Post Hallowe'en and conference

I do not normally do anything resembling work on Sundays but today I shall make an exception because I shall be attending two more conferences this month and want to keep you up to date. But- first Hallowe'en. I have no more excuses not to go out for Hallowe'en since I had so many adults who came to my house for treats. The eldest must have been in her seventies. I called her mama, as I put a chocolate in her bag. They were all dressed up too. I did not expect too many people because it was raining but I had more than previous years. I stopped counting at 150. The costumes were amazing and I finally got to see Dracula. "I have been waiting for you all night!" I exclaimed to the boy. His mother looked at her child and said, "I told you, he is so yesterday!" "No" I responded not wanting to make Dracula feel all alone. I also could not help noticing a mother telling her child not to do that or this before the little kid had a chance to get the candy. This was accompanied by a light slap each time. "Stop that" I repeated each time. "Don't do that." I am sure that she did not realize that she was doing it since it was so automatic. no = slight slap. I really think that all parents should have a solid week of training before having a child. You need a test for driving, a test for passing any subject but for the most important job, a parent will ever have is experimental learning. I loved the conference. I loved meeting old classmates and reconnecting with instructors and other people in my field old and new. It was hard for me to leave after the first day because so many were staying overnight at the hotel. They even had a pool and the price was lowered for our association. However, this time, I left every one behind and drove home until the next morning bright and early. The food was wonderful and I came out of there with new ideas and tools to implement in my own practice. The speaker was Michele Weiner-Davis, an American living in New York City. She is very personable and I can see why she is so successful. She also has years of working with couples at the brink of divorce and is very capable of bringing them back to a place of partnership. One of the things she provides is two day therapy for clients. Though that would be very expensive for clients, I think that it is well worth providing and will implement that into my own practise. I have been in the mindset that more than one session is too much and that people need to process. But what I have come to learn in my own practise from those on the brink of ending their relationship is that perhaps if they commit to two full days, they may leave with a different perspective than one session and perhaps never returning because they do not think it is worth working on. Most of the information, I already know and notes were therefore kept to a minimum, but there were handouts I can use as tools and there was some information I could use in future. As I have said in earlier blogs I incorporate everything I have learned and use it when I think I should. I work with all people. And so when I listen to someone with vast amount of experience working with only one type of what I will call issue, than I listen. I am forever growing and learning. I bought one book which she recommended and I will be looking forward to reading it after what I am presently reading. I will be providing you with some statistics that she gave us. One thing she did say is that if one couple has more than one therapist, it is one to many. That is something I will also review. I have a lot to think about. How I work is what is best for my client from their perspective. "Know thyself" Are you in a relationship that you are not happy with? What have you done about it to make it workable? What do you think?

Hallowe'en, conferences and balancing life

Give me a reason to celebrate and I shall. I really like Hallowe'en. I used to get all dressed up myself with different type of costumes, I found in my own wardrobe. When I bought a "scream mask" I thought it was really cool, until one Hallowe'en night when I opened the door, I sent a young woman screaming and running away as fast as she could run. I thought she would have been prepared and not as terrified as she was, so I placed the mask on an outside pole, knowing someone would steal it. I also hung a stuffed fake man on my tree until I realized that was too scary as well. So I decided to just wear some fake blood on my face and that was not too bad, until I saw how visibly shaken a neighbour was when she thought I had been injured. So no more blood, no more gore, no more scary, scary, house. Now I just use my own face and if it scares anyone, it cannot be helped. Last year I had over one hundred kids and teens drop by and a few adults. I even gave out a treat to a doggy who was all dressed up. I don't give out apples, or anything else that is not wrapped. I remember my own mom cutting and peeling the apples I brought home when I was younger, checking for razar blades. There are always those on Hallowe'en who are more scary and cruel and mean, than any mask or fake anything else, that superficially frightens. For those, I wish that for one night they behave and leave the children and animals alone. Get some real help or lock yourself up. Why not go to the police station and talk to them about what you are up to? How nice if it could be that easy. Anyhow, back to the good stuff. I was raised in Toronto and Hallowe'en has always been part of the culture. I look at it as just clean fun. So I make sure that I bought plenty of stuff that I could give out, to ensure that I would not run out. I always buy what I like as well so that if I have anything left over, I eat it. I can no longer go out to trick or treat and if it was acceptable for adults, I would be out there. That is why I always give out treats, to anyone of any age. You don't want to know how old I was when I finally stopped going out with friends trick or treating. Now my home is kid friendly. I also keep the pumpkin intact so I can recycle it to the neighour who uses it to make pumpkin pie, something I could never get into no matter how much whip cream is on top. I bought more chocolate because I was dipping into the Hallowe'en kids stock. I have a two day seminar to attend which I am looking forward to. I shall miss the wine and cheese afterwards because I have to drive and I am not staying overnight as others are. I also have to deliver papers etc... for my own step process. In there, I shall take time for fun, even though I consider it all fun. That is the beauty of doing what you love. Have a wonderful Hallowe'en!!!!! Keep safe!!!!

A tribute to Carlo

My cousin died yesterday at 0100 am. He was one of my favourites. When I was in Europe, and I went to visit my family, they always welcomed me warmly. When they came to visit Canada, my cousin would remind me cheerfully, that it was he who was my blood relative and not his wife, who is now alone in grief. If there was an ideal marriage, aside from my own parents, it was them. They had romantic love which is very difficult to maintain, they had mutual respect and they had a bond that fastened each other. I love them both equally. "He has gone to heaven, she wrote." Just a few nights ago, I was watching a program, that I had taped. Scholars from various universities were reporting God as fiction and wishful thinking. I thought it was interesting because normally more than one perspective is provided. The more I live life, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I do know. There is just so much to know and learn and that is why I consider myself a life long student. I can never cease to learn. There is so much contradiction out there, that it is difficult to know what is truth. What is true one day is disproved on another. Even experiments, cannot prove but only disprove. What is fact? What is fiction? What is fantasy? What is wishful thinking? We used to believe that the world is flat? We used to deny evolution? We are constantly evolving, though repeating mistakes. There are definitely good people out there and there are those who commit such horrible crimes, that one must question why? There is always a truth. But, how does one find it? When I look out at nature in my backyard. When I see the birds and squirrels feeling safe in the nature I cultivate for them, I am quite aware that others are ridding themselves of anything natural. When I look up at the stars and moon, I am aware that I cannot see what is really there. I am aware that my planet is moving along in a galaxy, that my human eyes cannot see. I do not feel myself moving. I do not see. I sometimes imagine what it must be like to watch our planet from space. We know that there are many planets, moons, stars, galaxies etc....We know because we are a curious people who thrive for truth. We have science and we have technology. Is there a God? Is there an afterlife? Am I delusional because I believe there is something more? I was watching a Nova series, one was about utilizing nature to improve our industry. They were duplicating the movements of specific animals to enhance what is available today. They were also altering DNA of a specific part of a fish to have it function as a battery. We as a people are always growing, tampering and experimenting. Yet when it comes to believing in God, it is wishful thinking. Why is it that some people believe in a God and others don't? One scholar in another session I was watching, said that he believes it is in our DNA. Has anything ever happened to you that you do not understand? Have you ever felt someone near and no one was there? Have you felt someone close to you when that person has died? Is it all psychological? Is there the possibility of something more? Is it only faith? And who are the fraudsters and fortune tellers explaining all this and taking money from those suffering? There is always an opportunist. I have had a great and interesting life. I have people in my life that I would not trade for all the money in the world. I have been provided with one gift after another. I was sad and and stunned to hear about the non-expectant death of my cousin. I was more sad for his wife, who will grieve a life time. I know that my cousin is not suffering anymore, nor scared anymore. I appreciate every moment, I have on this earth. There is a phrase that says only taxes and death is a sure thing. I don't know about taxes, as I understand there is an island or two where that is not a problem, but I know that we cannot escape death, as we know it. I remember being horrified when I realized that people die. I am not horrified anymore. It is a process. I think of death as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. We all have a belief system and part of that is a selection of what to believe. I had one professor in a psychology class who said you can prove there is a God. He suddenly began a class saying that the solar system is not as perfect as we think. He said if you threw something in its' path, it would cause chaos. I wondered at the time, why he would introduce that in class? What was he thinking about, that made him say that in a motivational psychology class? I think that we all have different lives. Some of us are fortunate to have a lot of love in our lives which began in infancy, others naught. Some of us were raised in a particular religious background that was nurturing or was the opposite for others. Some of us had the opportunity to grow intellectually, spiritually etc....Some of us were stunted by life. Some of us reached out and felt a hand pulling us out of an abys. Why not take the time this weekend to write down what you believe in. Then write down below each belief why you believe? Is it rational? Is it spiritual? Is it right in your opinion? Is it wrong in your opinion? How do you search for truth? How do you search for the possibility of a God? Is your God terrifying and cruel? Is your God loving and warm. This is a challenging year. Someone very close to me said that she cannot wait til the year is over, because there has been so much loss. But, I do not share that view because I think of years as merely strings that ultimately comes to an end at any time. I enjoy each day and breathe in the air that allows me to live. I enjoy each morsel of food that I eat. I enjoy each flower I can inhale. What is it that you enjoy. What do you think? Bye Carlo. You gave so much love to others. You had such a beautiful and infectious laugh. You were a beautiful charmer with so much to give and you gave it. You had such a sense of humour. I am sorry that in these past three months you had to suffer so. Now, please watch over us, as the angel that you are.

It's Official, I am now on the board as assistant health benefit's officer, FSNA (Toronto). I need to re-evaluate who I vote for.

Today I was at our fall National Association of Federal Retirees meeting at our Toronto branch. We were honoured with the presence of the President of the Association, a retired RCMP Officer. I did not realize that his position was a volunteer position and his passion did not go unnoticed. Though I have been assisting for a while as I mentioned in an earlier blog, today I was actually sworn in as an assistant Health Benefits Officer, and therefore, I will no longer utilize humour. Ethics is important to me and so is humour, but I understand what is humorous for one may not be for another. Therefore, officially today, no more humour (when I speak of FSNA). My position is simply passing on information regarding the public service health care. The government is presently trying to charge us 50% more. It is sad that the government keeps dipping at the expense of retirees. Agreements made prior to retirement seem to no longer be honoured. But we still have a voice and politicians should remember that they are elected. That is why it is so important to vote. I encourage all retirees of the Federal Public Service to join our Association. When I retired, this information was provided in a flyer and I immediately joined. I have been part of this organization since 1994. It appears that flyers no longer are automatically enclosed in all retirement packages. Many do not even know of our existence. When the government dipped into the military pension surplus, I was astonished. This is a democratic country and I expected that to be the partaking of a communist community who do as they wish. People need to protect their pension and reserves for future requirement. Governments need to take responsibility to its people. I remember my counsellor's advice to stay out of politics when I toyed with the idea of supporting a city office. I intend to stay out of politics. However, when my pension may be tampered with and my health plan may be tampered with, I need to examine what I consider is politics and what I consider is advocacy. I do not think that anyone in the world should be hungry. I do not think that anyone in Canada should be hungry. I need to take a closer look at why Seniors and the vulnerable are hungry or neglected or both. I need to examine my present government closer from the city level where a counsellor posted a sleeping employee on line for the world to see and then have the argument introduced that city employees should be replaced by contractors. If this wasn't an excellent example of being fallacious, I do not know what is. If this is not against the human rights of the city employee, I do not know what is. Imagine if every employer started posting who they considered a bad employee on line, rather than taking appropriate disciplinary action? There is a process. I am not in favour of anyone losing their jobs nowadays when our world and finances are so unpredictable. I am taking a closer look at my city and a closer look at all levels of government. I received a letter back from my Liberal representative regarding the Conservative government trying to take more from pensioners. I have been a conservative for many years. But, I may have to take another look at who I vote for and why. Every once in a while, I need to regroup. I marvelled when Obama became President. I feared for his life, when he became President. I see what he has been trying to do with bringing fair health care for the American people. I know and have heard of Americans coming to our country because of our health care system. I have heard of Canadians losing their shirts when travelling without insurance or if they have not filled in the forms properly for greedy insurance companies. Perhaps it is time to take a closer look at fat corporations, getting fatter and fat corporations getting bailed out by governments using our tax dollars. Perhaps, it is time to slap the wrists of those tampering with what has been paid into and earned. Perhaps it is time for people to utilize the voice given to them and to say no to bullying at all levels. What do you think?

Why not try to be kind to others?

Today was an interesting day. I took a day off and continued to read what I have written in book two, editing it and noticing big chunks removed. How did that happen? Then I was off and running to a huge department store. While there, I heard an older couple chastise a poor salesman. The woman was loud and demeaning. She spoke in broken English, with a thick European accent. Her partner filled in the gaps, in their attempts to humiliate the worker, simply because he could not provide them with the product they wanted. As I continued to walk, I saw who they had demeaned. He was a student, with special needs. He stood frozen in shock. I asked him if they had hurt his feelings and he said a little. I could see his turmoil, from within, and my heart ached for him. He asked me something I was unprepared for. He asked me if all people were like that? I replied, some are, but that he should feel sorry for them. It had to do with them. I tried to comfort him, and placed my hand on his shoulder for some human contact. After trying to comfort him for a while, I left him. I was boiling mad at the old couple who had been so mean, to this young person. I knew that this couple did not have the insight that they had hurt a person with special needs. Nor, did they have the insight to know, to what degree they had. As I walked away, the student continued to stare at me, standing firm where he had first been approached by the couple, still frozen in time. Have you ever been angry with a salesperson where you went too far? What made you lose your temper? What is it really about? How do you think he or she felt? How do you treat people? How are you treated by people? As I was driving home from a day of getting all I need and stopping at Home Depot, I saw a covered red scooter on the road, attempting to climb the sidewalk. I anticipated the vehicle tilting and falling to its side and it did. I stopped my car, behind another which had stopped and suddenly there were three of us ready to help the elderly man. I did my 911 call, while the two men, helped the old man out. He insisted that he did not want emergency services. The two men, lifted the vehicle upright and the elderly man kept thanking me in the Italian language. I didn't quite know why because I did none of the lifting or dragging. I just spoke on the phone and observed. That did not last long and suddenly I found myself continuing home. As I drove, I wondered if I would find so much excitement in the country. I stopped to buy a lottery ticket and told the man behind the counter that if I won the fifty million, I would go up North for a while. "Take me with you!" He exclaimed. "No, I am taking my pets." I replied without hesitation. Though I spent no time in my office today, I did do a lot of work for it as well. I need a small sofa, and that will eventually come. I want people to be comfortable, to relax from the cares of the world. It is all a work in progress. I always admire companies that hire and intern people with special needs. Each of us need to feel valued and productive and often that is found in the work that we do. No one deserves to be treated poorly at work. This weekend, why not be nice to someone you do not know. Be kind, to someone you do not know. And while you are at it, why not be kind to someone you do know.

Taking time for my book

I find it best to write as soon as I get up after my morning ritual with coffee by my side. I am reviewing and editing what I have written so far and I believe it is quite a lot. I am trying to get myself psyched back to the period of time I am writing about. This book is not the same as my first. My first I wrote in two months during my breaks surrounded by crowds of students. I had fun with it. I also learned how hard it is to sell a book. I have learned from that. If any of you want to buy a copy, send me a cheque to my business office and I will mail you a copy (no taxes, or delivery charges). Next month I shall be at York University again selling it there at their show case. This book requires reflection, a quiet space and nature. I cannot write from my office. I look out at the trees from my home and pause to see a chirping bird or funny squirrel who I feed incognito. I don't want the neighbours to see because they do not share my love. My squirrel likes to lay down on my deck while I sit and read. The other day, my squirrel was cleaning himself and it looked more like an aerobic exercise. I had to stop my writing to laugh. It is so unfortunate that people can be so cruel to animals because they bring such joy and love. Being cruel to animals should be taken very seriously, even if one does not care about animals because it escalates to people. I can always spot an unhappy pet which reveals so much about the owner. Anyhow, I am moving away from my topic of writing. My space for this book requires peaceful reflection and nature. Friday, I began reading and editing early morning and before I kne w it was 1pm. Where did the time go? I understand how writers can write so many books if they have the time to do it. I am very structural and so I have to redesign my life to fit my writing early morning before I am distracted by life. I like to work at my writing when my mind is clear and that is not very often because I am busy with so many things. I thought I would share this with you. If any of you like to write, just do it. Start now! Just write what you want to talk about and not worry how it looks in print. You may return to it later. I have a few more hours to work on my book and then I have to focus on Thanksgiving. I have to decide what I need for it. Again, Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for reading my blog. Don't hesitate to contact me if you need counselling. That is why I am here - Silva style.

Happy Thanksgiving

This is a time of celebrating what we have. It is a North American tradition. The States celebrates on a different day. I stopped eating meat when I saw a neighbour kill a rabbit which quite affected me and so what I once feasted on has changed. I no longer eat animals. Most of my closest family and friends have died and so my celebration with my definition of family has also changed. I have always dreamed of having a huge family because my friends who did have big families partied hard and I always loved parties and still do. What I celebrate now is what I have accomplished, who my closest friends are and my immediate family in my own home. I celebrate life. I celebrate that Canada is my home. I honour her and love her. I celebrate the sacrifices that people make to help us live in such a beautiful country so "glorious and free." I celebrate our standard of living, keeping in mind that we are so better off than many in the rest of the world. I celebrate my freedom of having a voice and not be hindered to succeed because I am a woman. When people came to North America, they came with the hope and desires for a better life and I know that my parents got that for themselves. As babies or children we need to go where our parents take us and where we are born, is not our decision. As adults we sometimes have a choice. As I watch the news and hear how many people die trying to escape their countries, there is an awareness that I can never take freedom for granted. Where ever you are today, why not ask yourself, what you can celebrate? It may be just being alive and that is indeed something to celebrate! Take a look at your life. Who is your family? Are you happy? Are you happy with what life style you have? Are you happy in your chosen career? Are you happy in the country that you have either chosen to live in or are forced to live in? Do you feel free to be yourself and accomplish what you want to accomplish? Are you proud of your country? Are you proud of your accomplishments or where you are headed to? I always say that we cannot change others. We can only change ourselves. You cannot live to fulfill the dreams of others. You cannot be there to meet the standards of what others may want from you. That may be appropriate in the work force, but it is a strain within those closest to you. Why not take the time this Thanksgiving weekend, to examine your life. Take 15 minutes and write down what you are struggling with and then write down what you are thankful for. Where do you find that you had to think the hardest about? What was easier for you to write down? Why? Are you sad? Why? What would make you less sad and even more what would make you happier? I want to thank everyone in my life who has enhanced it. I want to thank my country for having me. I want to thank God and country for all I have. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, turkey or not!