Why weight loss is hard: separating fact from fiction.

I have just completed listening and watching this topic provided by Dr Jennifer Kuk, Associate Professor at York University Kineseiolgy and Health Science. Rather than provide you with my notes, I will be posting the video for you on my blog when York posts it in about a week. There were about one hundred of us in attendance. I think this topic is very important because of the eating disorders out there and also how people judge others according to their weight. Though I believe my knowledge regarding this topic is high, I did learn and because of that I encourage you to watch it. Take care.

Writer's Corner

I have been juggling hours with my practice education and picking out interests regarding my writing. Having a private practice is a business. Being an author is a business. If I wanted to be a business person I would have studied business and not psychology, and taking creative writing and English for fun in between hard core studies. So, I need to make some adjustments. Today I will be talking about my books. I have written four and published three. I am still deciding what to do with my last book “Ominous”. Should I go with a publisher or go Indie which means taking full control of everything and all money going to me. Today I attended a Sisters Of Crime education period. They talked about piracy, too late, already happened to me. Some authors apparently don’t care. I care. I really care. It is annoying when you take the time to write a book and learn that it is out there making nice money for a pirate. Do readers want to support that? They talked about selling on your own website. I have that with shopify. You can find my books at www.silvaredigonda.ca. You buy directly from me. I do it all. They offered a tip about selling books at what they want to pay but list a minimum price. I can do that with Hey Guy Buy Me, but have to figure out how it is done. Right now I have left it at $5.00 a book which is half price. I learned that readers have to trust us. You can trust me! I suppose that doesn’t mean much if you don’t know me. They said you have to make the buying experience easy. I think my web site is pretty easy. They talked about returns. One said there is no returns for the ebooks and she offers a two week buy back. I don’t. It is not to be cruel or greedy. I have never sent a book back that I have ordered. I think my books are fairly priced. In matter of fact when I sell my books in person, my readers want to give me more. Hey some do in my practice as well and for the practice part, I think it is unethical and for the books, I don’t feel right about it. Maybe I should say pay what you would like and then what? What if they pay less than my costs? Ouch…..Maybe I have to rethink what I am doing or re-adjust. I did notice that people who buy from me at an event return to me. I like that. I had one guy tell me off about Hey Guy Buy Me. In matter of fact I have had more than one guy not like the book. It was written in fun. Am I making fun of men? Maybe. But, it is with love. I feel comfortable enough with men to do that. Why? Because I have always had good relationships with men since I was an itsy child. I know there are creepy men out there. Do they read my books? Hey, anyone can read my books. So, if you are going to trust me and I think you should, I suggest you check out my web site. Apparently our readers google us to determine if we are real. I am real. It was suggested that we check the web site and ensure we look the same everywhere. Well, how am I supposed to do that? Does that mean I can’t change my hair colour anymore? Does that mean I can’t change as I grow older? Does that mean I have to use botox or do face lifts and any other kind of lifts out there? I assure you I am me. If you buy a book from me, it is me who signs it however you like, but keep it clean. I need to interact with you once a week. Ok, I shall try to do that more about the book part. I am interacting. Does that make you trust me or like me and God forbid hate me. I am to encourage you to make comments and delete the trolls and nasty stuff. I can do that. Ok, have you read my book? Would you like to make a comment? No, you haven’t read my book? Ok, here is your chance. www.silvaredigonda.ca Tomorrow I am attending a York University scholar hour and the topic will be Why weight loss is hard. Me thinks I already studied that one in undergrad, but hey with my new older look, there may be some advancement. So, of course I shall share any pertinent information with you. On Thursday I am also going to listen in to Eating Disorders and Addiction. I have written about that before so unless something is new, I shall only use that for education hours. As much as I attend in both about Sisters of Crime and psychotherapy, there is much more that I don’t attend because there is so much out there. Saturday I also attended self and client care. That was with my alumni group and it was wonderful seeing everyone. That was in the morning. In the afternoon it was with the Sisters in Crime and how to turn our books into movies. It appears Publishers are looking for us. I think all my books can be wonderful movies. I would go see it. Hey, here is something perhaps you can help me with. What do I say when someone asks me if my books are any good? I have a few ask me at book events. I have replied with, no, I write as bad as I possibly could. What kind of question is that to ask an author about her books? No, I write as poorly as I can. Help me! Talk soon. By the way…am I establishing a relationship with you yet?

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

I stopped the vehicle, waiting for the only traffic light in the small town to change. A monstrous-looking black pickup truck moved quickly to the rear of us. A powerful horn began to sound and its engine began to rev, the driver oblivious to the red light. “What’s wrong with the idiot?” Chris shouted in his attempt to overpower the loudness of the truck. “He doesn’t like stopping for lights!” I responded. As the light changed to green, I proceeded at normal speed. The truck continued to cling to the Chevy and darkness prevented us from seeing the driver, who began to brake and accelerate, causing his truck to jerk powerfully. Away from the town, I gained speed. There was no other traffic on the highway, but I was not accustomed to driving without the lighting that the city provided. The truck veered back and forth between lanes. He was trying to force us off the road… and then what? “Hold on!” I exclaimed. Everyone was silent. I increased speed rapidly and moved to the other lane. The driver of the truck remained in his lane, but attempted to drive parallel to us; I increased speed and veered to the right. He had no choice but to drive off into the ditch or collide with the Chevy. He chose the ditch. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman. silvaredigonda.ca

Couplehood in Close Quarters: Impact of COVID on Couples (notes)

One of the lectures I attended during the American Association of Family Therapists conference is about the impact of COVID on couples. It was reported that there was an imbalance of work division. Couples were going back to traditional roles. Keep focus on effect from each other and not the income. How one was socialized came into the relationship and re-socialized. When changes need to be met, it is very difficult to make those changes. Why do I need to change? Having that conversation is needed. Blended families during COVID had to be re-organized. Children went from one home to the other. Some used the pandemic to stop visits. People didn’t always agree with how the other family dealt with COVID. Rules may have changed for pick up. New partner had to agree with partners from other family. There was a feeling of helplessness. Everyone had to agree/deal with COVID. There was a need to communicate and find a compromise. This also had an affect on grandparents and non-biological family members and the community, causing problems for each other. Children often play one parent against the other. Child may say my mom lets me play in the park when the step mother doesn’t. Empty nesting - can be stressful - can have major changes. Some teens decided to stay home when parents thought they were moving out. After empty nesting, divorce increases. There was no prom, families visiting etc…Many other rituals were abruptly taken away. There was a reconstruction of identities, parents of first grads, actually driving to their child’s school and mock a move in to residence. Couples planning derailed. Couldn’t sell their houses when they had planned to. Pandemic forced close contact among couples and families. More challenges of not being able to see doctors on top of transitioning to retire. Recommendations: Finding new meaning. How to reconnect themselves. Seeking a new mate during the pandemic, individual adults and non-monogamous were forced to put on the brakes, which at times caused havoc. Others dating were faced with challenges - had to negotiate with themselves and others. For non-monogamous it was back to listing new agreements. Example: two primary couples, rules - conflict between new and long term couples. Didn’t agree in masking, and same rules on couples. There were new forms of lying and betrayal. Some were less concerned about safety. There was an increase in fertility during the pandemic. Others because of uncertainty, decided to postpone. Others in fertility had to postpone because resources were for COVID. Couples had to put things on hold. Others re-awakened the thought of having children and other partners may have changed their mind. Revisited if desired children or not. Families missed activities. What does it mean to be bored with your partner? How do you go on a date without going anywhere? Virtual movie nights and dress up and mimic going out. In my own practice what I found was people having more of a burden of work. There was an expectation that because people worked at home they could produce more or because a parent was at home, the role of mother involvement could increase, while the partner did not help. Duties had to be re-defined. I did at times recommend that a parent return to the office to decrease stress. We must also acknowledge that abuse increased.

How families are adapting to an evolving landscape. Worth watching

How do you seek happiness? Here is something for you that was provided by the self psychology module. Hope it is ok to share.

I hope this is ok to share, if not, I shall happily remove it. Have a good weekend everyone.

Key to mindfulness (notes from self psychology Harvard on line)

Basic - sit quietly and focus on natural breathing. Use a word or mantra you can repeat silently. Allow thoughts to come and go without judgement and return to focus on your breathing or a mantra. You can experiment with sensations (itch a tingling, each part of the body). Sights and sounds - name them and let them go. Emotions - allow for them to be present without judging them. Practice naming - a steady and relaxing naming of emotions, joy, anger frustration. Goal of mindfulness - obtain a state of alertness, focused, relaxed consciousness. How? By deliberating, paying attention thoughts and sensations without judgment. This allows the mind to focus on the present moment. If while practicing mindfulness your attention gets hijacked by another chair of thought, gently return it to your choice object of awareness. I have found that though many enjoy mindfulness, others do not. If that is you and you become anxious and uncomfortable it is ok not to continue. Perhaps it would be best to just open your eyes and focus on the room that you are in. State 4-7 things you see such as door, desk as an example. What do you hear? Bring yourself back to the present being aware of your surroundings and centering yourself. Feel free to share your experiences. What do you think?