Another Seminar with CASC nee CAPPE

     This week has been a week of seminars and catching up again with people who I actually miss because we spent so much time in close proximity during our training.  I enjoy belonging to more than one organization especially when it comes to what is best for the client.  Yesterday morning's seminar was mostly about self care which I almost skipped because I feel the topic has become exhaustive but I am glad that I did not.  The speaker also teaches ethics and it was wonderful listening to her perspectives.  She also provided hand outs which I find important for clients.  

     Self care is important to any provider and sometimes the signs of missing the mark may be dismissed or not noticed.  I encourage self care to all people.  I believe that balance is the key.  You need a balance of work and play and satisfying relationships.   The afternoon after a wonderful lunch was spent on administration and talk about the college of psychotherapy again.  I heard it from a chaplain's /spiritual care perspective. 

    The whole seminar was invigorating and I decided that I had a lot on my plate and will post pone painting til the spring when I can open up the windows.  Friends and family will have to put up with my lack of artistic ability on my walls for another couple of semesters.  My pets are colour blind so all they care about is love, affection, food and a warm place to sleep away their time.  Most of us will be happy that we don't breathe in the fumes of paint.

    What have you got on your plate?  Do you have too much?  What can you decrease in your work life and increase in your relationships?  What do you really enjoy doing?  What do you do for yourself?  How do you manage stress?  How do you regain normalcy after a disaster in your life?    Have you started your journal yet?  Why not start today?  Why not write how you feel each morning or each night?  Talk out your emotions?  Do you have anyone you can trust to talk about anything to?   What do you think?

New College of Psychotherapy

     Yesterday I attended the annual meeting of the Ontario branch of the American Association of Family Therapy.  It is always wonderful to see everyone again and catch up.

     The main speaker, a psychiatrist gave a lecture on forgiveness and I have had so much instruction on forgiveness that I may have just memorized it all unintentionally.

     I chose two other mini lectures regarding computer stuff and the new college.  This blog and everything else I do on the computer is to get my name out there and hopefully get some clients while posting all my papers and everything else I post so it is not only wasted on me.  Besides, I love to write.  It all started from my last seminar when we were told "If you are a therapist now and not on the web, you won't be in business in ten years."  I don't need to be told twice, and would hate to end a business before actually getting all my credentials and started.  So, I have tried to become more computer savy.  I am working on my own web design which will be redigondapsychotherapy.com.  I have been told that by Dec 6, it will be completed.  I will spend an entire day(s) doing my homework trying to get it all done nicely only to see it all distorted in non computer talk.  I will go to class and the instructor in a few minutes, if that, creates the magic I failed to achieve in a full day.  Oh boy.  Who knew that the computer world was another language with several dialects to boot?  But I will have it done.  I am trying to do everything cost effective.  I will also sell my book "Hey Guy Buy Me" with paypal.  Imagine that?  I wasted money by using the post office box.  No buyers to date and I am renting it for a year (hint, hint).  
    In my undergrad, we were told that anyone (Ontario) can put up a sign and say they are a therapist and provide therapy without any credentials or education at all as long as they do not refer to clients as patients.  I have heard horror stories of what is out there providing a service with no relevant education to do so.  We were horrified then at the thought.  The college of psychotherapy has been delayed by one year but it is coming.  When it comes into effect all these people who are providing psychotherapy will be out of business.  I am so glad.  The public will become protected.  This is long overdue.  The name is not important either.  An example used was a life coach talking about the client's mother in a therapeutic way.  That is all it would take to be in breech.  My question was how is that controlled?  There was no answer to that at this time.  How will they police that?   Protect yourself if you are seeing someone for counselling.  What education do they have?  If someone tells you they have a BA in English and that is all they have, run.  If  you are seeing someone who tells you that they are qualified because of all the psychotherapy they have had, run faster.  Are they certified, registered or working under supervision/mentorship?  In other words are they accountable and is there an accredited organization they answer to - a code of ethics they need to adhere to?      I work under mentorship.  I have for what seems forever.  I am now working towards all my hours that I need according to the demands of my associations which I understand is of a much higher expectation than we have in general outside our programs.  I am ok with that because what is important is the person who comes to us for help.
     I am looking forward to the future while enjoying the present.  I have all my education requirements I believe but I am moving forward.  I will always continue to take courses because I need to be current with information.  I am now reading about dreams which fascinate me but I need more time to read.  Now I  need to explore the opportunity that the web gives me to get my business started.  I can provide telephone counselling and soon I hope to incorporate all the opportunities such as skype counselling and Internet counselling but for all that I am still awaiting for the ethics and guidance for the protection of clients.  I am more of a face to face kind of person but I understand that not all feel comfortable with that.  Now I wait for us to catch up with the technology to do our work better in reaching out to those who needs us but cannot come to us.  I also wait for the college to be in practice for the protection of the society.  Check out my blog on internet counselling which I submitted on my ethics course two summers ago.  What do you think? 
  
    

It was a Happy Hallowe'en!

I used to go all out with Hallowe'en by dressing up myself prior to giving out candies.  However, after having one teen look at me in horror and run away in terror, I have tried to seem more harmless by removing my scream mask and showing my unscary self.  After that episode, I hung my mask on a pole for someone to steal.  Last year I just used fake blood on my face and walked up the street for something, when a neighbour of mine approached me at the verge of tears.  She thought I had been hurt.  This year I wore my stress out kitty shirt and black leggings as I provided treats to the young, teens and adults.  I also gave out two dog treats to some cute big dogs in costume.  I thought the rain would keep many away but I still gave out treats to 119 people of all sizes and two pooches.  Marshmallow was a hit this year followed by chocolate and chips.  I had a minimal of candy.   It was a fun Hallowe'en even after the remnants of Sandy.

     To my neighbours, South, I am sorry of the devastation this storm has caused.

Historical ramifications and events that led to the Babylonian Exile

     The events that led to the Babylonian Exile were wars that cried out power and control.  The historical ramifications are the captivity of a people who for the first time in their history were separated.  This paper will demonstrate that what defines the Jewish people to this day is their unity as one, strengthened by their faith and oppression.  Though separated for the first time in their history, their temple destroyed, this people strong in faith rebuilt their temple and are recognized as one by the world.

     In the second quarter of the seventh century the Assyrian empire had reached its greatest dimensions.[1]    Assyria had enemies within and outside her empire and a serious threat lay in various Indo-Aryan people who were pressing upon the northern frontier (ibid. p 313).  In 652, a rebellion broke out in Babylon.  At the same time, Arab tribes of the Syrian desert overran Assyrian vassal states in eastern Palestine and Syria, from Edom and Moab, northbound to the area of Zobah.   In 648, Babylon was taken, after a two year siege.  In Oct 626, Nabopolassar (626-605) the Chaldean prince who led the Babylonians, defeated the Assyrians outside the Babylonian empire and took the throne there a month later (ibid. p 315).  In 612, the Babylonians and the Medes “brought Assyria to the ground” (ibid, 324).  Pagan practices returned and the public morality descended.  Prophets who tried to alter this practice were harassed, persecuted or killed.  In the end of 604, the Babylonian army in the Philistine plain took and destroyed Ashkelon deporting leading elements of its population to Babylon.  In Dec 598, the Babylonian army marched and within three months the city surrendered.  The king, the queen mother, the high officials and leading citizens were taken to Babylon.  Within ten years, the kingdom of Judah ended (ibid. 327).  In 597, Judah experienced humiliation such as she had never experienced before.  Yahweh’s temple was looted of its treasures, and the legitimate Davidide was removed from his throne and taken captive to a faraway land (ibid. p 332).  Though the temple was burned to the ground it remained a holy spot to which pilgrims continued to journey and to offer sacrifice among the blackened ruins (ibid. p 344).

     The actual number of people deported is unknown (ibid. 328).  In 595/4 there was a rebellion in Babylon presumed to be deported Jews, prompted by their prophets’ promises of a speedy release.  The Jews living in Babylon represented the best of their country’s political, ecclesiastical and intellectual leadership which is why they were selected for deportation.   There had been three deportations, 597, 587 and 582 consisting of 4,600 Jews.  These numbers perhaps consist of the males only and actual numbers may be increased three or four times that figure.  There has been an estimate of over 20,000 Jews deported.  These exiles would shape Israel’s future, giving faith her new direction and providing the impulse for the ultimate restoration of the Jewish community in Palestine (ibid. p 345).  Aside from those Jews forcibly removed to Babylon, others voluntarily left their homeland to seek safety.  A considerable amount went to Egypt (ibid, 346).  It is presumed that thousands also died in battle or of starvation and disease (cf. Lam. 2:11f., 19-21; 4:f.).  There were also those who were executed (ibid. p 344).   

Israel began to be scattered among the nations.  There would be no full return to the patterns of her past (ibid. p 347).  Their faith was also threatened as state and national theology collapsed under the control of a pagan power.  But Israel’s faith met “an astounding tenacity and vitality” (ibid. pp 348-349).  During the exile, the records and traditions of the past were preserved where both the recollection of Yahweh’s past deeds towards his people held hope for the future.  The exiles felt their present status was provisional rather than a true resettlement.  Their prophets continued to assure them that Yahweh’s objective was the ultimate restoration of his people in the promised land (ibid, p 350). Hopes were probably raised by the extreme instability of the Babylonian Empire which was short-lived (ibid, p 351).  Just before this happened, a voice of a great prophet, whose name is unknown but is referred to as the Second Isaiah provided comfort to his “beaten people” (ibid. p 355).  Second Isaiah had heard (c. 40:1-11) celestial heralds announcing Yahweh’s decision that the penance of Israel had been accepted and that Yahweh would soon gather his flock and lead them home.  The prophet assured his people that Yahweh was in control of history (ibid. p 355).  This prophet, adapted Israel’s faith to the horizons of world history, and offered the explanation of her sufferings (ibid. p 359).  In Oct 539, Babylon was taken over.  A few weeks later Cyrus entered the city in triumph.  Babylon was not harmed.  Persian soldiers were ordered to respect the religions of the population and to refrain from terrorizing them (ibid. p 360).  Cyrus issued a decree ordering the restoration of the Jewish community and cult in Palestine.  The decree also provided that the Temple be rebuilt and funded by the royal treasury and Cyrus permitted Jews to return to their homeland if they so desired (ibid. p 361).             

     The Jews have a history of persecution, oppression and suffering.  This history is what defines them as special to God.  Their strong faith in God is what unites these people wherever they may live.  Their beloved temple, destroyed but rebuilt is the home where they wait for God to return to them.  And temple or not, it will always remain their holy ground.   Though tempted by other gods and culture, these people remained true to themselves and to God.  It is this strong determination and wisdom that their history reflects that makes the Jew what he and she is, God’s special child.  Though the Jews have been scattered throughout the world,

they remain connected and strong as one people.      

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[1] Bright, John.  A History of Israel. 4^th edition.  Philadelphia: Westminster, 2001. P 310.

Homosexuality and other tid bits (psychology notes)

     When I was selling my book last month  “Hey Guy By Me” quite a few men at Queens Park told me that they were gay and that my book was probably not suited to them.  Of course they were handsome.  I argued at first indicating that anyone can read a book, but then I realized by the approach of the second man, that they were right.  Who is the audience is always kept in the back of the mind for selling, but is it for writing?  Do we write for others or do we write for ourselves?

       As I look at my psychology notes, I see reference to tid bits about homosexuality without references.  Should I post them or not, I wonder and I decide to do so.  As I write in my blog, I think that perhaps one day I shall break down and buy my own blogs in book form so I can throw away all my notes and have something more clean in my limited book stand.  I say limited because I am taking the time to go through all my books and decide what I need to keep and what I can give away and to whom.  Why am I doing this?  I have decided to paint my walls and refresh everything in my free time, which includes decreasing the volumes of my books.

       I used to use lots of colour when I painted my rooms, but I now prefer a more spa like, neutral classic, probably due from all the shows I like to watch such as Property Brothers,  Candice and Hillary.  I am bad with names but I have the designer’s first name right.  Right?  Anyhow, as I watch these people perform magic, I want to try to perform my own, which is more cost effective.  In the living room I am removing all things from it and deciding what I shall keep and what I will transfer to another room.  This is where I am at.  One of the designers (Peloso) I saw at the exhibition recommended a particular shade which is his favorite colour.  I wrote the name down and that is what I will buy, once I remove the bold loud colour I have now.  I have travelled and picked up lovely souvenirs but my tastes have changed and so what I am doing once again is deciding who would like this or that and then offer it to them.  But am I getting away from homosexuality?  In my book, I make reference to the excellent taste of homosexual men.

     I never assume a man is a homosexual.  Too many people assume and what does that mean?  When you assume you make an ass of u and me (ass/u/me).  Bullies like to pick on homosexuals and bullies like to label heterosexual people as homosexuals as a ploy to degrade them.  And of course there are those who are hidden homosexuals who like to condemn others because they do not like it in themselves.  Bullies are too popular, so I will leave them alone for the moment.  Society is starting to look at the bully and deciding that something needs to be done.  It is about time.  I like to think that in today’s society we can respect others for who they are.  I understand homophobia.  Many people grow up in homes where the idea of homosexuality is worse than death.  I once had someone tell me (not in counselling.  I never talk about clients) “Do you think this is the life I would have chosen?”  It was not until I studied psychology that I examined homosexuality.  It was removed from the DSM as a disorder because of pressure from the homosexual community.  This is what I was taught.  When I studied the biology portion I was told that homosexual men, like women use both portions of the brain, while heterosexual men usually use one.  Of course we all laughed.  At least the women did.  I can go deeper there, but maybe you should do a bit of work to examine this more closely yourself.  I never thought of the biological differences.  When I hear of someone being bullied to the point that they kill themselves for whatever reason, my heart bleeds for them.  I like the changes in education where we learn to embrace others who may not think like ourselves.  I remember taking a taxi once and the man behind the wheel was telling me how in his country people kill homosexuals and that this was one thing that he did not like about Canada.  I mentioned to him that Canada is a free country.  Canada is a place where people can feel free and are protected by law.  We need to educate, to enhance the self esteem of ourselves and others while educating the bullies who unfortunately have most likely been bullied themselves.  Prejudice is prejudging and there have been studies to indicate that if one is living and working with a segment of the population who one thinks is inferior to him or her due to race, religion, orientation etc….than one’s prejudice decreases and can be eliminated.  You actually discover that the person you hated is not so bad after all.  This person is just like you who suffers and bleeds and is happy and cries.  Imagine that?  It is time for all bullying to stop.  When bullying happens, it may be time for institutions to examine the home life of the bully at large and implement more positive change.  Who is teaching the bully to bully?  We are always learning and changing because of what we learn.

Now my tid bits:

(1999)

If one identical twin is homosexual, there is a 50% chance of the other.  Fraternal – 20%, adopted – 10%.

Male homosexuality may run in some families and there are differences in the male brain antonomy in response to hormones and in psychological abilities such as spatial skills.

Fewer than 2% of sexually active men and women say they had a homosexual encounter and fewer than 19% report it.

Only 17% of heterosexual men with multiple partners and 13% of high risk, use condoms.

8-10 million American children are living with homosexual parents.

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More tid bits in general:

One half of the population in their early 30’s have cohabitated, 4% are at any given time.

1992 -  Sweden has twice as many new marriages.

9 out of 10 Americans and 3 out of 4 African American women will eventually marry, down 95% before the late 70’s.

Conventional marriage -  Women work and both participate in house chores and child care.

Modern Pattern  -  Husband and wife share parenting but wife does more housework.

Role sharing -  most equalitarian.

About 1/3 of mothers find parenting enjoyable and meaningful.

1/3 find it neither

And 1/3 have mixed feelings.

Empty nest may be harder on fathers who may regret that they did not spend more time with their children when they were younger.

About 1 in 5 marriages last 50 years.

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     One of my favourite professors in my undergrad, was an Anthropologist, Carol Yawney.  If she had not died I would have probably followed in her footsteps.  She was also an expert witness in court for issues of racism.  I believe I posted a published poem that I wrote for her, when I heard of her death.  I remember her bringing us brochures regarding racism and I was surprised that some of what was written, I never considered racism.  She also taught me humility by her own example of teaching and living life to its fullest. 

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     Maybe it is time to sit back, reflect and ask yourself are you happy being who you are?  Are you being bullied?  What can you do about it?  Please do something.  Tell someone and get someone to help you.  Are you a bully?  Why? Are you suffering at home?  Take a look at yourself?  Do you really want to do to others what may be happening to you?  Why not break the cycle?  Why not break the silence?   Are you homophobic?  Why?  Do you really think that you are better than anyone else?  Where did you learn this?  Do you consider yourself prejudice?  Have you prejudged others?  Why not decide to take some responsibility of making this world a better place?  Why not start with ourselves as individuals?  Why not reach out to someone who may be different than ourselves today and accept them as a fellow human being?   What do you think?

     I have taken a one day work shop for counselling Catholic homosexuals in the Catholic Church.  Our Lady of Lourdes at Sherbourne and Wellesley area has mass for homosexuals, I believe once a month. 

     If I have used the wrong terminology here at any time, please forgive me.    Also please forgive  all the underlines.  That was done in error and I cannot seem to erase it.

Wisdom (psychology notes)

     Wisdom as seen by theorists:

Wisdom – cognitive ability, integration of intellect and emotion, spiritual domain.

Erikson - Wisdom is a virtue that results from successful resolution of integrity vs. despair.

Wisdom means accepting the life one has lived without major regrets.  Accepting parents as people who did the best they could.

Cognitive researcher – Vivian Clayton

Intelligence - ability to think logically and abstractly.

Wisdom - ability to grasp paradoxes, reconcile contradictions and make and accept compromise.

Whereas intelligence can figure out how to do something, wisdom asks whether it should be done.

John A. Meacham - wisdom more attribution of youth because older people know too much and are too sure of their knowledge.  Wise people balance their acquisition of knowledge with recognition of its inherent fallibility.  Wise people do not know more than unwise people, they just use their information differently.

Baltes – Wisdom

-          Part of pragmatics of intelligence:  a cognitive domain that remains stable and may even continue to improve into late adulthood.

-          Can be rare

-          Wisdom may develop at any period of life; aging would seem to provide fertile soil for its’ growth.

 Labouvie- Vief

-integration of two basic modes of knowing Logos (provides experimental richness and fluidity) [objective, analytic, and rational] and Mythos (subjective, experimental and emotional) legal cohesion and stability.

Baltes-

A component of intelligence

(achenbaum and Orwall, 91) intrapersonal wisdom – self examination, knowledge, integrity, and maturity.

                                                Intranspersonal wisdom - capacity to transcend the self and strive for spiritual growth.

Interiority – introspection and concern with the inner life which has been associated with aging.

Kohlberg has a Defining Issues Test (DIT) composed of 12 questions about each of six moral dilemmas.

Coping with retirement and change?

     I was recently asked at a retirees’ association function how I managed my retirement.  This question came from a man who sat opposite me, while we were dining.  I was not surprised by that question because I have been asked before.  I was also asked last year if I would be a speaker to a group of retirees about my own story of retirement.  I was surprised because I advertise mostly that I provide my services as a speaker about stress and managing stress. I had never been asked to talk about my own story.

     I wonder who the audience of retirees is?  I believe it is normally people who have waited until retirement age to retire or who have been so ill that they have been forced to retire.  Some who are younger when they retire, are perhaps more open to retirement as an option of opportunity and discovery.  Prior to my own initial retirement, what I heard at a lecture for a specific group of  young retirees was that a surprising percentage would die within two years of retirement.  At the time I heard this I was alarmed.  I did not want this to happen to me and I wondered if I had taken enough precautions with my life that it would not.  I am still alive after retiring twice and beginning another career.  I was not part of that statistic. 

     We are living longer.  There are people living up to 100 plus still enjoying life.  How do they do it?  It would be interesting to interview them all, to hear their words of wisdom from their perspective and try to find the common denominator. 

     There are stages of development which I have written and mentioned before, basically if you are around this age, you will probably feel this.  If you have accomplished this at this stage you will feel this and if you feel you have not accomplished whatever, than you will feel that.  It is not too difficult to deduce that if you are not happy living the life you wanted to live than perhaps you will reflect what could have been.  But what happens when we are stuck in a stage that we cannot move away from?  What does it prevent?  I would suggest that it prevents growth.  Do you forget about it?  I would say, no.  You need to look at it, examine it, and perhaps make peace with it.  There is so much beyond one’s control.  We cannot change others but we are always free to change ourselves, our behaviours; our concepts.  What happens when we remain stuck and unhappy with our lives?  We have a choice.  No matter what is happening we really do have choices.

     You may think I am moving away from retirement, but I am not.  It is how you view retirement and how you view yourself.  When we work, we define who we are by what work we are doing.   Think about it.  If you have lived as a homemaker all your life and suddenly your children have moved away and your husband has left you for another younger woman, who are you now?  If you have worked in a power position and people feared you, who are you when you no longer have this power over others?  Do you get stuck?  Do you grieve and then move on?  Why not take a bit of time this week to acquaint you with yourself.   Who are you?  What defines you?

     When I retired the first time, I went to a place I had wanted to go for a long time but never had the opportunity.  It was during this trip that I realized I am not defined by my work.  I discovered that my home is where ever I am. 

     Retirement can be viewed as a nightmare and a feeling that one is no longer considered worthy in the work force.  I suggest that you explore the possibilities.  What have you always wanted to do but did not?  Have you done it all?  Why not try something new?  For seniors, there are doors that open.  You may want to go to university for the first time in your life?  You may want to complete that high school, you never did.  You may want to take an art course, to discover that you may just have found another hobby.  The list is endless.

     What I would have said if I had been invited to speak and if I could return to the dinner table when that man asked how I coped with retiring is Live.   I would have tried to stimulate the audience to let me know what it was it that they wanted to do with their lives, what was still left undone and what they could examine as possibilities – new beginnings. 

     We need balance.  Take a look at yourself today and ask yourself who are you?  Get acquainted with yourself.  Step away from the business or loneliness and ask yourself who am I?  What defines me?  Where am I?  Is this where I want to be?  What can I change? 

     Suicide is greater among elderly men in Canada than any other group.  Why?    

If you are retiring, why not continue to live life or start to and learn perhaps to love it all over again or for the first time?   What do you think?