Narrative and Ethics - workshop notes

I was quite pleasantly surprised when I walked into this workshop a tad late so I do not have the name of the psychiatrist who provided this mini lecture but I was quite pleased because she was talking about actual writing. Narrative therapy is when someone is given the opportunity to tell her story, but this psychiatrist was actually talking about writing, a passion of mine as you may have guessed. She said that when you write a story you should write in the middle of the story. As I type, I wonder how I begin the stories of my three books. My first book begins at the beginning of Once upon a time? My second book, starts at the end of a career but drifts back and forth in the time to the present, years after the end of one career. My third, may start at the middle. After all a serial killer has a life before he has killed. I do break rules, but rules may have been written to be broken. Rules change with the time. However, I was very elated by this lecture, because I was having a feeling of newness in a field that can be quite repetitive. That is not bad in itself because refresher is always positive. However, I need to learn new things to feel excited about what I am hearing. The psychiatrist spoke of asking clients if they are ok with sharing their stories. If I were to actually provide a case study, I would do that, with written approval, I learned quickly in undergrad, when my favourite professor emailed me and asked for my telephone number. My telephone number rang seconds if not a second later, and I received a lecture on the importance of getting proper forms signed when representing a university. That was touchy because I was trying to get women who have been repressed and silenced in a particular country to speak to me and quite frankly they were terrified. It is sad to think that women in Canada may be afraid to speak about certain groups from their country of origin, for worry of their own survival. Yet these are changing times and evil may cross borders. Now going back to the lecture, the psychiatrist spoke of nine doctors who died with ebola disease in a small community of West Africa. She was interested in ebola. Junior doctors were in the front line with no training in Nigeria. “Wasup” to communicate. She exclaimed, “How can you have doctors who are dying? You have a facility but the doctors can’t get in for treatment. Regarding the junior doctors, the psychiatrist had been able to get all the information in writing. She said that there is no story if there is no resolution. “This can’t be this way and this is how it can be changed. That is resolution. How can we organize material? There is a time line. When did this start? She studies each doctor. Head doctor has five children; went back to school. Head doctor of hospital. (Group - different things with each other). What happened next? (time line) She organizes materials that way. Outline - She does not do that. You don’t start at the beginning. You start at the middle. When you write from the middle to the end, you will know. You can’t write anything that is that long - 1000 is a lot. You can’t use that many characters in a book. Everything else is peripheral and only a few people are main characters. Not to do - always have an active voice. Oak tree is spreading its branches - not guy got fired. Say company fired him. Complicate - Company fires him, gets depressed, gets help, sues the company. Resolution - gets his job back. Growth and change in main character. Complication - Surgeon is gambling on patient’s life. Surgeon opens brain. ……… in brain. ………. ambushes surgeon. Women dies. Resolution - Dr has to accept it. He knows there was a risk. He shared it but he did not expect patient to die. Showing - not telling - all action.

The Internet Murders Chap 2, pgs 10-11

Chad was a local pub just off Jarvis, near the station. Many of the coppers went there after work along with some of the paramedics, firemen and one firewoman. She was too tough for some of the guys. The rest were mostly groupies who just wanted to go home with someone who could take care of them. But Paul struck out every time. They figured him for a bus driver more than a cop. *** Sandra was thinking loudly in her head. Friday night and business is slow. Whatever made me think I should get into my own business? Private investigator! All I get are frustrated women wanting to know who their husbands are screwing. The problem is, that’s where I make my money. Men are pigs and can’t say no. Get the right moment, the right time and that’s it. Unless, of course it happens to be fresh – and there’s always that one special guy. In those cases the women don’t come to me for help. Oh, well. I have enough to pay the rent for another month and savings for two more months. Sandra missed being a cop, but after two years on homicide, she had seen enough for a lifetime. Now, where was she? “I need a coffee,” she mumbled. She didn’t hear anything. She had barely managed to rise from her chair when she felt powerful arms come[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks. Order your hard cover now at www.silvaredigonda.com

18 th Century - Age of Reason (Theology) cont......

Philosophers began to develop rights of human beings. John Locke, Russia, were pioneers in this kind. Many people don’t want freedom - like in prison. In prison some don’t want to leave. Prefer security over freedom. In 1791 - the constitute assembly. France - gave freedom to Jews (Alfred Dreyfus) but still accused of selling France secrets to Germany so went to jail. Found later that he was innocent. Cooked up another charge to keep him in jail. Finally liberated No three persons in God (Jews). Sharma (definition)- God is one whenever they pray. RC - deprived. Protestant - depraved. Believe we have a free will and that God would not have them do what they can’t. Concept of sin is part of purgatory of God. Spirituality - eventually will do what God wants to do. RC - I’m no good - kick me. Not Jews - repent and go to the Father - Prodigal son. No doctrine of original sin. (as per Augustine so don’t need anyone to atone for you. Can do own. Don’t need anyone to come die for us. Torah - is the place - their God. It is their way of finding God in all things. Jews have no problems recognizing that other people have revelation. Mosaic Convenient. Theology is not faith - believe even though don’t know what it is about. Theology is belief, then understanding. “In both cases you are messed up. Explains why you are messed up.”Just the order is different in the Old Testament. Fundamental difference - no saving. Jewish - Morotheism - unique to them at the time. Author Franz Resensweig wrote “Star of redemption”. Christianity is the nation of the pagans. Task is to preach among gentiles. The task of Judices is to remind Christianity of its’ biblical roots. Judaism and Christianity are related to each other as root and branch according to Resensweig. God will christianize through Christianity of one God. Christians and Jews are two worlds that go to the Father. (John) Jews already with the Father. Christ brings a knowledge of the Father. Jews don’t know who the Messiah is until the end of time. Not only King but Kingdom will come. Jews lived peacefully with Islam until the Brits intervened. No missions to convert Jews from RC and United Church………. to be continued with A Christian Theology of Judaism.

Experiential Therapy - Conference continuation - notes (don’t have name of speaker).

Emphasis is creating optimal conditions. Mindfulness - based interventions. 15 minutes or more to relax. eg. HIV patient wants to go on a date but fears he will be “dumped.” Present orientated- focused on sensory experiences of what is happening now. Allow self to see the process, letting go of the thoughts and can practise by breathing and body scan. Can create optimal conditions after medications. Helpful for symptoms of anxiety and depression. Research - gay men living with HIV (mixed centres and hospitals). Internalized stigma - HIV. Growing “shame.” How to integrate compassion into mindfulness; Compassion is being moved by other’s suffering and wishing that they feel better. Wise compassion includes empathy. Softening defences - Many had parents who didn’t know how to calm themselves down, let alone their child. This is compounded by abuse. There are no coping skills. Client has learned to block them (painful memories). Develop self kindness, friendliness, instead of beating yourself up. Alleviating gentleness, curiosity and empathy guides you bodily and sensory experience, feelings and thoughts. Emotion focused mindfulness - breathing; feel what hands are touching, feel your body in the chair, your feet in your shoes on the floor. Lay meditating five minutes and get feelings about work - take elevator down to deep calm. What’s this? Take elevator up and come back half way. Notice the state you are in at the bottom and then half way. What do you feel? Pausing and finding the right distance from the feeling - if too far away, try a body scan to tune into the body better. If too close and intense, try getting some distance. Find a handle symbolizing the felt sense. Find word for your senses. Do meditate and then journal. Explore experience with your therapist. There are many examples of learning how to relax. I normally use a 15 minute relaxation technique for my clients, I was provided with, back in my undergrad in health psychology. He used it on us, and I felt myself relaxing and the calming sensation after a long day at work and then night classes. I normally provide a handout for them as well as some stress relief tips I obtained in post grad. I normally cater what I use depending on the client’s need. This was part of a workshop I attending. I will not have the names of several speakers from the conferences because they were short and I had to find where the rooms were and handouts were not always given. However, I do think it is important for you regardless of why you may need to know it for it to help. Mindfulness is becoming quite popular. What do you think?

The Internet Murders end of Chap 1, Chap 2 begins..........

.... He hadn’t seen the figure who had been watching him approach and begin to follow him. He didn’t feel his head being raised and smashed against the curb. George had never realized that he would die thinking about wine in his cellar and Sandra who would appreciate it. Chapter 2 Robert was aware of his good looks. He didn’t have to flaunt it. He noticed the girls in the office trying to get his attention and because he kept it cool, they only wanted him more. “Hey Robert! Are we going clubbing Friday, after work?” called Paul. Paul knew that the only way women would pay attention to him would be if he was with Robert. His little paunch wouldn’t draw any women, but Robert’s muscular build did, and someone might notice him too. Not even a badge was helping Paul. He wondered why women couldn’t appreciate him. Paul knew that he really didn’t like Robert. Robert was too much of everything. He was too good-looking, had too good a body and worst of all, everything came easy to him. He didn’t even have to work, because he was wealthy. He had it all. What really pissed Paul off was that Robert was good at his job too. “Huh, sure, Friday. Meet you at Chads,” Robert replied casually. Chad was a local pub just off Jarvis, near the station. Many of the coppers went there after work along with some of the paramedics, firemen and one firewoman. She was too ..... Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks. www.silvaredigonda.com

A journal of a day, almost ten years ago. Self care.

I am due to write to you and it has been busy with work and play and readings. I thought I would share with you a day journal I wrote about ten years ago. I know there are people who read my blog who are in the helping positions. Self care is important for everyone but for those in the helping professions, self care is paramount. One way to keep track of how you feel is by journaling. I usually save what I think I can use in a book or blog etc....Eventually, I should write about dying, even if it is a chapter, and I thought that I could use what I share today with you. For people who deal with suffering I usually recommend that they are able to let those who want to burden them with their problems such as aquaintenances to either limit the interacation or recommend a therapist. Burn out can be a problem and if one wants to help others, they must be able to take good care of themselves. Take time for R & R and do not feel guilty about it. How often do I need to give permission for people to take care of themselves, to have fun and not to feel guilty about it. Go to the gym, spend time with God, if you believe in God, and if you do not, take time with nature. Enjoy a serene space. Pay attention to your feelings and watch how often it can change depending on your interaction with others. A smile can make you smile, a tear can sear your heart and then a donut can make it all good with sound company. Pay attention to yourself, and your own needs so you can be your best for others. 20 May 1909 This week I work my first seven day week for 21 days straight. I should be dead by the time this unit is closed. Would I do this work? I would rather have clients in an office, booking at my leisure. But palliative care is my first choice. There is something unique about being with people who are dying. Knowing it is our time, what havoc it does. Their families I find are so wonderful and loving. How else can they be, for dying strips away all pretence. There is only rawness. Please help those souls Lord. Help them die. Mercy can never be more important than it is at death. Please help Mrs…………..Give her strength for what she is facing. Spare her pain and let her die with dignity as per her request, after so many years of service. Help me to deal with all this sorrow. Let me learn from it. Thank you. This has been a gift. How many years have you worked in the service of others? What sustains you? How do you recognize when you need to help yourself? What do you think?

#Toronto Strong

I have lived in Toronto for most of my life. I came here as a baby and aside from being transferred away because of my first career, this has remained my home. Regardless, of where I move in the future, Toronto will always remain my home town. Have I thought of moving - yes. Will I move? Recently at a barbecue I was asked what I do in Toronto. Where do I go? I was surprised by the question and than it was demanded that I answer the question by another, because I didn’t respond fast enough? We cannot always pick who we want in our vicinity. However, the question stumped me because in Toronto there is so much to do. If I had been asked what my interests are or what I do for fun etc….Where I go? Well last weekend I went to the Bloor fest. I went to a movie. The weekend before I was in Burlington. The weekend before I was at the Harbourfront where I had a great pizza I am still dreaming about. The weekend before that I was at Scarborough Bluffs with an old professor of mine enjoying fish and chips and watching the Swans below on the water. I have been at the gym, at the movies, at the theatre etc…There is so much to do and I do different things depending on who I am with. In Toronto, they often close a section of a street and they sell food, promote the city, have politicians promoting themselves as well as other festivities. Last weekend there were also live snakes for sale which I found disturbing at the street fair. I was not a fan with the woman who breeds them. “Do you sell them to anyone?” I asked. She was not a happy camper, since she had removed the snake from the plastic container to show off one of her prizes. I saw a group of four police people walking and wondered why all four were together. There has been an increase in violence and the amount of police has decreased in the city. It has been a rough few years for the police, where groups bash them. This is not from the majority of the people in Toronto. This is certainly not from me. The safest I ever felt was in New York City as I arrived at 10:00 pm. Why? Because there were police everywhere. That made me feel safe. As our city has grown the amount of police has decreased and has not been replaced. I do not compare my city with others as I hear politicians compare. I compare mine to what is was and what it has become. As we grow, we do not need to decrease but increase. Politicians may be voted in and politicians may be voted out, not by the loudest cries, but the silent majority. We have more guns and deaths and gangs than ever. We have faced two mass shootings and our latest victims were a child of ten years of age and a young teen who had such a promising future of helping others. Not that long ago there were children shot by a gang running after someone. When children die and get shot, we wake up that something needs to be done. We need to protect our children. What happens worse is no longer justifiable. I used to have a pizza night with my elderly pastoral counsellor on the Danforth many times. Unfortunately he died. I have had desserts at Demetres on the Danforth where the gunman shot through the window. Every Christmas with the federal retires board, we celebrate at a popular Greek restaurant. Queen Street is another popular street my mother and I used to spend many great times enjoying the jazz festival before it became so popular that I don’t even attempt going there now. Yonge street is well, Yonge street, the longest street, and who has not been there? As Toronto gets bigger, I have my own isolated spots to escape in quiet which are increasingly being discovered such as the Scarborough bluffs. I enjoy sitting on outside patios for lunch or an evening meal. They didn’t have it so much when I was a child. Violence used to exist in pockets of the city where crime was controlled. Shootings didn’t happen here; only in the States. But whatever happens in the States usually comes here. Why? Do we really need guns in Toronto? The Police definitely need them, but do the gangs need them? We have also had killings where people just happen to be living or walking in an area because rival gangs live there. The police have become so demonized that gangs can control the reporting of crimes. We need responsible reporting. We need to reach out to the vulnerable. We need to protect the vulnerable. We need to have mental health provided by all not only for those who can afford to pay for it. Why is psychotherapy not covered by OHIP? We need more support groups and availability for group therapies. People who are psychotic should not be alone walking the streets. People who are suffering from severe mental illness should have the care, they deserve. We can see how one person can do so much damage by running down people or shooting people at random. This affects all of us. The Police and other emergency personnel have to run into situations where others are running from. Now two police people will have to face inquiries from the SIU. Why can this not be exempted for mass killings? That only makes it harder for the Officers. Therapy is very helpful for people who are dealing with this trauma of what they saw and experienced, of being shot, of trying to rescue, of trying to help those injured or dying. Sometimes people just shut down and don’t want to talk about it but that will continue to haunt if it is not dealt with. Parents who have had their children killed will suffer what they did not think was possible. The community is doing all the things, they normally do and this is therapeutic. The community gathers, the community leaves flowers and notes, the community attends services and the community supports each other - a ritual which provides solace and connections - a grieving process. We are living in different times where one person can do so much damage. However, we also see the generosity of people, the goodness of people, the caring………I love my city. It has and will be forever my home. I normally smile at everyone and offer greetings. I talk to everyone, anywhere. I like it when I sit at a patio either by myself or with a friend(s). I love it that in Toronto we have people from every culture and religion one can imagine. Yes, we have our problems and we need to make changes for a changing world. Do we need guns in our city? What can we do to rid ourselves of arming the disturbed or gangs? What can we do to rid our selves of the gangs? What can we do to prevent burn out for our rescuers? What can we do? We can do lots. We have an educated city with three universities. We have an abundance of museums, and entertainment. We have our waterfront where every summer I get on a tour boat just for fun and listen what the tourists are being told about our city. I watch their enthusiasm which gives me pleasure because I do love my city. It is an unconditional love. However, I would like to see changes to help it grow in a healthy way. To ask me what I do in Toronto is somewhat difficult because there is so much to do and I ensure self care is a daily and weekly and monthly process. I indulged in self care before it was popular because of my previous careers. Self care and who I keep company with is paramount. I surround myself with people who are nice in my spare time. There is always one in every crowd who may challenge you because they think they are better or smarter or have dirty minds, but it is them projecting. Normally someone who is acting smarter may be making up for a sense of intrinsic insecurity. So, what do I do for fun? It would probably take pages. That is one of the things that living in a city is all about. I may go to the zoo, a museum, an art gallery, a park, a festival, a patio, a library, a conference etc……or I may just sit and read a book. Who cares? One thing I do know and which causes me a bit of concern of leaving my beautiful city, is all the options that I do have and take advantage of. I do not live in fear but I am cautious. I love people. I have always had careers helping people and thrive on it. I get fulfillment. So, if you have suffered a loss, it is heartbreak that has to be experienced, but no matter how painful, you will be able to get through it with time and care. Survivor’s guilt is also a struggle. Why did she get killed and I was spared? Re-living the experience over and over again - get professional help. Talk about what has happened to you and what you are feeling. Get the support that is offered. And for the parents of children who kill others. Get the professional help you may need as well. You may have done the best you could, you may feel the pressure of responsibility, you may feel antagonized. You too may need help for yourself. Toronto is a beautiful city with an abundance of good people. Let’s just work a bit harder of making it better for all of us. What do you think? My condolences to all who are suffering from the Danforth shootings.