Religion vs Culture - Pastoral

In North America we have freedoms that we often take for granted. Sometimes we may feel that the entire world operates as we do but then we get glimpses of reality through violence experienced, terrorism etc….that we can experience life’s altering moments or get a perspective from the suffering of others. Recently I watched a documentary ‘Women” by Gloria Steinman who depicted the femicide of women in El Salvador. It seemed incredulous to me that so many women are being tortured to death by men. Even more so that it is considered the norm. Men in powerful positions often get no penalty whatsoever for beating or even killing their wives or girlfriends. Where does all this anger come from? Gangs enjoy torturing women because as one ex gang member put it, they scream more. He considered it art. We had two Canadians college students (not university) who considered torturing an animal to death as art too. Torture is not art. In my opinion, it is pure evil. One man interviewed in El Salvador said that he beats his wife but added that she likes it because she stays with him. He has thought of killing her at times and perhaps will. It is such a problem that they have special police units to investigate these killings/torture. One Policewoman in charge of her unit stated that she has arrested policemen as well for such crimes. The female reporter is shown entering a bar full of men only to interview and get their perspectives. They speak of growing up having their dads beat up their mothers. When I went to school there would always be a protest from a student regarding our notion of countries we do not think are civilized. We are educated to see life from the perspective of others. We can send women to space and elect them to parliament while women in other countries are being whipped for being raped, not allowed to drive cars and forced into prostitution. How civilized pray tell, is all this? I am glad that my country opens the doors to the repressed. Religion is becoming a dirty word in some circles and Spirituality is the objective to replace religion. How many people who are abusive are religious? How many children grow up to hate religion because it has been distorted for them? How many men go to Church or equivalent and then beat up or rape their wives? How many religious people beat up their children, humiliate them and then say that they should honour the parent because it is God’s wish? The name of God has been utilized so often in the torture, killings and terrorism of others. Is this God? Is this religion? Is this madness, needing an excuse? None of this has to do with God. Because the God I know is not evil. Evil is called something else, and it is certainly not God. Changing to a lighter subject, I was reading a booklet, “Echo from Africa and other continents” May/Jun 2016 pgs 20-25, by Fr S. Arockia Doss, a Catholic priest who works in Tamil, India. He has organized a project to help Dalit children through education. Fr Doss reports knowing the status of Dalit women and girls in India from personal experience. His own father had taken his three sisters out of school, who today he describes are worn and aged before their time from work. Women and girls are molested within the homes of high-caste landlords. Nearly 90% of his parish consists of Dalits. Nothing has changed. These females are still prevented from going to school; forced to work as domestic servants. It is no surprise that Fr Doss explains that the poverty is mostly due to exploitation and injustice (sounds familiar?). Dalit women work under harsh circumstances while being abused both at work and home. They experience “filthy verbal abuse, sexual abuse, and unimaginable violence.” Many are forced into prostitution. I find it interesting that Fr Doss clarifies that Dalit Christians have 300 years of experience with Christianity yet do not even know what their faith is. Many Christians there do not view Dalits as people. Fr Doss states that only education can save them from an endless cycle of slavery and he is doing everything in his power to provide this education. Stipends from the church collections pays for teachers. These female children are now altar servers and readers and of course this bothers the high-caste Christians of the parish. “Even though there are only 16 high-caste families in the parish, they have much influence and are trying to impede the changes I have made.” Fr Doss is looking for funds to continue educating females. “When a Dalit girl is educated, their entire family benefits. Our shoulders have carried the weight of slavery for 3,000 years. Education was always beyond our reach. We have been forced to carry out menial jobs in unhygienic conditions, making cleanliness a basic issue. Traditionally we are not allowed to enter temples or places of worship. As unclean beings, we are forbidden to enter holy places according to the Hindu religion.” There is a photo depicted of two rows of children. It demonstrates that the Dalit children are not allowed to eat while the children of castes eat. They must sit separately and eat later from specially marked plates. I find this shameful. That they call themselves Christians is even more so. Fr Doss writes, “I know what poverty is. I have been hungry and felt the sting of insults. I have known the shame of not being able to afford even the small amount needed for school fees. I have known the yearning for new clothes and the embarrassment of wearing tattered rags when every one else was clothed in new outfits during festival times. There are many thorns and pains in my heart and mind from my childhood - a small replica of Jesus’ passion, as viewed through the eyes of a child.” Why not say a prayer for the work that Fr Doss is trying to do regardless of the obstacles against him? In what way can any of us help the wrong doings in the world? How can we contribute to stop the exploitation of those who cannot protect themselves? What do you think?

Don’t Tell Mummy a book by Toni Maguire - review

I knew by the photo and title what this book was about. I had just speed read six books from a popular author and I couldn’t finish any of them. I wanted to read for fun but blood and guts and psychotic killers are not my style. Yes, I can write about psychotic killers and I am, but no blood or guts and I don’t think I swear like a trucker either. I guess I have to write my own to enjoy them. I don’t know why I cannot seem to get really interested in a fluff book these last few months. I do enjoy reading for fun and clearing my head up a bit. I did not choose (Don’t Tell Mummy) this book. It chose me. It is not the type of book I would buy because I do deal with child abuse, at what I thought for the longest time was epidemic. My research on pedophiles about four years ago would have to be updated. However, as I was walking home one day, I noticed this book pop up at me from someone’s grass. The grass had an array of spiritualist organic type psydo quasi therapy books which I briefly scanned and discarded while standing. I certainly didn’t need to read more about pedophiles but the haunting eyes of the little girl on the picture would not allow me to move on, and so I picked it up, brought it home and read it in two sittings. I am now in my office where I will add this book to my book shelf. When I think that a client will need to read this, I shall loan this one out. I don’t normally loan out books anymore because too many times I have not have them returned (I am referring to previous fellow students and colleagues). So, now I may recommend a book instead, but this book is special because I could not simply walk by without taking it home. The book is Toni Maguire’s autobiography. I like bios and have written my own. What I normally do with adults who have been sexually abused as children is provide them with the opportunity to report who molested them. If they are children I have an obligation by law to report it. However, adults who have been molested as children grow up, remember and all too often are tormented by their visions. Pedophiles unfortunately know exactly how to find their preys but all too often children are molested by their own family members. I remember years ago taking a three day sexual assault course and the initial speaker was a brave soul who spoke of being raped by her father and brother. When she reported it to the Police, she was abandoned by her entire family including her mother. Did the mother know? That is a question many ask and many know the answer. Though in my practice I let the clients know they can report it, it is also about giving them the power to make their own decisions. They can take their power back. Pedophiles do not consider themselves pedophiles. I know of therapists who will not provide therapy for pedophiles. Several months ago I read an article in one of my therapy magazines about the difficulty for pedophiles to seek help. Who do they go to for help? We really do not know what is hidden within those who walk among us and therefore we have a responsibility to protect our children. Pedophiles are fathers, mothers, other family members and among authority figures. I believe that pedophiles seek occupations where they hold trusting positions with access to children. If you are a parent and your child tells you that he or she has been sexually abused please report it, even if it is your mate. It has to stop. Why I am writing about this book today is because the author at one point is upset because the psychiatrist asks if she enjoyed the sex. The response was denial and the writer was quite upset about it. However, and this is why I am writing about his today, fear causes orgasms. You can be absolutely terrified and this will cause arousal. Also, children are sexual beings. We are all sexual beings. And this is important because the pedophile knows that. Therefore, if you have been victimized and you have felt some pleasure, please believe it is still a crime and it is not your fault. That the pedophile kept asking this child if she liked it and forced a positive response on her, this is what pedophiles do. They try and make the child think it is his or her fault. That since there may be pleasure,it is ok. It is not under any condition. It is the adult and only the adult at fault. There is no reason or justification for any adult to molest a child in any form. What did bother me about this book is how the entire community when this was exposed blamed the child. These witch hunt responses of blaming the surviver has always annoyed me - how cruel. What I also recommend for adults of child abuse is to write their story while in therapy. Writing may trigger too much for the adult child to deal with. A therapist can help guide the person not to overwhelm themselves and to help them understand the process. So, I do recommend this book. And if you have been molested, you do not have to carry it all by yourself. Tell someone and if they do nothing about it tell someone else who can recognize it for what it is. What do you think?

Killing of elderly Priest while conducting mass in Northern France is so unholy.

I cut my psychology notes short today because the killing of an 84 year old Catholic priest while conducting mass touched my heart. So did the slaying in Japan of special needs persons and so did.........but I want to focus on the elderly priest. Catholic priests have always been good to me. To this day my mentors are mainly elderly Catholic Jesuits. Though their bodies have become sickened with aging and disease, their minds are sharp as a whip. If I could ever be slightly as wise, I would be most fortunate. Growth is important to me. I have been fortunate to have been surrounded by brilliant men who respect women. That is why I like helping people because I think that all should have the opportunity to love life and enjoy what it can offer to each person. They need only want it for themselves. ISIS has claimed responsibility and report that it is in retaliation for the Americans seeking them out. Really? I am sure that there are some among them who are educated. However, I am not quite sure. There are many people out there who are preyed upon. People who are dischanted, unwanted, unloved, feeling worthless etc....are targets for the satanic acts in the name of extremists which has nothing to do with God. So many people use the name of God to commit the most horrific crimes. They need to feel that they have the authority of the highest. However, they have the authority from the lowest. Targeting the elderly, the holy, the children, the innocent has nothing to do with Allah. Some of the nicest people I have met are Muslims. Annually they are reminded to donate to charity and they do. I will be writing about organized religion and the various religions because all too often religion is blamed for horrific acts but the acts have nothing to do with religion. Kids in school join gangs because they need to feel that they belong somewhere. Kids in school want to take part of drugs because they think it makes them better, more popular......among who? I think society needs to really take a serious look at the mental problems that people have because some may just tip over. The internet can be a deadly place for youth who are innocent. How many have killed themselves because of sociopaths targeting them? How many are targeted by pedophiles in the guise of being handsome youths. We live in a society where there is so much good, so much beauty but sometimes it can all be lost for those who find themselves unwanted and unloved. Many times this is only a perception and sometimes it is not. There are many malfunctioning families out there and why not? There is a cycle of violence which can be and needs to be halted. ISIS must know, but maybe not because perhaps they are short on the smarts. Attacking innocents does not have anyone stopping from getting you and they will. It only enhances the urge to do so more. People who live in free countries, love it. They are willing to die for freedom and have done so since the beginning. This morning while watching the news, a pod of dophins was shown to make a good start of our day. The parents swam at each side of them to protect them. It was wonderful to see. We should learn from the animal kingdom. So, while I mourn for the elderly priest who was killed so brutally and I understand there is another parishioner in grave condition, I know that the Americans will hunt down the persons responsible. Allied countries will follow and hopefully we can rid ourselves of venum attempting to terrorize but not succeeding to tarnish the souls. Killing children, the holy, the innocent does not dissuade, it encourages. Now who is the source of income for these sad creatures? What do you think?

continuing from Abnormal psychology notes: Learning/Cognitive Paradigms

Behaviorists Stimulus > Cognitive > Response—————————Persons A and B , Response 1 for person A and response B for person 2. Why do persons behave abnormally? If hang around anti socials as a child and not scholars, re- enforcement is for the delinquency that occurred - anti social behaviour rather than pro social. Think of people growing up in one environment and came out of another. Classification and Diagnostic - Why does DSM exist? It is psychiatric not psychological. Historically, pre 1950’s, it was only psychiatrists involved with mental patients - post trauma of war soldiers - shell shock (WW1 term) - battle fatigue (WW2 term). How psychiatrists used to diagnose - eg. Schizophrenia 1. Kraeplin - Biological approach - too much nitrogen. It was felt that the fece of the schizophrenic had odour, kidney etc conditions which gave rise to chemical imbalance. 2. Bleuler - words get linked, get sentence link and paragraphs and threads that bind everything together. Split minds/thoughts - schizophrenia (other disease symptoms). 3. Schneider (approach) First rank system. Paul Meehl did study in which he asked five or six psychiatrists to interview and diagnose the same patients. He found six different diagnosis (Inter rated reliability). This caused a blow to psychiatry. Meehl did the same thing with psychologists - MMPI - control group were relatives of mental patients (farmers) —good interatcial reliability, even though work was needed. to be continued with: Two features of the DSM -

Difficult Week for the World - Grief/Trauma - Where is God?

There is always something happening in the world to talk about. My heart felt sympathies to the tragedy in Nice, France and to the senseless killings of Police in the States. Baton Rouge, you asked for prayers and you certainly received them from me. The Coup attempt in Turkey caused death and now an endless amount of people are being jailed there. Then there is the despicable killing of a woman by her own brother, considered honour killing in Pakistan. What honour is there when a brother strangles his sister? The list goes on and on. This causes grief and it causes trauma. In a church I visited on Sunday I heard a Pastor ask, “Where is God in all this? How can God let this happen?” He talked about evil and good and the contrast. I remember my own question when I asked, “How can God let this happen?” in reference to Global warming and the unavoidable destruction of our own planet, by our own greed and negligence. The answer was “free will.” We have the free will to do good and we have the free will to do terrible things. I have always had a curious mind and I have questioned to death and still do. When I didn’t know something that interested me I would read and read and study about it. I have had so many people ask me as they receive their death notice due to cancer or other terminal diseases - why? Why has God allowed this to happen? There is a privilege in having those precious moments of trust. You are with a person at his or her lowest point and you are witness to a truth, in its holiest form. I was watching a mass one Sunday when I heard a Pastor talk about suffering. His answer had me cursing and I immediately prayed for forgiveness and looked up at the screen to see a person I recognized because he had been educated at the same institution as myself. I went to visit an elderly wise Jesuit who is also my friend and I shared what I thought. He guided me in my thinking. People need to find their own answers within them he solemnly said. That is also so much a part of psychotherapy. I have had people come to my office and when I ask, how I can help them, they sometimes say, “I need you to tell me what to do.” My reply, “I don’t do that but I can help you find and explore what it is you want to do.” Sometimes people really want someone to tell them what to do because they are so overwhelmed and want to take a break from all the emotions that are drowning them. No one is perfect. There are nice, caring and wonderful people who do make terrible mistakes. We come from a place of our own experiences, our own cultures and our own successes and failures that define us. We spend a life time searching for something whether it be God, security, a better opportunity etc….I do believe that there is more good than bad in this world and I do believe that good will triumph eventually. There is a lot of talk about walls and killings etc…..but one thing I know is that we are all the same. There are differences but there are similarities. I often hear people spewing, “mind your own business” when someone interferes with something one person is saying or doing. One of the benefits of living in a free country is that it is everyone’s business to ensure we live in a wonderful world. The old days of minding your own business permitted men to kill wives, to rape women and to beat children or humiliate them. Parents need help in raising their children because children are not private property. They belong to all of us. They are our future. It is all our of our business to protect them. Again I have heard of parents in the States this time sending their young children into the desert to punish them. I feel bad for the children, but I also feel bad for the parents because it appears they don’t know any better. Recently parents in Canada were found guilty after their child died because they did not bring them for care to a physician when the child was sick. We all have different opinions,however we all have a responsibility to each other. How can we make our world better? There are many people grieving and what I can say is let them grieve. If it is you, allow yourself to grieve. Don't think that you should decide how your friend should grieve or when it is enough. People are different and one does not necessarily know the pain of another. If you are a friend, be a friend and allow your friend to grieve, to talk, to release themselves slowly of the hurt. Don’t judge others because you really don’t know what is in their hearts and soul. However, a bit of kindness can go a long way. And when you fall, or make a mistake forgive yourself because being human means not being perfect. When grief becomes complicated, when you visualize a horrible incident over and over and you can't seem to get beyond it then please go for help. When you are dealing with trauma, remember that the body is protecting itself automatically from harm. It is not a sign of weakness. How often to you hear, “I am strong and they are not.” If you are one who thinks you are strong, think why? What have your struggles been? Under the right circumstances anyone can suffer and that has nothing to do with weakness. I have a simple philosophy if there is an act that hurts someone, than it is my business. When I see women being killed because someone thinks they are personal property, than it is my business. If I see a child being molested than it is my business. If I see someone controlling another against their will than it is my business. If we have terrorism in the world than it is my business. If we have a planet that is dying because we have abused it, than it is my business. If we have a country that allows its people to starve than it is my business. If we have children in the world suffering than it is my business. If you are suffering why not take the first step to help yourself. If you are feeling suicidal because you have lost hope, have lost yourself than walk into an emergency hospital or clinic or see someone to help you regain your hope because hope can be regained. Try taking a step back from the overwhelming emotions you may be feeling and find that one person who will help you because there is good in this world. You just need to find it. What do you think?

Do you do volunteer work? Share your opinion here if you like.

Volunteer? Summer 2016 publication of SAGE (National Association of Federal Retirees) Borrowed Time by Sharon Kirkey, reported that Canada’s charitable sector is the second largest. The Netherlands reigned and the USA ranks fifth. Half our country’s estimated 170,000 non-profits and charities are run entirely by volunteers. This means that Canadians worked 1.96 billion hours in 2013. The concern for the writer is that there is a worrying trend in the decline in volunteering in the 35 to 45 age group. Seniors score the highest average hours and a “windfall” for charities “if they don’t lose them to Florida or cruise ships first.” Health wise, volunteering is associated with reduced depression, lower rates of hypertension and hip fractures among seniors. However, there is a tipping point. About three hours per week is all it takes for the benefits. Studies have “suggested” the more cognitively or socially complex a paid position is, the better cognitively and lower dementia risk. About 750,000 Canadians currently have Alzheimer’s or other dementia expected to double within 15 years. More than 50% of the risk of developing dementia is due to modifiable life style. What do you think about all this? Do you have the urge to volunteer? Have I recommended volunteering to clients? Yes, when they are financially secure. When they are not, I recommend workshops for retraining or updating skills. If people are living isolated lives than yes I recommend some type of work, either paid or not. There is a need to socialize and if volunteering gets them outside, then yes volunteer. It also provides a sense of accomplishment and it can feel good to help others. I myself have never volunteered for anything, and yet I was volunteered for ever. I have been given choices and when I said no, I was volunteered. I also worked basically for free in my internships and in some cases if not most I had to pay to volunteer. I am happy that they are thinking about actually paying people for their talents and time. I volunteer now in two positions. One I belonged to so long that it was my turn or my dues to volunteer. The other, well that was my old supervisor/mentor who did so much for me that I certainly have a hard time saying no and he knows it. If I counted how much I volunteered or more specifically was volunteered, I would probably sit down and cry and decide to retire completely. At a hospital that I interned at they had 5000 interns (called free labour) and 5000 volunteers (free labour). Maybe the multiple six figure salaries and bonuses should volunteer a bit,huh? So, when do you want to volunteer, if at all? I actually believe in paid labour. All the benefits described in volunteer works, could be equally effective being paid. Or could it? I remember studying in undergrad that when a hobby one enjoyed became a job, the joy was lost. Something to think about. I know that if I did not want to volunteer, I could simply say no. However, how much time does it really take for what I do? Everything I do requires thinking. However, my paid work requires thinking as well as my studies. Does that guarantee I shall never get dementia? No, however, it is less likely especially since it does not seem to effect my family to date. That does not mean that it will not happen, only that I would be surprised if it did. Then again if I got the disease I may not realize it , therefore I would not be surprised. Make sense? So, if you are not working and do not have anything to do with your time, yes, go out there and volunteer. However, give me the option of a cruise or Florida, I think I will take the cruise and Florida both. However, in my real world I work and volunteer for now. What do you think? Recently, I was on a train ride in the town of Tottenham, about a one hour drive, North of Toronto. It was great fun riding in a 1920’s train with the windows open and waving at the people in stopped vehicles, waiting for the train to pass. I had no idea that the maintenance, tracks and service is all accomplished by volunteers. I got so excited that I told the volunteer in his 1920’s clothing, that if I lived in Tottenham, I would definitely volunteer. What a treat! If you are in that town, I recommend the trip! Care to volunteer? Whatever you decide, stimulate that brain of yours! What do you think?

Men and Psychotherapy

I was very surprised to read an article from an authentic source regarding men and psychotherapy. It was American, but I won’t tell you what the source is because quite frankly I found it embarrassing. It talked about female therapists and how some are intimidated by men and how men may find them not up to par if they do not provide input that they are looking for. My interest has always been therapy for men. I am not intimidated by men. I wonder what kind of experience the female therapists have that this male writer is talking about? I grew up surrounded by men and they were wonderful to me. I had always admired the solemn, peaceful exterior of therapists I meet at seminars, both women and men. However, there are times that I feel some carry the weight of the world. I recently read something I thought was fascinating and of interest to me regarding a part time position working with a specific group. However, a calm, etc….was required. God help me if I ever become so boring to myself. It was not until someone I know was complaining about a therapist who was very serious, calm etc…..that I wondered if it was an asset? “You don’t like that peaceful exterior?” I asked. “Hell, no! I wanted to shake her, to come alive.” I grinned from ear to ear. I guess some may find that boring, rather than a plus and so I will not try to change that in myself. There is a time and a place. When someone comes to you, to pour their heart and suffering, it is no time to crack a joke. They need to feel validated, heard; respected. However, it is also important to establish a relationship and humour can be important and I do not try to take that away from me. I find that the majority of people who seek help, really want to feel less sad, less suicidal, get back on track with their relationships etc….They need to find someone who they feel comfortable with, because statistically, the relationship they have with their therapist is more important than their knowledge, for the client. There are men out there who get raped, are emotionally, physically, financially and sexually abused by both men and women. I have found that when some abusive women are the breadwinners and control the finances it is sometimes men who suffer. They have the additional burden of living in a stereotypical society where they are supposed to “be the man”, “man up”; “don’t be a pussy.” Men call the police as well for abuse but not as often in my experience. They are not taken as serious as women when they call or they are afraid because the abusive women tell them that they will claim to be the one attacked. There are women right now in Toronto knocking on doors and telling men that they want money and if they are not given the money, they will call the police and say they were sexually assaulted. Unfortunately the men I know of always give the money, though I strongly recommend that they don't. The Police are not stupid. There is always the element of truth. There are all sorts of support groups for women and I know there is not an equivalent amount for men because I cannot find them for men when I search. One support group leader said I was the second person who called in a week looking for a specific support group for a male, that she thought that perhaps it should be considered. Perhaps? You think? Of course I did not say that. I believe in equality with no favouritism toward one group or another. I was surprised to read in that article that men do not go as often for help as women. I have spent a life time with men who have lots to say. I have heard their pain and their struggles. I have seen great men not get custody of children simply because of the work that they do. There are great moms out there but there are also great dads. There are some lousy dads and there are certainly lousy moms. Children need love, security and consistency. Both parents can provide this but not when they are fighting. What they are teaching children is what a relationship looks like. I was about 10 years old when I learned that not all parents loved each other openly like my own. As my parents walked holding hands, my friends could not understand it. I learned what love is for a couple at a very young age. Reading that article about female qualified therapists not being comfortable helping men was disturbing because that is about half of the population. So, let's all get comfortable. I have seen some men in religious organizations uncomfortable with women. I have seen some avoid women as if they are temptresses. We are not so different. Research shows that male and female babies are treated differently. They may be in my notes somewhere which I will eventually share. I surprised myself when I realized that I treat my female pet more delicately than my male. So, what does that tell me about myself? However, I gave train sets to female children rather than dolls. The other day I was downtown and an elderly woman was wearing a T shirt that yelled, “women should be in the home” (or stay in the home). I couldn’t help but chuckle when I saw that because it is so absurd to me in this day and age. She did not look like a happy camper. She has internalized the norm for her time. I think it is wonderful if a woman wants to stay in a home, as long as that is what she wants. I think the same of a man who wants to, if that is what he wants. There are all sorts of people who have an opinion and that is what needs to be compromised and balanced, in a relationship. Is it practical and affordable to stay in the home for one parent? Views vary according to life experiences, good and bad, education, aging etc….So, if a student feels uncomfortable providing help for men, get in there full force, as a student focusing on men, unless they will not be part of your therapy inclusion. But as a qualified therapist, start getting very comfortable in the company of men. We all suffer - regardless of gender.