Are you going to buy my book? I wrote it for fun.

     Trying to sell a book as a novice writer is no easy task.  It doesn’t help that the small independent book stores have been gobbled up by big corporations.  It does not help that I am not any of my favorite writers. It does not help that if I hired a distributer, I would be in the red for 10 % on each book. So if you do decide to buy my book, please keep in mind that it has nothing to do with theology.  It is not a psychology book either.  I cringed when I found it there in a bookstore.  I wrote this for fun and it took two months to complete.  I am writing my second book now which is a bit more serious as it has to do with life in the military.  However, it is more about the social perspective - about people.  It has nothing that should put me in jail and not pass go.  It is about life, and growth and fairly soon about history.  My first book however is just pure fun.  It provides dating advice for men. And some men really do need to open up and take heed.  I was once asked by a local community reporter, what it is about my book that is different from other books about dating.  I have no clue since I never read any.   I did however, since I have spent most of my life in the company of men, listen to their many woes.  Sometimes men thought I was an expert about women because I am one. 

     I have been surprised about the feedback I have received and I am not sure why I was so surprised.  After all people have different perspectives.  I am pleased that men who have enjoyed my book seem to have read it in the spirit with which it was meant.  Since these men were handsome and secure, I was quite flattered.  There are some men who have been given this book by their wives and I understood that they have hated it.  There was one who also thought that he fell in love with me which was a bit creepy.  Ok, it was a lot creepy!  But, it really is just for fun and if I can make some money while enjoying writing, it is even more fun.  So if you want to buy this book from a struggling writer and give me some positive feedback without the love stuff (too creepy) please send $9.95 in Canadian or American funds to  Silva Redigonda, P.O. Box 58074, 3089 Dufferin Street.  Toronto, Ontario, M6A 3C8.  No taxes are required to be paid at this time, since I have not sold enough to even be taxed (how bad is that?).   What do you think?   

Are you ready for therapy? Facing the stigma - or facing yourself?

      When I was in my undergrad, the psychology professor talked about the stigma of seeking therapy.  He said that those in the medical field were more prone to seek help.  This is interesting.  Why is this so? Perhaps because health care professionals understand the importance of therapy?  They understand its' merit?  In Toronto right now there is the hype to demystify the stigma of psychotherapy.  People who are respected speak out that they have seeked therapy.  The objective is that if these successful people have seeked counselling than it is ok for the general public.  Is this working?  Probably.  But what about the other professionals or everyday person who is not so convinced?   Some people who really need counselling do not get it.  They feel that there is something humiliating to do so.  Some do not trust the person providing the therapy.  That is understandable too.  Some people are not qualified to provide therapy but this will eventually change as our government has realized the implications.  A college will soon be implemented where all must be registered who have the qualifications. 
      No one is perfect including the person providing the therapy and clients can be very forgiving.  However, if you are pouring out your soul and the therapy provider falls asleep than you should re-examine your relationship.  Sometimes there may be a rational explanation.  Or maybe not?  This I have been told happens more than I thought possible.    
      Some people do not trust the person providing the therapy to keep everything confidential.  There are exclusions and these are, that harm to children needs to be reported.  Children cannot protect themselves. This can be a problem for the man or woman who abuses their child.  It is not a matter of trust.  It is law that the child needs to be protected.  Is the parent willing to continue abusing the child rather than to get help to stop?  If a client seriously wants to kill himself or plans to impose a danger to others than this too needs to be addressed.  I discuss all cases with my mentor and/or for the purposes of education.  The client is aware of this.  However, the identity of the client is never revealed.  
     There are situations a person is stopped from getting help because he or she is controlled by others.  To this person I suggest that she or he examine her life and imagine what it could be like, and examine how to get there.  Why are you not there?  What can you change?  What do you feel, you must accept?  Why?
Is it time to get some help to organize your thoughts and find out who you are again?     There are people whose entire world seems to be falling apart and no one else knows?  How long can you manage this?  There are those who have been raped and never reported it because they just want it to go away, believe the Police are not on their side, or cannot deal with the trauma.  There are people who have had someone very close to them die and they are being told by friends how to grieve and when to snap out of it.  This is a time when their friendships could be re-examined.  Grieving is personal and every person needs his or her time.  Divorce is another time when this is examined.
     Is today, the day when you will look at yourself and decide what you want to do with what is happening in your life that you are not happy with?  Is today the day when you decide that you need to make your own decisions to change what you do not like about your life?  Is today the day when you want to take ownership for yourself?  If today is not the day, than that is ok too, because it needs to be your day, when you are ready.  The only stigma about getting help is about you preventing yourself from getting the help you deserve.  Is today the day, you decide for yourself what is best for you?  What do you think?    

Adult Cognitive Development (psych notes cont...)

Three levels of Adult Cognitive Development,  Labouvie-Vief (1990 B)

1.  Intra systemic  level:  corresponds to Piaget’s formal operations where students are logical within a given system but have difficulty reflecting on alternative systems (see Perry at previous blog referring to rigidity.

2.  Inter systemic level:  awareness of multiple contradicting thoughts.  Although they can see and tolerate other systems, they still see “other” systems as distinct and irreconcilable.

3.  Integrated Level openness:  flexibility and reflection.  One is able to draw on different perspectives and value systems, choosing principles and acting on them.  Truth is based on rational disciplined reflection.

Perry's research found stages of progression in students' thought processes over four years (psych notes)

1.  Initially rigid to flexible.
2.  Recognize the existence of a wide variety of ideas.
3.  Come to see knowledge and values as relative.
4.  Feel lost because there is no one meaning to it all;
5.  Come to a commitment within relativism-- come to judge based on information, values, and beliefs, despite uncertainty and recognition of other possibilities.

How does your Saturday night compare to mine in Toronto?

     There is a lot of controversy lately about violence in Toronto.  Many people who complain about Toronto don’t even live here though they like to associate themselves as doing so when living in nearby towns.  Maybe they work here and disappear into their neck of the woods?  Maybe they left 30 years ago when Toronto was a different city and they still like to complain about it, not really knowing it. 

     There are individual, charismatic neighborhoods, and some can seem quite serene especially during the day when people are working and kids are at camp.  It can be very quiet.  However, in every city there is a variety.

     Yesterday morning I went to visit someone in the cemetery.  It was 0830 in the morning and already the cemetery was busy with people walking, visiting their loved ones and jogging.  I parked my car in this Western European neighborhood and people nodded at me and greeted me in their native tongues.  I though how nice this is.  People can be very friendly in the city which I don’t always see in the towns especially if you say you are from Toronto.  How ironic.

     Then last night I left my home at 5pm to be at a favorite annual party at 6pm.  What I like about Roy’s house is that he lives on the waterfront and I can just sit and stare out at Lake Ontario and bask under the stars. 

     As soon as I drove from home in plenty of time to find parking at my destination, one of my neighbors flagged me down.  She had found a distressed dog and wanted my help because she was going to a party.  Hers was in our neighborhood.  It took an hour for both us to have another neighbor stay with the dog while animal rescue would complete their shift change and come to the little dog’s aid.  The dog had a plate of food and water and after we made sure the little dog was safe, we both left to our respective parties. I stopped when I saw a small group of people nearby and asked if they were missing a dog.  One well dressed man asked if the dog was worth something.  I just ignored him and drove away not impressed.   I was driving downtown when the driver of  a paint truck cut me off.  He had pulled out of a driveway and proceeded into my inner lane almost colliding with my car.  He felt that because he had signaled, it gave him the right to cut me off and insisted that I reverse my car so he could continue.  I decided otherwise and so he called me a f------bitch.  The traffic was blocked but I managed to drive around him and continued on my way.  I realized I did not have gas and so used up most of my money to fill my tank with the good stuff (as suggested by my mechanic).  When I was leaving, I had another driver this time in a taxi yell at me to move and then told me to shut the f--- up. 

     I ended up at the party surprised that there was an empty space just for me, across from the party.  I was only about an hour plus late so was presently surprised.  As soon as I mingled and found my spot at the edge of the lake, I was in heaven.  How I could write here, I dreamed.  A wave splashed my white outfit drenching me and bringing me back to reality.  Well my hair was safe and so was half of my torso. 

    I sold one of my books to a dear man at the party.  Another man approached me and bored me too tears, about complaints of an “ex ex” girlfriend who didn’t like to pay half when they dated.  He reminded me of Saturday night fever.  I think it was the way he dressed.  Men like him should really buy my book and read it.  But men like that think they know it all when it comes to women.  I was saved from further annoyance and boredom when I was informed that I should talk to the host about my car.  “It’s being towed” someone remarked playfully just to inform me she was joking.  My car had not been towed but someone had collided with it.   I left the party about an hour later wondering if I should have stayed home.  I thought of the beautiful moon, the stars and the playful waves of a clear lake and decided the pain of the evening was worth it just for the view and warmth of nature. Even my own pets cuddled closer than normal when I got home and did not complain about going out.

      My city has all kinds of people, some are really nice and maybe some are not so nice.  If I ever leave Toronto it won’t be to get out of what my city offers.  It will be to re-connect to the tranquillizing effects that nature offers in its relentless beauty and charm.

Integrative Thinking - cont....psych notes

Integrative thinking is the ability to summarize the main points of an event or story (see Labouvie et all 1982, p 247).  Older adults are able to do this to integrate a number of points into a whole or overall understanding of a situation and its' implications.  Integrative thinking is mature thinking.  It involves placing information into a context and understanding it in a light of what one knows (see Shafer 1980 Main 1987, p 247).  It makes for the ability of adults to weave myths and stories of social significance.  It is post- formal thought.

Post - formal thought beyond Piaget's four stages - It is thinking that is more complex and takes more factors into account.  It is the ability to deal with uncertainty, inconsistencies, contradiction, imperfection and compromise.

Post - formal thinking -  more than one point of view on a matter.  Where as immatured thinkers are polarized into one point of view and when angered blame others.  Mature thinkers are more flexible.  Polarized thinkers excel on problems where there is a definite answer.

Thought and Morale intelligence in Adulthood (psych notes)

   Organismic and Contextual Theories emphasize charting the qualitative changes - universal and individual - in thought and morale thinking.

A.  Intelligence:  Fluid intelligence or the ability to solve novel problems gradually diminishes with age.  However, crystallized intelligence - a product of learning and experience does not diminish (Hoyer and Rybash, 94).

1.  Chrystalized Knowledge involves organzing and integrating information into one's memory bank and accessing it effeciently.  Further, according to Encapsulation Theory, more and more of one's fluid thinking becomes dedicated to specific knowledge systems and the manipulation of the knowledge to solve new problems remains intact.

2.  The difference between experts and non experts is not one of absolute intelligence but information processing.  Adults refine and reorganize old knowledge where as children and young adults assimilate new knowledge.

3.  Encapsulation Theory - is consistant with Sternberg's notion of Tact Knowledge - increased competance in some areas and loss in others.  However, tacit knowledge makes problem solving automatic because it represents the application of accumulated knowledge of problems.

.........to be continued