I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving - Florida I thought of you and had you in my prayers - Talk about the Conference

It's been quite a bit of activity here in Toronto, but I am not going to talk about that today. I wanted to talk about the conference a bit more. We had two guest speakers and the first spoke about grief. Her experiences and education were not what I experienced. She was a nurse and has a Masters in Death (from the USA) and she talked about the stigma of men crying. In my experiences, men cry. I think the stigma that was so prevelant in the past is changing. I mentioned before that my dad was a crier. He cried when happy, sad, etc....In my family, he was the one who cried and I just accepted that. I also worked in challenging situations with men and they cried. Keeping tears within, when one needs to cry is not healthy. I have told people who keep so much inside to go into their cars, into the woods etc.....and let it all out. I have even offered to walk with them, if required. As the speaker was providing and sharing all aspects of grief, there was one missing. So, I am going to talk about it. It is the grief one may have when having an abortion. This is not about pro choice or against. As a therapist and outside the therapy room I have seen the suffering of women who had abortions and some have never forgiven themselves and mourn their child each and every day. Men too grieve, especially when they feel they have had no say. They feel that their child was killed. There is also the associated feelings of guilt and shame. What I normally suggest is a ritual for their loss. It can be lighting a candle, and giving the child a name. My thoughts go back to my undergrad when a nurse in my class arrived late and in a foul mood. I knew something was wrong and asked. She said she had assisted in an abortion at her hospital (no choice) and the fetus was not killed. After everyone had left the room, she held the fetus which had been dropped into a pail, until the fetus died. She was devastated. Not long afterwards I shared that story with a firefighter I knew and I saw the tears flow down his face. If you are out there and this has happened to you, please share it with someone. You don't have to carry this with you. There are services out there that provide guidance for women who are grieving because they had an abortion. They also provide a memorial service and each woman can light a candle for her child. I would like to think that they accept men. We lose thought of how people suffer and why. The second speaker is an American, Pete Sandoval, LPC, MA, RP (Qualifying). I found him to be excellent. He specializes in trauma therapy and is also trained in EMDR, and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP). He now practices in Kitchener-Waterloo and across Ontario at Grand River Healing. His question? If you had tears and they could talk, what would they say? I think you are getting the drift. I missed my live conferences and the sharing of minds. The food was great as well. I brought home one table vase of flowers and am so happy that it made it home. It is difficult to see the disolving of such an important Association. We are going through changes and so grief was an appropriate topic. Allow yourself to grieve and if you need help or support, reach out. There are topics that people fear to talk about because of stigma or politics etc....My objective is to help people, help themselves. So, I always address the elephant in the room. I wanted to attend a PTSD conference this week but unfortunately cannot make the drive. I was informed that I shouldn't drive for more than 15minutes and that is quite a drive. Oh well, Disney World is out too obviously for another conference. I should be ok with my education hours. Take care.

Memorial for Mr Attitude - Pet Grief - Conference

Saturday, I attended the final Conference (50 years)of the Ontario Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Part of the conference included a presentation on grief. How appropriate since it includes loss of pets, work etc....beyone the obvious. I will speak more about the conference next week. I am behind once again and so am trying to catch up with my paper war. I am doing it with balance. I wish you a wonderful week. Take time to smell the flowers. The centre piece flowers is from the conference. Mr Attitude's bed has gone to the dogs. He never liked the bed, but I am glad someone else does. Of course we have Mr Attitude's photo of another Halloween

It has been a year since Israel was attacked

Today is the anniversary of that horrible day when Hamas mercilessly killed and kidnapped people, children and pets in an unprovoked attack against Israel. It was a tragedy which continues to cost so many lives. It is also a day that caused a rise in anti-semitism here at home. Our city hasn’t done enough to stop the destructive protests and too many politicians have failed to protect all citizens in our city. There is a difference between hatred and democracy and we need a strong government to take the reins. I myself was attacked in writing for failing to support the terrorists - Hamas. To stop this horrible war there needs to be a release of all hostages. Let them go home and allow the healing to begin. There has been so much suffering because of war, started by dictators and terrorists that doesn’t belong in any society. We could offer so much, if we could unite in peace.

No more dances with Mr Attitude - My baby boy has gone to pet heaven - I wish I had one more dance.

He was losing weight, yet eating like a pig. He was dehydrated, drinking more than ever. He had a heart murmour but he was also suffering more than likely from alzheimer's and that is why I had to make the painful decision to put my baby down. He was about 21 years of age. He acted like a mother hen, forcing me off the computer for regular breaks, lunch and the end of the day. He ensured I woke up promptly at 7 am. When I was dealing with a difficult case, he would snuggle up to me and just hug me. He had a wonderful, happy life and though I couldn't take a holiday, he was my mini holiday each day. He didn't have a home when I first noticed him. He was wild and so if I didn't adopt him he would have been put down. He had been locked inside a neighbour's house while it was being renovated and with no food and little water he managed to survive. With lots of patience, I taught him to feel safe. I taught him not to hunt birds and especially mice and rats. In his early years he was so grateful to me that he brought me a live rat bigger than his self. He didn't like people, but he loved me. I noticed him decline when I injured my leg and was restricted in my own walking. He wanted me to move quicker and I couldn't dance with him anymore, which he loved. He would move in front of the stairs as I crawled up so I could pick up his tiny body and move it up one step at a time. He wanted to jump on me from the dining room table and he wanted to jump into the bathtub, neither a good idea. He would yell out to let me know where he was and that led him doing the same at night. His crying increased and Friday night he cried all night and I knew I had to bring him to emerg. I did. I kissed his tiny head and told him he was going home as the solution to make him die took effect. I was asked by the vet if I wanted to be present. Let him die without me there was unthinkable. No more pets. I have loved my three animals, all wild, all from the streets because no one wanted them. Misty girl was a grey sweet girl and she cried when I buried her babies. She was the first to die and the vet had suspected poisoning. I interviewed all the neighbours and put them on high alert. It was Misty who brought me Holy Terror, the most beautiful cat I ever had. She too was sweet and only wanted to be near me. However, I still remember when she jumped on my stomache after staring at me for awhile as I lay on the sofa. I doubled up in pain, but just accepted that she was an animal and didn't know any better. She never did it again, but she wanted to be at my side at every opportunity. I had to put her down over a year ago now which I wrote in my blog. That was the most painful, even though this time it really hurts as well. I just hope that they are all together now. They have all given me such joy and were worth every missed holiday away. Thank you God for giving them to me. Now, please take care of them.