Empowering Parents - Strenthening Families - Guelph University - Dr Susan Chuang (and of course my thoughts)Conclusion

Cont…..from eg. Go to be 08:30 - “aw too early”. When you get it to 10:00, get it down to 0900 which you were already prepared to do. Children need structure. No routine breeds chaos, anxiety, stress. Meal times please. Hugs. Personal freedom - as young as one - leave child alone. Necessary for psychological well-being. Anxiety - as a result of parents who are extremely authoritative and controlling. Children who are 5 say no because they want to do it themselves. If three year old wants to pour their own cups, don’t shame them - “You always spill your drink, that is why I do it”. Put so much shame and putdown and then they don’t feel confident to do it. Let them. They need to explore their world. It looks like they are playing but they are learning. Autonomy vs shame/doubt. It’s all about control. “Drink milk.” No. Give choice of milk or juice. Self worth - esteem. It goes down when comparing siblings - comes from parents. Are you praising one over another? Celebrate one child for achieving an A and for the other no word? Low or no self esteem is crippling. When Professor asked one student what she was good at, she could not think of one thing. Are your expectations realistic? Should you really have your child at the top of the class? What do you do when your child fails? Need to allow child to be disappointed. Put x into perspective. Work through it with them, With not For them. You need to be consistent. Your child is being bullied? Work with them. No friends - shy? Self harm when dealing with bullies. Bullying is a big deal - some parents don’t think it is. At the other side you have parents say, “my child is not a bully”. Teachers talk about it in general. Tips: Consistency, within and between caregivers, united front whether parents or grandparents. Use humour, if possible. Never back someone in a corner. Make it into a game if possible. Clean up by throwing into a box. Always give a way out. “Maybe you weren’t doing it intentionally.” Take a break to think and then talk; united front. Hit yourself. Why hit a child? Your child will then hit others. My thoughts: I enjoyed this webinar and found it very basic which I usually find because it has been so engrained. I have a responsibility to let clients know my duty to report and child abuse is one. I often wonder if telling parents I have a duty to report, stops them from revealing child abuse. But, these are the rules. I sometimes need to reflect child abuse or simply lousy parenting. It can become a blurred line which I need to navigate. Parents need to be educated and sometimes they raise their own children, how they have been raised which is not usually the right way, but what is the right way for them? When I find that parent(s) have difficulty I usually recommend that they attend free instruction that the city provides for various age groups. There are also charities that provide solid education and then there are also support groups. One problem I have recognized consistently is separated or divorced parents using children for their own unresolved issues with their ex-partner. This hurts the child because they love both parents and want to support them. It places them in a difficult position. The well-being of the child should always come first. Get the help you need if you find yourself using the child to control what is happening in your partner’s relationship. Perhaps even work with a family therapist. I would just love it if I could see even extended families to work out issues and come to a united compromise for the benefit of all involved. I have seen so much love in the most dysfunctional families and they do benefit as they step back, reflect and work towards making positive changes. Next: continuing with Theology. Have a good week. I just want to mention one more thing. Expectations that parents have of their children. I recall a student hanging herself in the stairwell of her university for failing to achieve an A. She received a B. I always find it rewarding when I see a parent providing their child with lots of love and nurturing. Think of the words you use towards your child. If you have to hit someone, like Dr Chuang suggested, hit yourself. Take bullying seriously. I have dealt with adults who bullied and were bullied. We need to stop this cycle of abuse and can. Schools need to take this very seriously and deal with it.