Don’t Tell Mummy a book by Toni Maguire - review

I knew by the photo and title what this book was about. I had just speed read six books from a popular author and I couldn’t finish any of them. I wanted to read for fun but blood and guts and psychotic killers are not my style. Yes, I can write about psychotic killers and I am, but no blood or guts and I don’t think I swear like a trucker either. I guess I have to write my own to enjoy them. I don’t know why I cannot seem to get really interested in a fluff book these last few months. I do enjoy reading for fun and clearing my head up a bit. I did not choose (Don’t Tell Mummy) this book. It chose me. It is not the type of book I would buy because I do deal with child abuse, at what I thought for the longest time was epidemic. My research on pedophiles about four years ago would have to be updated. However, as I was walking home one day, I noticed this book pop up at me from someone’s grass. The grass had an array of spiritualist organic type psydo quasi therapy books which I briefly scanned and discarded while standing. I certainly didn’t need to read more about pedophiles but the haunting eyes of the little girl on the picture would not allow me to move on, and so I picked it up, brought it home and read it in two sittings. I am now in my office where I will add this book to my book shelf. When I think that a client will need to read this, I shall loan this one out. I don’t normally loan out books anymore because too many times I have not have them returned (I am referring to previous fellow students and colleagues). So, now I may recommend a book instead, but this book is special because I could not simply walk by without taking it home. The book is Toni Maguire’s autobiography. I like bios and have written my own. What I normally do with adults who have been sexually abused as children is provide them with the opportunity to report who molested them. If they are children I have an obligation by law to report it. However, adults who have been molested as children grow up, remember and all too often are tormented by their visions. Pedophiles unfortunately know exactly how to find their preys but all too often children are molested by their own family members. I remember years ago taking a three day sexual assault course and the initial speaker was a brave soul who spoke of being raped by her father and brother. When she reported it to the Police, she was abandoned by her entire family including her mother. Did the mother know? That is a question many ask and many know the answer. Though in my practice I let the clients know they can report it, it is also about giving them the power to make their own decisions. They can take their power back. Pedophiles do not consider themselves pedophiles. I know of therapists who will not provide therapy for pedophiles. Several months ago I read an article in one of my therapy magazines about the difficulty for pedophiles to seek help. Who do they go to for help? We really do not know what is hidden within those who walk among us and therefore we have a responsibility to protect our children. Pedophiles are fathers, mothers, other family members and among authority figures. I believe that pedophiles seek occupations where they hold trusting positions with access to children. If you are a parent and your child tells you that he or she has been sexually abused please report it, even if it is your mate. It has to stop. Why I am writing about this book today is because the author at one point is upset because the psychiatrist asks if she enjoyed the sex. The response was denial and the writer was quite upset about it. However, and this is why I am writing about his today, fear causes orgasms. You can be absolutely terrified and this will cause arousal. Also, children are sexual beings. We are all sexual beings. And this is important because the pedophile knows that. Therefore, if you have been victimized and you have felt some pleasure, please believe it is still a crime and it is not your fault. That the pedophile kept asking this child if she liked it and forced a positive response on her, this is what pedophiles do. They try and make the child think it is his or her fault. That since there may be pleasure,it is ok. It is not under any condition. It is the adult and only the adult at fault. There is no reason or justification for any adult to molest a child in any form. What did bother me about this book is how the entire community when this was exposed blamed the child. These witch hunt responses of blaming the surviver has always annoyed me - how cruel. What I also recommend for adults of child abuse is to write their story while in therapy. Writing may trigger too much for the adult child to deal with. A therapist can help guide the person not to overwhelm themselves and to help them understand the process. So, I do recommend this book. And if you have been molested, you do not have to carry it all by yourself. Tell someone and if they do nothing about it tell someone else who can recognize it for what it is. What do you think?