Sexual Assault is never the person's fault.

About a month ago I was at a salon having my nails done when I overheard a woman employee say she was not judgemental however, a woman who was raped had to take responsibility because of the way she was dressed. She was saying a lot of other things that was making me cringe and needless to say I will not be returning to that place. A while ago a judge made a comment regarding a woman who was sexually assault laying responsibility on her because of one thing or another. I am amazed that in the year 2017, we are still so limited and restricted in our way of thinking. First of all, it does not matter how a person, male or female is dressed, rape/sexual assault is never an invitation. All these comments do is blame the survivor/victim. Rape has nothing to do with sex and it has everything to do with power. For some reason this mode of thinking is being passed on from generation to generation and from culture to culture. I cannot count the amount of women who have informed me of being sexually assaulted. Men are too. Children are too. Is it all their fault? Is it partially their fault? No!!!! You can be having sex with a person of legal age and at any time you can change your mind and that needs to be respected. There are so many people who do not report being violated. Many are traumatized and sink into a deep depression, re-evaluating life as they saw it. Some suffer PTSD, living the assault over and over again. This mindless accusations of blame should only rest on the perp. Each time you blame a woman or man who has been victimized, you excuse who is actually at fault. So, please think about this. Offer support and kindness to any one who has reported being violated. Stop blaming those who have been hurt. Start trying to find out the facts based on evidence. If you are in a position of authority with power over those who have been abused, try to determine your own biases and be able to separate them from sound decision making. I am having hope for the changes I see around me. The average voice is heard more often with the introduction of wide media. It is more important than ever for education to include misconceptions, empathy and even manners. I was going to write about my meeting on Monday with the idea that I should continue with the psych notes regarding fear. But this is part of fear, is it not? Blame is all to often internalized when it should not be. How often have I said, "It is not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He (they) should be ashamed." It makes me cringe when I hear that "gang bangers" will tell their targets not to report to the police because they are even worse. If you have been assaulted it is not your fault. You have suffered enough. Find your own safe place and choose your own friends who are truly supportive of you. If you have been raped consider the option of going to hospital where there is a rape kit. You do not need to make a decision right now. Do not bathe or shower as much as you want to cleanse yourself. You have months to make that decision while the evidence is intact. If you hear the slightest hint that it was your fault, do not believe it. Talk to someone who you trust. Seek help to cope. Join a support group or get the counselling you may need.

Fear - Continuing psych notes

I am continuing with my psych notes from 1/4/17. Fear - Client suffering from anxiety disorder - increase benzpdepozine - fine tune - with drugs. Operations not feasible. Help with symptoms - don’t want to induce addiction. Fear is not always harmful. It not only energizes people, when people get frightened, they don’t feel pain. Once fear passes, pain is felt. If a wolf bites - fight it off- if in pain, not able to fight. Pain free can defend self. However, have lots of people who have never been fearful, but then exposed to experience or several beyond normal. Eg. downsizing - A Professor, 65 years of age is to be fired from hospital in next three months. Too much is coming in and therefore too much can become overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with biology but wrong with the environment - reasonable - mortgages, salary. The other possibility is minding your own business and you get attacked underground or are subject of terrorism or war - time duration is relatively short but fear is excessive. Few people would be able to say, “oh well, bombs all over me and blowing people apart” - it would be generally overwhelming. It can generate anxiety disorder relatively quickly. It is the circumstances, not the biology. Another thing too emotionally is that learning and memory is enhanced greatly. At cognition level - the way in which people construe events eg. happen to live next to foreign speaking people - if idea is that all are terrorists and kill Canadians. If a cognition therapist is trying to change their cognitive perspective - one way is to ask for evidence. “ You think……..What evidence do you have for this?” As cognitive view changes. Anxiety goes away. Psychoanalytic will look at conflict because of ID - Ego has to repress. Gets conflicts out in open and tries to resolve it. Behavior will tend to look at specific stimuli that cause anxiety and will try to desensitize the person. Next: hierarchy Approach for psychoanalyst

Networking day - Professional Development

Yesterday I drove to Hamilton Ontario for six hours of ongoing professional education. Another certificate to file for proof that I attended. If I covered my wall with such certificates, people would think I am bragging. If I ever move and get a home office, I will do that though, just to remind me of everything I have done. However, in my office, I like to keep it simple. I found Hamilton to be quite beautiful and the hospital was in the mountains somewhere and I was quite pleased that my sibling had given me the gift of gps. I may have been going in circles, but I got there. Beautiful water views and traffic is a no brainer compared to the nightmare in Toronto. One of the speakers from a Toronto Theology University shared how in her psychology undergrad at a university I will not name was very opposed to any questions about God or theology. Of course I raised my hand and mentioned that at my university at York University, though ten years later I did not find that. We also offered psychology and religion. I also remember a professor teaching when out of the blue he talked about the universe. He said that though everything is all in order, throw something in that order and you have chaos. "How can that not have to do with God?" He asked rhetorically or words to that effect. The next speaker also teaching from a theological viewpoint, hence her college, spoke of being confused regarding viewing pastoral/spirituality as a separate module rather than encompassing the whole. Perhaps because I am in private practice only, it is much easier for me to comprehend spirituality as a separate modality. In being able to practice therapy, one must first be able to face own biases and subjectivity and be able to focus on the client and their own subjectivity. For me it is about assessing each individual on their own merit, belief system etc....However, that does not separate me from myself and who I am. The focus is on the client and not on myself. I must be able to separate myself from myself so to speak. The first professor responded to my going to a Toronto University and professors would be more inclined to be open to religion due to the diversity of the people and religions in Toronto. I have been pondering that. Are we that closed minded if we do not come from a diverse city? I would like to disagree. I think that perhaps it was the biases that prevented her professors from keeping an open mind. Education should encourage thought and questions and who the educator is and his or her own biases may prevent the growth of those who study and learn from them. You do not have to believe in God to discuss God or answer a question relating to God. How can you help people if you disregard what is important to them? I have been honoured to have had clients with such a wide spectrum of diversity. I have been fortunate to have travelled and worked with amazing people. When any professor waves a question away casually, it may be time for re-evaluation. Of course these same professors may have a different perspective at this time. We learn by questioning. What do you think?

The Internet Murders

Well I have added the cover of my third book. It was sent out yesterday and has soon as I get my books, I shall let you know. I am hoping to have it ready for Showcase at York University, Nov 7, 2017. I wish I could have had it sooner but it is better to ensure there are no errors or required adjustments. I was hoping to have a recent picture of me and have my "Holy Terror" in there as well, but not one of my photos was found satisfactory. A photo of me and zombie did not meet the criteria either. Oh well. I suppose my humour comes out even when there is a serial killer around, but humour is a requirement of life. I am debating still what to write in my next book. I think it is better to have lots of ideas bouncing around in my head than none. I have been writing stories since I was a child and I am glad that I have not stopped. So, I suppose I should continue with my notes and I still have lots regarding my psychology classes and theology. Once I record all my notes, I terminate the notebooks, thus one less ounce of paperwork in either my home office or business office. I encourage you to try any hobby if you do not have one and continue until you find something you love to do. In the meantime, if you want to order a book, you may contact me via email or www.silvaredigonda.com. If you want psychotherapy you may contact me at www.redigondapsychotherapy.com. Wish me luck. What do you think?

Harbour Front "Word on the Street" Toronto

Well This Sunday I will be selling my books at "Word on The Street" on the waterfront. Find me at booth number 414A. Look for the sign "Hey Guy Buy Me - Silva Redigonda." From 11:00 to 6 pm. Address is 235 Queens Quay. See you on the lake front. Note the picture of Holy Terror who is my little girl in my third book, now being published.

Please do not buy my books, ebooks from scammers

Bolcom is selling my ebook without my authority. It seems from their grading of For Love of Country - Military Policewoman, they must be doing well. I am glad that those who can't, steal from those who can. At least send royalties my way or prepare for the ring (in my free time). I request that the public not buy any of my books from them. I understand this is a Dutch outfit? I have finished my third book and will be getting an ebook. However, with all these scams, I am debating uploading it. My main focus is on my private practise, however, I love writing as a hobby. It is my second business and I have not received any royalties from anyone this year. Keep that in mind, if you are buying and letting people make money from the author without consent. The only organizations that have copies of my existing ebook is kobo and Military Police Kit. You may buy my ebook from my own web site www.silvaredigonda.com.

The Veteran

May/Jun 17 edition of Family Therapy Magazine reported startling stats. An average of 20 American veterans commit suicide daily. In one government study the rate of suicide among former military personnel in Canada is 46% higher for males and 32% higher for females, relative to the civilian population (Stats Canada, 2011). In the USA suicide prevention has become a top National priority (p 29). The article continues with PTSD which we are already familiar with. “Moral Injury” has also been introduced. Litz et al.(2009) proposes that mental injury “ occurs when one not by one’s own accord, perpetuates/inflicts, or fails to prevent violence on others, or fails to prevent violence on others, or bears witness to acts that transgress one’s deeply held moral beliefs and appears to contribute to different manifestations in emotions, thoughts and behaviors that often lead to different manifestations in emotions, thoughts and behaviors that often lead to destructive and unhealthy outcomes including high suicidality (Marvasti&Dripchak, 2010).” War affects the whole person of the veteran physiologically, emotionally, spiritually, morally and relationally which changes a soldier’s core and character structure. Tick (2014) noted that a soldier surviving a war in a battlefield goes through a psychic death and rebirth process. Trying to treat a soldier as her/his former self only brings isolation, disappointment, frustration and destruction to the transformed identity of the soldier (Tick, 2014).(FTM pages 29-32). Every once in a while I will get a call from someone in the States concerned about a military person and I always recommend that they contact their veteran affairs for help. Since they are in the States, the resources are right there for them. We too have our own veteran affairs and I have already posted a number that service people may call. I have found that depression and isolation is very common. However, I also know that veterans are very close to each other and trust each other before trusting their civilian counterpart, though not always. Though suicide may always be an option for some, I caution people who are not qualified therapists to not casually report a veteran has suicidal. I cannot count the amount of persons in the general population who I have seen who reported being or feeling suicidal. As a therapist, I have to believe that the person will commit suicide. I cannot either count how many people have reported that they were going to kill themselves out of frustration for one reason or another. I can report that lives made worse by well meaning health helpers who were not qualified and reported a possible veteran has being suicidal when it was not the case. I even mentioned this on a course where I was surprised at how many people were working with possible suicide persons without any qualification. The highest qualified person in that arena was a psychology undergrad student who the others were seeking advice from. I could not contain my anger and disappointed. This needs to change and soon. I have been fortunate so far. There is a cry for help out there. There are also those who seem to be led by the blind and that is not missed. I have mentioned it before that during seminars a focus is on the mindset of the soldier. The focus is on the culture. And sometimes that is missed as well. I encourage every veteran and soldier thinking suicide to take advantage of the resources you have offered to you. If you have seen someone and have not been able to connect with him or her, don’t waste time. See another therapist. Check their qualifications and make sure they are registered. The world of veterans can be a small one and I suggest that you find others and connect and share. People are always changing by what happens to them and they are never entirely the same. Every moment something happens to us and we grow and change. Sometimes, something so horrible happens and it scars. However, we can also move forward and live a productive life if we are able to reach out, for no person is an island. We need others. What do you think? September 11 is today and my thoughts are for the 3000 people who died and their families. We should never forget those who have suffered, and those who fight for us. I would like to add my prayers for those suffering from the recent disasters in the States and Caribbean.