Spiritual Direction For Children
It can be debated that spiritual direction for children is as important as spiritual direction for adults. The Catholic Church offers children much of what is offered to adults through their right of passage such as confession, communion and confirmation. However, what we have not offered our children is spiritual direction. Some children grow into adults with an unhealthy fear of God that normally is detected in spiritual direction or through their discussions with the Clergy, therapists or others. With spiritual direction devised for children we can help them from cultivating negative associations with God therefore culturing a health perspective of God.
This paper will provide the concept for an implementation plan of spiritual direction for children. It will recommend a starting age for children and describe the spiritual direction required. This paper will also provide guidelines to implement the program and offer understanding of a child as she develops in this stage of childhood and religion.
Children are creative, imaginative and curious which requires stimulation. The objective of spiritual direction for children is not to distort their private image and their personal relationship with God but to eliminate or alleviate a frightening God whom may be stemming from the child's personal relationship with the parent or caregiver. Once this is accomplished the spiritual director and child may continue to develop in this relationship with God. Barry and Connolly describe spiritual direction as directly assisting individuals in developing and cultivating their personal relationship with God. Barry and Connolly indicate that this understanding of spiritual direction, has been gradually refined by their experience (1986). This too will occur with the spiritual direction of children. Due to the complexity of children, a program of spiritual direction will need to be revised, challenged and tested. Because we are dealing with children it is best to have directions with children video taped. This may also be utilized as a tool for amendments and teaching purposes.
Children need to be loved and respected, as do adults. An important aspect of dealing with children is with kindness. Questions should always be answered and if a question is not known than the child should be told that and efforts should be made to provide that answer. Questions and answers should be listened to respectfully without patronization. Personal biases of children or personal experiences with children should not hinder what is best for the child. Individual biases of children will need to be dealt with by the spiritual director through education and specialized training. If each parent or caregiver of a child were efficient in dealing with children we would not have as many maladaptive adults. Having children or raising children does not necessarily qualify in the preference for the selection and training of spiritual directors.
Spiritual Program
Children learn naturally by playing, observing, and by association. Four and five year olds begin to understand how other people's state of mind can differ from their own. They realize that people, can be led astray, by incomplete knowledge, false beliefs, or misinterpretations. This discovery helps them to master many simple but essential transactions that are a casual part of social life (Mayes & Cohen, 2002). By the time the child is six, formal education is imposed on the child. By the age of six, children become more creative in regards to thinking and get excited about new games and new ideas (Langlois, 1999). Before age six, children often have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy (Schor, 1999). Therefore, age six or seven is a good starting point for spiritual direction to begin.
From ages six to ten children unconditionally accept the existence of God, but may find it difficult to imagine God's presence in their own life (Langlois, 1999). Carl Jung was one of the first psychologists to recognize the significance of spiritual experiences in childhood, especially as they manifested in dreams (Gollnick, 2005). Michael Piechowski (2001) asserts that there are a significant number of published accounts of childhood spiritual experiences that frequently go unrecognized (Gollnick, 2005). The spiritual director for children should be familiar with these concepts and recognize spirituality in the child.
The child should be advised what spiritual direction is, and explore the spirituality of God in the form of play. Faceless dolls or teddy bears (non-gender specific) may be used to understand how the child perceives God. Cole's "the Face of God" is very useful in determining a child's image of God. By having the child draw an image of God, the perception of the child can be visualized. If a child thinks God is bad, than the director needs to understand why and use positive, playful instruction to move away from the negative perception into a positive one. This process should be slow and repetitious. If there are problems recognized, that too needs to be addressed.
All children ask questions about God. They want to know where God is, what happens when we die etc… (Langlois, 1999). These are questions that will be raised and need to be answered in a way the child understands.
Active listening is important. Listen to, summarize, and repeat back to the child the message you are hearing about God. Don't just parrot what is heard but go beneath the surface to what the child may be thinking and feeling. Spoken words may not be the true or complete message. Example, "it sounds to me as if you are sad, scared, happy [in relation to God]. Maintain eye contact when the child speaks. The spiritual director may show interest by the nodding of his head. Create opportunities for the child to solve the problems she may be facing. Encourage and guide. Ask her to bounce ideas off you, which might eventually suggest solutions to problems. Ensure the dialogue is positive and do not impose judgment or place blame. Praise and reward the child from time to time for listening. Motivation to listen more and follow through may be stimulated when efforts are recognized (Schor, 1999). Dr William states, "Stay with your patients long enough, through thick and thin, and you'll learn a hell of a lot more than you ever expected." (Coles, 1990) This is an excellent analogy in the dealing of children with spiritual direction. In Coles' notes he relates, "Years later…I realize that the children I met were eager indeed to speak of their religious and spiritual interests, concerns, worries, beliefs...(Coles, 1990)
A child needs to be heard. Active listening with kindness will encourage the child to speak his thoughts about God.
Method
The setting for spiritual direction should inspire, provoke thought, comfort and offer a haven of safety to the child.
The setting can vary from sitting outside in a small makeshift garden, to the inside of a room in the church. The outside will allow the child to appreciate the serenity of nature, the birds, small animals, and plants and flowers. The inside room should be creative, serene, with a religious aura. The spiritual director must remember that what the child sees will be associated with God. How she is treated will also imprint how she will visualize God in the future. Dosani speaks of safety issues surrounding children and this should be considered when setting up the room for a child. There should be no hard edges where a child can hurt himself. Having two clear paths for the child is also an asset (Dosani, 2007).
The preferred setting is selected and the spiritual director is now ready to help the child grow in the relationship with God. Hall lists points to guide children in spirituality.
· The child needs to be encouraged to learn about God's love and mercy and God's justice and strength.
· Children must be given tools for understanding the complexity of God's character, rather than focusing on only one element of God.
· Foster spiritual formation by helping the child to understand what it means to be created in the image of God. We are made for relationship with God and relationships with other.
(Hall, 2003) These points should be incorporated in the start of any program. These are positive tools for refection. Following a specific guideline will ensure that there is a main theme shared by all spiritual directors. If a child moves from one church and from one spiritual director, the lack of sameness would confuse the child as he begins to hear contradictions.
CONCLUSION
Children in their early years will develop concepts of God that will remain with them through out their lives. It is only reasonable that before misconceptions are cemented that children should be offered the opportunity to develop a healthy appetite for God.
This is only a make shift template for the provocation of thought to implement such a program. It is important that the spiritual director is learned in the development stages of the child and aware of how important the director's contact with the child is. The director not only becomes an advisor to the child, but also a mentor and role model. With the implementation of spiritual direction for children, the child is given the opportunity to grow with God. Spiritual direction should continue throughout the child's life, to his teenage years where discerning will be the most challenging and into adulthood.
References
Barry,W.A., & Connolly, W.J. (1986). The Practice of Spiritual Direction. New York:
Harper Collins Publishers. Ix.
Coles, R., (1990). The Spiritual Life Of Children. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co. 2, 37. 3. 340.
Dosani, S., & Cross, P. (2007). Raising Pre-Teens. New York: Penguin Group. 8 37-40.
Gollnick, J. (2005). Religion and Spirituality in the Life Cycle. Peter Lang: New York. 74-75.
Hall, T.W. (2003). Spiritual Formation, Counseling and Psychotherapy. Nova Science Pub. 8 120.
Langlois,C., (Ed.), (1999). Raising Great Kids: Ages 6 to 12. The complete Guide to Your Child's
Health and Development. Mississauga: Random House. 73, 99-115 168.
May, L., & Cohen, D. (2002). The Yale Child Study Center Guide To Understanding Your Child.
Yale University. 10 132.
Schor, E.L. (Ed.),(1999). American Academy of pediatrics, The Complete and Authoritative Guide.
Caring For Your School Age Child. Ages 5 to 12. New York:Bantam. 199-203, 235.
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