Christmas, Santa Clause, Politics, Self Care, Retreat, and Ethics - oh boy…. lots of banter

This is my favourite time of the year. I love Christmas. I sent out all my Christmas cards and I included Santa Claus. Why not? Next year I will probably write Santa a letter and post it here as well. I did not participate in the Santa Clause parade this year. My leg was acting up and why not, I have abused my body by running and climbing and pushing my body beyond my limits as part of my training. I have rested my body and am now good. Now for my brain, I took off November and am easing myself back into my practice. During a recent ethics course, I was reminded as being the only person in private practice attending, that I have the option to decrease my hours if I wish. That is true. I blurted out that I took November off. I am very much in command of myself. I am aware that in hospitals there is a decrease of what should be, which puts a heavy burden on those who work. Saturday I attended a retreat and was very disappointed. It became about an educational subject rather of what a retreat should be. I talked to one student who gave me permission to tell her story. She has cancer and is fighting it. She is in a Masters Program and her hospital told her that she would not be able to continue with her studies. She was also asked by the social worker at the hospital if she felt less of a person with breast cancer. She was furious. I was furious seeing her pain and what had caused it. There are questions one asks while determining a disorder in the DSM. It is numerical in different categories and viola you have this or that. I have written in detail about that in previous blogs so I won’t go further. Then there are assessments to determine how a person is doing. Normally it is quite obvious as in anger management and addiction. Viola, this person is an angry fellow and this lady is an addict. Ok, I am making light of this but it isn’t, I am just trying to explain this in its most simple terms. I would presume that this question was in an assessment and not diagnosis of determining how the patient is doing. What I would recommend is removing this question all together. It is biased and as this student said it plants a seed. She begins to question that if this question is asked then perhaps she should be feeling this. As you know I have worked as an Intern with hospital patients suffering and dying from HIV and Cancer. I cannot imagine ever asking such a humiliating question. Why not ask the patient how she feels about having cancer and how she feels with those changes? Why ask if she feels less than a person? Why ask this of anyone, regardless of what they are suffering from? Why do health care workers regardless if they are doctors, nurses etc……use the word can’t? You can’t study? You cannot use your brain? As this student told me she was angry, I joined her. She is not my client. She was my fellow person on that day. She had still to graduate but that was the only difference as far as academia. I knew nothing else about her. I was at a retreat, to relax, to discern and to pray. The only prayer was at mass. That was a prayer, so I shall not be going next year. I have education all year round as part of my practice. Retreats should be of a different nature and at one point it felt more like group therapy because of the lack of facilitators. Once again I was the only spokesperson indicating this view while others remained mute though in agreement. How can we grow if we remain silent? How do we improve if we remain silent? Why be silent in a democratic country? This is why, if I travelled to a communist country it would be like playing monopoly - go to jail and stay there. In this situation I went out to dinner afterward and spent 4 hours at the restaurant. Balance - have fun. I did eat too much and need to be more mindful of that or so my body told me. I wasn’t going to talk about politics but why stop ……. I was surprised to hear the Conservative leader ask Trudeau why he gave 250 million dollars to China. I nearly fainted. Apparently it was for their infrastructure including pipelines? Really? I was reading an article the other day about why persons who would be great leaders do not go into politics. I won’t bore you with the details. It was actually a clinical assessment. 250 millions to China? Apparently Trudeau also sent his small business minister there for photo shoots and talked nice about China being so inclusive. China is a communist country. China, if we are not careful will bypass us with technology they have stolen and are now working to beat us all. They just may do that with artificial intelligence. They already have cities under surveillance and examining their emotions. Boy are we in trouble and we are giving them millions? They have two Canadians in prison. How dare we give them any money at all. They have a prison facility where they imprison Muslims and others for what they refer to as re-education. I think we need to revamp the entire system. We keep making the same mistakes every century which is leading us to a path of self destruction. A young 15 year old girl is more aware of the imminent dangers of climate change than politicians who we vote for. What happened there? A politician apparently had the nerve to say she had mental issues? Why? Laughing or putting down people because they are beyond having the capacity to understand a person’s intellect does not justify them to make demeaning remarks about a child. If this one girl can do so much, imagine what is possible? Last night I heard on the news that we may have a problem getting coffee because of climate change. Now that hurts. I wonder if that will put people on edge? Now enough about my banter and humour. For the remaining season of Christmas, I shall spend more time on reflection and continue with self care. I shall spend more time with family and friends which I have been doing. I shall go to every party I am invited to as long as they are not in conflict with another. I did go to two weddings once at different parts of the city. That was challenging but fun. I shall take a break from anything related to education for at least three weeks (or I shall try). I shall continue with my morning ritual of looking at nature, reading and being with……. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays……..I didn’t want to talk about (fight or flight or )freezing while being attacked today. I am still in the holiday mood. Hey Santa, what am I getting this year? Have I been good? What do you think?

Parkinson (continued from two weeks ago notes from seminar - Rabbi Dr Arsinoff’s research: and more

Loss of Identity as a couple. There is a sense of obligation - loss of communication eg. one feels as if one is talking to the wall. - changes in self; loss of intimacy (feel abandoned) - social isolation; undesired new roles; physical toll (moving dead weight) - fading of their relationship and slipping away. Changes and Disappointment - not hearing partner’s voice is very difficult; lost life style; losses of hopes and dreams of retirement; socializing; hope for future; nurse/patient relationship; for some obligation but most wanted to be with the spouse; loss of physical expression of love; needing to be heard by physician and medical team, “caretakers are taken for granted by physicians.” Ambiguous Loss: -person is there, but not there; many are proud of their partner’s accomplishments but their essence is now gone. - resentment in role of caregiving even with assistance; “I have a husband but there is nobody there (however, she won’t leave him); unpredictability of each day; Love/hate of partner some times; deep sorrow; a continuous grief that occurs in a cyclical pattern of resurgence. Although many expressed caring deeply for their partner, not one spoke of a positive response. Finding Meaning: How can I grieve when partner is still here? It helps when they go to a clinic and someone else is more ill. Find guilt as well in that feeling. Acceptance does not imply finding meaning. Dr Arsinoff finds it is important to explain ambiguous love. Literature suggests men have an easier adaption. Men, more sadness, wanted to give back. Women say they feel as obligation. Men are sad but coping better. All five men wanted to be with their wives and felt attracted to them, not true for the wives caregivers. Husbands were more willing to get help. Women, naught. All experienced full sadness. Dr Arsinoff indicated that this topic requires more research. The health care units need to be aware of how Parkinson Disease affects the relationship. Mutuality is at the core of the marital relationship that is susceptible to chronic illness and resentment. We did have two speakers on this day but I have focused on Parkinson Disease because I provide Couple and Family Therapy as well as individual therapy and I like to keep up to date on how chronic disease may affect the relationship. The second speaker spoke about the Muslim culture and her perspective of how religion may be interpreted in favour of the Muslim woman who are assaulted. I think what I would like to share with you instead is an article I read in Psychology today regarding a therapist who speaks of freezing when sexually assaulted. As you know when one is confronted there is a tendency to fight or flight or freeze. When someone is being raped and does not fight there is an illusion of consent. This is not the case. After this seminar I called my old professor who taught me about the different cultures and religions. I have a few of his books and wanted to discuss the day events. Over dinner at our favourite Mandarin he made me think. I was quite impressed by the findings that men in this research study were still attracted to their spouses and wanted to care for them, not from obligation as it was found to be by the women. I had not considered the culture. My prof let me know that in England there are cultural differences from our own. How stupid of me. When I have a client I am always mindful of all the client’s experiences including spirituality, religion, culture etc…..I was not mindful of the cultural differences in this seminar and though I am resisting any research myself, it would be interesting to perform this research with a Canadian group and American group. What do you think? Saturday I was at a full day Ethics course which I found very useful. One of my colleagues made note that since I am in private practice (I was the only one) I can reduce my hours of work to my liking as part of self care management. That is correct. With each association I belong to there is a standard of ethics and of course I am mandated by own college as well. I finalized my education for the year. I completed all my hours plus. I would like to begin alternating again between theology and psychology. I have discovered there is an audience who wants to read my theology notes as well. So, I again thank you for visiting my sites and reading my blogs. If you have a question please do not hesitate to ask. You may think that I forget when I tell you I will write about a venue. I do not. It just may take a while. However, if you really want it to be sooner rather than later please don’t be angry, just let me know. Have a wonderful week. In Toronto there is snow which is nice with the Christmas lights.

Frankenmuth, Michigan Happy Thanksgiving

This is my last week of holidays and it has been superb. Life is all about balance. I will continue with talks about Parkinson next week. I am in too much the holiday spirit. I spent some time in a Christmas town and I am certain to return. I didn't really feel like I was in the States, and I was thinking about that. I do love the States and grew up watching mainly American shows, though since, our own movies are more sophisticated, I watch them as well as a few British movies such as Fr Brown and Agatha Christie's shows. That is the limit of British. I was surprised of the amount of Canadians wanting to shop and aside from a few purchases at the Disney Store at the Michigan Outlet, I passed. Too much was made in China. I wanted to buy American and was disappointed when I brought my Disney Store items home and found that to be from China as well. The States has grown up stuff at Disney while Canada focuses on kids. Imagine that? The pocket calender I bought and will have as a keepsake is made in Korea, but it will remind me of the States with pictures of the National Parks. Is there anything made in Canada and the US anymore? We may suffer from this in the future. Let us not forget that China is a communist country with a sophisticated IA surveillance to monitor its people. I enjoy my freedom too much to buy freely from them. Have you ever tried to stop? I would like to travel throughout the States and Eastern Canada. There is so much to see and do. As you know I have commitments now which keep me grounded. I am not able to leave for too long, but there is travel in North American in the horizon. I do recommend going to Frankenmuth. I found myself up early at the Drury Hotel which is a pet friendly hotel. It met my needs. While having breakfast and listening to everyone talk about their dogs, I decided to speak out that I have two cats. Talk about total silence. One man was travelling with his four dogs. I felt like the only cat surrounded by dogs. It was rather amusing. It was nice walking through a town and at night the lights just sprinkle throughout the streets. Anyhow, I am now home, but fun is not over. I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving. Next week I should be back to work. Talk then. Thank you so much for reading my blogs.

Robotic Pets Are Helping Dementia Patients (HBO)

Parkinson Disease - Research regarding caregivers

Last week I informed you that today I would record my notes for you regarding Rabbi, Dr Rena Arsinoff’s research. Her thesis was on Palliative Care. Her interest is taking Palliative and using it for chronic care. She affirmed that Parkinson Disease is chronic, progressive and degenerative, a neurological disease. Patients have tremors, though not all, rigidity and postural instability. There are many physical symptoms, emotional dysfunctions, sleep problems and falls. As the disease progresses, many experience psychiatric conditions and neuropathic pain. Patients have decreased dopamine. Synthetic dopamine is the drug of choice. There are five stages of the disease. Palliative Care is about living and not dying. There is little research mutuality or Parkinson with spouses. Mutuality is the quality of the relationship. With increasing commitment, a marital relationship shifts. Couple identity changes if caregiving becomes the predominant of the relationship. Research is needed on the lived experiences of changes in relationships, expression of feelings and mutuality in advanced stages of Parkinson. Research on caregiving is lacking and needed. Dr Arsinoff described how she conducted her qualitative research. You may look up my previous blogs where I explain the different types of research and how it is conducted. Dr Arsinoff had what I consider a small sample of seven care giving wives and five husbands. She was attempting to have an equal amount of men and women caregivers which is why the sample is small. The average age of the caregiver spouses is 75 years old. All are married and retired. The Spatiality Themes: Caregivers said: home is no longer the sanctuary it once was. You may leave your partner alone and find him on the floor. Where can we go? Motorized transportation for the patient - one caregiver said Tim Horton’s has a small washroom and therefore not able to use it so goes to the man’s washroom. (Study conducted in England). Dreams for travel has been dashed. Feels like a baby sitter. Feeling trapped at home. “I am in prison without bars.” One man said he feels guilty leaving his wife alone to go out and enjoy himself, so he doesn’t. One woman will not go on the balcony because she fears being pushed, due to cognitive diminishment. Partner has hit her or pushed her. Temporality Themes: Before I knew he was a kind person who helped people and me. After advance Parkinson, he is no longer the same. Now we look like a couple of recluses but that is not who we are. I just can’t do it anymore. Negative self regard over time. I’m more short tempered. Sometimes I feel dissatisfied. Most time is spent together now. “I don’t have time to be me.” One woman said, I am old now, I don’t know when I’ll become sick. Corporeality Themes: My body is falling apart. I’m also aging. Just wears you down after awhile…I will be cancer free in….. Hearing - it is more silent. One man caregiver said that the loss of hearing his wife’s voice was worse than the loss of sex. Smell - he pees. Touch - Sometimes five times a night, I must take her out of bed, like a potato bag. - That’s the only touch. Relationality - Challenge of finding enjoyment in each other. His sense of humour is pretty well shot. - Fun is a bit of a stretch. I have a husband but there is no one there. I feel the partner, the intellectual mental partner is not there. One man said, I kiss her sometimes but it is like kissing a baby. Love - “Well I get nothing (sexually) from him - a kiss maybe. One woman said it is hard getting a card because nothing expresses how she feels. One man said, “She’s my life.” It’s about what you are together. There is a loss of identity as a couple. One man said that Parkinson affects everything. (Hodgson et.al. 2004, Parkinson Disease is a couple disease). Sadness is common especially when cognitive changes occur. Care givers often feel ignored. To be continued next week………. Any possible errors in my notes, I claim as mine and not as those of the speaker.

Catch up - Bringing you up todate

It is a good thing that I took a break from work because boy have I been busy. Last week I signed and sold books at York University and handed out the rest of the chocolates from Hallowe'en. I kept the chips and cheesies, only because the boxes were too big. I had less than half of who usually come during Hallowe'en because of the weather. Those who did come were soooooooo cute. I had little police come, little swat teams come etc.....I thanked them for making me feel safe. I also went to a funeral of another friend who was such a fighter but could not defeat cancer a second time. I do hope they find a cure. We are so advanced in the medical field, yet we have far to go. Money is always needed for research and I do hope that can increase. I am also expecting someone to have a baby. That is the cycle of life. I attended another conference and have one more to go. I also wrote more of my fourth book and was getting a good flow but had to stop to work on my documentation for the college. I did that, and missed reporting a lot of the education because it was so tedious. I only reported the lectures rather than all of my readings and video watching etc.....That was sufficient to meet my minimum requirements. I am going to ask if there is a way to document continuing education on line directly rather than on my own lap top. If there is a way to manage time more appropriately I am all for it and for suggesting it (KISS). As my old prof used to say and now I repeat to him, work smart and not hard. I still have one ethics workshop to attend, a mini vacation to enjoy and to catch up on housekeeping paperwork and housekeeping in general. I still have to hang up all my tree decorations and I am waiting for a nice day to put up the lights outside. In my last four hours of professional education, I heard two speakers and have decided that I won't report both to you. What I will tell you about is the research report from Rabbi Dr Rena Arshinoff "Experiences of Mutuaality in the Spousal Relationship in Advanced Parkinson's Disease from the perspective of the Caregiving Partner. After the day, I called up my old prof and we went out to dinner to discuss the events of the day. My education simply continued during dinner. That is all for now. Have a great weekend. Though I am not seeing clients this month, I am taking appointments for December.

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman

I will be at York University, Vari Hall, showcasing, selling and signing my books, from about 0900 to 3:00 pm, Tuesday 12 Nov 19. Why not stop by and say hello. If you wish to buy a copy on line go to www.silvaredigonda.com “Silva, upon learning of your pending retirement from the Canadian Forces I had to stop and reflect at how old I am getting, since our days together in Germany. I remember many of the firsts within the trade which you were involved in: One of the first women in the Military Police, one of the first female Military Police in Europe and one of the first female Military Police with the Multinational Forces and Observers. Having survived Toronto for so long, I have no doubt that you will do well in retirement. MWO J. Williams The first in Europe… the first in the Middle East… not the first Military Policewoman… . We had been in for about a year already. Oh, Jim. You wanted to come up for a weekend and I was so busy with things to do; I must remember to call you. Bill did not seem to tire from reading the messages. I was sure that people would soon become bored. I had attended so many functions throughout the years. It does not seem that it has been almost twenty years ago that I met you. Upon receiving your retirement message, it gave me a reminder that we are growing older and eventually we all will have to make the inevitable decisions. While I sit and ponder what I should say, I reflect back on QL3 and QL5 and think of the good laughs and times we had during those days starting out, and of the different characters and personalities of the course instructors. There are some fond memories. I will not make an attempt at describing any embarrassing anecdotes and will just say that I personally congratulate you on your retirement and wish you prosperity, health and happiness for the future. ” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.” iBooks. Order on line today at www.silvaredigonda.com