My 2nd book

I have completed reviewing my second book. I have returned it and will review it once again prior to publishing. This book will probably be my thickest one. I was advised by my old Professor that I should never write more than 200 pages because people will get bored. So I will keep that in mind for the third. The third is a mystery you may say - pure fiction. Perhaps, not so pure. Now I have to produce a photo of myself. That is a chore. The resolution of my submission was poor. Those cell phones ........So, it is my Canon that shall inspire me. Do people really need to look at me??????? Why not submit a photo of one of my pets? They are so cute. Perhaps I can train them to write while I dictate, or perhaps they can write out their own thoughts. Now, I am being silly. However, one is sleeping right beside me so why not give her some credit. I will be continuing now to type out my notes from Abnormal Psychology as promised. You should get weekly tidbits. Remember that they have upgraded the DSM so to speak. There were more psychiatrists than psychologists on the decision process. I shall leave that up to your imagination. Typing out my notes is doing me a favour as well. In class and in seminars, I always write out my notes. Sometimes I cannot read my notes and so I can hardly be offended when others cannot read mine. I still continue to write because I digest it better. There is some research on that. You retain more when you write rather than type your notes. You need to look that up for yourselves. I will eventually provide you with all that I have promised.

The two types of Insomnia continued from Abnormal Psychology

Two types of insomnia Related to anxiety - People have trouble falling asleep. There is a book by Horne regarding sleep deprivation used on military personnel. -early morning awakening -wake up about two hours before scheduled waking hours and found that they could not get back to sleep. This is associated with depression. If motivated, people overcame fatigue. Sleep supplies neurotransmitters. When people sleep a normal sleep pattern they are coming out of depression. Hypothyroid - one that regulates metabolic - (insufficient amount) People will feel lack of energy, sleep patterns are poor, they are down about themselves. should be treated; return hormones back to normal. Can have physical problems that resemble psychiatric disorders. Book you may find interesting is Dose Of Sanity - It’s Not All In Your Head.

Busy with second book

The new year promises to be an interesting one. I have been focused reviewing my second book following comments from the editor. I have just returned it. It will be nice when that is published as promised to my now two fans. I will probably generate another web site then as a writer. In the meantime, I will be busy reviewing a colleague's paper for him and after that I will continue with my blogs. I want to write what I learned in Abnormal Psychology prior to the changes in the DSM. Most is still intact with more conditions considered disorders. I heard that one blogger received a thousand lashes in a country where freedom maybe debated. Thank God I live in Canada where we can blog away without fear of being whipped. I really like Donato's cartoons with the Toronto Sun. I am going to start reading all the cartoons again every chance I get in support of Cartoonists. My heart felt sorrow to what is happening in France. Anyhow, thank you again for reading my blogs and not hurting me. I wish you all a wonderful New Year, one of Peace and Hope and lots of love.

A Date with Prejudice

I deal with a lot of pain and suffering that people have. Recently, I was asked about the age demographics and etc I have dealt with…by my old Professor and now friend while we were having dinner. I am fortunate that I live in a multi cultural city, have travelled and have experienced being in company with almost every religion, culture and nationality. Are they differences in the problems? I was asked. My answer was simple, I have dealt with people from children, teens, twenties to 90’s in one capacity or another. People are generally the same. Some may have problems that are more relevant to them due for an example living in another country with different values which causes friction when there is a preference for another style, by the parent or spouse etc… People coming from another country where women are subservient, discover a voice and become empowered. Of course that will cause friction in a family where an imbalance of power was the norm. Lack of communication is another big problem, and a major one. Everyone thinks they are right and the other is wrong and often they each look at the therapist to find validation regarding this. However, when it is a couple, it is they who have to learn how to communicate with each other to determine what it is each wants and how they can achieve that. Some couples can do that on their own; others cannot. I provide only the tools. Each person needs to decide what he or she wants, is willing to change or naught. My professor, I think of him as my professor even though I am a post grad, is still teaching me about the goodness in others. Being in his company is like drinking goodness. Being with him is like having a conversation about hope and making this earth a better place. It is a discussion of the complexity of humanity. It is positive. Last night however, I had a date with prejudice. I forced myself to not fall asleep while I heard repetitious stories of the importance of each grandchild, uncle, of their status in life, travel etc….That just bored me to tears because I do not know these people even though I understood the psychology of the person needing to say all that was being said. Then came the prejudice, the hatred of different skin colour (which is only pigmentation. How do people not get that?). Hatred increased to a specific religion and then I felt that I was no longer being bored to death, I was being poisoned. I could not wait until the torture was over and this time I did not even bother trying to rationalize the hatred. It was too deep, too engrained, too much kept in check, while in the company of others. As I left and felt the cold air hit me, I returned gratefully to the warm comfort of my nineteen year old car who cannot understand why I do not allow him to vote. As I drove along the side streets, the poison I had been fed, slowly dissipated as the beauty of the Christmas lights cleared a path for me. It was a struggle to go home without looking at all the lights. I feared I would hit someone, even if the streets were bare, except for the glow of beautiful lights - the lights of hope. This night, our last night of the year, I shall dance away all the negativity, all the poisons I will shed the old and tomorrow I shall begin again with new experiences, new associates and new hope. I see a future where countries unite so that no child will ever have to go to sleep hungry or alone. I see a world where there will be peace. I see a world where poison will be replaced by something positive to improve rather than destroy. We are all responsible to make our world just a little bit better and more fun. So tomorrows New Year Resolution for me is to have more fun, dance more and be able to deal more appropriately with poison in whatever dose. What do you think? Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

Twice it has happened to me that I felt complete and utter peacefulness. Once I was at Mass and once I was at the office. Since I began to train as a therapist six years now one of the first things I needed to focus on was my self. I had to become mindful of transference and counter transference. I had to really focus on self care so I could care for others. I had to ensure that I was healthy minded so I could help others. So, since I am always mindful of myself, my own feelings and self care; if I am even slightly agitated I examine it. It may mean slowing down. It may be shortening my day. It may be having more fun. It may be spending more time outside. It may be ensuring that those in my circle are good for me. I have always chosen my friends and sometimes others have chosen me. Ultimately it has always been my decision and what I have always based that on was their kindness, their honesty and their own path on life. As I have grown older, I tolerate less in my circle. I cannot tolerate gossip anymore. I cannot stand talking on the phone for any long period. I have little tolerance for arrogance. What I am drawn to is love, which is innocent and open. I do not like men who stare at me as if they have never seen a woman in their lives and they want to dissect me. I do not like men who are loud and put others down. I do not settle for less. I learned in my early life about love and respect for a partner and that has helped me in the therapy I provide. I do not judge. I help guide them to what each wants and what they can compromise for each other. I help them realize that they are two distinct people who come from two distinct lives and they have selected each other for their met and unmet needs. I help them to communicate with each other. Sometimes there is abuse and sometimes the abuse is from the person who thinks she or he has been the victim. Perhaps that has been so in the past, but in the present, he or she has learned to abuse. Last night when I heard Pope Francis chastise the leaders of the Church, I chuckled. This morning I chuckled again and then I prayed for him. It is not easy being a leader. It is much easier to go with the flow. It is not easy to say something is wrong. In families when one child is different, the others can gang up as they think they are right and the one that is different is wrong. That is why I always encourage outside influences. It may be sports, clubs, a larger circle of positive influences so that the person struggling does not feel alone, but realizes that his or her family has a lot of power over him or her, but she or he has options of seeing how other people feel and think. One positive adult in a child’s life can make all the difference in how the child sees herself. It may be a teacher, a policeman, a Priest etc…….one person can make the difference in how the person sees himself. That is how therapy works too. It offers the person to step back from the abuse, or gossip or anything else that is destructive in his life. No one has the right to harm another, especially a child. Christmas is such a difficult time for some people and I want to remind you , who are lonely and sad and thinking suicide to realize that there is another choice. You have the choice to decide who should be in your life. You have the choice to decide how you can make your life more peaceful, happy etc…..You may have been convinced that you are not worthy of love but they are wrong. Take a look at the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are each day. Give yourself the positive feedback. This Christmas why not examine who is in your life and who makes you happy? Why? This Christmas why not give yourself a gift, the gift of life. Why not close your eyes and take a deep breath and shake off all the negativity that surrounds you, while you decide that there are options, find them and begin to breath a new life giving breath. This Christmas, why not reach out to someone who is alone with no family, no friends; no pets. It can be a warm smile making all the difference for that person. Why not spend a moment of your time instead of gossiping about someone, doing something nice for that person. Why not examine yourself and what you are lacking in yourself that makes you want to demean others. Are you afraid of the attention you may get? This year has been good to me. My practise is slowly growing at my own speed. I have begun my third book. I am now reading and proof reading my second book which has been sent to me from my editor. There were hiccups about the title but it is my book and I decide on the title, as my publisher understood. I need to be fresh when I read the editor’s notes, so my blogs need to be reduced while I proof read. However, my family and friends are first, clients are a very close second and my beloved books are third. So, no rushing me! This year I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah; Happy Holidays. If I see one more Santa movie I am going to scream. I would like to see more about the birth of Jesus and have to wait until boxing day to tape that. Why not take a moment to be thankful for everything you have? Why not take a moment to examine your inner feelings? Why not take a moment to wonder who you are, who you can be and how to get there? Merry Christmas. And Santa, I am sorry that I forgot to write to you this year. However, I see that you already delivered many of my presents. I must have been sleeping. What do you think?

It’s Christmas time. What are you doing?

I love to celebrate. Give me a reason and it’s a celebration. I love parties, people and socializing. This is what I have been doing all month. My lights are shining brightly outside. My Christmas decorations are all up. My presents are wrapped and many have been exchanged and I am still going. I opted for two celebrations over two seminars. This is my month for fun, fun and more fun. This is my time to see each and every person in my life who is important to me. This is my time to reach out to people I know in the rest of the world even if it is by a telephone call or card. This is when my balance is tipped for more pleasure. I love life and all that it offers. I appreciate each breath that I have. I have for most of my life belonged to one group or another in social and work settings. I believe we are all equal. Some have had more advantages or opportunities, some have had more wealth and some have been provided with more love than others. One of the precious things that many of us have is free will. Many of us live in a democratic society where there are opportunities. We have the choice to make decisions, to seek out help, to even go to a food bank if there is no food, when others in the world are starving, being tortured or being brutally killed. This Christmas why not examine what you do have in your life. Christmas can be a very sad time for some. Some people feel very much alone, abandoned by their families and society. Some have suffered tragic loss. This Christmas if you are feeling sad because of what life has thrown at you, do something about it. If you are being abused perhaps it is time to take action to have it stop. Go to a Crises Centre, or report it to the police. There is a lot of controversy regarding the police lately and I find it quite sad, because there are so many wonderful policewomen and men out there who volunteer and work with those who need them. If you are feeling suicidal please re-examine your opportunities. Even though you are feeling like you are in a deep pit, there is someone out there who does care about you. Go to your nearest crises centre and share how you are feeling. For you who are abused both men, women and children, there is help for you. This does not need to be your life. You can change it. Pick up the phone. This Christmas do something for yourself. This Christmas do something for another. Do not forget your elderly neighbour who has lost everyone near and dear to him or her. Even a small gift can make all the difference, the gift of a visit can be enough. This Christmas why not love someone including yourself. As I look up at the angel on my tree, I can hear a ring, is it possible that an angel just got her wings? What do you think?

Christmas is coming to town. Is believing in God politically incorrect? How good are the good?

We now live in a society where people are afraid to say Merry Christmas. They are afraid to put an angel on top of a tree. We have the illusion of living in an expression free society but we are still afraid of angels on trees. Why are people so afraid of Jesus or God? I understand this from a communist country where dictatorship prevails. No one can be considered more powerful than those in control. These countries where we trade with and where we buy from, only make those in power wealthy at the sufferings and exploitation of those who are employed. Where is our social conscience? Where is justice? I do not think that believing in God is possible for everyone. What I think is most important is the heart of the person. Some who cannot believe in God are very good, very kind people. Others who believe in God commit the most horrible crimes. Some have never been introduced to God. Some have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused from those who were supposed to protect them and then they go to church and are told to honour and obey their parents. But, the intention of that commandment is for it to work both ways though at times the religious leaders forget to mention that. How can children believe in God when they do not know who God is? Yet, I have been told many times than when life became hard and hopeless they always felt something was there to help them as children. Not in all cases but in more than I would expect. Now the question is why would someone feel a protector and others not? I do not know. Is it possible that some are more in tune with their spirituality? I do not know. I do not know all the answers because I am human and not God. Someone reading my blog some time ago asked me to read his paper. I did so even if it was months later. There I read about how religious leaders will not answer questions and as I read comments from the others in response to what he wrote, it appeared that they were discouraged from answering questions. I have to admit I was surprised by that. I do not know what religious denominations they are, or who they were asking, but I was surprised. I remember when I studied Introduction to the New Testament, the Jesuit professor began by telling us how in the Bible you find it all. You find sex, child abuse, war, torture etc…He was rather annoyed that in Church when they read passages some say it is the “Word of God” rather than where the passages are found. I agree. I still flinch. So, when lay people say you find this in the Bible so it is ok to beat your child, it is not. So when you think you can abuse your child and think it is ok, it is not. This post is not going to be a lesson about scriptures. I post my papers and more formality about religion will be provided. Eventually, I will post everything, even if it becomes dated (I will let you know when that is). But my point is that children need to be protected, even if the minister or priest does not mention it. I remember before I began my studies, I was introduced to a Minister by her husband who told her I was going to study Ministry and Spirituality and that I was going to study Pastoral Counselling. She was very bubbly and told me something that I already knew as a layperson that she was either very much in denial or very naive. She said that in her Parish no one had problems. This is why I cannot ever say that I have heard it all. I cannot say that because I always hear something that baffles me completely. I don’t think it will matter how old I get, I shall still be surprised at what people say (I am not complaining. That keeps life interesting. It keeps my grey cells awake). I knew another Minister in the making who always wore the best of designer clothes because her church is very wealthy. Why was I surprised that people donating money and I am not going to say hard earned because I hope it wasn’t, going to designer clothes. I can write a book on that topic alone, but I won’t. When I hear complaints about Ministers or Pastors or Priests, I encourage them to find a Church to their liking. However, living in a city where there are many many churches, I forget that people who live in the country or isolated places do not have that same luxury. There are no choices for some and so they sometimes have to hear the Minister talk what is actually nonsense and some believe that it is the word of God, because Minister or Priest or leader of any religious affiliation is the representative of God. But remember this, whoever that Minister or Priest or Rabbi or who ever he or she is, that person is human and is not God. They have weaknesses as all humans have. They have had a certain life, either good or bad and some of that will rub off on you. Ideally someone going into religious life, is going in for the right reasons. What are the right reasons? I am not obedient, want to be poor or believe that I have to be chaste all my life so I would have never dreamed about being in religious life as a RC. I know of one Minister who was agnostic but needed to feed his family. Who am I to judge? I cannot. I have no idea what it is like to feed an entire family but I do believe that people will do just about anything to feed their families. If we do not eat, we die. The point of all this is that if you have been misled, or upset with a religious leader, this has nothing to do with God. We have free will and that includes impersonating a figure that one wants to be or hopes to be or inspires to be for whatever reason good or bad. So why am I writing about this today? I do not know. I did not intend to write about this today. I wanted to write about couple therapy and this is what I wrote instead. How do you find God in an ungodly world? What do you think? Merry Christmas! (By the way, try reading the New Testament out loud and begin with Mark just to please me. Note the words of Jesus. He was always so annoyed with the religious leaders. Don’t let that sway you in your own faith whatever it may be.