seek help which should be considered normal, is deemed as weakness.  There is this "professional numbness" that emergency personnel cultivate and develop, where feelings are surpressed, so that this illusion of professionalism and expectation can continue as expected by the people they serve.  I like to use the anology of a pot with liquid on a stove, heating up and coming to a boil where the top finally pushes outward.  This bottled and contained emotions are still there.  They may be expressed with anger, with violence, and sadly with suicide.  The best solution is to find that person you can talk to and share and explore those feelings.  This is confidential.  The only person who needs to know that you are getting help, is the same person who has contained this suffering without your own awareness.  This Christmas give yourself the gift - the gift of life, the gift of helping yourself for a change.  

           

Pet peeve over ruled, with changes within the service of the Post Office. 8000 posties will be gone?!!!!!!No more delivery!!!!!!!!

     I watched CTV news last night and somehow missed what I heard on channel 24, later when I was checking the weather.   I don't normally watch the weather station, because it takes too long to get the Toronto weather.  However, I was stunned to silence which is rare, when I heard that with government approval, the delivery service will be phased out in the next five years, postage will increase from .60 something to 1.00 (CDN) and 8000 postwomen and men will also be losing their jobs.  And this was approved by our government.  Even Justine Trudeau made sense to me last night as he argued in favour of retaining services.

     "Stay out of Politics, Silva"  I hear the echo of my pastoral advisor warning me.  Is this politics or advocacy?  Ok, forget everything I wrote yesterday about not sending cards etc..........Go viral all the way!!!!!Multiply all responses!!!!!!!!!!  Let's move into the future, full speed ahead.

    It was not too long ago that I was in a cell phone/internet shop and every single person was on the phone (myself included).  As I looked around and observed this and after completing my call, I blurted out, "Look at what has become of us" (raising my phone).  I received nods and smiles and resignations.

Our taxes was raised to support a bit of extension to support Scarborough with the TTC.  I don't use the
TTC (rarely).  It would be interesting to know exactly how many people who live outside Toronto use the TTC as compared to Torontonians.    I am staying out of politics.  I do not know how much the government contributes to the Post office.  I do not know the budget of the Post Office.  I have become sceptic about what is not making enough of money and I have become sceptic about management of businesses.  We have the world economy to thank.  I ponder who runs the country, corporations or the people.  Ok, enough politics.

     I really enjoy receiving my mail in the comfort of my home.  I have really liked each and every Postie who has delivered my mail.  I even wrote a poem about one, that I may post again before Christmas.   I  had one postie who used to knock on my door if he thought I was receiving something very important.  I  think I get a lot of mail.  I certainly use the mail services a lot.  So who is really going to be affected?  Toronto is not the new development where everyone walks from their oversized homes, to get their mail, booming with new young families.  Toronto has it all.  Toronto has an abundance of elderly who are alone, sick who are alone, and the frail who are alone.   Too many struggle, to pay their bills, buy food and pay escalating rent.  The poor is getting poorer and the rich is getting richer.   I know that for me not getting mail at my door is purely selfish and a luxury I have had most of my life, unless I happened to be somewhere for the moment.  8000 people out of work???????  Did I hear right?????   I certainly hope that if this happens, they will be all given pensions for life because how else will they survive?

Employer:  "What are your skills?"

Postie no more:    I have been delivering mail for the last 20 years.  My back hurts a bit now and my knees   are not what they used to be.  But I made sure I delivered the mail each day to every person on my route because they depended on me.

Employer:   I see.  You can carry loads but how does that apply here?  There is no need to carry loads and there are government regulations on how much you can carry anyhow.  It sounds to me that you may have carried a tad too much, hey?

Postie no more:    (thinking  -  How am I going to feed my family.  My wife does not make enough money now to take care of the rent.  What am I going to do?  I need a job and I finally got an interview).

Employer:  What kind of people skills do you have?

Postie:         I always spent time to talk and get to know everyone on my route.  I always made sure to deliver the pension and social service cheques because I know how much they depend on them to survive.  Some of the elderly people on my route wait for me each day because I am the only person that they see all day.  I delivered mail, sir, even when I didn't have to because people depend on me.  It didn't matter how hot it was or how cold or how much snow........people depended on me.

Employer:   I see.   What business skills do you have?

Postie:         Business skills?

Employer:    Yes, business, profits,  ............................

Postie:       Sir, I have just been delivering the mail for all these years.  I have brought the business to the people.  I have given them the bills they cannot pay.  I have given them the advertisements they did not want.  I have provided them with the notices that they did not want.  That is the business part.  I have also delivered them the letter they had never expected to receive by a loved one.  I have delivered them the news that I have heard....oh.....I am sorry.  That is not business, that is called something else, isn't it?

Employer:  My company is doing its best to reach out and give all you people who have lost your jobs the possibility of employment.  We do that because we care.  However, I am afraid that you do not have the qualifications that our mandate requires.  I am sorry, but I am sure you understand.

Postie:    Yes sir.  Thank you for this opportunity and Merry Christmas.  Oh, I am sorry........Happy Holidays.........I don't want to be offensive.

Employer rises and smiles, "Happy Holidays!" He reaches out his arm so he can shake posties hand.  Postie a true gentleman also rises and looks at the chubby hand of the employer.  He feels forced to shake the soft hand that turns him away from the opportunity to feed and house his family.

      Postie leaves the building and sits on a park bench at the park across the building.  It was donated.  The snow falls, caressing his stricken face.   He looks up at the sky and pleads.  "Help me God.  Please help me feed my family. "

      Employer calls for his secretary.  This was a waste of time.  What business skills does a postie have.  "June" he calls out to his secretary,  "I need you to go get something for my wife.  Find something nice ....you know what I mean.  She is upset because she thinks I do not spend enough time with her.  It doesn't bother her the rest of the year.  But there is something about the holidays.  You know women.  Hey, and get something for yourself.  You deserve it.  And why don't you reserve a table for us again at Giovannis?

       The postie is still sitting on a bench in the park praying.  How will he feed his family.  HOw will he feed his little girls?

                                              Merry Christmas everyone.............Ooops Happy Holidays

My pet peeve - no virtual Christmas Cards and no standardized letters please. Santa oops, forgot to write. Will an email do?

     I love Christmas.  I love it all.  I also love the commercialism.  I realized how much I loved that part when I was in a country where it was missing.  Perhaps that is why many people who come to this country hate commercialism or naught.

    I have had a very busy life and though I have retired twice, I have returned to school, worked internships for free (hopefully, the government will change that) and consistently paid out for tuition, association fees, etc........These five years have been an eye opener and I have learned that  you can teach an old dog new tricks.  The one thing I do each year no matter what is make that effort to reconnect to everyone I know, regardless how far.  I spend one full day writing cards to individual people outside the country or province.  To people in Toronto, I actually go visit or they me and we exchange a card or a small gift.  Sometimes it is just the company shared.  To me, the Christmas spirit is not in how much is given or received but in the spirit that it is given and received.  Christmas cards have been coming in and why not?  I have known quite a few people in my short life.  They are scattered.  I do not enforce my love for Christmas.  If I do not get a card for several years, then I stop unless the person is elderly and frail.  Notice I said frail.  I have always had friends of all ages and that I found to be wonderful.  I have learned from them all.  I love getting cards.  Sometimes a neighbour will leave me a gift on my alcove and I marvel at that too.  I love that connection that people make at Christmas, because it is the time of year of reaching out.  HOwever, my pet peeve and I know that it is mine, is getting that letter that is sent out with the card to perhaps 200 other people.    It almost diminishes the card for me (but not quite).  What I also detest is the virtual card in lieu of a card.  The virtual card always appears to be from a person of wealth who cannot be bothered to spend that postage.  I also cannot stand when I receive a phone call from someone who says she does not believe in Christmas Cards or commercialism and therefore is calling as a response to the card.  Off the card list and onto the naughty list.

     Dear Santa, this year I have forgotten to write to you.  So I will email you this and ask that you remind people if they receive a card, it may be just a gesture of a Christmas greeting.  There is no need to reply by phone or virtualality because a card was sent.  There is no requirement to feel guilty.  If a phone call is to be made, make it happen because the person wants to reach out and say Merry Christmas.  Actually, Santa, I think I will send you a letter, or note because my wants are minimal.  So I will get at that and not be a  hypocrite.  Thank you Santa, I still believe in you and watch out for you each year.  Exuse me not leaving cookies and milk because I don't think you actually come in.  I always find something in my porch and am not quite sure who it is so it must be you.

   This year Santa, I ask that you bring the joy of Christmas by having people reaching out to others in a genuine gesture.  I ask that the poor be reminded that they are worthy of all things as are all people.  There is a Santa Claus.

To dream..............