Italian Festival Sunday and Big Garage Street Sale Saturday

 First I want to tell you about the garage sale.  I only bought one small decorative mug (designer) of a beautiful koala mom and baby.  But, I bought a lot of my favourite authors' books.  It was difficult finding books I hadn't read but it all goes to a good charity - the Historical Museum - so I came back and bought more.

Sunday,  after mass consisted of being at the Italian Festival.  I had a small dish of home made gnocchi which was authentic enough and can be found at any legitimate Italian restaurant in Toronto, but the sauce failed the grade, probably from not cooking it enough.  I had to wait about two hours for it and was informed it was worth the wait and I would get a free espresso.  It was not worth the wait and I did not get any espresso ( because they didn't even sell it).  It certainly wasn't worth the 16 or 17 dollars I spent but it did have a line up without any Italians in it.  I won't name the place but they are not from Toronto.  I don't like to give bad reviews but I certainly won't name it for compliments.  The band stand was fun and everyday Italian men and women sang and dance with gusto.  There was also a pasta eating contest where those who didn't finish eating their bowl could take it home.  Even though I had lots of fun and met many interesting people, there were simply too many people and I actually got dizzy from sensory overload from my final resting place to my car.  Complaint I heard was that it was too multicultural and they want "Italian" only.  All in all, I did have a good time but due to the growing enormous crowd throughout the day, I am going to have to pass in future.   However, it is worth going if you are from out of town or a tourist.  The garden umbrella and tree is my home which is still for sale people and my coffee break and lunch break relaxation spot.  I also like watching movies there and attending seminars in the summer.  That's all folks!!!!

Dr Nick Carleton - notes

 I cut and pasted Dr Carleton's research interest:

Research Interests

• Anxiety Disorders
• First Responders and Other Public Safety Personnel
• Potentially Psychologically Traumatic Events
• Traumatic Stress
• Fundamental Cognitions
• Psychometrics and Statistics
• Transdiagnostics

    A while ago I provided you with notes from this psychologist.  Hold and behold I found some references for you to look up especially if you are with emergency services but in general this is interesting for everyone.  There is also a link for sleep deprivation which I find is a common complaint.

www.pspmentalhealth.ca

sleep 101 toolkit

- self monitoring

www.rcmpstudy.ca

www.saskptsis study.ca

Montgomery's Inn - you can find this in the Toronto History Museums.

 

Montgomery’s Inn

An historic inn that is just as lively now as it was in the 1830s.

Built in the 1830s to shelter travellers, Montgomery’s Inn brought people together from the surrounding area and beyond over food, drink, games, and more. More than 190 years later, it’s still doing just that. This lively museum gives visitors the opportunity to see how a 19th-century Canadian inn was run from ballroom to bedrooms.

Hear the diverse stories of people who traversed the grounds from Chinese market gardeners to an employee who escaped his enslavement in the United States through the Underground Railroad.

Discover a rich history and enjoy family activities, camps, storytelling, music and more. Weekly farmers’ markets bring neighbours together over freshly-baked bread and seasonal fruits and vegetables; while hearth cooking demonstrations and community art exhibits offer a wider range of experiences that look at the past, present and future of the neighbourhood.

Montgomery’s Inn gathered communities around food, drink, news and laughter. Keep that spirit alive today: there’s always something happening at the Inn.

Hi,  again.  It's me.  I tried to cut and paste this because this is the location of where we met to  get the buses to see the murals.  It doesn't mention, that it is haunted.  You should visit, it is part of our history.  Til next week.

Doors Open Toronto was rainy but wonderful as usual

 Summer in Toronto can be fun.  There's always lots to do.  This weekend there is a huge garage sale in the Weston area North of Lawrence which is held once a year and consists of blocks and I mean blocks of the residents selling their wares.  I of course look for books but in the past I have found lovely and unique items which was just too tempting and yes I have more than I need.  I then needed my own garage sales, for a while and since my home is now staged I shall focus only on my books.  Don't forget at the end of the month I shall be at Queens Park selling and signing my own with the Crime Writers of Canada.  Also this weekend of interest to me is the Italian Festival on College Street between Bathurst and Shaw.  They are asking that we take the TTC (nope).  I like taking my car.  Perhaps we should only have golf carts in Toronto to limit congestion.  We could put a heater inside for the winters and better tires.  There is also going to be a car show at Yorkville.  What I have posted here is photos I promised of Open Doors (I think I promised).  Open Doors is also once a year where doors to buildings not normally free, open up and in you can go.  You will notice the Buddhist Temple which I didn't go into because there was no place to park and it began to pour rain.  Notice the steps - no elevator.  What I enjoyed was going for my bus tour of Islington avenue to look at the murals, that side of the city has in making their area nice.  I like the way they take care of their space and no ugly gang member graffiti -  Lovely.  The rest of the city should look like this.  I also went to see a new development proposal North of Dufferin, near the old Base.  They had free coffee and desserts.  Of course I had some.  It was a fun day.  Have a good weekend World.  Take time for some fun and  down time.  Sorry for the repeated photo.  I couldn't delete it without having to write this all over again.  My bad.  

What is Fraud? | @TorontoPolice Financial Crimes Unit Det. David Coffey ...

Thoughts of the week

I can get used to doing the minimum of work and enjoying myself more.  For some reason more people than normal have asked for couple therapy and unfortunately I have had to still decline, since my house is still staged as I display my for sale sign.  I have been to Niagara Falls a few times for fun and am looking forward to moving there.  This time I saw a guy wearing a Canada is not for sale sign rushing about with an angry scrowl and I sure wouldn't want to deal with him as a Canadian, let alone an American.  Really?  I am rethinking getting anything like that if the attitude may be misconstrued.  Canadians need to remind themselves that this is not all the States - this is one man who has lost perspective of what America is.  Most Americans believe in a democratic country and know right from wrong, including who is the enemy - those who invade countries and try to take their resources.  So, I may wear something Canadian but that it is it.  I want Americans to feel comfortable when they come to our country.  

I have my eyes in Niagara Falls but also realize that I have a life here in Toronto and am wondering how to transfer all that.  I have a book event to go to at the end of the month and another one which is bigger - The Word on The Street, which is being held on King Street near Thompson Hall this year.  I have been assured that I shall find parking.  That is happening 27/28 September 25.  So what events are there for authors in Niagara Falls?  I don't know.  I take Toronto for granted because it is my home town.  I think of it as a town.  I think of Niagara Falls as my cottage.   However, unfortunately I cannot afford both.  I am pretty determined to go to Niagara Falls.  I let my physician know what my plans are and he told me that he has patients who have left to live there.  I asked if they had problems finding a doctor there and he laughed saying that they still come to him.  He assured me that I could have video calls.  That was encouraging and why not.  He sends me for lab tests and blood tests and of course we could have a video call instead of coming back home.  Notice I say home, because Toronto will always be my home.  But it is time to leave the nest.  So Trump you cannot buy Canada but I will sell you my house.  How's that?  Good talk.  I still have photos to show you.  Have a good weekend.  If you ever have a question to ask either about books or therapy, please feel free to ask.  That will give me something to talk about.  It has become very routine for me.  What do you think?

W5 - Disturbing investigation - Sleeping with the enemy

Do you remember that case where a man was convicted of drugging and raping his wife along with other men in France?  She had been completely unaware of it.  Well we have a reporter who hails from the States and has become a Canadian.  I find her investigations always interesting but this one though interesting,  I have been watching in segments for my own mental health.  I do this with anything disturbing just for self care.  When coming onto my blog now it indicates that some might be disturbing and though I couldn't think of anything I wrote as disturbing, this one is and so now I agree.  This is very disturbing and I was wondering if I should post it and decided that knowledge is important so people can be aware and defend themselves if need be.  This is the true story of Jane Doe, who one week before her wedding received disturbing images of herself being raped and tortured without her knowledge since she was drugged by an ex boyfriend.  I don't want to say too much, because it is posted.   Apparently there is a world wide dark web of these deprived men who torture and rape etc...their girlfriends and wives without their knowledge.  I would like to see the dark web completely disintegrate after all the culprits are identified and put in jail where they belong.  Then the healing for all can begin.  

Sleeping with the Enemy: A W5 investigation

I will be signing and selling my books at Queens Park, (Victoria College) Toronto

 It's been rather busy though I haven't taken on any new clients because I am still in the process of selling my house in Toronto to move to Niagara Falls.  Every once in a while I see the perfect house for me in Niagara but I want to sell mine first.  Today I want to give you a heads up that on Saturday and Sunday from 1100 to 1700 hrs (5pm), 28 and 29th Jun 25, I will be at Queens Park (Victoria College) selling and signing my four books.  Please come and say hello if you are in the area.  

Ray Rudowski ITV News Dec 27 89 Canada's Military Prison

Therapy for Individuals

Therapy is losing the stigma it used to have.  People are beginning to understand that mental health is as important as health for the body.  People come for therapy for different reasons.  Some just need to release the tension that has been building up within them and they need to talk to someone whom they can trust.  The relationship with one's therapist is very private and too often I hear that a partner or relative etc....want to know what is discussed.  I have been told that the relationship is intimate and not to be shared.  If you are seeing a therapist, how would you define the relationship?   Studies have demonstrated that the relationship with the therapist is even more important than the knowledge the therapist has.  My opinion?  That you find that therapist whom you find comfort with.  I remember in 101 being instructed that in the old days one would confide to a favourite aunt but that those days have changed.  Sometimes a person has to take a step back from themselves because they are so overwhelmed that they need to take a look at their lives more objectively.  Some will come to therapy for one reason and determine that what is actually harming them is something quite different.  You can become so overwhelmed that you don't know what is happening anymore and you just need the tools to stop, re-examine your life and finding yourself in it.  In 101, I was instructed that two months of therapy is enough.  What I have come to realize is that everyone is different.  What may take two months for one person, may take a year for another or three sessions for someone else.  That is all for today.  I want to talk about Doors Open later in the week.  This is when our city opens the doors for areas you would normally pay to go in or other points of interest.  Til then, take care of yourselves.  

 

Inspirations for my soul - what is yours?

     Not everyone can believe in God.  Some hate God, because they blame God for everything that goes wrong.  Then you have the self righteous, who can do no wrong and think they have the moral plateau that is for everyone.  And boy, do you feel the wrath if you do not conform.  Look at all the wars in the name of religion from people who have their own interpretation of what is good and bad and boy if you don’t conform, you are in trouble.  You get the point?   So, today why not reflect on how you take care of your soul?  My routine is very basic, or so it is for me.  First I pray the rosary while drinking my first coffee.  Then I read the applicable pages of the breviary.  There is a daily reading of Psalm 22 (my favourite).  Then since my Pastor gave me a Bible Diary for 2025, daily readings and reflections (yup I do that too).  Then I read a page from Sacra Pagina, from the Gospel of Mark and to just finish off I read a page from the legion, Ontario Command, Military Service Recognition book, Volume xi (because the legion gave it to me as I am in it.)  I also say a prayer after or before Psalm 22 to everyone who has died and those who need prayers.  Sounds exhausting?  I have built up to it slowly and then this is on my regular days when I am by myself before starting the day.  All this changes and becomes edited if I am traveling somewhere, with others etc……The point is that this works for me as I look out at the birds and squirrels who come to greet me and munch on the apples I  provide.  You need to find what works for you.  It may be just calming down and focusing on your breathing.  It may be just spending time in nature.  It may be reciting a poem from your heart.  What is important is that you are trying to connect with something beyond yourself.  You can try just talking to God or surrendering to God.    It is ok to ask for help.  It is ok to get mad at God.  It is ok to be grateful.  It is ok to just be with….Have a good weekend.

Group Therapy

I hope everyone had a good long weekend.  I would like to touch a bit on group therapy.  It is important that people who participate understand that they are not to share information from the other group members.  I would have everyone complete the basic paperwork that I have other clients compile.  The same rules exist in duty to report.  This is more affordable than individual therapy sessions, but that cannot be ruled out.  Group therapy is not for everyone especially those suffering from complicated grief.  I have talked about complicated grief in previous blogs so I won't repeat myself.  Sometimes, people can't participate because they need more time than can be permitted in groups.  It is important that all have an equal opportunity to speak.  I like to start with a "check in".  This is a quick five minutes introduction of where each person feels they want to share as an introduction perhaps of what they want to talk about.  Sometimes, people here may say they would like to start first if they are eager to share something with the group.  No one should ever feel forced to speak.  Some may not be ready to share and that is ok.  Groups may be general or specific to what one shares with other groups...such as PTSD, survivors of sexual abuse etc......There are also many support groups out there and I would suggest checking them out first before attending.  Some may have a different cause than what is reported.  Support groups should also have a therapist attend at times to ensure everyone is on track and if there is a requirement for additional support.  What do you think? 

Who’s stealing millions from Canadian taxpayers? | The Fifth Estate

Family Therapy

If I had my way, every person who comes to me, would also bring their entire family.  There can be intensive healing in families.  I have seen so much love in the most dysfunctional families.  I have also seen different dynamics from what one can be led to believe.  Usually abusers don’t want to attend sessions unless they think they can control and manipulate the therapist.  In that case it can be difficult to work with and sometimes not possible until there is recognition and willingness to self reflect and to acknowledge harm done.  I have been asked to attend court for people and have declined because to make a fair assessment I would have to see all parties involved.  And, it is because everyone has a story from their perspective.  That is one piece of the puzzle.   What really goes on in families?  Family therapy is about each person providing their perspective and recognizing the dynamics in the room, if that is what is wanted.  It is about listening to each other.  It is about understanding the impact one has on their immediate family and it is also about willingness to change for the sake of the family.  It is systemic.  When it comes to physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse, that has to stop.  I have no problem with abusers going to jail.  Life is crushing to the survivors of abuse.  I attended a sexual assault course ages ago before I was a therapist.  It began with a survivor telling her story.  She grew up being raped by her father and brother throughout the years and then as an adult she reported it to the OPP Officer leading our course.  What did her mother say to the daughter after years of abuse?  “How dare you bring shame to our family.”  This was a white well to do family.  Why was this survivor able to tell her story to the policewoman?  “She never looked at her watch.”  I later asked the policewoman if she was aware of this.  She was not.  Not looking at her watch was never intentional, yet this made the difference in how much the survivor was able to reveal and reveal she did.  It is important to know that when you are raised a particular way, you think it is normal.  I was once asked if every father has sex with his child.  I said no.  Imagine a grown person thinking that is the norm?  There is also a cycle of abuse, but that can be broken.  Not everyone who is abused, abuses.  There have been survivors of abuse who only realized life could be different when they saw family shows.  These wholesome family shows is what sustained them.  In their minds, the show became their real family and support.  There is always a lot of support for those who commit crimes, but one should never take away the harm that is done and that should be criminal in my opinion and not an excuse.  I believe we need to protect society from those who cause harm and we do not by catch and release.  I do think we need some serious change, however it begins with what is happening at home.  Who is protecting the children and elderly and pets when no one sees within the family unit?  As a therapist I am obligated to report when there is child abuse or someone is going to commit suicide or cause injury to another.  How many will tell me what is really going on after that?  Yet people have a right.  However, it is not all gloom and bloom.   Children grow up and learn how to heal.  I have seen the most abused children as adults become the most caring and resilient people whose objection is to help others and cause no harm.  Sometimes, they just need a gentle reminder that they are their own person, who can make their own decisions and they do not need to be defined by others.  They are amazing people who have survived.  What do you think?

 

 

Couple Therapy

 

    I have seen couples married, 20, 30 and even 40 years.  Regardless of the amount of years, there is always a surprise of how one person feels that the other didn’t know about.  Depending on the couple, amount of sessions vary.   Even one session can help couples.  On the other hand there can be so much anxiety in the relationship, that it can take several sessions for the couple to take control of their emotions to begin the work.  Sometimes there is screaming which I do not tolerate.  If people want to work on their relationship then they need to start to communicate which includes active listening from the partner.  Slowly they can start to listen and to respond to the other equally.  All  screaming does is shut down the other person who may begin to feel traumatized.  One of the questions I ask is if there are any addictions, mental disorders, abuses etc…  When there is nothing else except the relationship, it is easy, or not.  I refuse to see any couple who isn’t serious about working on their relationship which includes giving up an affair if one exists.  It is not possible to work on a relationship if one cannot give up another lover.  I make that quite clear in the beginning and what has also happened is that the lover is not given up and the couple attempt to keep if from me.  In that case I refer them elsewhere.  I am serious about my work.  There have been times when one having an affair wants to work on the affair rather than their spouse.  Of course that won’t work.  Then there are those who don’t really want marriage therapy but attend because one is facing an alternative.  Either see the therapist with me or it is over.  When that happens, fault is normally found with the therapist by the person feeling forced.  Any fault will do, not to continue sessions.  I have found that when there isn’t much time invested in the relationship there is a tendency to end the relationship.  Sometimes people have stayed together to raise their children.  However, if people really are serious about working on their relationship, then the work begins.  How are your relationships in general? (For your info, because I am selling my house and it is staged, I cannot take any new clients at this moment. I charge 200.00 for couple therapy as well as family therapy.  I charge 80.00 for individual therapy.  Each session is 50 minutes.  I also charge $200.00 for consultations.)   redigondapsychotherapy.com.  

How does retirement sound to me?

Well, selling my books at the Legion was fun as usual.  There was another author there and we sold the same amount of books.  Hers was mainly childrens books and one inspirational book.  Mine which sold was For Love of Country - Military Police Woman.  The coffee being sold was so terrible that I had to switch to tea.  Uch!  It tasted like salt.  However, the grilled cheese sandwiches were amazing and I had two throughout the day.  The Sgt Major also informed me that they now have a woman section in their museum.  I took a look and there was my helmet (I think it was mine but it looked so clean.  How did that happen?   My notebook was there (unused of course), my handcuffs (I gave them the keys but I didn't see that), my coffee cup from Toronto )one of the men I served with mailed me his.  So, I kept one and gave them the other.  Also, there in display is my book "For Love of Country Military Policewoman."  I now belong in a museum.   Being installed in a museum and not being able to have new clients because my house is still staged has given me time for myself, more than ever, so I am seriously thinking - retirement.  After all, I have been working since I was thirteen years old.  Yup,  but it was only part time because I was going to school.  I still had time for sports, dance and lots of fun while school took a back seat as a basic requirement.  Of course that all changed as I joined the grown up world.  School became very important as was work and so I played a bit less to get it all in.  So, with this house search in Niagara Falls and my trying to sell my house which isn't going so well, of course it is good to blame Trump and his threats to our economy (he should buy my house).  However, life is life and with it comes challenges.  I shall not sweat the small stuff.  I have a choice, decrease my price or take the house off the market until things improve.  I have enjoyed slowing down and smelling the coffee or is it roses?  No, my roses are not blooming yet.  I have more time to play.  I can get used to this or can I?  It has been suggested that I take a sabatical rather than just retire.  Why?  I may like this leisure time more than I think?  This will give me the time to seriously write.  Yesterday I said no to keeping my association with the Badge of Life.  They are reaching out to all the therapists asking for $100.00 to stay on their web site for the remainder of this year and $200.00 for next year.  I said no and stated that I am thinking of retirement.  The Badge of Life is an amazing organization and I have recommended them and shall continue to do so.  I haven't been able to take their last two conferences but the one I did attend was worth taking.  This was started by a husband and wife team both previously Toronto Police who now have PTSD.  They offer a lot of support to emergency personnel, still working or retired etc...Prison guards are included.  I fully encourage anyone to reach out to them.  I am seriously considering retiring at the end of this year which means that I am going to stop renewing memberships.  I spend a lot of money doing my job and because I am in private practice, I incur all the costs.  So, perhaps it is time for a change.  I am not there yet, but almost.  I have been able to read a book a day and still get things done.  I love to read.  I haven't continued my next book yet because I want to be able to focus on it and priorities have changed.  I do want to sell my house and move to Niagara Falls.  I want to try all their restaurants and cafes.  I want to go to the other side of the bridge and check out their stuff.  Just yesterday I was told that establishments are suffering in the States because of the decrease in Canadians.  One woman told me that she and her family went to the Olive Garden and they were thanked for coming because business is suffering.  The Olive Garden?  Yup, I'll go of course.  However,  I will wear a Canadian T shirt and I will report to you my findings.  Will I be loved?  Will I be rejected?  Should be fun.  So, for now, I say good bye and will start providing you with therapy information again next week.  My notes are still hidden but that is ok.  My grey cells are full of information.  What do you think?

Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s First 100 Days in Office & He Travels Back to 20...

Thoughts of the Week

 I am still in the process of selling my home and therefore I cannot take on any new clients.  I am also still living in a staged house.  Not fun.  My stuff has been hidden away and just finding anything is a chore.  This was supposed to be a one week inconvenience and look what happened.  Still here.  Grateful, that I did not buy anything before selling.  Don't do it is my advice to you.  Sell, then buy.  I may have to take this off the market while Trump is in power because he is causing instability in the markets, thus the problem of selling my home.  Or, so I have been told by everyone who should know.  Oh boy, America did you vote for this?  Please say no.  My Pope, or should I say the people's Pope has also died.  He taught so much of building bridges and not walls.  He loved the people of the world.  Ukraine is still struggling as Russia continues to bomb it mercilessly.  On top of that Trump blames the victim.  It is Russia who is the aggressor but you know that, don't you.  Just like you would love to take Canada over.  This gets so tiresome.  Anyhow, I did manage to read an entire Peterson book yesterday and today is supposed to be a much needed sunny and warm day.  Yes, please.  I am grateful that I took out my summer wear  before the stage or I would have had to buy all new.  I still need a new dryer since mine broke down and that is impossible right at this moment.  One final reminder is that this Saturday I shall be selling my books at the legion, 31, on Weston Road, South of Eglinton.  This will probably be my last event there if I sell my house.  As will it be at Word on the street.  But then of course no one knows what will happen.   Trump, please take a holiday and let the economy calm down.  Wouldn't it be nice if the earth stood still and all wars stopped and dictators vanished because they started to care?  Terrorists would have no one to terrorize because they would be managed nicely in cells?  Wouldn't it be nice if we could all take a step back and see each others as reflections of ourselves?  Have a good weekend world.   What do you think?

silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

Holy Week

 

 Last Saturday night I went to Mass, attending a Portuguese mass.  It was merely convenience.  I had other plans for Sunday.  As you all know I injured my leg last summer, which caused me to pause serving as a Eucharistic Minister.  I use the term pause, because I am expected to return to serve.  However, it wouldn't be good if I slipped on the stairs to the altar and dropped all the hosts.  Nope.  So, it looks like my pause shall continue.   Last week I saw an Orthopaedic Surgeon.   I like the best of the best.  He was educated at Oxford or was it Harvard, both amazing universities.  Yes, he is British and was recommended by my Podiatrist, also an English veteran who told me to see him and even return to Toronto to see him, if I left (no one wants to buy my home yet.  Yup Trump's Tarrifs are scaring people here at home.  Good thing I don't have to sell, hey?). 

 Apparently, my limp is not only because of my right side injury but also my left hip.  Yup - full of arthritis.  "I have many military patients."  He stated.  "I'm sure."  I replied.  He gave me options and I chose the one which is to learn to live with it.  So when I went to mass, last Saturday night, I sat throughout the entire mass, except for when the Priest entered, left and when I went to receive communion.  It wasn’t until I left that I smiled at a member and wished her a Happy Easter (I knew I wouldn’t be at that mass, Easter.)  She pursed her lips so tight that a screw driver would be required to open her mouth.  She glared at me (such a good Catholic).  I could only surmise that she didn’t like my sitting or that I was wearing leggings or perhaps I didn’t please her in some way to justify - Judgement.  I accepted that she didn’t know any better.  I remember my military Priest friend and I having a conversation about Church goers:  Me:  “They are such hypocrites going to church and acting so prim and proper and they can be the worse.”  

 Father Ron, “Don’t you see, Silva, they are the ones who really need to go to church.”  

That was years ago.  I will continue to smile if I see her again and see what happens.  It is all about judgement again.  One thinking they know best, one thinking she is better - Clothes make the person (according to the Vice President?)  I do look at how people dress.  It tells me a lot.  It tells me if a person is sad, happy, enjoys dressing up and can he afford it?)  There are people who do not go to church because they feel they cannot dress appropriately. They are poor.   My advice - go to church if you want to.  I studied the various religions and cultures and sometimes, it is more about culture than religion.  Then there are the extremists.  Those who rape and torture and imprison women/men for not being of their religion and refusing to conform.  I am fortunate that living in Toronto, I have been able to provide therapy, to people from every organized world religion or not, probably every colour of skin and people of all status and education.  I have been in awe of what people suffer in conviction of their beliefs.  I have seen Christians opposing extremists and having suffered so much.  That is what our country is about and every person here in Toronto and the rest of the country, should be able to practise their religion and when there is hatred, that needs to be dealt with swiftly.  It is a crime - hate.  So again there is judgement.  I wouldn’t have a practice if people could just be kinder to others and stop acting as if they know what is best for others.  If others are not harming anyone, or anything, then leave them alone.  This is Holy Week.  Try to connect to God.  Find a way to connect to others.  Forgive.  “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.”  I was told never to quote the bible, but hey, it’s Easter and sometimes well……..Have a Happy Easter Weekend.  

I will be selling my books. Bring cash please. Receipts provided. Can't seem to be able to work out square.

Joe Bell 2020 - Tubi

A while ago I watched this true story “of an Oregonian father who plays tribute to his teenage son, Jadin embarking on a self-reflection walk across America to speak to heartland citizens about the real and terrifying costs of bullying.”   I recommend it for all high schools.  Since my notes are hidden due to the staging of my home, now is the time to share. 

 I have changed names and a few other things to keep the people’s identity hidden.  

Myself and my fellow interns were provided with a tour of the hospital so we could decide where we wanted to work.  My heart was set on working in the ward for general medicine because I thought it would be the most interesting.  This was a ward where patients were waiting to be diagnosed.  It was during that tour that my mind changed because the head person of a ward told us we were needed.  No one was interested in working with HIV and so I volunteered, not because it was my choice, but simply because I was needed.  And so I was assigned to work with HIV and cancer patients as well as palliative care.  Now let me tell you about Phil.   I used to see Phil everywhere laying down on his portable bed, in the elevator, the hallway, and going to and from somewhere in the hospital.  I always talked to him about one thing or the other and never received a response, until I did.  We talked a bit and then I went to casually inform the Head, that the patient had spoken.  “That’s impossible.”  I was informed and off she went to confirm her theory.  She returned hyperventilating and excited.  “It’s a miracle!  He spoke.  He doesn’t.”

I asked about Phil’s family and she called the family to be let down.  She had spoken to Phil’s mother who wanted to know if he had insurance.  When she learned he didn’t have any money for her, she said she wasn’t interested in seeing her dying son.  You see, Phil was kicked out of the house when he was thirteen years old because he was gay.  I spent time with Phil after that and brought him a rosary because he told me he was Catholic.  When I gave him the rosary, his eyes lit up  and I never saw him without the rosary again.  It was a cheap rosary and I was chastised for giving away too many rosaries.  I immediately stated that I would initiate a fund raiser for rosaries which was dismissed immediately.  I continued to give out rosaries.  Phil had a brother and he suddenly showed up one day and provided him with the support he needed - family.  Since, in private practice I have seen quite a few people afraid of exposing their sexuality, mainly because of the fear of how their parents, fellow colleagues and society will react.  That is a heavy burden to carry.  I often tell clients, Toronto is the best place to be who they truly are but still they decide and it is their decision to remain in the closet so to speak.  They may be single or married but they are living with a weight that they cannot be themselves because of the judgment of others.  So please do watch Joe a father who loved his son so much that he began to walk across America because his son committed suicide.  I have never suffered so much as when I worked in that hospital.  I saw so much pain and I was working everyday for about six weeks which was too much without a break. Not only was I working at the hospital but also seeing clients on days I was free.   I wouldn’t do that to a student.  Of course I was seen as more than a student by my supervisor and he was right.  It is so easy to judge others who may be different than ourselves.  Next time you want to make fun of someone, take a good look at the mirror and ask yourself, why?  What do you think?   

Thoughts of the week

 I am sitting, admiring the tree outside my kitchen, watching the squirrels coming for the pieces of apple I put out for them, which I am not supposed to do in Toronto, because some NDP person decided she didn't like people feeding birds.  I have never seen her smile.  Spending time in nature is very therapeutic.  When I have breakfast, I enjoy watching my squirrels having theirs and we just chill as we enjoy admiring each other.  I used to feed them peanuts which the blue jays enjoyed but I had a neighbour complain that shells were going onto his property so I switched to apples.  I have had only one complaint that there are too many squirrels around.  I believe I have six.    There is a hawk who sweeps down looking to feed on my little creatures.   I was recently asked if I will miss my home here.  I had to think for 10 seconds because I haven't been asked that question.  I am usually told that I shouldn't move to Niagara and why.  I replied that no, I would not miss the house but I would miss my backyard and the people.  Of course Niagara Falls is not far from Toronto so I am sure I won't be missing many at all.  It has gotten to a point where everyone wants to visit me there and that is ok.  None of the houses I looked at had a yard remotely like mine.  However, my back yard was vacant of all the trees and roses that have been planted and I can have that done again.  It would probably be wiser to buy a condo but there isn't any near the falls.  There was one condo available that had a back deck, facing nature, had two bedrooms and an office - just perfect.  It also had a pool, sauna and gym - perfecto.  But, it is now off the market and it was on the edge of town.  I believe they are renting it out.  They advertized at the time, they had a bus - whatever that is supposed to mean.

I should be able to sell my home because I do live in a coveted spot.  One neighbour came to visit indicating she was surprised I was selling.  No one should be surprised because I have always said that when my pets die I would.  I never would have put my pets through this ordeal of instability.  I loved them and placed them first.  They had a long and happy life and when I had to make the decision to have them put down, regardless of how painful, I put them first again and was with them til the end.  My neighbour reminded me that I live in a beautiful neighbourhood and I agreed.  My mom used to love walking along this street.   

The intent of my agent was to cause a bidding war and the house to be sold in a week.  Ooops didn't happen.  Trump got blamed.  Bad boy Trumpie.  He has been the popular topic since his election.  I was having a discussion with my sibling about him and I remarked that if I had the opportunity to save his life if something was happening to him, I probably would.  My sibling agreed.   Initially, speaking for myself, I thought it simply as my military training to protect.  However, my sibling never had the same training, but our mother was a champion to those needing help if she came across bullies.  She would be selfless.  I guess we have that in us.  I had planned on moving to Niagara and wearing "Canada is not for sale", at some coffee outside bar and see what happens as an experiment,  Sibling informed me that they are turning people away they think are problematic.  I can see that so I shall just wear Canada and perhaps move up to not being for sale, when customs realize I am a good girl.  I have also been thinking of retiring.  It is getting complicated trying to maneuver all this and be readily available.  My accountant told me I spend too much money on associations etc.......He suggested that I retire, unless I want to stimulate my brain.  What?  Another suggested a sabatical.  I don't mind suggestions.  I realize I have always been a workaholic placing that ahead of most things.  Spending time with my family was wonderful.  No, I can never live in the country.  I loved spending time with my great niece.  She is five years old and so bright with loads of empathy.  She would gather everyone around the table so we could all draw pictures which I hated.  She was there to encourage me that my work was very nice (which it wasn't).  She was the best at five years of age and I told her that she should take art classes.  "Would that challenge me?"  She asked inquisitively.  "Yes!"  I responded.  She was sold,  Imagine a five year old child asking if art would challenge her.  She spared me having to participate in further art performances.  She is very much loved.  People with children in your care remember that the first five years are so important in their lives.  Love them.  Provide them with routine and safety.  Don't put them down.  Be kind.  Learn how to be good parents if you don't know how and I say that because many people who are parents don't know how to parent and it is such an important job -  Helping a young person be the best that she or he can be and how to be kind to others.  Demonstrate it yourself so others can learn.  That is all the thoughts for the week.  Have a good weekend world.  Take a step back and remember that you are the author of yourselves.  What do you think?

Try again - Got it. New listing

https://housesigma.com/on/toronto-real-estate/510-northcliffe-boulevard/home/Zaw5Yo52xJp7n961?id_listing=Vwod7vKdrpp35mGN&utm_campaign=listing&utm_source=user-share&utm_medium=desktop&ign=

I didn't forget you - busy

Well it has been a whirlwind.   I have been looking at houses galore and now I have stopped until I sell the house.  I had put in two condional offers and lost both to firm offers.  My house was listed for multiple offers but due to the tarriff war, it didn't work out because people don't know one day from the other where the economy will go.  (Amazing to me that one person can control the destiny of the world.  This should never be allowed or tolerated, but that is my opinion only.  Actually I like Bernie Saunders and what he had to say on CNN.  I taped it and will watch it when time is on my side.)  I did consider a firm offer for 30 seconds.   A private lender wanted $30,000 to be paid within a month and that wasn't even the Mafia.  Don't do it people!  I certainly didn't.  Boy, people really love money.  I have been back and forth from Niagara Falls and then I decided a break was needed and I did what I haven't ever tried.  I went to visit my sibling in the country or close to it, for a week and only had my phone for communication.  Though the phone was busy, it was workable.  I tried out one local restaurant I will eventually talk about.  I came home to a show piece and that has been interesting.  I had to search for Alexa and now she is beside me so I can listen to music and ask her whatever questions.  She missed me.  I also found my private phones so now I can use that as well.  I found dish soap so that is a good thing.  This is like sleeping in a department store and you are hiding there and you can leave no evidence of being there.  Your personality is stripped completely from your home but I did a no no.  I have placed a little rabbit holding an easter egg on my desk.  Ha, ha, I re-claimed a bit of me - some colour.  In Niagara Falls if a real estate agent books a time and doesn't show up they are fined $500.00 and I love it.  Here at home, they are considered rude but are not fined.  One agent did that three hours after an open house and I was fuming because I had returned from the boondocks and couldn't go in, until no show showed up.  Mr Hoang I am not impressed.  I shall be tempted to decline when and if he wishes to return.  So, tonight since the trade war,  I mean multiple offers  failed, my price will go up 100,000 which is probably what it is worth right now at this moment.  Trump.....come on, be a sport, go on vacation and give the economy a break.  So, for a bit longer be patient with me.  I am still around and around and around.  My notes are all hidden but that is ok.  I don't need notes in general.  I always have lots in my grey cells.  On the downside, I can't attend any conferences/lectures because I need to be available.  Clients are always a priority so that remains clear.  Take care world.  Good talk.  What do you think?

Buy my house in Toronto so I can move to Niagara Falls - please.

https://www.realtor.ca/l/bRm-0/ka 

Disney World is my favourite place in the entire world - Disney at my Castle - Castle Loma

Don't forget to always balance your life to meet the challenges life brings.  Rest, play, work, spend time in nature, surround yourself with good company.

 

Thoughts of the week

Well, I have been busy and it has been enlightening.  I found a house I like in Niagara Falls and put in a conditional offer.  I found out after doing an inspection on the house, it has dents on the roof.  So, now I need to determine why a roof would have dents and if I should still buy it etc........So, if you buy a house, do an inspection even when it looks as beautiful and new as this place does.  My bank has also been a learning experience.  Considering I have been with them since I was thirteen years old, I have found there is no loyality for customers.  That has been very disappointing.  So, it is time to re-examine if my own loyality is justified for this particular legal shark as my mom used to refer to banks.  I have always been too independent to listen to my mom.  Actually, I did always listen and she was my best friend, but I always had a problem accepting opinions.  I like dealing with facts and so this has been a blow.  It feels like it did when I was searching to buy my first car.  If you buy my bio (For Love of Country Military Policewoman), I list the details there.  So next week will be so busy and I will be unavailable to the world.  I do want to post some more Disney pictures from Casa Loma.  Wish me luck, I can use some extra prayers, that all goes well.  As for the States, well, Trump is trying to crush us and I am really sorry that he doesn't care about us at all.  We were a good neighbour and I don't really blame him.  I don't think he knows any better.  Unfortunately, Americans will suffer too.  We have our own decisions to make here, since we need to vote soon as I am trying to squeeze it all in, but voting is important and I shall.  We have Poiviere (Conservative) whom I cannot consider since he won't get a security clearance and provides rediculous excuses.  If you don't have a security clearance you are not privy to classified information.  How can you run a country in that situation?  You can't.  A security clearance requires a back ground check, so what does he have to hide?  Everyone votes for whom they think is best to run the country.  In my opinion, for myself, my vote will be based on who can deal with Trump a wild card who wants to invade us and crush us, not necessarily in that order.  I don't blame Americans.  Trump is still trying hard to destroy all relations in the free world.  Everyone in the Western World seems to be trying to find different partners.  Now with all the scandals and the newest, classified information that could have cost soldiers lives, a reporter was invited to a top secret talk (but they insist it wasn't), on a network that was not secure.  Any Private would know that   this is a no no.  But, of course instead of recognizing their error, they feel that they can decide what should be classified or not.  What a bunch of foolish clowns, who I wouldn't trust to run a nursery.  Have a good week and I will talk to you after next week.  Americans I still love you and of course I will visit you and wear a t shirt or baseball cap saying Canada is Not for sale.  But first, I need to move to Niagara.  I shall keep you briefed.  Keep visiting us in Canada.  Canadians are hurt and mad, but it is against - one person.  What do you think?  

Inside the corporate battle over your pet’s health | The Fifth Estate

Let's keep it light today. Here are some photos of St Patricks celebration and one from the Home Show. One from Disney

 Well, work hard and play hard.  Work less and play more?  How about a balance?  Anyhow.  The first photo is from the St Patricks party at the community centre.  I want to print out some photos for them.  Girls just want to have fun.  The second photo is our beloved moose at the Home Show.  Poor Moose.  She is looking rather beaten up.  Hey people.....take care of her a bit better.  If I get to the ex this summer, I'm going to check in on her and send you another photo.  The third photo is a fun day at Casa Loma - Disney Show (no way was I going to miss that).  The sword fight was fun.  Some kids got scared and others were more like me.  More Disney pictures to come because I love Disney!

From Boys to Men: Uniting International Research & Practice - This will be well worth attending. I can't unfortunately. Niagara

Uniting International Research & Practice

Mobilize. Amplify. Fortify.

Hilton Barbados Resort

Hilton Barbados Resort

September 19 - 20, 2025

September 19 - 20, 2025Tentative

Tentative

Schedule

Schedule

From Boys to Men:

From Boys to Men:

Uniting International Research & Practice

Uniting International Research & Practice

Men

Families

Families

2025

September 19, 2025 September 19, 2025 Hilton Barbados Resort

Hilton Barbados Resort

8:45 - 9:05 am

Room: Garrison 1

Welcome & Introductions

Susan Chuang & Rebekah Ali-Gouveia University of Guelph, Canada, & Lawyer, Youth Advocate, Trinidad & Tobago Hon. Philip Telesford

Minister for Health

Government of Grenada, Grenada

9:05 - 10:00 am

KEYNOTE SPEAKER: Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh

University of the West Indies, St. Augustine, Trinidad & Tobago

Founder, International Men’s Day (November 19)

TIME Garrison 1 Garrison 3

TIME Garrison 1 Garrison 3

10:10 - 11:50 am

11:50 - 1:20 pm

1:20 - 2:20 pm

Boys & Youth: Abuse, Risk, & the Law

LUNCH

Men: Offenders & the Law

Men: Paternity, Fathering, & Health

LUNCH

3:00 - 4:40 pm

4:40 - 5:00 pm

PANEL SESSION: Family Breakdown & the Law

Day 1 Wrap-Up & Activity

Emotional Intelligence, Communication,

& Building Relationships

Masculinity

Domestic Violence & Homicide

International Families Alliance

IFAlliance.net

Tentative Schedule Day 1 - Friday, September 19Tentative

Tentative

Schedule

Schedule

From Boys to Men:

From Boys to Men:

Uniting International Research & Practice

Uniting International Research & Practice

Men

Families

Families

2025

September 19, 2025 September 19, 2025 Hilton Barbados Resort

Hilton Barbados Resort

8:45 - 9:05 am

Room: Garrison 1

Welcome & Introductions

Susan Chuang & Rebekah Ali-Gouveia University of Guelph, Canada, & Lawyer, Youth Advocate, Trinidad & Tobago Hon. Philip Telesford

Minister for Health

Government of Grenada, Grenada

9:05 - 10:00 am

KEYNOTE SPEAKER: Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh

University of the West Indies, St. Augustine, Trinidad & Tobago

Founder, International Men’s Day (November 19)

Garrison 1 Garrison 3

10:10 - 11:50 am

Risk and Juvenile Offending in the Caribbean

Corin Bailey

University of the West Indies, Cave Hill, Barbados

Bullying as a Precursor to Teen Dating Violence and Sexual

Violence: Identify Pathways Underlying the Association

Dorothy Espelage & Yutong Gao

University of North Carolina, United States

From Risk to Resilience: How Sexual Risk Avoidance Shapes

Middle School Boys’ Health and Decision-Making

Nanci Coppola

Coppola and Company, United States

Supporting Boys and Men: Addressing Trauma and

Empowering Emotional Health From Childhood to the 20s

Jamie Huysman & John Hamel

STAR Network & Family Preservation Alliance, United States

From Boys to Men - Promoting Fatherhood: Paternity Fraud

Victim or Really the Daddy?

Gene C. Colman & Brian Ludmer

Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre & LudmerLaw, Canada

Maternal Gatekeeping, Father-Child Relationships, and Men's

Psychological Well-Being

Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan

The Ohio State University, United States

Co-Parenting Is the Root of Single-Parenting

Sharon Rose-Gittens

Barbados Association of Professional Social Workers, Barbados

11:50 - 1:20 pm LUNCH

Tentative Schedule Day 1 - Friday, September 19

International Families Alliance

IFAlliance.netTentative

Tentative

Schedule

Schedule

From Boys to Men:

From Boys to Men:

Uniting International Research & Practice

Uniting International Research & Practice

Men

Families

Families

2025

Garrison 1 Garrison 3

From Risk to Reform: Analyzing Trends in Male Offending and

Exploring Targeted Solutions Through a Caribbean Lens

Angela Dixon

Barbados Probation Service, Barbados

Making Change Meaningful for Prisoner and Ex-Prisoner

Survivors of Sexual Assault

David Gadd

University of Manchester, United Kingdom

Healing Journeys of Indigenous Men in Conflict With the Law

Returning to Their Communities: Facilitating Factors, Needs,

and Future Directions

Lisa Ellington

Université Laval, Canada

Emotional Intelligence Within the Family - Focus on Fathers

Fabian Sargeant

MEN Empowerment, Barbados

Parenting in Partnership: Bridging the Gap for Mastering Effective

Co-Parenting Communication

Nelson Racson & Sarah Jensen

Dads Move, United States

Healing Family Breakdowns: Addressing High Conflict and

Building Healthy Relationships for Boys and Men

Dwayne Meeks & Tia Meeks

Beacon House of Hope, United States

2:30 - 3:30 pm

PANEL SESSION: Healing Family Breakdowns: Addressing

High Conflict, Building Healthy Relationships for Boys and Men

Rebekah Ali-Gouveia, Joanne Chuckaree, Alexei Mc Kell, &

Jake Shen

Lawyer and Youth Advocate, Trinidad & Tobago; Caribbean Institute for

Conflict Resolution, Trinidad & Tobago; Noel House Law Chambers,

Barbados; & Jake Shen Criminal Defense Lawyer, Canada

Masculinity and Recovery From Sexual Victimization: A Gendered

Recovery Capital Framework

Keren Gueta

Bar-Ilan University, Israel

Understanding Refugee Men and Domestic Violence Through the

Lens of Masculinity

Jill Bloom

William James College, United States

Growing Up in Protracted Displacement: The Lived Realities of

Fathers Navigating the System Through Domestic Violence

3:40 - 4:40 pm

War-Affected Refugee Boys Living in Italy

Raymond Gregson

Myriam Denov, Maya Fennig, & Chiara Quagliariello

McGill University, Canada, Tel Aviv University, Israel, &

University of Rome, Italy

The Role of Immigrant Men’s Personal and Group Identification

in Their Psychological Well-being

Barbara Thelamour & Naila Smith

Swarthmore College & University of Virginia, United States

Growing Your Mindset LLC, United States

Clinical Considerations When Working With Male Victims

James Dubé

The Peoples’ Counselling Clinic, Canada

4:40 - 5:00 pm Wrap-Up Day 1 & Activity

Tentative Schedule Day 1 - Friday, September 19Tentative

Tentative

Schedule

Schedule

From Boys to Men:

From Boys to Men:

Uniting International Research & Practice

Uniting International Research & Practice

Men

Families

Families

2025

September 20, 2025 September 20, 2025 Hilton Barbados Resort

Hilton Barbados Resort

9:00 - 9:15 am Morning Opening

Room: Garrison 1 Susan Chuang & Rebekah Ali-Gouveia

University of Guelph, Canada, & Lawyer, Youth Advocate, Trinidad & Tobago

Jamie Huysman

STAR Network, United States

9:15 - 10:10 am KEYNOTE SPEAKER: Dr. Elizabeth Bates

University of Cumbria, United Kingdom

TIME Garrison 1 Garrison 3

TIME Garrison 1 Garrison 3

10:10 - 11:35 am

11:35 - 1:00 pm

Parent-Youth Relationships & Effects of

High Conflict, & Divorce

LUNCH

Youth: Incarcerated Parents, Delinquency,

& Resilient Communities

LUNCH

1:00 - 2:00 pm

2:10 - 3:10 pm

3:15 - 3:45 pm

Male Inequality & False Allegations

Culture, Wellness, & Abuse

Closing Remarks!

Community Supports

Abuse & Homicide

11:35 - 1:00 pm LUNCH

International Families Alliance

International Families Alliance

IFAlliance.net

IFAlliance.net

Tentative Schedule Day 2 - Saturday, September 20

Tentative Schedule Day 2 - Saturday, September 20Tentative

Tentative

Schedule

Schedule

From Boys to Men:

From Boys to Men:

Uniting International Research & Practice

Uniting International Research & Practice

Men

Families

Families

2025

September 20, 2025 September 20, 2025 Hilton Barbados Resort

Hilton Barbados Resort

9:00 - 9:15 am Morning Opening

Room: Garrison 1 Susan Chuang & Rebekah Ali-Gouveia

University of Guelph, Canada, & Lawyer, Youth Advocate, Trinidad & Tobago

Jamie Huysman

STAR Network, United States

9:15 - 10:10 am KEYNOTE SPEAKER: Dr. Elizabeth Bates

University of Cumbria, United Kingdom

Garrison 1 Garrison 3

10:15 - 11:35 am

Father-Child Relationships Through the Eyes of Adolescents

William Fabricius

Arizona State University, United States

High-Conflict Parents and the Effects on Their Children

Nolanda Robert

Online Parenting Programs, United States

A Longitudinal Examination on Divorce and Adolescents' Mental

Health in Taiwan

Reversing Criminogenic Predisposition in Adolescents 11 - 16

Years With Mentorship: Reflections From the Government

Industrial School Barbados and Barbados Probation Services

Florence Seemungal

University of Oxford, United Kingdom

Children With Incarcerated Parents in the United Kingdom: A

Qualitative Exploration of a Police-Led Initiative to Support

Families

Ching-Yu (Soar) Huang

National Taiwan University, Taiwan

Sarah Bekaert

Oxford Brooks University, United Kingdom

Empowering Men and Boys: Breaking Barriers, Building Resilient

Communities

Richie Bansraj

Caribbean Ambassador for IDEVAMB, Trinidad & Tobago

11:35 - 1:00 pm LUNCH

International Families Alliance

IFAlliance.net

Tentative Schedule Day 2 - Saturday, September 20Tentative

Tentative

Schedule

Schedule

From Boys to Men:

From Boys to Men:

Uniting International Research & Practice

Uniting International Research & Practice

Men

Families

Families

2025

Garrison 1 Garrison 3

1:00 - 2:00 pm

Reforming the United Nations to Address the 12 Areas of Male

Inequality

Edward Barlett & Larry DeMarco

International Council for Men and Boys, United States

False Accusations of Child Sexual Abuse: A Review of the

National Registry of Exonerations

Caroline Erentzen & Sarah Martin

Toronto Metropolitan University, Canada

2:10 - 3:10 pm

Smudges in the Mirror: Fathers' Views on Their Cultural

Backgrounds and Its Impact on Well-Being

LaWaun Curry & Tara Curry

Just Wanna Live Right, United States

Abuse: Childhood, Family and Intimate Partners

Adetutu Aina-Pelemo

University of the West Indies, Cave Hill, Barbados

Translating Theory Into Practice: Tips, Tricks and Surprises

Learned on the Ground While Building a National Charity for Boys

and Men

Justin Trottier

Canadian Centre for Men and Families, Canada

Barbadian Men's Experience With Men's Health Forums: Building

Towards Best Practices

Dwayne Devonish

University of the West Indies, Cave Hill, Barbados

"You See My Weapon and Weed, But Are Blind to My Tears":

Addressing Youth Trauma, Violence, and Addiction

Tessa Beausejour

RestoringRootsMindBody&Soul, INC, United States

Overlooked Victims: Examining Male Victimization and Female