I am now a Pastoral Counselling Specialist as well

     Another qualification!  Now I just have to wait for the college of psychotherapy to be set up and running and this is it. I do not normally write in my blog on Sundays.  However, these five years of post graduation work and internships is finally over.

 

     Where do you find yourself now in your life?  Where do you want to be in five years?
What are your options?  What do you need to do to get you there?  What is important in your life right now?  What kind of obligations do you have?  Is your life balanced?  Who are you and what do you really, really want?  Why are you not doing it?  What do you think?

Finished writing my second book today

     What a day!  What a week!  I have finally finished my second book.  This one is a handful.  My friend Chris has agreed to edit it.  I am so pleased.  His degree is in creative writing and I think he is a much better writer than I could ever be.  He and I were in the same creative writing class when I was taking a break from psychology.   He could bring pastries and smells to life.  Yes sireeeee.
     
     This cold, storm, and power failure has provided me with an unexpectant holiday.  It gave me the opportunity to write and to study.  Saturday I shall have my oral.  I hope my car makes it.

      I owe you one poem about the postman and I owe Chris a reposting of a paper on evolution.  I shall post one each week.  As soon as I get a breather I will continue my third book.  I have one chapter done.  That will be fun to write.  That will be definitely fiction.  No confusion there.  In the meantime I will try to wrap up with everything that is happening.

      Over 100 books of "Hey Guy Buy Me"  has gone missing so if you see a copy being sold aside from where I have indicated they should be selling from please let me know.   The price is 9.95 and I have never reduced the price.  Should you want a copy, send a cheque to my office and I will mail you a signed copy anywhere in the world for free.  Postage has gone up 40% so that is a deal.  I haven't been to the post office since the power failure and hope that what I heard is inaccurate.  I am still annoyed that they want to lay off so many posties.   They work so hard and deserve much more respect.  The posties were still working in this freeze.  Even the airport knew that their employees should not be working out in the cold and they were protected.

      Anyhow, I am looking forward to another exciting year.

Happy new year!!!!!!!!!!
 

New Years Resolution

     The beginning of the year is full of promises and opportunities.  We can discard the previous year and become more motivated for change.  Mine this year is quite simple.  Have more fun.  Work smart and not hard as my favourite grad professor, Ovi Mohammed likes to say.  Of course I felt that being his student was working more hard than smart in my case.
     The power failure we had in Toronto made me aware of how much I do have in my life.  I do not starve, I have a home and I have love.  What more can one ask for?  How many of us want a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger lifestyle?  How many of us want to reach out to the sky?  Is there anything wrong with that?  I say no, unless it consumes to the point of no return to common good.  Why not spend some time reflecting how last year has been for you?  Were you happy, sad, inspired, devestated?  What motivates you?  What does not?  Are you happy in your present situation?  What can you do to start changing this year to make your life a bit better, more peaceful, more rewarding?  Sometimes one small step is all that is needed, before you take the next small step.  Why not draw up a list and take a look at the good things in your life.  Do you have enough to eat?  Do you have enough to drink?  Is there anything you can do to make your life healthier?  What is it that you can change this year?  Take a look at the mirror.  Do you like what you see?  Why or why not?

     Take a look at your partner.  What can you do, to enhance your relationship?  What can you do to ignite lost passion?  What can you do for your partner?  What do you get back from your partner?  Is there a balance in the relationship?  Why not?  What can you do about that?

     Life is a precious moment!  What can you do this year to recognize that?  I wish you a happy new year.  I wish you a peaceful New Year.  I wish…………………………

My power is back on. Michigan and Manitoba is coming to help us.

      Last night my cable and phone came back on.  There is still much of my city powerless.  I was able to watch the news and recharge my computer and phone.  I watched the news and smiled at the acts of kindness these conditions bring.  People are worried about their sick neighbours and the elderly.  People are trying to be patient but concerned.  People are coming together, helping each other.  I kind of enjoyed not having a phone for a bit.  I am not much of a talker on the phone and would rather meet up with a person if it extends two minutes of discussion.
     They have stations throughout the city to help with people who still have no heat.  They also have food for them.  I think that is very nice and it demonstrates that our city is prepared for emergencies.  We also have crews coming from Manitoba and the good USA Michigan coming to help us restore power to the rest of the people in Toronto.  I am feeling more confident that I can retain my heat.  I have learned from this.  As soon as I pay off all tuition and other expenses that have accumilated because of my education, professional etc…….. I will get myself a fireplace where I do not need power to start it and keep it going.   They have a name for that in psychology but I cannot recall it at this moment.  I will eventually go through all my notes and place them on my blog before discarding them all.  This power failure has kept me grounded.  I read half a book yesterday and watched a CD.  I am really resting though there is an element of stress wondering how much longer I will be warm.  Today I am feeling more confident knowing that help is coming to our city.  Our American neighbours and ourselves help each other consistently.  That is what neighbours should do.  How many countries can brag about that?  Well today I am bragging.  I appreciate that people are giving up their holidays to help others, even in a different country.   Soon the rest of our city should be up and running.

     Because of this storm, I started my holidays a bit earlier and took the time to just sit and read in warm clothing and not even thinking about going outside.  Now I will deliver the rest of my Gifts and prepare for Christmas.  I will visit those I need to visit.  My family will be warm.

    Merry Christmas.  Thank you USA for helping us.  Thank you Manitoba for helping us.  Thank you Ottawa for helping us.  Thank you for reminding us what Christmas is all about.  It is about reaching out to others with acts of kindness.  It is about the affairs of the heart and soul.

                                                    Merry Christmas!  

ICE STORM - Shut me down, Thank you Toronto for getting my power back on for the moment.

     We have an ice storm that came up from the good USA.  This America, you may keep.  I am afraid that with global warming this is probably only the beginning.  So, I was told at a seminar a few years ago about Emergency Management.

     The view outside was beautiful as I awoke yesterday.  The trees in my backyard had a beautiful sheen.  The little beasts outside in their nests remained intact.  Once I walked outside my front door and slid down my driveway, I knew I was in trouble.  I had sanded my drive twice that morning before 0800 to no avail.  I realized that walking on the sidewalk in my area was impossible and so walked on the roadway which was ok.  My salute to the city for the hard work that they do.  Our roadway is always taken care of for us.  At a Christmas party at a cousin's house in Richmond hill, with their upscale homes and horrid snowy roadways made me appreciate my bigger city and more effecient clearer roadways.

I saw a nighbour's tree branches on the ground and other branches were crackling and ready to fall.  It seemed that braving the cars was easier than braving falling branches.

On my return home,  I saw one man nearly fall in a lane way as he attempted to walk back on the lane from the snowed area.  People seemed to be in good spirits because it looked Christmasy.  "Looks like we are going to have a white Christmas" one woman who I do not know shouted.  "Yes!"  I replied with a smile.  I like white Christmases myself.  If I ever lived in a warm climate, I would have to return to snow at Christmas.  New York has snow!

I listened to the news as I entered my home after attempts to enter my drive met with negative results and a neighbour said salt did nothing and I had to break the ice.  Break the ice I did and then managed to call it day.  The city warned that it may take 72 hours to get service back and that 250,000 people in our city had no power.  That was enough to have the insight to cancel appointments - safety first.
Good thing too, because my power went out and with that was my heat, my coffee opportunities and my news.  I was alerted that my home phone was not working with someone calling my cell phone.  I need power to utilize Rogers phone.  I knew that but took the better rate than Bell provided after being with them forever.  I knew that my cell would work in power black outs.  I was asked if I would be leaving my home and a hotel was suggested.  I will not leave my pets behind and they would not like a hotel.  It had not reached that stage.  After all I had no power for two hours and I was not in panic mode.  Besides my city with the hotels in them have the same problem, so I would have to leave the city?  No, it is not an emergency yet.  I finished reading Bill Cosby's Love and Marriage which  I enjoyed reading for fun.  I ate realizing I have enough food to last a week and enough chocolate under my tree to last me at least a month.  I would not starve in three days.  I checked up on some elderly neighbours.  Their house was very warm and they had layer after layer of clothing on.  They showed me two measly candles but I was assured that they would be ok as the neighbour next door to them have a wood fireplace and that is where they would go (whether the neighbour liked it or not).  I admired the spunk.   As my home became colder I decided to go to bed much earlier than the norm.  I watched the CN tower boldly shine their lights.  The neighbouring towering buildings did the same while my neighbourhood fell to a blanket of night cold.  One pet found himself under the blankets with me, the other found her own space.

At 0615 this morning the power went back on and I wasted no time to get up and make that coffee, I so much was looking forward to.  As I drank my hot coffee and began to feel the heat once again, the power went out.  When the power came back about 15minutes later, I immediately went to make another pot.  I did not forget to give Rudy, my squirrel, his four peanuts for the day.  My power is still on, though I am expecting it to go off again eventually.  However, my home is almost warm again and I have had a good breakfast of toast, eggs and tomato with I will not tell you how much coffee.  My cable is not working, nor is my phone but I am listening to the radio and the people of Toronto are being informed that we will all have power by Christmas.  We had two hospitals with no power and of course they were given priority as they should.

     As I was drinking my hot coffee and watching the 24 hour news, I thought of my life and how much I have to be grateful for.  How many people live in countries where their well being is not foremost.  I love my country and I love my city.  We don't have politicians trying to convince women that they should not drive cars because it would not be good for their ovaries (really???????How stupid!)  We elect our politicians and if we do not like how they run our cities, provinces and country, we can demonstrate that by voting.  Today I am feeling very very rich.  I have a warming home, I have a city who is working very hard and 24/7 to bring things back to normal in what I am hearing is the worse ice storm for Toronto.  I live in a country that has given me the opportunity to serve it and to choose the education and careers of my choice.  I live in a country where I have the freedom to say what I think.  My parents couldn't have picked a better country to immigrate to.  My parents became citizens so I can be a citizen because I was too young to do so and I asked them to make that move so I could have the occupation I had chosen.  I have a home.  I have good food to eat.  I have people who love me and care for me.  I have retired and though I did not have to work again, I chose to do so.  My country has given me so much that I can never return all I have been provided with.  This Christmas in my now warm house, I realize that I have my greatest gift - my life and my choices I have made for myself with my country supporting me all the way.

         Thank you God and thank you Canada.  To the world I wish you a Merry Christmas.  I wish you a Happy Hannakah, I wish you happy holidays.  I wish your warmth.  I wish you food.  I wish you freedom and I wish you peace and love.

         Thank you to all the city employees who are working so hard and are away from their families to get Toronto back into the life that we have become so accustomed to.

    
        

   
     

Registered Marriage and Family Therapist - Fees are not going up! Merry Christmas

    It has been a long road.  I have just been transferred to clinical fellow.  This is a wonderful Christmas gift.  Next month, I shall have my oral for phase two for specialist as a pastoral counsellor.  In April which may be delayed, the college of psychotherapy should be up and running hopefully.  This will be a College that protects the public.  I will not say too much about it right now, except to say that this is long overdue.  I think that there should be protection for the public in all venues.  People go to someone for help and expect that the person is qualified to do so.  This is not the case at this moment but this will change soon.  I would like to see this expand to all services so that everyone is accountable and is registered with some body.

     I want to thank you for reading my blogs and travelling with me.  I will continue to develop my self professionally as is expected of my Associations and as I expect of myself.

     My fees will continue at $100. for a 50 minute hour.   I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!

Silva

Professional Numbness - Military, Police etc........

     There are occupations out there where one has to be in control at all times.  One is expected to resolve problems, calm people down in horrific situations and to respond appropriately at all times.  In this day where there are cameras everywhere, there is an expectation of perfect responses to impossible situations.  One is being judged by the media and the public.  These are additional pressures.  

     In my own training many years ago, I was briefed along with others that military, police, and physicians were statistically more prone to abusive relationships at home.  I being young and thinking that such professions were among a higher standard of conduct was surprised.  Now, being more mature, educated and down to earth with experience, understand what was told to me many years ago several times.

    Perfection does not exist.  I think most people understand this.  We all come from various backgrounds with various amount and depth of what is referred to as "baggage".  Much of that baggage is screened for in various testing for various careers.  There are also IQ tests etc.....for various occupations.  What is there for testing the pain and emotional responses one physician feels when she loses a patient?  What is there for testing a soldier who was forced to kill?  What is there for testing a policewoman or man who for a second, had to make an instant decision, right or wrong?  One thing that is common with these occupations is that there is an expectation of higher standard to be in control, to be wonderful; to be a hero.  It is an occupation that an expectation is taken for granted.

Now let's examine the person.  What is going on inside?  Is this person a machine?  Is this person programmed for perfection?  Does this person have anyone on his side?  Who is in control of this person?  Is he or she in the same occupation, with the same experiences?  Is this person a politician who wants to have a job in the future in the right circles?  Is this person going to support the struggles suffered by one man or woman who suffers when a child dies or an animal is abused beyond recognition, when one witnesses the scars and wounds and suffering that many are free from.

I recently heard a speaker talk about a woman who was raped.  As far as the speaker was concerned this woman was ok.  At break time, I blurted out that this woman knew nothing about the sexual assault of a person (male or female).  The thing is that people respond to situations and crises and many times, they do not even know how they feel.  They put themselves on mute.

At another training session, I heard how nurses who are so much in control can completely break down when a member of their own profession dies.  This was not understood by the speaker.  The speaker did not understand, that the tipping point was having someone close, a colleague die.  All that suffering previously experienced was pushed aside, to function, to perform with professionalism.

One aquaintance once was so angry, that others near us just tried to stay away from him.  He was looked at with distaste.  No one wanted to be near him.  He was too angry.  All professionalism gone.....There was no need to be professional.  The setting was safe.  "What happened" I asked.  He told me that he was assisting with an abortion and the fetus was still alive, in a bucket.  He held the fetus, in the room of the hospital until the fetus died.  The mother never knew.  As my aquaintance began to share more suffering without crying, the agitation slowly diminished into sorrow.  He is a professional, able to keep facial and posture purfection at all times.

    There are professions who witness what others who judge them superficiously, cannot imagine.  There is this aura of professional who protects and heals.   Often there is no support system for them.  Often it is inadequate.  Often to seek help which should be considered normal, is deemed as weakness.  There is this "professional numbness" that emergency personnel cultivate and develop, where feelings are surpressed, so that this illusion of professionalism and expectation can continue as expected by the people they serve.  I like to use the anology of a pot with liquid on a stove, heating up and coming to a boil where the top finally pushes outward.  This bottled and contained emotions are still there.  They may be expressed with anger, with violence, and sadly with suicide.  The best solution is to find that person you can talk to and share and explore those feelings.  This is confidential.  The only person who needs to know that you are getting help, is the same person who has contained this suffering without your own awareness.  This Christmas give yourself the gift - the gift of life, the gift of helping yourself for a change.