Thoughts of the week - Missing Mr Attitude - In the Christmas Spirit - and so much more said and not said! Happy Weekend

Today is Crazy Friday; and that is what I call Black Friday. Should I go or should I stay? Not today, me thinks. Yesterday was nutso. I am in the Christmas Spirit and I remain there til about 6 Jan when I normally take down the tree and all the decorations. I now have help doing that, so it is much easier because my house is Christmas. I have been shopping at a minimum due to my leg still bothering me. The pain is always decreasing but walking is still too slow for Crazy Fridays. Yesterday, I went to my shopping mall and I was waiting for a driver to reverse his vehicle so I could park. Of course, after a ritual they did not leave but a car on the opposite side was about to. It was at this point where a car came from behind me and began to honk so I would leave. My left blinker was on so I just ignored the vehicle. The man began to reverse and was just about to hit my car, so I honked at him. He came out of the vehicle and asked if I could reverse. I informed him that I tried, but the vehicle behind me wouldn't reverse (though there was no one behind her). He then shouted out to her if she would mind to please reverse her vehicle, so I could reverse mine and he could get out. It appeared that she still did not want to. Now just a tad was needed for him to get out. So, he asked a few more times in exasperation. I am still in the Christmas Spirit, surprising myself that this wasn't bothering me. Now another woman going to her vehicle beside the poor man's was giving the woman behind me dirty looks and that did the trick. The woman behind, reversed, I reversed and man got into car and left. After I parked, a man driver wanted the lady's (who had been given dirty looks which did the trick (peer pressure) was reversing her vehicle) parking spot. He became angry because she wasn't moving fast enough for him. At this point I am walking to the mall, or should I say limping towards the mall. I go inside and a few things were happening which I won't bother you with. My city is not boring. A man I know began telling me a story about a funeral he went to which had a ritual he was unfamiliar with and wanted to know if I knew. He stopped, when I couldn't stop laughing because he called an urn a urine. As I continued laughing everyone else around us started laughing which only made me laugh more. I did think that was very funny because I have never heard of an urn described that way. He began to say it was his Italian accent. The guy was born here and has no accent. Or, at least I think he was born here. He was certainly raised here. Anyway, Karma caught up to me when I was waiting for some food being prepared for me, when I saw a man sitting on a wheel chair close to me. He was holding a large bag of ice between his lower legs. I have been icing my own legs for about five months and I was concerned he would get a freezer burn, so I made that suggestion. He looks at me and informs me he has no legs. I of course appologized but couldn't surpress my giggling which only made it worse. I shopped in one other area and that was about all I could carry so I left. I did check out a new Physio Therapy place which was recommended and I think I may give that one a try. I booked for my first Christmas party and will book for another today. I love parties, but I have to really figure out which ones I will be going to. It is a balancing act. I will not be going to two due to massive stairs, another because I am not dancing at the moment and considering a few others. Parking is required or it is a no go. Rails are required if there are steps. This should make things easier. Anyhow, when I got home, I received a call on my private line. It was the emergency vet hospital where I took Mr Attitude and had to make the difficult quick decision to put him down. For a moment, not even a moment, I thought it was great news. Why would they call me? Mr Attitude must be alive. He refused to die, because he didn't want and if anyone could survive it would be him. They mentioned Mr Attitude's name and I was sure for just seconds. I could pick him up and bring him home. I could stop grieving him. They were calling me about his carrier which I had left there and wanted to know if I was going to pick it up or donating it to them. I already donated it to them but I guess somehow that was missed. I understand. It is difficult for Vets too to put animals to sleep and witness the suffering of people who have to make those tough decisions. The animal clinic appologized for re-awakening the memories, but there was no need. The memory never left me. I told her it was ok, and my moment of a Christmas Miracle was gone. I gave Mr Attitude a wonderful long life he would never have had. He was a little monster whom I loved so much. I could deal with his hyperthroid and his heart murmour, but it was his cognition decline that caused his emotional suffering. I did not want the little guy who had brought me so much joy to suffer and so I made the decision for him and certainly not for me. As I continue to look at properties listed in Niagara Falls, I have decided that if I decide on a condo it has to be pet friendly. I don't want to live anywhere where animals are not appreciated. I may probably never again have another pet but I want friends and family to be able to bring theirs without reservation. Anyhow, I am still in the Christmas Spirit. I taped the Thanksgiving Parade in New York City and watched a bit. It is always fun to watch. Todays news revealed there was a Pro Palestian protest that interfered with the parade. Arrests were made I believe. I would like to see them banned once arrested because there is always violence. I consider it violence when you stop a parade, stop people from entering a hospital, hurt people physically etc.... Yesterday I also watched a community of the Jewish people demanding that our Mayor do more to protect them. What she said made me reflect for 5 seconds. She said that if they didn't trust her or maybe she used another word, how could they both move forward? The Jewish community was accusing her of passing the buck. Do we really need to trust politicians to move forward? Simply put - do your job. Be a leader and maybe offend some people in the process. Our city is not a board meeting. We need strong leadership and quite simply it isn't here at the moment. I am still in the Christmas mood. Now for some Christmas music. Have a wonderful weekend world. Love each other; help others if you can and come see me next Saturday at the Legion where I will be selling my books at 1050 Weston Road, Toronto from 10:00 to 2pm. It is part of a Craft Show. I love Craft Shows. silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

Theology notes continues

If you had a day off, how would you spend it? Read a book? Go for a walk? Answers gives an answer to the Spiritual Director for the path you take. If the Spiritual Director doesn’t know the person, then they need to be referred to someone else. This includes people who won’t open up. What are their strengths, rather than weakness. There are different ways for different people. Sometimes, the Professor has told people to stop going to Church because they are hung up on it. Therapists should be aware of spirituality. He suggested using the analogy of a garage and car needing some work, rather than waiting for a major problem. Use: That happens to people with all the problems and tensions nowadays. Psychology and Spiritual Direction compliment each other. A person can be spiritual and not believe in God. Foundational - all human development; nurturing. There should be a lively relationship between Director and Directee - not boring. There are consequences, such as a person not caring about poor street people. Spirituality is a tool. Confession is therapeutic. In the old days there was only therapy available. Grow in relation to God. There are three in Spiritual Direction - God, Directer and Directee. In psychotherapy there is the client and psychotherapist. (I think it is a bit more complicated than that. However, I still think that these notes are beneficial. The Professor in this case is a Psychologist and Priest who is old school. to be continued.

I shall be signing and selling my books, Saturday 7 Dec 24, Happy Thanksgiving USA silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

I will be at the Christmas Fair selling my books, from 10:00 to 2:00 pm, Saturday, 7 Dec 24. Why not visit me and say hello, at Royal Canadian Legion - Branch 31 Mount Dennis, 1050 Weston Road, Toronto Ontario, M6N352. Just South of Eglinton, on the West side. Looking forward to seeing you.

Empowering Parents - Strenthening Families - Guelph University - Dr Susan Chuang (and of course my thoughts)Conclusion

Cont…..from eg. Go to be 08:30 - “aw too early”. When you get it to 10:00, get it down to 0900 which you were already prepared to do. Children need structure. No routine breeds chaos, anxiety, stress. Meal times please. Hugs. Personal freedom - as young as one - leave child alone. Necessary for psychological well-being. Anxiety - as a result of parents who are extremely authoritative and controlling. Children who are 5 say no because they want to do it themselves. If three year old wants to pour their own cups, don’t shame them - “You always spill your drink, that is why I do it”. Put so much shame and putdown and then they don’t feel confident to do it. Let them. They need to explore their world. It looks like they are playing but they are learning. Autonomy vs shame/doubt. It’s all about control. “Drink milk.” No. Give choice of milk or juice. Self worth - esteem. It goes down when comparing siblings - comes from parents. Are you praising one over another? Celebrate one child for achieving an A and for the other no word? Low or no self esteem is crippling. When Professor asked one student what she was good at, she could not think of one thing. Are your expectations realistic? Should you really have your child at the top of the class? What do you do when your child fails? Need to allow child to be disappointed. Put x into perspective. Work through it with them, With not For them. You need to be consistent. Your child is being bullied? Work with them. No friends - shy? Self harm when dealing with bullies. Bullying is a big deal - some parents don’t think it is. At the other side you have parents say, “my child is not a bully”. Teachers talk about it in general. Tips: Consistency, within and between caregivers, united front whether parents or grandparents. Use humour, if possible. Never back someone in a corner. Make it into a game if possible. Clean up by throwing into a box. Always give a way out. “Maybe you weren’t doing it intentionally.” Take a break to think and then talk; united front. Hit yourself. Why hit a child? Your child will then hit others. My thoughts: I enjoyed this webinar and found it very basic which I usually find because it has been so engrained. I have a responsibility to let clients know my duty to report and child abuse is one. I often wonder if telling parents I have a duty to report, stops them from revealing child abuse. But, these are the rules. I sometimes need to reflect child abuse or simply lousy parenting. It can become a blurred line which I need to navigate. Parents need to be educated and sometimes they raise their own children, how they have been raised which is not usually the right way, but what is the right way for them? When I find that parent(s) have difficulty I usually recommend that they attend free instruction that the city provides for various age groups. There are also charities that provide solid education and then there are also support groups. One problem I have recognized consistently is separated or divorced parents using children for their own unresolved issues with their ex-partner. This hurts the child because they love both parents and want to support them. It places them in a difficult position. The well-being of the child should always come first. Get the help you need if you find yourself using the child to control what is happening in your partner’s relationship. Perhaps even work with a family therapist. I would just love it if I could see even extended families to work out issues and come to a united compromise for the benefit of all involved. I have seen so much love in the most dysfunctional families and they do benefit as they step back, reflect and work towards making positive changes. Next: continuing with Theology. Have a good week. I just want to mention one more thing. Expectations that parents have of their children. I recall a student hanging herself in the stairwell of her university for failing to achieve an A. She received a B. I always find it rewarding when I see a parent providing their child with lots of love and nurturing. Think of the words you use towards your child. If you have to hit someone, like Dr Chuang suggested, hit yourself. Take bullying seriously. I have dealt with adults who bullied and were bullied. We need to stop this cycle of abuse and can. Schools need to take this very seriously and deal with it.

Why go to Italy when you have it here - Mirra's? Have a good weekend world

Remember not too long ago I mentioned a new restaurant I wanted to try out? Well, I did, only it has been around since forever. Now you know that I do keep my eyes on the road. Before you wonder if I am partially blind, they did at some point renovate the exterior and it is across from Swiss Chalet so if that is a poor excuse, what can I say? Anyhow, I enjoyed the experience. It has an old classic environment due to time and a touch of aging elegance. I ordered gnocchi which I recommend because it is Italian authentic. You can dine with Italian soft music which permits conversation. I enjoyed the experience and would like to return to have their pizza. I cannot count the times when people have taken me out to what they believed is an Italian restaurant to treat me for one occasion or another. Good try and nice thought but all got a failing grade. Why do people pretend to be Italian? I don't know, but if you are going to pretrend, at least hire someone who can cook Italian. Anyhow, I do recommended this place for an authentic Italian experience. Check them out at 2157 Dufferin Street, in Toronto. They have a web site with menu.

Empowering Parents - Strengthening Families by Dr Susan Chuang, Guelph University (webinar) notes

I am glad that I had the opportunity to attend this webinar during the weekend, since I missed the big conference here. Our names were changed and I became S. She was in another country. There were three topic challenges - As a parent - your child is facing - with partner/extended family. The question asked: If you were your child, would you want you as a parent? If your child could choose, would they pick you? Two weeks before birth, memories are formed (assuming a full term birth). (Finally - I remember and I was told it was impossible for years!) Day 1. Infant’s prefer mother’s milk, then strangers. Create boundaries at least at age 1. eg. no knives. Children will always push boundaries. Who is setting boundaries? Can negotiate with children, give phone - have limits eg. 20 minutes a day. If addiction begins, don’t just take it away. Punishment must fit the crime. I PAD smash on the floor? No - too much. Need to enforce accountability, reasoning, negotiate, discussion. Not punishment - addicted to phone? Let’s see how long you can stay away from the phone? What’s fair? Can stay away from the phone for two days? Yes, big deal. You can do it. Children also learn the skills on negotiation and communication skills. Eg. Go to bed at 8:30 to be continued……..

Bernardo Parole Board - You bet that the families of who he tortured and murdered should face him. Give them this because they need it!

Outrage over Paul Bernardo’s transfer to medium-security prison was the last memory and now we have another problem Huston. Parole board barred victims' families from attending Bernardo hearing in person, lawyer says The infamous killer and rapist goes back before parole board next week for a virtual hearing Catharine Tunney · CBC News · Posted: Nov 19, 2024 6:51 PM EST | Last Updated: 37 minutes ago Two teenaged girls in school photos. Kristen French was 15 and Leslie Mahaffy was 14 when Paul Bernardo kidnapped, tortured and killed them. (The Canadian Press) Social Sharing The lawyer representing the families of Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy — tortured and killed in two of the most heinous crimes in modern Canadian history — says the justice system has let them down again by denying the victims' mothers the opportunity to deliver their victim statements in person at Paul Bernardo's upcoming parole hearing. In a letter sent to the head of the Parole Board of Canada (PBC) on Tuesday, lawyer Tim Danson argues his clients have a right to confront their daughters' killer in person. "It was nothing short of gut-wrenching to experience the painful and heartbreaking reaction of Debbie Mahaffy and Donna French when they learned that the PBC was prohibiting them from representing their daughters (and themselves), and denying them the right to confront Paul Bernardo, in person, through the reading of their victim impact statements," Danson wrote in his letter, which was shared with CBC News. "This was truly a shock to their system. It was bone chilling — an insult so deep and hurtful that, (figuratively speaking), it set victims' rights back to the stone age." The letter is addressed to Parole Board chair Joanne Blanchard, Correctional Service of Canada commissioner Anne Kelly and Public Safety Minister Dominic LeBlanc. Paul Bernardo goes back before parole board later this month Supreme Court won't hear families' years-long case over access to Bernardo documents Bernardo, designated a dangerous offender, is serving a life sentence for the violent kidnapping, sexual assault and murders of French and Mahaffy, who were teenagers at the time of their deaths. He is scheduled to have a virtual parole hearing next week. PBC citing safety reasons, lawyer says In his letter, Danson said the families' legal team was told recently their clients won't be able to attend the hearing because the board was "unable to ensure safety and security of all hearing attendees." He said the parole board didn't provide further details. According to the Corrections and Conditional Release Act, the board can restrict attendance if "the security and good order of the institution in which the hearing is to be held is likely to be adversely affected by the person's presence." In his letter, Danson said he has never seen that threshold invoked in his four decades as a trial and appellate lawyer. "Who is the 'person?' Surely not the victims who have conducted themselves with absolute propriety and decency at Mr. Bernardo's previous two hearings. Are you referring to Mr. Bernardo — is he your concern?" he wrote. "Even the worst offenders are smart enough to behave properly when appearing before the Parole Board claiming that they no longer represent a threat to public safety and therefore ought to be paroled. There has to be an air of reality to this." sketch of paul bernardo Paul Bernardo in a courtroom sketch. (Pam Davies) He argued that delivering victim statements in person brings an "overarching human dimension and quality" to the proceeding. "Relegating victims, against their will, to the impersonal, detached coldness of a computer screen is simply cruel," said Danson. "The fact that the 'system' fails to understand this is profoundly sad." CBC News has reached out to the Parole Board of Canada for comment. A spokesperson for LeBlanc, whose portfolio includes the parole board, said the board is an arms-length body that makes decisions independently. "Our hearts go out to the families of the victims, who continue to live with the trauma caused by this individual's abominable crimes," said Gabriel Brunet in an email. Killer moved to medium-security facility Danson pointed out that safety and security concerns were not cited when Bernardo's first parole hearing was held at Millhaven, a maximum-security facility in 2018. His second attempt at parole in 2021 was held virtually due to the pandemic. "How can there possibly be any such concerns at the La Macaza Institute, a medium security facility? If such concerns have now arisen, why hasn't Mr. Bernardo been transferred back to Millhaven or some other maximum-security institution?" Danson wrote. Corrections chief briefed Mendicino's chief of staff weeks before Bernardo's prison transfer Bernardo's controversial transfer to La Macaza last year sparked outrage and demands for changes to how dangerous offenders are treated. Following a review, Correctional Service Canada concluded all proper procedures were followed but acknowledged that the families of the victims should have been better informed. Danson accused the system of working for "Canada's most notorious sadist, sexual psychopath and murderer, but not his victims." "Lip service to victims' rights is deeply offensive," Danson wrote. The letter concludes by asking that Bernardo's Nov. 26 parole hearing be adjourned to accommodate the families so they can travel to attend in person. "They have a right to answers, as do all Canadians," it reads. "They too are entitled to justice, not just the offender who has murdered their daughters." ABOUT THE AUTHOR Catharine Tunney Reporter Catharine Tunney is a reporter with CBC's Parliament Hill bureau, where she covers national security and the RCMP. She worked previously for CBC in Nova Scotia. You can reach her at catharine.tunney@cbc.ca With files from The Canadian Press My comments: The Bernardo case is one I remember quite well. I also remember what decent students would tell me what they would do to him if they could. There was so much shock and anger. He is in jail, and his wife who is free, remarried with children and hiding last in Quebec under a new name. Recently the law changed that people convicted with such offences or words to that effect can no longer legally change their names. This is a case that people watch closely because it was so terrible. HOlmoka at the time (with husband), also killed her own sister. This was merciless. Our judicial system has been coming into question in how effective it is. People are actually leaving the city of Toronto because they are tired of the crime. Only yesterday I was conversing with someone who felt she was stuck here and told me that since I was born in Italy, I could go there. Me, in Italy? Mama Mia. I don't think so. I turned citizenship to Switzerland down noted in my book. What am I going to do there? Sing to the mountains? I probably cannot get books written in English at the library. It is always one thing going on vacation and quite another going to live there forever. Yesterday they released on the news that one of every immigrant (aside from refugees) leave and they are trying to figure out how to keep them. Do you really need to figure that out? What is it now, every fifth person needs a food bank? Who goes to the food bank? This includes university educated people with full time jobs who did everything right - the local news broadcasts. And what did I hear today? 20 percent of children are living in poverty in Toronto. Maybe if I stopped listening to the news as my 100 year old, old neighbour did, because it was so changed from the early Toronto we both knew, I might be just fine and able to keep my big mouth shut. However, it is all interrelated. I know that terrible devastating crimes are not always reported. Victims want to know why they cannot feel like they did before anything happened to them. Long court waits re-awaken the sorrow that families feel. Justice is something that survivors and victim families hope for and it is not always available. People need to feel safe. Wake up and smell the coffee. This is not brain science. I am staying in Canada. This is my country and home, regardless of where I was manufactured. I am not going to say "Let's make Canada great again" but I can see why people vote for people who may not be the best option. We need politicians who care about people and not money. Or at least care about about people as much as you care about money. Do the right thing. Focus on survivors and victims. Let people make a living wage. Crack down on corporations who will never be satisfied. It should not be our responsibility to feed the people of Toronto. Yes, Miss Mayor, we are generous, but it shouldn't be happening. Did I get pissed off listening to the news today? You better believe it. Can it bite me? You bet!