Answer to Question of a theory of personality

A theory of personality which I am essentially in agreement with is Maslow’s Theory of Human Motivation. Maslow emphasized the healthy aspect of personality. Maslow theorized that human needs are common to us and therefore they have a biological basis. However, we are only minimally influenced by biological instincts. Behaviors depend on a person’s unique biological and environment experiences. Maslow indicated that there are five levels of basic human needs. These needs from weakest needs to strongest needs are Self-Actualization, Esteem, Belongingness and Love, Safety and physiological needs. The lower a need is in the hierarchy; the more basic it is in terms of survival. Lower needs exert a more powerful influence on behavior. The higher the need, the less basic it is, and therefore weaker in its potential influence and more human. As people satisfy their needs at one level of the hierarchy they can progress to the next level. The needs at one level do not need to be completely satisfied to go on to the next level. Usually, needs at one level have to be at least partially satisfied though. There are always exceptions to this rule that a spiritual care-giver needs to keep in mind. Physiological Needs: this includes food, water, oxygen, elimination, and rest. Because these needs are directly related to survival, it is the most powerful need. Lack of food for example can consume a person’s life until it is satisfied. Starving people rarely move beyond the physiological level. This is evident in Haiti now but it is also evident here in Toronto where a meal is becoming a luxury for more people. An exception to the rule would be the cliché of the starving artist. He may forgo basic needs such as food or sleep in order to persevere at some work. Safety Needs: includes physical well being as well as psychological security. This involves the need for stability, order and structure in our lives. Most of our needs at this level are met in Western Cultures bi-laws, and by police, and fire departments. It can be met by purchasing insurance and having a savings account. However, safety needs are dominant in children, especially infants. They will respond as if in danger by rough handling, loud noises, disturbed or dropped (esp. infants). Children also need undisrupted routines such as having meals at a set time. An adult too may exhibit abnormal behavior similar to the child’s desire for safety. The adult may see the world as hostile, threatening and overwhelming. An example is people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. They will try frantically to order and stabilize the world so that no unmanageable, unexpected or unfamiliar dangers will ever appear. Belongingness and Love needs : When physiological and safety needs are substantially met, needs related to affiliation, affection and love emerge. Individuals experience deep feelings of loneliness when friends, family and other loved ones are absent. This is a problem in Western Culture. Esteem Needs: Maslow distinguished two types of esteem needs: Esteem from others: This includes the desire for appreciation, attention, reputation and status. Individuals need to feel respected by other people. This is something I incorporate in my spiritual care for others. Self esteem: includes a desire for competency, mastery, achievement, strength, confidence, adequacy, independence and freedom. When these are met, people feel worthwhile, confident, useful and capable. If inadequate people will feel inferior, weak and helpless. Self-Actualization Needs: Maslow’s definition is the desire to become more and more what idiosyncratically is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming. Self-actualization is a goal that is never fully achieved. First, it is the weakest in the of the instinctoid needs. Second, Maslow believed that people fear self-knowledge necessary for self-actualization. Accurate self knowledge is threatening since it may alter one’s self concept. Third, this level needs requires freedom to express oneself, to explore and to act without restriction (without harming) and to pursue such values such as truth, justice and values. Maslow theorized that that the first four levels of needs motivate people by deficit. There are two types of motivation: Deficit motivation - is reducing tension or filling a temporary lack such as drinking because we are thirsty; and Growth Motivation - process orientated. This is a process of continued enhancement or growth with self-actualization tendency. Satisfying growth motives often increases tension. Satisfying deficit motives often decreases tension. There is much more than can be said regarding this theory of personality but I think I have covered the basics without the necessity of breaking it down further. Each client that comes to us may be hungry, or lost, or lack self-esteem. Understanding the stage that she may be in helps the care-giver understand what she may be lacking and needing. If someone needs food, we may be able to find resources to fulfill that need. If someone has suffered a sexual assault we may be there for him and fulfill that need, keeping in mind that being a presence of support is a very powerful tool in our clients fulfilling their hierarchal needs.

American Veteran living in Canada getting into trouble for feeding birds in harsh winter

I received my Toronto Sun paper this morning and as I read and read, I wondered why I still buy the paper. One writer who knew nothing about global warming was carrying on. Another writer, I stopped reading a long time ago because she had written an article side by side with another writer which were so different and yet they were in the same court room. There is perception and then there is misinformation. Who was telling the truth about what was heard? I chose to select the other writer, merely because it was more comparable to other print and news. I could have been wrong but with what I had, I chose the other. I understand that papers like to sensationalize and get people going, but I think that people today deserve "news." I do not need to pay to buy the paper and when I do I like to get my money's worth. However, reading about the American Veteran this morning was getting my money's worth today. It warmed my heart. People at times do not understand veterans. They do not understand veterans who return home from wars and they do not understand veterans who served in the cold war. People can be very insensitive when it comes to their views about veterans in general. But, in this insensitivety you learn a lot about the person who is bashing. They have the freedom to bash because of the military that protects them, their country and the countries of others. We have a responsibility to protect those who are vulnerable. That is my opinion. This 73 year old, USA Veteran who has made his home in Canada according to the Toronto Sun, p4 by Joe Warmington, has received two bylaw offence tickets with the promise of more for "feeding the waterfowl in Cobourg Harbour." This U.S. Vet is quoted as saying that he will be planning to do whatever to "try to save these birds." The vet had reportd finding 31 dead ducks. When he began to feed them corn, they became "alive and and now they are happy bunnies." This veteran also has people supporting him and offering to pay for food and fines. The vet reports in the Toronto Sun, ""I was told by an official that if they die that's just the way it goes."" I remember not too long ago being told, "I do not like the military and my two ex husbands were Catholic." Three times is a charm. I imagine they are still Catholic. The venom told me I could be in trouble but a higher power, was there in the room as well. Do challenges ever stop if we dare venture to live in the world? I cannot help but admire this US Veteran who keeps on trying to protect, even against impossible odds. I cannot help but admire this man who has so much heart that he believes in the protection of life. I cannot help but admire such a man who at 73 still cares. So for you people who like to tell veterans how heartless they are, how much life is important and how they are just killing machines, take a good look at yourself this morning. Maybe be a bit more kinder to the next vet you speak to. Or perhaps do the vet a favour and do not speak at all.

It is not so nice out there.........burrrrrrr paper war............Even birds are flying South with the planes - Read any good books?

I completed reading, The Informer. Confessions of an Ex-Terrorist by Carole de Vault with William Johnson. When I picked up the book which I received from a local high school that was discarding their books, I thought it would be about terrorism in the Middle East. It was about terrorism here at home, in the province of Quebec. Even though I heard about the FLQ, I was too young to understand. I was more concerned about having fun and dancing than politics, happening so far from where I lived.I was also very self absorbed. I was sent to Montreal to work for a short assignment in my twenties and there was a feeling of being unwanted, with Ontario Plates on my vehicle. I couldn’t understand why I was not being served in a restaurant and I could not understand why my two colleagues who spoke the French language, refused to do so. I did get served by utilizing my elementary French from a few years in grade school and with the appropriate tone of voice. That was not my only experience of negativity. I experienced it again in Ottawa, but it was not tolerated. However, I was surprised at the misplaced anger. Reading this book, I am sad for that time and for the author who had informed on her contacts and rightly so. Violence should never be tolerated. Killing people, placing bombs and explosives to bring about attention, should never be accepted. Unfortunately the author had to change her name and identity after losing her friends and being betrayed by those she depended to help her. I would like to think that the government she had helped, did protect her somehow in having a new identity and place to start living anew. It is women who like her that should not be condemned but hailed. That is what I felt as I read her story. I not only read her story, I read about violence. I read about violence in my country which I am glad I did not witness. Killing is never justifiable to get a point across. Terrorism is terrorism. It is the ultimate act of cowardliness. This morning as I looked out at the beautiful coat of white, I could feel the chill, though I knew it was my imagination. The heat is blaring from where I sit. I looked up at some black birds flying South West and thought that was a good idea. Then I saw a plane flying South East and I wondered why I was still here. Should I too go South? What do Snow birds do? They go South in the winter and return home in summer? How does that work? Just last week I was invited to Florida. I cannot. My pets do not like people so getting a pet sitter is out of the question. Well one of them do not like people. The other who wasn't as abused is coming around. Canada will always be my home and Toronto will always be my hometown. It is like having parents; they will always be your parents even when it is time to leave the nest. If this weather does not change maybe it is time to fly, pets and all. What do you think? Where do you live? Where would you like to live? Where do you think the best place to live is, where they speak English that is. Well?

What a beautiful day. It is also Lent. Have you given up anything, you Catholics out there?

Yesterday, when I was returning home, my neighour called out to me and I sat with him on his porch, as we soaked in the better weather and caught up with our lives. He is an Author of reputable status and I always enjoy time with him and his wife. They are two blessings in my life. Today being very aware of tomorrow's snow storm or should I say this evening, I decided to stop at Dairy Queen to have a Banana Split with whip cream (she forgot the cherries on top). I sat on the picnic bench outside, soaking in the sun. After our freezing temperatures, enjoying a Split outside in a few degrees above zero, is enchanting. Normally, I do not do this until the summer, but this winter has gone on forever and so why not celebrate a beautiful day that promises to disappear by nightfall. One of the great things about my city is that it is ok to have ice cream outside at a picnic table in the winter. That is mundane compared to what happens in my beautiful city. I came home and called a dear friend to wish him a Happy Birthday. I have been doing doing a lot of thinking as usual and this Sunday while listening to the homily, I realized that I did not give up anything for Lent. Normally, I give up a food choice. I already had my pizza and I was going to spend the afternoon being treated by a friend for coffee and desert. The elderly priest spoke about praying the rosary. I thought about that and nodded to myself yes. What else could I do, since I did not really consider that a deprivation or sacrifice. The priest talked on and he said television and computers. I love movies. Computers I do not love so much. I use a computer because I must. You cannot have one business, let alone two and not have a computer. So, my thoughts returned to what I love. I love movies. If I have a tiresome or difficult day, I may come home and watch a movie in the afternoon. I may even pick a day with friends to watch movies. Can I give up all tv? Yes, but I decided to just give up any form of television until the six oclock news. I tape everything for the week, as I have mentioned before and so I watch two hours of news with CTV and City Pulse. I fast forward if anything is too repititious and I fast forward all sports. So technically, I do not watch two hours of news because I do speed watching. Many evenings in winter if nothing is planned, I do like to watch a movie or show. The summer is different of course because I like to be outside. My fantasy is an outdoor movie space. So rosary every morning. No more movies which I really enjoy during the day. No mid-day movie at the theatre. Have you given up something for Lent? Baby steps. I find that sometimes when people are very sad, they look for truth or answers in their church of origin. Sometimes they look for answers to other religions and sometimes they become prey for cults because they are so vulnerable. Religious cults are very prominent. Be careful that you do not become a victim of one. This week why not examine your theology and your spirituality? Do you know who you are? Do you know why you belong to the religion that you do? If you are a Roman Catholic have you given up anything for Lent? Why and how do you define yourself as Roman Catholic? If you were in a Castle like Therisa's, which room would you be in in relation to God? Remember that health is a priority in anything you consider. What do you think?

Women's Day! Male Bashing???????

I like working in the mornings and taking breaks in the afternoon. I believe in balance. I believe in play and work and the company of good friends. I am a very social creature. Yesterday after a morning of being swamped with paper work, I decided to go out and celebrate being a woman. Two college students had organized the event. Aesthetically they did a wonderful job. However, what they knew about the accomplishments of women in Canada was zero. I began to think of the differences between college and university. I remembered fellow students teaching at a college and comparing the differences. It was not flattering. I then began to think of people who I knew who had went to college and I began to think that perhaps I am bias. What I thought was to be an event to celebrate women became an event to bash men. One of the students exclaimed that “men are heartless!” If I was to give a grade to these two students it would be 50% with the requirement of a twenty page paper submission of the accomplishments of women in Canada for a passing grade. When I mentioned why they had no information about women in Canada, one said there was none. Really? I asked if there was a day to celebrate men and the audience informed me that every day is a celebration of men. Again my brain began to tick. What is the demographic in the room? What is the education of the women? What are their occupations? What……………..How………..??????????? I don’t think that these students did any harm to the strong women in the room. I do not think that the students are responsible. Their instructor is responsible. There was no representation to assess the students. I asked them what their program was and I must admit that I had not heard of it before. It was however to work in the social stream with communities. If one is to work with communities, one must perhaps work on one’s biases. I like men. I like working with men. I remember one of my first psychology papers to be about fathers abusing their sons. I have been accused of being a traitor to women, by wanting to work at helping men. When they started a Community Centre for women, I asked the politician, if there was a community centre for men. Of course there was not. I love being a woman. I do not need to wear spike heels to define myself as a woman. I love being a woman and being myself. I would not want to be anyone else. However, I also have a real appreciation for men. There has not been a balanced relationship between men and women. Look at the world! We have men who think it is ok for women to walk 10 paces behind them. We have women who cover themselves completely whether it is by choice or not and they call it religion. We have women holding women done so that they can be circumsized and never feel sexual pleasure. We have powerful women who abuse men. We have discrimination in the work force by both men and women. We have men who abuse and we have women who abuse. Women are not all sugar and spice and everything nice. Women have fought hard for a semblance of equality and men have helped them to get there. More elderly men kill themselves in Canada than any other. Men are raped, abused and violated by both men and women. Men suffer shame as do women. Men may hesitate to get the help they need because they feel that they will not be men if they do. Men are hesitant to call the police when they are being abused by their wives or girlfriends because they may be ridiculed. And they are. So what I thought was going to be an afternoon of celebrating and clean fun turned out to be an afternoon of listening to biases, hatred and stereotyping. However, I did have fun after the bashing stopped. I pondered this morning about my relationships with men. I like men because I have had good relationships with them from early childhood. Men treated me lovingly as a child and protected me. Men taught me about other men. Men loved me. Men prepared me for living in a world of imbalance in the work place. Men taught me how to deal with other men who are perhaps not so nice. I do not tolerate abusive men. I do not like abusive men and stay clear of them in my personal life. It was my mother who once remarked that all the men in my life were gentlemen. I had not realized that until she spoke about it. The men in my life have been kind and gentle. I wanted that because the men at work have not always been so kind and gentle. My second book is about gender inequality. It is about the culture of men and women in Canada during a life span. Being in celebration yesterday with women bashing men mercilessly and listening to college students talking about the celebrations of women without knowing anything about the contribution or suffering of women in Canada was enlightening. It is important that books be written by women who have a story. What was it like for a medical student to need higher grades to get into university? What was it like for a woman in a position of authority forty years ago? What was it like for a woman not to be able to vote? Maybe it is time for bashing to stop. Maybe it is time for healing and having the cycle stopped. Maybe it is time to begin respecting each other as individuals. Maybe it is time to actually examine ourselves more closely to why we have the views we have. Do we really hate women? Do we really hate men? What caused that? Is it skewed? Is it rational? Can we really lump all species etc…..in one negative connotation? Why not take some time this weekend to examine your own struggles and experiences with the opposite sex? Has it been positive or negative? What have been your struggles with those of the same sex as you? Who are the people who have shown you kindness? Who are the people who have reached out to you? What was their gender? What was their race? What was their……….? Can we really lump everyone in a negative category? What are we really revealing about ourselves? What has happened to you to really believe that one gender is better than another? Is it your personal experiences? Is it your religion? Is it your culture? Do you really believe that you are better than anyone else? Why? How do you live with others? How do you balance your life? Who are you really mad at? Make time with that special someone. Hold hands. Take a walk. Have some pleasure in the company of another.

Tell someone what has happened to you.

There are times when something happens and you suffer in silence. If you do not think about it, you think it may go away. However, it is not that easy. It will fester and show its ugly face in other venues. If something has happened to you, you must remember that it is not your fault, regardless of the ideology of your culture, religion or family opinion. Too many times that abuse comes from within the family. Guilt is very powerful and guilt is used to silence someone. There is a fear of shame, self blame etc...If something has happened to you, tell someone who can help you. If that person fails to help you go to another. It is possible to regain control of your life. What do you think?

Why Pastoral Counselling and what does it mean?

I am at times asked by a few of my peers, why I have an interest in Pastoral Counselling, since I do not require it for my practise. I take questions asked of me more seriously than before, perhaps because an important aspect of my practise is active listening. We are all the product of everything that has touched us. We are never the same after any experience. We change sometimes for the better and sometimes for worse. Change is constant unless there is no change at all and that I think is impossible. We are a reflection of all that has been imposed on us and what we have imposed on ourselves. Religion, Politics and Sex, three things that may cause great and interesting arguements are part of that experience of life. To ignore or dismiss any part of a person is in my opinion not healing for the entire person. I think it is important to understand the spirituality and religion of the person because it is a very important part of that person. Sometimes there is trauma associated with the "three non topics." People come from cultures where there is no freedom. People come from cultures where they have been raped and dismissed of any individuality. People come from cultures where they have been exploited. People are frightened of their sexuality because they have been raised to think of it as dirty, they have been sexually abused; they have been exploited. People come from religious backgrounds where they think they need to be subservient, or not worthy of love or full of sin. We live in a world where there are so many ideas, values, and possibilities for opportunity. Yet we live in a world where too many are obstructed from finding their true self. They do not know who they are because they have not been allotted the opportunity to find themselves, even from their own homes. In my opinion Pastoral Counselling is counselling with love of the person. It is counselling with acceptance of the person as who and she is regardless of the respective past and confusion. It is in my opinion, providing a hand and walking with the person through the wilderness so that the person is not alone and comes out finding his or her promised land. There is no need for candles in my opinion or literal prayer because the journey is a prayer. Pastoral Counselling is going beyond the science by incorporating all the possibilites that may be. Pastoral Counselling means different things to different people because that is who we are. We come from different places with different baggage good and not so good and that too is brought into the counselling room. So, do I need to be a Pastoral Counsellor. No. I do not. I am quite functional and effecient as a Registered Therapist. However, I want to be able to be an inviting figure to someone from any faith so he or she can come to me and share their experiences and spirituality without judgement or disbelief. You see, I believe my clients with all that is brought to me. As a Pastoral Counsellor, I accept their confusion and lost of hope based on the conflicts they feel from the after effects of their own perspectives from their religion. Do I need this? Perhaps I just want this for myself and my clients who have their own spirituality and religion aspiration, confusion, etc..... to feel comfortable to bring it to the table and be taken seriously. This weekend why not take some time to reflect on what you believe and why? Do you feel that your beliefs are healthy? Do you feel that you have been judged harshly? Do you believe you are better than someone else who believes differently? Have you been rejected because you are from a different faith than your family of origin? Have you married someone from a different faith which is confusing to your children? How do you cope with what is happening to you? Are you happy where you are at? Where do you want to go to? Have a nice weekend and do something nice for someone you love. Spending time with that person may be all that is required. That is the greatest gift.