Couple therapy

You have two people coming from different worlds, you join them together and what happens?  Well you tell me?  How is your relationship with your partner going?  Is it an equal relationship?  Are you okay with the unbalanced?  Do you have quality time together?  Why not?  Are you ok with that?  Are you living separate lives?  Are you happy in your relationship?  Are you ready to work on your marriage?  Are you on the verge of separation?  Are you having second thoughts about getting married because you have learned....you suspect.........you don't think...........

      We all come from different worlds in some way, some less obvious than others.  I remember in my undergrad days studying social psychology from one of my favourite profs.  We learned that it is not opposite who attracts but what we find in common.  That trait in your partner that makes you feel, you knew him all his life.  That is some trait that may be in your mom or dad.  That trait you find so adorable, will be the thing that drives you crazy later on. 
     We learned that there are chemicals in the brain that  gives us the feeling of romantic love which lasts four years (or is it 5?  I should check notes, but I would be one year off and no time to check notes).  After that in most cases the relationship may turn into a very good and close relationship.  Of course it may not and after the endorphins stop working, you suddenly realise this is not the person you married.  So you spend more time working on your car, computer or have an affair with someone you think you understand, but it may just be those endorphins.  It is called the triangle.  You escape working on your marital problems by finding a third relationship.  It keeps you from your partner.  Can you work on your problems?  Is it possible to salvage the relationship?  Yes..........but you will have to wait for another day because I now have to go.  To be continued next time.

Started my day reading half a book when I should be figuring out my taxes

    It is that time of the year again where I gather all my stuff and do my own taxes.  I am still small enough to be able to do it.  Or, is it that I am just organized?  Having two businesses is one thing, but do I really need an accountant?  Not yet.  I started doing my own taxes quite early.  I would bring it to a popular organization to be compiled and was quite disappointed when there were errors.  So, I presumed correctly that I can do my own, do it wrong and the tax man or woman would correct me.  And they do.  I phone them when I am confused and I phone them when I am lost.  They are always polite.  I also ask at times if I should get an accountant and they say naw, they can help me.  So, this year, I will do my taxes again.  Last year it took me three days to collect, sort and find everything I needed before mailing it off.  I was quite disappointed when our government decided to return our refund in monthly payments.  I do not find that very democratic.  I used to always have a massive amount of taxes taken out in advance so that at the end of the year I would get a nice little bundle back and |I could afford a great vacation or something I really wanted.  Those days are now gone.  I have to figure out how to pay less taxes so I am not penalized by getting refunds back at their leisure which is monthly rather than a lump sum.  Who gets the interest?  Anyhow, I am going to have to remember this when it comes to voting.  If everyone voted it might inspire politicians to remember why they are in the positions that they hold.
       Anyhow, more about taxes.  First I have to finish recording everything because I am behind and then I will begin the task of basic arithmatic.  I have a calculator from my stats day and another more basic one which calculates percentages nicely.  I actually enjoy doing my taxes because |I don't require thought, just numbers.  I especially like when I do not owe anything.  If I sold more books, I might have to get an accountant but my mail box which I rented is void of any book requests.  Hey, at least you like my blogs.
     I have received three books which I ordered and this morning while drinking coffee I polished off half a book.  When my mom died, I was holding her hand and talking alot.  I gave her permission to go.  Yet in my heart I wanted her to stay.  I then felt I was being followed to my car and turned around and there was no one there.  I had felt the same sensation earlier when I was returning from the cafeteria.  It was kind of spooky feeling someone behind you and there is no one there.  When I was in the hospital, I thought I was just sensing the cameras.  Maybe it was, but why behind me only.  Oh well.  Anyhow, before my mom died a few weeks earlier, we were talking about life after death.  I told her that she would leave her body, look at her self and that she may not like what she sees and then I did not know.  It was quite casual and innocent.  That was the kind of relationship I had with her.  We could talk about anything and everything and make fun of the world.  I told her that if she could let me know what it was like on the otherside to let me know, to do so but not to scare me under any conditions.  My mother had a wicked humour much like mine.  Anyhow, when I felt I was being followed, I thought that maybe it was my mom and as soon as I entered my car asked her to not scare me.  Then the feeling was gone.  Was it my imagination?  No.  But what was it, I do not know.  Maybe it was the cameras.  However, I ordered and began reading this morning, To Heaven and Back A Doctor's extradorinary Account of Her Death, Heaven, Angels and Life Again.  A true story by Mary C. Neal, MD.  She is an Orthopaedic surgeon.  I also ordered Proof of Heaven A Neurosurgeon's Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, M.D.  When I read these books, I wonder what the science can be behind this?  Can there be an explanation?  Is it a dream?  However,  I remember reading a book years ago that captivated me, because it was written by an athiest cardiologist.  Because of his patients who actually died and returned being able to tell him how the OR looked and who was wearing what (I remember a tie) when they were out cold and dead, made him start believing that there was something there.  I was so impressed with that book and unfortunately lent it out to I don't know who and once again lost a good book.  I cannot remember who wrote that and have not been able to find it.  If you know of the book I am talking about please let me know.
     I really love life.  I love all it has to offer.  I wish I could go on living and having different careers and exploring all there is to explore.  There are still places I have not experienced.  There is more than what we ourselves see.  I have heard so many stories and some I really think are stores.  But, then there are others that have such an impact on a person that you know there has to be something more.  So that is why instead of doing my taxes and writing my book, I was reading Dr Neal's book.
     So I wrote a bit of my book, wrote this entry before starting my taxes and now I am ready.  So have a nice weekend, spend it with someone you like, be good to yourself and I will write again next week.  Oh, if you want a laugh, why not order my book, Hey Guy Buy Me, so I can claim it on my taxes next year.
       Have a nice weekend!

Is there a God?

    I have been listening a lot to people lately.  I have listened to their pain, their struggles and their diminished spirits and this is all outside of therapy with clients.  This is among my friends and others.  I recently wrote that this year I will probably lose the most people who are close to me, than in previous years.  This is to death.  But I also have those close to me who have suffered blindness and amputation.  I have put a lot of what I consider trivial aside because what is most important in anyone's life is those who are close to them or just other people who may need them at this point of their lives.  When one faces tragedy, one also faces the need to find a way to process and/ or to adapt and change with that tragedy.  There is always shock and denial and there is also bargaining with God.  There is great sorrow and eventually but not always there is acceptance.  This can be in any order, or even omitted.  There is an anger that one experiences towards God, when something happens.  Then there is guilt about this feeling towards God.  One questions their faith?  How can God allow this?  What have I done to deserve this?  Then there are final statements.  There is no God.  I hate God and the most I hear is, "God is punishing me." It is all quite sad.  I remember when doing an internship at a hospital, one physician asked me, "what would Jesus say."  I replied that I was not Jesus and therefore would not know what he would say.  There is so much assumption that so much is known.  But in reality what is it that we really know?  When someone is dying from a brain tumour and asks me why?  How can I provide an answer?  When someone tells me that they have lived a good life and tried to be a good person, why is this happening to them?  The most tragic is when one wants to die at their own hands because they cannot face what is happening.  They have not had the time to discern, to process, to try to adapt.  There is a sense of hopelessness and despair.  If you are going through this yourself, get some help.  It is not weakness when you feel your life is falling apart and you go for help.  That is strength and takes a lot of guts.  It means you want to do something to help you. 
     If you know someone who is suffering, why not go visit them and even if it is to be a sounding board, that is ok. 
     As for God?  Not everyone can believe in God.  It is that simple.  It does not mean that they are doomed for hell and all that nonsense.  If a person is a good person but simply cannot believe in anything but what he or she sees?  Is that his or her fault?  If someone faces a tragedy and doubts God or is angry with God, is that a very bad thing?  No.  It is normal.  Those are questions and responses that face people.  As for God being a punishing God, that is not the God I know.  There is danger in reading a Bible verbatim and taking it all at God's word.  In the Bible you find incest, you find mutilation and you find all the horrors that men and women do to each other.  But, you also see by example Jesus, touching and healing and retaliating against the organized religions.  You see Jesus very comfortable among the prostitutes and poor.  There is where we can learn.  But we are only human and being human is just that.  We must remember when the Bible was written and what was the culture etc at that time.  We can all be cruel given the right circumstances.  Does that make us unworthy? 
     Why not spend about 10 minutes a day in total silence and try to connect with the possibility of God in a world having a nervous breakdown.  Is there a God?  What do you think?   

It is sunny today. How sunny is your life?

     I have been busy.  My house was a construction site for a few weeks due to tube and knob removal, electrical upgrading and plastering.  It is difficult to write when the house is in chaos. 
     I have people who are close to me going through tragedies and one is dying.  If this continues, this will be the year where I have lost the most people who are close to me.  One book for people who are suffering from the loss of someone they love is,  Time Remembered, A Journal for Survivors by Earl A. Grollman.  I noticed another book he wrote when I was ordering another copy for someone.  I will consider that another time.
    I went to visit the cemetery yesterday for family who has passed.  I brought fresh plastic bright flowers (because it will still freeze for fresh).  I also bought myself an Italian desert which has an interior cream filling and a light flaky pastry on the outside and a coffee and I sat there eating and drinking my coffee as I told them I would when they were alive. 
     I consider myself quite lucky.  I have lived the life I wanted.  I not only like myself but I love myself as well.  I know that if I died tomorrow, I have accomplished all I wanted to do .....plus. Yet, I still have lots to do.
     As the sun is shining through the window I feel a peace in my heart.  I know who I am.  I know where I am going.  I know my options.  I feel blessed that I have known and met so many good people and have them in my life.
     I have a strong and somewhat powerful personality.  It is this strength that permits others to lean on me.  It is this personality which can be overwhelming for some. I do not minse words.  I love all of me.
    Why not examine your life today?  What do you think of yourself?  Why?  Is this coming from within you or others?  Are you happy?  Are you in an abusive relationship?  Remember that people who abuse others, tell you that it is you making them want to strike you, degrade you etc....Trust me, that it is more about them and not you.  What can you do to change your life to make yourself happier.  Remember that we cannot change others.  There is no magic wand.  But, you can stop the cycle of violence.  You can stop the cycle of incest.  You can stop the cycle of verbal, emotional and financial abuse.  You can when you are ready.  Are you ready?
     Is the sun shining in your life today?  Do you see the rays coming in through the window?
     Have you been there for your friends in their need?  Have they been there for you?  Is there a balance in your life?  If you were to die today, would there be something more you felt that you did not accomplish?  What is that?  Does it make you sad?  Why not start today to make changes in your life that pleases you and not everyone else.  Why do you not take a step today to getting to know yourself?  What do you think? 

Integrity vs Dispair (Erikson) and religion

Assignment 5           

     According to Erickson, despair in old age results from not being able to adapt to situations that arose in previous stages.  Subsequently, in old age these people would remain remorseful until they die.  Integrity is the opposite. Both gender and the ways of being religious are influential on Integrity because it is an important part of "integrating and accepting one's unique life lived, thereby contributing to their implicit religion and spirituality." The main achievement according to Erickson is "to accept one's life as something that had to be- even with its limitations and failure"

     Gender may influence "Integrity" by being able to look back at one's life and having a sense of accomplishment.  If a woman felt secure in her position of motherhood or having a career or having both, she may look at her children and grandchildren with satisfaction knowing that she did the best she could and be pleased.  A man may look back at his life and reflect similarly.  He may feel that he was a good provider, or he may feel that he lived well and did the best he could to become the person he has become.  To indicate how gender has an influence on "Integrity" is complex because there are many views regarding gender roles.  This view may be constricted.  It may be based on culture, education, and opportunity.  It may also be based on exposure to experience.  But what is important for "Integrity" is that whatever role each gender had, he or she was adaptive and ultimately satisfying.

     Ways of being religious may change throughout the stages of life.  One may always believe, or one may spiral throughout their lives when it comes to God.  One may be very active in the church and accepting in all that is said.  One may argue and spend very little time in church but be very devout.  Ultimately being able to reflect back on one's life and seeing a spiral and eventual growth in their religion in whatever form it takes, allows one to feel comfort in that relationship.  The beauty of being religious in old age is the closeness to God one feels.  It is an overwhelming sense of peace in knowing that you have had a good life regardless of the bumps and sadness one must experience in it.  It is knowing that God is with you and that you have been blessed with grace and faith and that this faith in God has brought one to a plateau of serenity and peace in old age.  In old age, after obtaining the wisdom in life to accept limitations and knowing that one has done the best for him and others, one may lay content with God.  Religion has a strong influence on "Integrity". It helps one not to fear death as an end but consider it more as a beginning.  Religion helps one rise to their closest stage with God – feeling the presence of God. Religion helps us welcome God and Death as another stage as is contentment with our gender. 

Anatomical Effects of prenatal and early postnatal malnutrition. The developing brain and the environment – psych notes continued.

Anatomical Effects of prenatal and early postnatal malnutrition

- fewer neurons in the cerebellum (granule cells, and fewer synapsis/neurons

- fewer neurons in hippocampus (dentate gyrus and CA1, CA3;

-neo cortex: normal number of neurons but less dentrubic branching, fewer synapsis, fewer glia cells.

Big focus on cognitive abilities-intellectual ability- cells are there early but connections are formed after birth when get experience.  If don’t have this – found fewer dentrite spines and ones there are often misformed.

They looked along dentrite that goes up – cell body was normal only has gone up.

Read methods carefully.  It is important to think that study was blind and therefore not biased when studies are done.  You don’t want bias coming into this.

Is it a good study?

How to ask? And timing

Long term Potentiation (LTP)

Conditioning Stimulus – train of pulse bursts

EPSP – excitatory post – synaptic potential

(not able to post diagrams here – sorry readers)

If stimulate (electrically) pathway measure pulse along path – already through one synapse (one little pathway) (similar to EEG)

-repeatedly firing this pathway – after this – if stimulate again instead of being the same, it is much bigger – they like to think it is learning.

LTP and Malnutrition

Measure increase after conditioning it – stays up for a very long time- causes a change in the efficiency of synapses.

They undernourished rats in early life and then tested- found got LTP (increase) but not as big and not as long.

LTP in old rats show the same pattern but does not last.

This is not clearly shown in behaviour.  

 good evidence of early life malnutrition impact in the brain.

  

Question: Highlight one or two things that you found to be significant in the handout or chapter and what did you find puzzling (one or two things).

     What I found significant in the handout (Understanding Soul Care) is pg 101 which indicates that Western psychology of the self has been greatly influenced by Descartes's "I think, therefore I am, contrary to "I am because we are; we are because I am." The latter being African spiritual philosophy has been identified as being closer to the Christian understanding of self.  I have observed that in our society, we have a focus of ourselves which is very much a me world.  We tend to lose meaning in basic humanity.  I found it puzzling that we should not give to the poor because they are less fortunate but because God is somehow present in those who suffer(106).  I find this notion that doing so is condescension or pity, misguided.  I think that everyone, Christian or not, whether they see God in another or not, should contribute something of themselves to others because they are indeed less fortunate.  If we are more united in compassion regardless of religion (if any), beliefs and culture than we may just be able to survive this world.  I am also puzzled that, "Christian spirituality is also manifest in care of God's creation" (106) as a response to global crises.  I think that taking care of this planet is basic biological survival mode at this point.  Of course I may be wrong, but I found myself stirred by these statements.

   I found the chapter from our text very significant regarding Ignatian spiritual direction and how the author combined spirituality with psychotherapy.  I think that the year waiting period is rather long, though I understand it may be necessary for the process of the intense knowledge about the person.  I am puzzled that we don't have therapists trained by our own church combined with spirituality as a separate degree program.