Still enjoying my Christmas break...........What can I say? I can do this all year round.

Christmas music

Merry Christmas; Happy Holidays

It is now snowing and it is beautiful. I love this time of year and Christmas needs snow and so I am very happy. My vacation begins today. This is the time for me to spend with family and friends and of course animals. This morning I was thinking of how much I have to be grateful about. I love life. I actually really like my neighbourhood and the people and animals in it. I am grateful for all the opportunities my country has given me. I love that I have choices galore. I will be keeping my blogs short and light for the season. I will be giving myself a mini vacation. Yes, I will be checking my emails twice a day and taking emergency calls, but I will be tring to remove as much work as possible until after the holidays. In January I shall be increasing my fees for psychotherapy to 180.00 a fifty minute session. I have lots to read for work, but that will have to wait until the new year. Please take time off for yourselves as well if you can. Think about the positives in your lives. Take a look at my websites: redigondapsychotherapy.com and silvaredigonda.myshopify.com The Post office has re-opened. I won't be writing to Santa Claus this year. Sorry Santa. Keep safe, reach out to someone who may need you and remember what this season is all about. Merry Christmas world.

Federal Pensions

On Nov. 25, the Treasury Board president announced the $1.9 billion non-permitted surplus would move from the Public Service Pension Fund to the Consolidated Revenue Fund. Federal Retirees has received several questions about the “non-permitted surplus” in the Public Service Pension Fund. Media coverage has varied, and there are conflicting views and positions on the issue. We're here to clarify things, answer your questions and set the record straight. Whatever happens, know that Federal Retirees has your back and is standing up for your interests. I heard the government has taken federal public service pension funds. What has happened? On Nov. 25, 2024, a non-permitted surplus in the Public Service Pension Fund was revealed in a statement by Treasury Board President Anita Anand. At the same time, the federal government announced its intention to move approximately $1.9 billion from the Public Service Pension Fund to the Consolidated Revenue Fund and explore the next steps — effectively taking the surplus and moving it to the federal government’s central account at the Bank of Canada. How can the government do this? The rules that govern the Public Service Pension Plan are outlined in the Public Service Superannuation Act (PSSA). According to subsection 44.4 (5) of the PSSA the plan is in a non-permitted surplus position when the plan is funded at over 125 per cent. The Public Service Pension Fund was found by the chief actuary of Canada to have a funded ratio of 126.3 per cent. If in the minister’s opinion there is a non-permitted surplus, the government can authorize: A pause in contributions to the Public Service Pension Fund for the employer. (This is done automatically as soon as there is a non-permitted surplus.) A pause in contributions from the employees. An immediate transfer of the non-permitted surplus to the Consolidated Revenue Fund. While these options are those that are explicitly outlined in the PSSA, the federal government is not prevented from taking on other options that would allow plan members to share in the surplus. The Treasury Board president’s statement outlined the federal government’s intention to move approximately $1.9 billion from the Public Service Pension Fund to the Consolidated Revenue Fund. The next day, Nov. 26, 2024, the chief actuary of Canada’s Special Actuarial Report 2024 on the financial position of the Public Service Pension Fund as at 31 March 2024 was released revealing that the government omitted a serious finding in their initial announcement. While, according to the Treasury Board president, the non-permitted surplus would be resolved by Dec. 1, 2024, it would begin growing again immediately afterwards unless a pause in contributions (known as a ‘contribution holiday’) was considered. If the projections in the report are accurate, the federal government would stand to reap $7.4 billion in saved contributions. Despite this, the Treasury Board president considers the plan no longer in surplus. How did the plan get to a surplus? Our members’ pension contributions and equivalent government contributions are set aside in a fund managed by the Public Sector Pension Investment Board also known as PSP Investments. PSP Investments has done excellent work growing the pension fund through investments in a variety of assets including capital markets, real estate, private equity, infrastructure, natural resources, etc. It has reported a 10-year net annualized return of 8.3 per cent. Due to a number of factors, pension surpluses have become more common in Canada. Canadian pension legislation allows a variety of options to handle pension plan surpluses: contribution holidays (whether from the employer, the employees or both), an increase in benefits or risk management (like the purchase of group annuities). It has become more common for surpluses to consider retirees, too. For example, in 2018, a surplus at HOOPP (Healthcare of Ontario Pension Plan) allowed them to introduce increases to survivor benefits at no extra cost. What other options could help deal with the non-permitted surplus in a way that’s fairer to plan members — including retirees? While the PSSA would need to be amended to increase pension benefits to retirees and employees, there are other avenues available to the government. As they chose to move the non-permitted surplus to the Consolidated Revenue Fund, those funds — currently around $1.9 billion — became part of general government spending. Therefore, the funds could be used for any purpose, including one-time payments to active members and retirees. The funds could also be used to help retiree plan members such as, for instance, funding an increase in dental benefits for federal retirees. These solutions would not require the government to review the pension legislation and could be accomplished as part of the fall economic update or through the Budget Implementation Act, for example. Some people are worried if amendments intended to increase pension benefits are made to the PSSA, that it would immediately lead to fundamental changes in the way the pension plan works. However, amendments to the PSSA do not need to be substantial — the legislation is amended regularly, almost annually, with the most recent amendments being made in the Fall Economic Statement Implementation Act, 2023 to increase the number of directors of the Public Sector Pension Investment Board. So, what happens next? The government has said that it plans on “engaging with all stakeholders” for “next steps.” Though, at the time of writing, no invitations to discussions had been made to any stakeholders (bargaining agents and federal retirees). The Treasury Board president received the report from the chief actuary thirty Parliamentary sitting days (nearly two months) prior to the federal government’s announcement in late November 2024. The high likelihood of a non-permitted surplus has also been known since the last actuarial report in February 2022. There was ample time to communicate intentions with stakeholders, including time to discuss next steps. Labour unions, including the Public Service Alliance of Canada, Professional Institute of the Public Service and Canadian Association of Professional Employees, have released statements condemning the government’s actions. The Association was critical of the initial announcement and further developments and will continue to monitor the situation. Federal Retirees’ next steps will be considered by our board when there is more information. Members will be updated as soon as possible.

Missing Holy Terror

Just got to watch this. Catching up and boy - a bit behind. This is easy to watch. Please watch it if you are suffering with PTSD

Are you lonely? Please don't choose MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying).

It was disappointing to hear the news state that the Federal Government was going to permit MAID for psychogical disorders in the future and that people suffering from lonliness had chosen MAID. Where has the Hippocratic Oath of doing no harm flown to? How is killing a person at their request a solution for lonliness? How can a person suffering from a psychological disorder make a sound decision? I know that Christmas is a difficult time for many people. Just recently the Director from a community centre said that they were seeking volunteers to visit people living in isolation. Now that is a wonderful, caring step. Of course they would require a police check, or should have one. Vulnerable people need to be protected not killed at their request. If you are thinking suicide, don't be dissolutioned by the coldness you may see in others. People in general mean well. They do try to help, but sometimes the most simple quick solution is picked rather than the most caring. People need to feel valued, respected and loved regardless of their circumstances. This Christmas I am asking those who are lonely to reach out. Reach out to your priest, your neighbours, your communities and your physicians but never accept anything less than an option to feel wanted. We are all born the same. Of course circumstances are different. Some of us have wonderful upbringings with oppotunities and some of us have the opposite. As adults we are a consequence of all that has happened to us, but we have choices. Seek help, if you need it. There is no shame in that, it requires courage and I know you have it in you somewhere. Search for it. There is no reason to rid yourself of a life you were meant to have because you are lonely. You can also start your own support group. If you live in the country, there is zoom. Make sure that any group you do reach out to is one of hope and not one that encourages the worse - especially suicide. There are people out there who wish the worse on others, a reflection of themselves. You need to find people who make you feel good about yourself. But remember that you need to do a bit of work to find the best in yourself. I wish you a happy Christmas this year with hope for a new beginning, a positive beginning. So if MAID is offered to you, please say no. Open your heart and your soul for something more because you deserve it.

More of the Canadian Blazing Fiddlers from a Christmas Party - Have a good weekend World - Dance, play and Sing

Blazzing Fiddlers at Christmas Party

Christmas can be depressing - Please take care of yourselves

I come across many people living in Toronto and I am reminded outside of my practice, how many people are dealing with food insecurity, social isolation, sadness and worse. For years I didn't take holidays during the Christmas holidays because of the suicide rate. So, I am talking to you. Though your life may seem without hope, don't give up. First of all today why not examine who is in your life? Do they enhance your life or is it the opposite? I have often been told by people living in what appears to be desperate situations that they are more afraid of making changes because of a fear of the unknown. It can perhaps be easier to stay in an abusive situation because at least you know what you are dealing with. But is it easier? Yes, making changes can be hard and the future can be frightful, but what is beyond that? As children you don't have much choices, but as adults you do (and children if you are reading this and something is not right, tell an adult you can trust perhaps a teacher at school or a Priest?). Perhaps it is time to take power back for yourself. Who is in your corner? Do you not have enough to eat and are ashamed to go to a food bank? Don't be and go get yourself nourished because having enough food in your belly and sleep along with exercise is important for you to think clearly and to have strength which you require for change. Go for walks. Try to spend time in nature. Find a support group and find out what resources your community offers. If I had a magic wand and could give you whatever you wanted - what would that be? What can you do to make yourself get there, with little steps along the way? Start a journal and write about your daily life. What stirs you? What motivates you? What makes you smile? What makes you sad? Why not examine who in your life does not appreciate you, and find those that do. I understand that we are living in difficult times with political strife and crime at unrecorded levels. People when desparate do terrible things and though for some there is no remourse, for others it mounts. Examine your spirituality. Are you angry with God? That is ok? God can take it. Do you not believe in God? Think of some higher power and try to connect with it whatever it may be, as long as it doesn't take you on a downhill spiral. Reach out for help. There is no shame in asking for help and finding the resources. What may seem terrible today can clear up in the future. Remember that. Decrease your social media, the news reports and anything else that can only spew negativity. Why not today get out of bed and go for a walk. Talk to nature. I do wish you all a Merry Christmas. Can't afford a gift? Make one? It can be as simple as a drawing as an expression of your love. Stay clear of people who encourage you to think worse about yourself in real life or in the media. Why not take a deep breath and go outside. Perhaps you can volunteer at a food bank or shelter and know that you too can make a difference to someone in a positive way. Should you ever want to ask me a question, don't hesitate.

Persistence - Snowy Owl by Michael Pape

Long Postal Strike in Toronto

I just want to let you know that our Postal Workers are on strike (for awhile) and so I won't be able to ship books out until it is over. I would recommend that you order ebooks only at this time. I will let you know when the strike is over. Sorry.

The Federal government has transferred 1.9 billion of our pension funds into government accounts - What do the other politicians say? Help.

Federal Retirees is calling for the government to reinvest surplus funds in initiatives that benefit those who helped generate them. The National Association of Federal Retirees is concerned about the federal government's handling of non-permitted surplus funds, which has resulted in the transfer of $1.9 billion into government accounts. We are troubled by the potential appropriation of an additional $9.3 billion from pension funds, representing the deferred compensation of retirees and employees. Although current legislation permits such actions, allowing the government to take a contribution holiday without providing equivalent benefits to those who have contributed, we firmly believe that there are more equitable alternatives available. Retirees and employees have made significant contributions to their pension plans and the overall stability of the pension system; therefore, they deserve fair and respectful treatment in the allocation of surplus funds. “It is our position that surplus funds be reinvested in initiatives that benefit those who helped generate them, particularly retirees —– starting with improving the Pensioners Dental Services Plan,” said Anthony Pizzino, CEO, National Association of Federal Retirees. The Pensioners Dental Services Plan (PDSP) has not been updated in over twenty years and is now vastly out of step with current employee plans and the rising costs of dental care. The association has asked the minister to provide retirees with the same plan on a cost share basis. This issue is especially pressing for retirees facing ongoing affordability challenges. This situation highlights the critical importance of maintaining strong defined benefit pensions, as recently emphasized in the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives (CCPA) study, which play a fundamental role in the economic well-being of communities across Canada. The National Association of Federal Retirees stands united in advocating for the rights and interests of retirees, ensuring that they are recognized and valued in our nation's decision-making processes.

Look what I got!

I bid and won - good find.

My Website: redigondapsychotherapy.com is back on line

Well, I had a good and tiring weekend. Too busy perhaps, but good. Last night I called Go Daddy after feeling refreshed since I didn't see the website on line and was about to cancel when behold, they solved the problem. When I thanked them, the person I was dealing with said that it is them who thanks me. I was told that I was his most polite customer he has had so far. I wondered if he was working for a week or less. How do you respond to that? Wow? Well, that was my response. During the Christmas Fair I was beside a woman who was IT and so she shared about how some people know nothing of the programs etc....I informed her that I was one of those people. I know that when I called Apple a few times, two IT's were frustrated with me, because I could hear it their voices. I remember my math teacher in grade school where I got my highest mark. She was a writer of math books. She talked to us as if we were idiots and therefore she simplified math that we could understand it. She was really good. Unfortunately, that was the only math teacher I could relate to. So, why don't we try to be just a bit kinder to each other and know that we don't have the same gifts. Anyhow, that is all for now. I have a busy day, but I would like you to check out my site. Bye.

Christmas Fair - Where I will be signing and selling my books tomorrow

Hi, Tomorrow I will be at the Toronto Legion, branch 31 at 1050 Weston Road, from 10:00 to 2pm, signing and selling my books. If you come and can tell me where you saw this advertised, I shall give you a book of Hey Guy Buy Me for a tooney. Feel free to order books on line at silvaredigonda.myshopify.com See you tomorrow! There is coffee for sale on site as well as grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.

Technical Problems with my Go Daddy Website www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

I just want to let you know that I am once again having problems with my Go Daddy website. Apparently I have been with them since 2012 and until this year I have never had a problem. My website has gone down big time twice this year and it took three calls to Go Daddy to get it resolved the first time and now two times and being told once again that it will be resolved within 24 hours. Please rest assured that though I don't understand the real reason while suddenly there are problems when I didn't have it in the past, I am doing my best to get this resolved. I am sure it is not Go Daddy's employees since they do their best to help. I am not going to speculate. Please be advised that I am watching this. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Ever have one of these days? Reminds me of the old days - Next preparing for Christmas Fair - come buy my books

Spirituality Direction combined psychology - notes

A transition for the narcissistic to relate to other people. This transitional condition stays with us which has something to say about the transition part. God Representation - to understand a relationship with God, it is important to know this vision. How relationship with God was formed. First year - attachment theory. Talk is about security blanket and actual image of God. Infant and child to be consciously independent require a secure base - an anchor point where the child feels secure and safe; a safe haven - where if threatened, a safe place to return. Anxious, depression etc… treat them by helping to bring the unconsciousness to consciousness in a safe way and not to overwhelm or cause suicide. The fixations and repressions - once achieved, goal is to think about that we repressed things. Free Associations - repressed feelings come to the surface. It can take a long time. Relationship between analyst - The client begins to have feelings so that in love with the therapist or despises, therefore must help client understand these feelings. That too needs to be analyzed. Therapist also gets feelings about client, child, a friend or analyst. Spiritual Director may notice resistance to Directee’s life. Notes to be continued

Thoughts of the week - Missing Mr Attitude - In the Christmas Spirit - and so much more said and not said! Happy Weekend

Today is Crazy Friday; and that is what I call Black Friday. Should I go or should I stay? Not today, me thinks. Yesterday was nutso. I am in the Christmas Spirit and I remain there til about 6 Jan when I normally take down the tree and all the decorations. I now have help doing that, so it is much easier because my house is Christmas. I have been shopping at a minimum due to my leg still bothering me. The pain is always decreasing but walking is still too slow for Crazy Fridays. Yesterday, I went to my shopping mall and I was waiting for a driver to reverse his vehicle so I could park. Of course, after a ritual they did not leave but a car on the opposite side was about to. It was at this point where a car came from behind me and began to honk so I would leave. My left blinker was on so I just ignored the vehicle. The man began to reverse and was just about to hit my car, so I honked at him. He came out of the vehicle and asked if I could reverse. I informed him that I tried, but the vehicle behind me wouldn't reverse (though there was no one behind her). He then shouted out to her if she would mind to please reverse her vehicle, so I could reverse mine and he could get out. It appeared that she still did not want to. Now just a tad was needed for him to get out. So, he asked a few more times in exasperation. I am still in the Christmas Spirit, surprising myself that this wasn't bothering me. Now another woman going to her vehicle beside the poor man's was giving the woman behind me dirty looks and that did the trick. The woman behind, reversed, I reversed and man got into car and left. After I parked, a man driver wanted the lady's (who had been given dirty looks which did the trick (peer pressure) was reversing her vehicle) parking spot. He became angry because she wasn't moving fast enough for him. At this point I am walking to the mall, or should I say limping towards the mall. I go inside and a few things were happening which I won't bother you with. My city is not boring. A man I know began telling me a story about a funeral he went to which had a ritual he was unfamiliar with and wanted to know if I knew. He stopped, when I couldn't stop laughing because he called an urn a urine. As I continued laughing everyone else around us started laughing which only made me laugh more. I did think that was very funny because I have never heard of an urn described that way. He began to say it was his Italian accent. The guy was born here and has no accent. Or, at least I think he was born here. He was certainly raised here. Anyway, Karma caught up to me when I was waiting for some food being prepared for me, when I saw a man sitting on a wheel chair close to me. He was holding a large bag of ice between his lower legs. I have been icing my own legs for about five months and I was concerned he would get a freezer burn, so I made that suggestion. He looks at me and informs me he has no legs. I of course appologized but couldn't surpress my giggling which only made it worse. I shopped in one other area and that was about all I could carry so I left. I did check out a new Physio Therapy place which was recommended and I think I may give that one a try. I booked for my first Christmas party and will book for another today. I love parties, but I have to really figure out which ones I will be going to. It is a balancing act. I will not be going to two due to massive stairs, another because I am not dancing at the moment and considering a few others. Parking is required or it is a no go. Rails are required if there are steps. This should make things easier. Anyhow, when I got home, I received a call on my private line. It was the emergency vet hospital where I took Mr Attitude and had to make the difficult quick decision to put him down. For a moment, not even a moment, I thought it was great news. Why would they call me? Mr Attitude must be alive. He refused to die, because he didn't want and if anyone could survive it would be him. They mentioned Mr Attitude's name and I was sure for just seconds. I could pick him up and bring him home. I could stop grieving him. They were calling me about his carrier which I had left there and wanted to know if I was going to pick it up or donating it to them. I already donated it to them but I guess somehow that was missed. I understand. It is difficult for Vets too to put animals to sleep and witness the suffering of people who have to make those tough decisions. The animal clinic appologized for re-awakening the memories, but there was no need. The memory never left me. I told her it was ok, and my moment of a Christmas Miracle was gone. I gave Mr Attitude a wonderful long life he would never have had. He was a little monster whom I loved so much. I could deal with his hyperthroid and his heart murmour, but it was his cognition decline that caused his emotional suffering. I did not want the little guy who had brought me so much joy to suffer and so I made the decision for him and certainly not for me. As I continue to look at properties listed in Niagara Falls, I have decided that if I decide on a condo it has to be pet friendly. I don't want to live anywhere where animals are not appreciated. I may probably never again have another pet but I want friends and family to be able to bring theirs without reservation. Anyhow, I am still in the Christmas Spirit. I taped the Thanksgiving Parade in New York City and watched a bit. It is always fun to watch. Todays news revealed there was a Pro Palestian protest that interfered with the parade. Arrests were made I believe. I would like to see them banned once arrested because there is always violence. I consider it violence when you stop a parade, stop people from entering a hospital, hurt people physically etc.... Yesterday I also watched a community of the Jewish people demanding that our Mayor do more to protect them. What she said made me reflect for 5 seconds. She said that if they didn't trust her or maybe she used another word, how could they both move forward? The Jewish community was accusing her of passing the buck. Do we really need to trust politicians to move forward? Simply put - do your job. Be a leader and maybe offend some people in the process. Our city is not a board meeting. We need strong leadership and quite simply it isn't here at the moment. I am still in the Christmas mood. Now for some Christmas music. Have a wonderful weekend world. Love each other; help others if you can and come see me next Saturday at the Legion where I will be selling my books at 1050 Weston Road, Toronto from 10:00 to 2pm. It is part of a Craft Show. I love Craft Shows. silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

Theology notes continues

If you had a day off, how would you spend it? Read a book? Go for a walk? Answers gives an answer to the Spiritual Director for the path you take. If the Spiritual Director doesn’t know the person, then they need to be referred to someone else. This includes people who won’t open up. What are their strengths, rather than weakness. There are different ways for different people. Sometimes, the Professor has told people to stop going to Church because they are hung up on it. Therapists should be aware of spirituality. He suggested using the analogy of a garage and car needing some work, rather than waiting for a major problem. Use: That happens to people with all the problems and tensions nowadays. Psychology and Spiritual Direction compliment each other. A person can be spiritual and not believe in God. Foundational - all human development; nurturing. There should be a lively relationship between Director and Directee - not boring. There are consequences, such as a person not caring about poor street people. Spirituality is a tool. Confession is therapeutic. In the old days there was only therapy available. Grow in relation to God. There are three in Spiritual Direction - God, Directer and Directee. In psychotherapy there is the client and psychotherapist. (I think it is a bit more complicated than that. However, I still think that these notes are beneficial. The Professor in this case is a Psychologist and Priest who is old school. to be continued.

I shall be signing and selling my books, Saturday 7 Dec 24, Happy Thanksgiving USA silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

I will be at the Christmas Fair selling my books, from 10:00 to 2:00 pm, Saturday, 7 Dec 24. Why not visit me and say hello, at Royal Canadian Legion - Branch 31 Mount Dennis, 1050 Weston Road, Toronto Ontario, M6N352. Just South of Eglinton, on the West side. Looking forward to seeing you.

Empowering Parents - Strenthening Families - Guelph University - Dr Susan Chuang (and of course my thoughts)Conclusion

Cont…..from eg. Go to be 08:30 - “aw too early”. When you get it to 10:00, get it down to 0900 which you were already prepared to do. Children need structure. No routine breeds chaos, anxiety, stress. Meal times please. Hugs. Personal freedom - as young as one - leave child alone. Necessary for psychological well-being. Anxiety - as a result of parents who are extremely authoritative and controlling. Children who are 5 say no because they want to do it themselves. If three year old wants to pour their own cups, don’t shame them - “You always spill your drink, that is why I do it”. Put so much shame and putdown and then they don’t feel confident to do it. Let them. They need to explore their world. It looks like they are playing but they are learning. Autonomy vs shame/doubt. It’s all about control. “Drink milk.” No. Give choice of milk or juice. Self worth - esteem. It goes down when comparing siblings - comes from parents. Are you praising one over another? Celebrate one child for achieving an A and for the other no word? Low or no self esteem is crippling. When Professor asked one student what she was good at, she could not think of one thing. Are your expectations realistic? Should you really have your child at the top of the class? What do you do when your child fails? Need to allow child to be disappointed. Put x into perspective. Work through it with them, With not For them. You need to be consistent. Your child is being bullied? Work with them. No friends - shy? Self harm when dealing with bullies. Bullying is a big deal - some parents don’t think it is. At the other side you have parents say, “my child is not a bully”. Teachers talk about it in general. Tips: Consistency, within and between caregivers, united front whether parents or grandparents. Use humour, if possible. Never back someone in a corner. Make it into a game if possible. Clean up by throwing into a box. Always give a way out. “Maybe you weren’t doing it intentionally.” Take a break to think and then talk; united front. Hit yourself. Why hit a child? Your child will then hit others. My thoughts: I enjoyed this webinar and found it very basic which I usually find because it has been so engrained. I have a responsibility to let clients know my duty to report and child abuse is one. I often wonder if telling parents I have a duty to report, stops them from revealing child abuse. But, these are the rules. I sometimes need to reflect child abuse or simply lousy parenting. It can become a blurred line which I need to navigate. Parents need to be educated and sometimes they raise their own children, how they have been raised which is not usually the right way, but what is the right way for them? When I find that parent(s) have difficulty I usually recommend that they attend free instruction that the city provides for various age groups. There are also charities that provide solid education and then there are also support groups. One problem I have recognized consistently is separated or divorced parents using children for their own unresolved issues with their ex-partner. This hurts the child because they love both parents and want to support them. It places them in a difficult position. The well-being of the child should always come first. Get the help you need if you find yourself using the child to control what is happening in your partner’s relationship. Perhaps even work with a family therapist. I would just love it if I could see even extended families to work out issues and come to a united compromise for the benefit of all involved. I have seen so much love in the most dysfunctional families and they do benefit as they step back, reflect and work towards making positive changes. Next: continuing with Theology. Have a good week. I just want to mention one more thing. Expectations that parents have of their children. I recall a student hanging herself in the stairwell of her university for failing to achieve an A. She received a B. I always find it rewarding when I see a parent providing their child with lots of love and nurturing. Think of the words you use towards your child. If you have to hit someone, like Dr Chuang suggested, hit yourself. Take bullying seriously. I have dealt with adults who bullied and were bullied. We need to stop this cycle of abuse and can. Schools need to take this very seriously and deal with it.

Why go to Italy when you have it here - Mirra's? Have a good weekend world

Remember not too long ago I mentioned a new restaurant I wanted to try out? Well, I did, only it has been around since forever. Now you know that I do keep my eyes on the road. Before you wonder if I am partially blind, they did at some point renovate the exterior and it is across from Swiss Chalet so if that is a poor excuse, what can I say? Anyhow, I enjoyed the experience. It has an old classic environment due to time and a touch of aging elegance. I ordered gnocchi which I recommend because it is Italian authentic. You can dine with Italian soft music which permits conversation. I enjoyed the experience and would like to return to have their pizza. I cannot count the times when people have taken me out to what they believed is an Italian restaurant to treat me for one occasion or another. Good try and nice thought but all got a failing grade. Why do people pretend to be Italian? I don't know, but if you are going to pretrend, at least hire someone who can cook Italian. Anyhow, I do recommended this place for an authentic Italian experience. Check them out at 2157 Dufferin Street, in Toronto. They have a web site with menu.

Empowering Parents - Strengthening Families by Dr Susan Chuang, Guelph University (webinar) notes

I am glad that I had the opportunity to attend this webinar during the weekend, since I missed the big conference here. Our names were changed and I became S. She was in another country. There were three topic challenges - As a parent - your child is facing - with partner/extended family. The question asked: If you were your child, would you want you as a parent? If your child could choose, would they pick you? Two weeks before birth, memories are formed (assuming a full term birth). (Finally - I remember and I was told it was impossible for years!) Day 1. Infant’s prefer mother’s milk, then strangers. Create boundaries at least at age 1. eg. no knives. Children will always push boundaries. Who is setting boundaries? Can negotiate with children, give phone - have limits eg. 20 minutes a day. If addiction begins, don’t just take it away. Punishment must fit the crime. I PAD smash on the floor? No - too much. Need to enforce accountability, reasoning, negotiate, discussion. Not punishment - addicted to phone? Let’s see how long you can stay away from the phone? What’s fair? Can stay away from the phone for two days? Yes, big deal. You can do it. Children also learn the skills on negotiation and communication skills. Eg. Go to bed at 8:30 to be continued……..

Bernardo Parole Board - You bet that the families of who he tortured and murdered should face him. Give them this because they need it!

Outrage over Paul Bernardo’s transfer to medium-security prison was the last memory and now we have another problem Huston. Parole board barred victims' families from attending Bernardo hearing in person, lawyer says The infamous killer and rapist goes back before parole board next week for a virtual hearing Catharine Tunney · CBC News · Posted: Nov 19, 2024 6:51 PM EST | Last Updated: 37 minutes ago Two teenaged girls in school photos. Kristen French was 15 and Leslie Mahaffy was 14 when Paul Bernardo kidnapped, tortured and killed them. (The Canadian Press) Social Sharing The lawyer representing the families of Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy — tortured and killed in two of the most heinous crimes in modern Canadian history — says the justice system has let them down again by denying the victims' mothers the opportunity to deliver their victim statements in person at Paul Bernardo's upcoming parole hearing. In a letter sent to the head of the Parole Board of Canada (PBC) on Tuesday, lawyer Tim Danson argues his clients have a right to confront their daughters' killer in person. "It was nothing short of gut-wrenching to experience the painful and heartbreaking reaction of Debbie Mahaffy and Donna French when they learned that the PBC was prohibiting them from representing their daughters (and themselves), and denying them the right to confront Paul Bernardo, in person, through the reading of their victim impact statements," Danson wrote in his letter, which was shared with CBC News. "This was truly a shock to their system. It was bone chilling — an insult so deep and hurtful that, (figuratively speaking), it set victims' rights back to the stone age." The letter is addressed to Parole Board chair Joanne Blanchard, Correctional Service of Canada commissioner Anne Kelly and Public Safety Minister Dominic LeBlanc. Paul Bernardo goes back before parole board later this month Supreme Court won't hear families' years-long case over access to Bernardo documents Bernardo, designated a dangerous offender, is serving a life sentence for the violent kidnapping, sexual assault and murders of French and Mahaffy, who were teenagers at the time of their deaths. He is scheduled to have a virtual parole hearing next week. PBC citing safety reasons, lawyer says In his letter, Danson said the families' legal team was told recently their clients won't be able to attend the hearing because the board was "unable to ensure safety and security of all hearing attendees." He said the parole board didn't provide further details. According to the Corrections and Conditional Release Act, the board can restrict attendance if "the security and good order of the institution in which the hearing is to be held is likely to be adversely affected by the person's presence." In his letter, Danson said he has never seen that threshold invoked in his four decades as a trial and appellate lawyer. "Who is the 'person?' Surely not the victims who have conducted themselves with absolute propriety and decency at Mr. Bernardo's previous two hearings. Are you referring to Mr. Bernardo — is he your concern?" he wrote. "Even the worst offenders are smart enough to behave properly when appearing before the Parole Board claiming that they no longer represent a threat to public safety and therefore ought to be paroled. There has to be an air of reality to this." sketch of paul bernardo Paul Bernardo in a courtroom sketch. (Pam Davies) He argued that delivering victim statements in person brings an "overarching human dimension and quality" to the proceeding. "Relegating victims, against their will, to the impersonal, detached coldness of a computer screen is simply cruel," said Danson. "The fact that the 'system' fails to understand this is profoundly sad." CBC News has reached out to the Parole Board of Canada for comment. A spokesperson for LeBlanc, whose portfolio includes the parole board, said the board is an arms-length body that makes decisions independently. "Our hearts go out to the families of the victims, who continue to live with the trauma caused by this individual's abominable crimes," said Gabriel Brunet in an email. Killer moved to medium-security facility Danson pointed out that safety and security concerns were not cited when Bernardo's first parole hearing was held at Millhaven, a maximum-security facility in 2018. His second attempt at parole in 2021 was held virtually due to the pandemic. "How can there possibly be any such concerns at the La Macaza Institute, a medium security facility? If such concerns have now arisen, why hasn't Mr. Bernardo been transferred back to Millhaven or some other maximum-security institution?" Danson wrote. Corrections chief briefed Mendicino's chief of staff weeks before Bernardo's prison transfer Bernardo's controversial transfer to La Macaza last year sparked outrage and demands for changes to how dangerous offenders are treated. Following a review, Correctional Service Canada concluded all proper procedures were followed but acknowledged that the families of the victims should have been better informed. Danson accused the system of working for "Canada's most notorious sadist, sexual psychopath and murderer, but not his victims." "Lip service to victims' rights is deeply offensive," Danson wrote. The letter concludes by asking that Bernardo's Nov. 26 parole hearing be adjourned to accommodate the families so they can travel to attend in person. "They have a right to answers, as do all Canadians," it reads. "They too are entitled to justice, not just the offender who has murdered their daughters." ABOUT THE AUTHOR Catharine Tunney Reporter Catharine Tunney is a reporter with CBC's Parliament Hill bureau, where she covers national security and the RCMP. She worked previously for CBC in Nova Scotia. You can reach her at catharine.tunney@cbc.ca With files from The Canadian Press My comments: The Bernardo case is one I remember quite well. I also remember what decent students would tell me what they would do to him if they could. There was so much shock and anger. He is in jail, and his wife who is free, remarried with children and hiding last in Quebec under a new name. Recently the law changed that people convicted with such offences or words to that effect can no longer legally change their names. This is a case that people watch closely because it was so terrible. HOlmoka at the time (with husband), also killed her own sister. This was merciless. Our judicial system has been coming into question in how effective it is. People are actually leaving the city of Toronto because they are tired of the crime. Only yesterday I was conversing with someone who felt she was stuck here and told me that since I was born in Italy, I could go there. Me, in Italy? Mama Mia. I don't think so. I turned citizenship to Switzerland down noted in my book. What am I going to do there? Sing to the mountains? I probably cannot get books written in English at the library. It is always one thing going on vacation and quite another going to live there forever. Yesterday they released on the news that one of every immigrant (aside from refugees) leave and they are trying to figure out how to keep them. Do you really need to figure that out? What is it now, every fifth person needs a food bank? Who goes to the food bank? This includes university educated people with full time jobs who did everything right - the local news broadcasts. And what did I hear today? 20 percent of children are living in poverty in Toronto. Maybe if I stopped listening to the news as my 100 year old, old neighbour did, because it was so changed from the early Toronto we both knew, I might be just fine and able to keep my big mouth shut. However, it is all interrelated. I know that terrible devastating crimes are not always reported. Victims want to know why they cannot feel like they did before anything happened to them. Long court waits re-awaken the sorrow that families feel. Justice is something that survivors and victim families hope for and it is not always available. People need to feel safe. Wake up and smell the coffee. This is not brain science. I am staying in Canada. This is my country and home, regardless of where I was manufactured. I am not going to say "Let's make Canada great again" but I can see why people vote for people who may not be the best option. We need politicians who care about people and not money. Or at least care about about people as much as you care about money. Do the right thing. Focus on survivors and victims. Let people make a living wage. Crack down on corporations who will never be satisfied. It should not be our responsibility to feed the people of Toronto. Yes, Miss Mayor, we are generous, but it shouldn't be happening. Did I get pissed off listening to the news today? You better believe it. Can it bite me? You bet!

What I learned from 100 days of rejection | Jia Jiang | TED

Christian The LION True Friendship Aerosmith I Dont Wanna Miss a Thing

RED ONE | Official Trailer - What can I say? I enjoyed it.

My temporary store for my books is silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

As you know by now, I am always dealing with some nuisance or other. While shopify deals with the domain of my store, they have provided me with this temporary domain, so you can order an ebook or soft cover book. Of course there is also a mail strike going on. What are the chances? Oh boy. So, why not order an ebook. If you have any and I mean any problems please let me know. Ominous is my favourite book and the last one I released this year. You can still order the book, which is in soft cover only, for $24.95. I don't say 25.00 because it sounds more expensive. I will mail it out to you as soon as the strike is over. I will be selling my books at the legion 7 Dec 24, for their Christmas Fair. The legion is at 1050 Weston Road, M6N 2S2. Please come and visit me and buy a book as a Christmas gift to someone you love or hate. I can help you choose. The legion is on Western Road, West side, South of EGlinton. Oh boy...........

Oh Boy, Thoughts of the week (my web site www.silvaredigonda.ca is down) Taylor Swift is in Town and the Good, bad and Ugly are hard at work.

Well, I did attend a webinar last Saturday held by Susan Chuang, a professor at Guelph University. As always it was interesting. I wrote notes and will start providing that for you next week if everything returns to normal sooner rather than later. Of course it is about family. Next: I noticed yesterday that my site where I sell my books is down. Apparently my domain disappeared and now they are working on getting that back on line. It should take about 24 hours. I'll give them til Monday. I try to keep my weekends free from any kind of work or media. Note: Try. Work balance is very important and I am prone to having fun. Next: I was alerted yesterday that I am going to have a seven hour exam at the end of April. I have seven hours to complete it in one setting but I should be able to do it in four hours. Yeepeee, can't wait!!!!! Of course, they don't call it an exam. They call it a CBA. I will be provided with 30 situations, judgement cases and I believe the pass is 85%. They are trying to make it as stress free as possible. How nice. I hope all the colleges do that. They will be providing me with more information - how nice. This is all to protect you, the public. I was asked three questions. Would I be able to write the exam? Would I still be working? Or, three is there any reason I couldn't do it. Let me think? Don't want to? I don't think that is a good response. Retirement? Can anyone retire nowadays? OK, I'll do. There you go, now that is a sound judgement response. On a lighter note we have Taylor Swift in town. Our city counsellors who seem to be mostly Swifties, made a Swifty road sign which cost thousands to welcome her. My city counsellor objected. I have to make sure to vote for him. Counsellors called those opposed - haters. So, is this the solution statement now at city hall - Don't agree with a Swiftie fan therefore you are hater? I think Taylor Swift is a smart business woman and you have to be, to be a billionaire. She is always welcomed in my town. The news this morning reported that she is expected to generate 282 million dollars in our city. Hotels have marked up their prices 10 times (greedy. I don't think they should be able to do that. Niagara falls did the same thing and upset a lot of people during the summer eclipse). The Anti Fraud Centre reports that 184 Swiftie tickets were reported as being fraudulent (as of Wednesday). Not nice Fraudsters. These are kids you are ripping off. As far as I am concerned if Taylor Swift is in town and is making so many people happy, perhaps she should live here sometimes. Of course, we need to keep her safe because there are some actual haters out there. My town needs excitement with all the shootings going on. Fortunately, most don't know how to shoot and I am not going to be their instructor. Three Police Associations are protesting the Bail System and are asking the government for help. What would our city look like if the police went on strike? I would take a sabatical out of town. Yesterday there were some 23 people I believe arrested for shooting about a hundred rounds, including hitting an unmarked police vehicle. Our police heros were on the scene and arrests were made quickly. How do they accomplish that? Let's support our Police who do their best to keep us safe with so little. Oh, they are going to hire more police, naw, not to match the crime...silly. They are trying to replace the ones retiring. Now, I have two busy days ahead, so I think, I'll go shake it off.

Veterans Day - Poppy - No frills disappoints

Well, I did go. It was the first time I attended since I retired, with lots of drama. First as I drove to the cemetary I spotted a woman, I had seen chasing a Coyote a few days earlier. She was trying to film the poor beast, while he was trying to get away from her. I was concerned because the woman showed no respect for the animal as she was filming him and I was concerned that she was going to corner him. This time the woman was searching for him without success. It is no wonder that they are starting to attack. They have less land to feel safe in. A man saw my plates and asked me where I wanted to go and began removing the safety pods so I could drive through. What a guy! There was no way I would have been able to walk the distance that was cordoned off. I drove to the steps and parked where film crew and others were given priority. I managed the steps with one of my crutches and I was so glad I carried it with me. I found a beautiful tree and made it my resting place. I was asked a lot of questions and I wasn't expecting so much. One of the cemetery staff asked me if I wanted a chair and I accepted, thus losing my spot at the grand tree. During the service, an elderly woman fell onto the ground. Initially, I thought she had died, her eyes were wide open and still. She was with someone who was helping her and calling 911. For some reason, I called out that we needed a medic. For some reason two medics reacted but their equipment was in their vehicle. It is comical really because we all reacted as if we were still in the military. Why would I call for a medic? Fortunately, EMS were at the parade as well, so they responded immediately. Paramedics arrived and they all brought her back to life and of course I gave her my chair. What a woman! I would have gone to the hospital if I were her, just to be safe. However, she wanted to remain for the entire parade. I couldn't understand why there were not chairs for more people, especially the elderly who need to be there for reasons they alone have. I saw the VIP civilians come in their glory as well as the politicians, perhaps one and the same. One woman was insisting I have another chair and I insisted that she stop. OMG. After the service, I hobbled over to the coffee which I was really looking forward to. There I was approached by an MP who spoke of his ambitions. I marvelled at this new generation of hopefuls. I did tell him to be careful what he wished for (because I have seen so many lively and wonderful people going to war zones and returning different. I wanted more for this young striking man who has his entire life ahead of him.) After some discussion with him, I went to the cenotaph to compliment the young cadet who was so perfect in her role; and so much better than myself when I had to do that, which I shared with her. She informed me she wasn't a cadet, she was regular force. Boy, how long has it been? Then I was approached once again by a civilian woman wanting to know where I had been. I told her Europe, the Middle East and Canada, as I continued to go to the safety of my car. I hobbled down the steps and helped my leg into the car. I decided this would be my last parade. I went off to have breakfast with legion members and while they were going off to another parade, I decided to go home and then return. I did and spent most of the day at the legion where I heard the stories about the poppies. I had to admit I was so much in awe of these volunteers who give so much of their time for the causes of veterans. They have welcomed me so warmly and earnestly. Then the stories came. I shall call her Alaine, not her real name (I hope. I am bad with names). Her parents were both World War vets from England. They immigrated here and at the time, citizenship was automatic with Canada. I didn't know that had changed and wondered why so many things have to change and not always for the best. Look at us now. It appears with no surprise that her parents had suffered, due to the war. She later told me that "No Frills" at Black Creek and Eglinton had refused her to have poppies on the premises. She said she was so upset that she had to take a break before going to the next place and had to have a coffee to calm down. I felt really bad for her because I saw her pain. I don't go shopping there and Fortino's my grocery store has a poppy box at customer service. I always make a mental note of where they are because I keep losing mine. Then I heard from another member who had served, whom spoke of one man who gave him one hundred dollars and wanted only one poppy at the Eaton Centre two years ago. It was evident that he had appreciated the gesture. Then he talked about how wonderful the children are and that of course, gives me hope. I was given a Military Service Recognition book, Volume X1, and he wanted me to look at the pictures at the back of the book that children had drawn. The work is stunning. These children are so deep and their drawings are so amazing. What gifted children. He gave me a pen of a palace guard, hat and quilt - so cute. I have tried to go to England three times while I served and never did make it. Was it time? My hairdresser also went and I have been suppied with cookies and tea bags from the West Minister Palace since his return. I was also provided with an Afghanistan,

Lest We Forget pin (2001-2014). It rests against the following words, " Once again Canada was called upon to send our Canadian Armed Forces into battle. More than 40,000 soldiers served in Afghanistan. 2,179 soldiers were wounded. 158 soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice and thousands more will need assistance for years to come."

Thoughts of the Week - Rememberance Day - Rob Ford Thank you

Our Premier, Doug Ford has extended us Veterans and Military Personnel free access of the Go Train. I am grateful to him. Already there is a lot of hoopola about who didn't get it and why we don't get more, yada, yada, yata. I remember years ago and it is probably in my book that I went to Marine Land which is in Niagara Falls Canada and a sign stated that American soldiers could get free access or a discount I can't remember which (I have to read my book). That is the only time I got mad and spoke up. I did get that discount or freebie, because come on, we're in Canada and soldiers here were being dismissed in their own country? I know there are a lot of discounts in the States for soldiers and Veterans. Every time I go there I get discounts even in clothing stores. It's everywhere. We never did get anything at home. Perhaps times are changing. However, I am really appreciative and grateful that Rob Ford has thought enough of us to give us this. I think it is big. I know I was getting 25% off the train as well and so first class was appreciated. I never take things for granted. Recently I was listening to a person named Richard on the news representing the City of Toronto and I was disappointed since he sounded like he was dismissing women who served. He said men and a few women. I wanted to strangle him. If someone does, I assure you it wasn't me. I thought of all the WW2 Veterans I have met in my time whom were women. I think of all the deaths and suffering. I think of when I went to Dacho, concentration camp and saw the ground where two British Officers who happened to be women were tortured and killed. What would they think of Richard? Richard was so effective that before the interview was over the woman interviewer stopped saying women and just said men. That is all it takes. I haven't been to a Veteran's parade since I retired. I was about to once, but I wasn't a dignitary so couldn't get a parking space. I explained I was a veteran but I don't think he understood what that meant. However, since I joined a legion and have been encouraged to attend, I am debating. I will be donating my helmet and a few other items to the legion because I see how proud they are of what they have. I have donated some things to my old military school and also to my Chief who is now deceased. The military world is a paradox. There is a connection to all who have served. The only thing stopping me right now from attending is my right leg. Will I need to sit? How will I look if I lean against a tree? I found my beret which is still acceptable. I would have to wear my red running shoes which will match my beret. All things to think about. But what is most important to me is the military family and thoughts of all those who died so we can have the freedom we enjoy today. To all who have served. I love you. Have a good weekend and spend a moment to reflect.

Theology notes continues

Looking at connection between Jesus Resurrection - rest of the world. Jesus Historical resurrection - Overcoming evil God’s ability of victor over evil. Do you want to believe in God that allows to have his son die or resurrect? Abraham is stopped slaying his son that is the evil of all sacrifices. Redemption is the reversing of violence- wanting to be like God - compete with God Sin and Redemption - Jesus resurrection is hope of overcoming evil but it is also our resurrection. Definition of Prolepsis - anticipation. Anticipates the resurrection of everyone. Doubting Thomas - doubted Christ’s resurrection. Show me. Angels don’t have biological sensitivity. No distinction between knowing and doing - if they rebel, that is it. There is a revelation - New heaven and new earth - seems to suggest into the heavenly realm once and for all. Ratzinger is very concerned about the intermediate state. Jesus was separated from earthly body. Most Christians are naive. We think the soul dies. The body is snake skin. Skin immortal? There is a misinterpretation of body/soul separation. If it is not possible to separate how can they live on? If resurrecting right away, how are you going to preserve this? Razinger says this is intermediate state. Soul is in heaven while waiting for the resurrection of everyone. Dermont Lane said that resurrection of soul is imminent, second resurrection with coming of Christ. Vatican 1 had specific definition for dogma (inner knowledge of God which cannot be reasoned) therefore learned through revelation. Intermediate state is trying to understand the two. If don’t have free will in purgatory will need prayers. Apparitions of Mary - People in purgatory don’t have free will at all. soul - YUXN/y everything but the physical body. Interpreting the foundations of faith as context change. Life after death - different concepts of different religion. Soul is real; whole person is an organism (ideal), incongruence, biological {} psychological. Model is biological. Evolution has opened us to transcendence - genuine, unconditional warmth; empathy. Next (when we talk about theology) we are going to touch on spiritual direction

Good luck today America

Today is a big day and I want to wish my American neighbours good luck. I hope it is a good choice that will enhance the country. Every time I took a glimpse of what was going on, I only heard bashing. Unfortunately, we are experiencing much of the same. Wishing my neighbours the best! I have a glass of wine ready. I posted on X, which I can't seem to post here, a special comedy editon I watched most of last night (will watch the rest when I have more time). It's called this hour has 22 minutes. It's fun to watch so please don't take offence. If you don't have a sense of humour, you may want to skip it.

Canadian Health Care Workers - I cut and pasted this from EHN. You should be able to find their video if interested.

Morning, I thought this may be of interest to you. I didn't watch the video because there is nothing new here for me. However, feel free to look them up if you are interested. ​ Silva Redigonda ​ View in browser EHN Canada Logo - Horizontal - CMYK - Black-1 October 2024 Header Title HC_mental health IN THE NEWS Canadian healthcare workers’ mental health is in decline More and more studies are showing that the mental health of Canadian healthcare workers is reaching a critical point. In 2021, more than one in five health care workers logged overtime. Nearly half of family doctors report working beyond capacity according to the College of Family Physicians of Canada. The Ontario Medical Association says, “Physicians retiring prematurely, reducing their workloads, changing their scope of practice or leaving medicine entirely in response to burnout will exacerbate the situation for remaining physicians, resulting in a potential domino effect.” Paramedics, family physicians and respiratory therapists were the most likely to report working overtime at 45%, 34%, and 31% respectively. And Dr. Leigh Chapman, Canada's Chief Nursing Officer, said, “Nurses are the backbone of our health care system, yet too many in Canada are struggling with their mental health, experiencing burnout, distress and feeling overworked, and unappreciated, causing them to leave their jobs." Understanding the impact their work is having on them is the beginning of offering the support healthcare workers need. Healthcare_Therapist talking to client_HS WARNING SIGNS Caring for others while harming themselves. When we talk to healthcare professionals across Canada, one thing we hear from them again and again is their inherent drive to help people. The other thing we hear is how much their work impacts their own mental and physical well-being. Being on the frontlines of healthcare means witnessing the results of accidents and disease, and also being with patients in their final moments. While they are trained to deal with such challenging situations, healthcare professionals are still human beings who often cannot shake what they’ve experienced. It’s a phenomenon known as “vicarious trauma,” and it’s impacting between 40 and 85% of healthcare workers today. In addition, "compassion fatigue” is testing the limits of healthcare workers’ dedication to their work. This erosion of empathy often leaves workers feeling like they have nothing left to give. WHAT ARE SOME OF THE WARNING SIGNS OF VICARIOUS TRAUMA AND COMPASSION FATIGUE? Look for colleagues who are: Feeling drained, overwhelmed, or numb Showing difficulty empathizing or connecting with others Overly alert, anxious, or easily startled Increasingly frustrated or angry Experiencing nightmares or having trouble sleeping Suffering from frequent headaches, stomach issues, or other stress-related physical ailments Feeling unappreciated or questioning the purpose of their work Withdrawing from social interactions, friends, and family Unable to focus or make decisions To learn more about vicarious trauma, watch our webinar with Clinical and Forensic Psychologist Dr. Krystle Martin. Watch Webinar

Writer's Corner - Ominous - I got my worse review ever for my favourite book (that I wrote)

Yesterday, I was at a Hallowe'en luncheon which I enjoyed very much since I miss parties. One of the people came up to me and told me she insisted that her nephew read my book, "Hey Guy Buy Me." She told me that she had enjoyed reading it. I didn't remember that she had bought a copy. "Hey Guy" has been around for a decade since it was the first book I wrote. This year I published "Ominous" and I poured my heart into it so when I got the worse review ever and in such a mean fashion, I felt sad. I pondered if I should continue writing. But when I had that person approach me at the party about "Hey Guy Buy Me" which I wrote for fun and tell me how much she enjoyed it, I realized that I love writing. It is creative. I only took courses in English as a break from Psychology because English has always been my favourite subject. I would love to write stories in the kitchen while my mom was cooking up a storm of the most amazing food I have ever eaten. Of course I took her for granted at the time. But my mom was always my favourite fan. She encouraged me to sing and to write. You didn't know I could sing. Well maybe I can't anymore. When I would sing at home, Holy Terror would start screaming and jump onto my lap. When I stopped singing, she would stop yelling. Who knows maybe she was singing too? Doubt it. Anyhow, back to my writing. I was in grade seven when a mean teacher (I hated teachers until I went to university)with red furious hair and a reddish face (can still visualize him, uch) to match with an untrimmed mustache and a bulldozer appearance, told me I never wrote a piece I had submitted. He told me that I had copied it from a book. Insulted and never able to control my mouth, I told him. "Did too. You can ask my mom." Here I am a child in grade seven and some substitute teacher is telling me I am plagiarizing. That was my experience with creative writing. It was Toni Morrison who told her students to use their imagination when writing because they know nothing. That is what I do. I imagine. I am not trying to create a masterpiece. At a book sale, I had a woman excitedly approach me and ask if I did research writing my books. I said no and she hopped away. But am I being honest? "Hey Guy Buy Me" I wrote because of all the men I have worked with. I have had men love it or hate it, but I wrote if for fun people. Does it have errors? Yup. For Love of Country - Military Policewoman my worse critic said it was evident that I was a policewoman because I wrote it as a report. Ok. Fine. Did you like anything in it? Probably not. But what I like about "For Love of Country" is the feedback I get from people who have served. Every time they reach out and share their own journey's or opinions of how they suffered, that counts big time! I have a large segment of the Jewish community who usually buy my books at fairs and I hope I honour them in my books as I speak about the concentration camps. Then there is "The Internet Murders". My bad review there is that I write it as if I live in a town, which is not Toronto. This from a critic who very much lives in a town. I have lived in Toronto forever except for my service to my country. I think of Toronto as a town, which is why I love New York, now that is a city. However, I am sure that if I lived in New York City the same critic would complain. Really, is that the best you have to criticize? "Ominous" is my heart. So, when a critic tore it apart without even identifying herself, probably making her feel safe, it disheartened me at the time, but not for long. I am writing about this today because the writing community is so loving and supportive. I belong to the Crime Writers of Canada and the Sisters of Crime here in Toronto and the USA. I haven't been able to attend their luncheons or bar nights because I have so much on my plate that I have to prioritize and the writing part remains my hobby which I love. Of course if one of my books became a movie, it would cease to be a hobby, wouldn't it? Right at this moment I have to give priority to my private practise and endless meetings and eduation hours. I am not complaining but I do not write to be the next Hemingway. I read and enjoy books like Stephen King, Dean Koonz etc... spooky stuff. I am sharing this with you because I don't want young writers to be disappointed. When I have young writers approach me, they are so full of life and ambition and hope and I would hate to think that someone would be mean to them. You can certainly critique someone and be kind at the same time. Every piece of writing that a person has given me, I have read, though I tell them that I am not in a position to help them. So, this is how I feel. I still remember a writer criticizing a popular Toronto author whose books I enjoy reading. I could feel her venom and wondered where it came from? So, that is all for now in writer's corner. I have accomplished a lot of work this week and hope to return to my next book soon. I have been reading my poetry and papers as well and am trying to determine how I can encorporate it in my writing. I am looking forward tonight. Little monsters should be arriving. Happy Hallowe'en world.

Happy Hallowe'en

I had planned to provide you with more information this week but I guess I am not back to normal with time. Things change as well as time. So, please be patient with me. I am only one person. I have no team. I have a private practice and clients need to always be my priority since they are my responsibility. I have to attend meetings. As you know my injury has slowed me down and time spent at physio is usually a write off day. I have decided that I should also walk more to get to where I was. Driving is still a pain after 15 minutes and everyone has an opinion even those in the know. So, as usual, I gather all the info and then process the information into my brain cells. I have decided that I shall take expedition days (I have been reading my notes I wrote in my creative writing class which I enjoyed in my undergrad and the expedition days were fun where I went somewhere, observed people and wrote creatively.) However, this time since I was advised not to walk more than 15 minutes prior to my injury, which I ignored by building myself back up til I was feeling great and even dancing etc....until the muscle injury blah blah blah......Since my pain has almost gone and decreased to a level where I can work almost a full day, I want to take an expedition where I go to a mall, bring whatever book I am reading (for fun only) walk, shop etc....for about 15 or 20 minutes or + (less than a half hour) and then sit and read and of course be aware of my surroundings which includes watching people. I may use them as a character in a book or I may recognize them and have coffee. There is rarely a time if any that I don't bump into someone I know. I feel I am back in commission. I have also noticed two new high end Italian restaurants in my neighbourhood, I want to try out. I usually like to try something new. If I am really impressed I write it here for you. This is all good. I have been researching real estate in Niagara Falls and just yesterday at a meeting someone from St Catherines said I shouldn't go there because it is a Tourist town. She initially said she was from NIagara Falls (but isn't). I love Tourists. People from all over the world are interesting. There are many here in Toronto so I won't get homesick. She then said it was words to the effect - a dump. My reply is that I would inhance it (with my presence). The Falls is one of the wonders of the world and I can think of nothing better than taking a walk along the Falls and stop at Tim's for a coffee while I feast my eyes. If that is a dump please sign me up. Of course nothing is cut in stone. First I have to heal. Then I have to wait for a bidding war - one step at a time. Regarding property in Niagara, I find that prices are all over the place and many are starting to use Toronto Real estate people to sell their homes. I won't be using Toronto, no sireeee. I will be using Niagara Falls agents only for buying. Big decisions. Of course I am also considering waterfront Toronto condos. So, here I go dreaming again. Situations always change and opportunities cannot always be turned down. I am never in a rush to make big decisions. Happy Hallowe'en people. I had to miss a distant party which I heard was wonderful but will be attending at least one for sure here in the city. What shall I wear? Vanilla and my poppy.

ADOLESCENTS COPING WITH MOM’S BREAST CANCER: DEVELOPING FAMILY INTERVENTION PROGRAMS Silva Redigonda

INTRODUCTION Research Question: How are African American and Caucasian adolescents affected by their mothers’ breast cancer treated in the last two years? How do African American and Caucasian adolescents think future intervention programs should be designed? What are the aims of the paper? The abstract indicates that the purpose was to gain a deeper understanding of how adolescents are affected by their mothers’ breast cancer and to discover their opinions about how future intervention programs should be designed. But the introduction more specifically indicates that the purpose of this study is to elicit opinions from an ethnically diverse group of adolescents about the effects of maternal breast cancer on their lives and to discover their opinions about how future intervention programs should be designed. This may be construed as a contradiction. The paper under the heading of Aims of the Study indicates that “the purpose of this study was to investigate adolescents’ thoughts on and experiences with a mother who had been treated for breast cancer in the last two years.”(p 250) METHODOLOGY This is a pilot study which is a small-scale study conducted prior to conducting an actual experiment; designed to test and refine procedures. When the researcher has decided on all the specific aspects of the procedure, it is possible to conduct a pilot study in which the researcher does a trial run with a small number of participants. The pilot study will reveal whether participants understand the instruction, whether the total experimental setting seems plausible, whether any confusing questions are being asked etc..Such procedures provide the researcher with an opportunity to make any necessary changes in the procedure before doing the entire study. Reference: Cozby Paul, Methods in Behavioral Research, 9th ed. McGraw-Hill Comp. New York, 2007 pp 181-182, 383) I believe that the model used was the interpretive model. This stems from qualitative research. The study consisted of three focus groups according to the paper: The first focus group comprised of four Caucasian adolescents (gender not specified) but deduced from information provided as two females and two males. The second focus group had two African American females The third focus group comprised of two African American females and two African male adolescents. with a total of 10 adolescents ranging from 13 to 18 years of age (five males and five females consisting of four Caucasian and six African Americans). The six African American adolescents has been determined for focus group two and three. Of the remaining four adolescents who are Caucasian, we know that two are female. Therefore the remaining two Caucasian adolescents in the first focus group is male. The report indicates that the focus groups were “split” along racial lines with Caucasian and African American in each focus group. All the African American adolescents are identified as being in group two and three. Each adolescent has a mother who had been treated with a stage of 0 to lll breast cancer within the last two years. Six set of parents were married, one mother remarried and three African American mothers were divorced and single parents. Three of the adolescent girls (two Caucasian and one African American) had mothers who were initially diagnosed five to 15 years earlier. It is not specified if the mothers were Caucasian and African American the same as their children. Nor is it known which adolescent is connected to who’s mother. Therefore this study cannot be replicated. It should be noted that each adolescent indicated that the reason she/he was participating because of the mother’s encouragement. Did the teens therefore feel they were coerced? Two female moderators conducted each focus group. At least one moderator’s was matched with each participant group, that being Caucasian or African American. What was consistent is that one Caucasian moderator was in each of the three focus groups. Since there were two moderators in each group and one is African American then it can be presumed that at least two moderators, one Caucasian and one African American were in the study. Wording cannot conclude that there were not more than two moderators. Each focus group was provided with a guided discussion and seven questions pertaining to “parental cancer”. Questions were asked within the same order. This occurred between 2002 and 2003. More specific dates are not provided. Recurrent themes were determined and developed with a definition for each. These categories were derived independently by three of the five coauthors. To be classified as a major theme, at least one half of the adolescents interviewed (five) had to report such. RESULTS The four Caucasian teenagers two male and two females, who had mothers currently in treatment for stage II or III breast cancer responded with intense sadness, worries, and fears about their mothers’ prognosis. All six African American teenagers having mothers with stage 0, I and II breast cancer, minimized current worries or fears and stated no current concerns about their mothers’ breast cancer. All of the adolescent males seemed less expressive when asked about their feelings and ways of coping and relied more on distraction, keeping busy and athletics. The African American females tended to keep to their normal routines as much as possible, tried not to think about it, and were less expressive. The Caucasian females talked more about the importance of sharing their feelings with others, writing, and other mediums of expression. African American males and female tended to go to church more often and to pray daily to cope. All adolescents talked about seeing their mothers vulnerable during the cancer treatments. All were more affectionate and helped out by cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing clothes and protecting their mothers by making sure they were eating well and sleeping. The oldest adolescents in their families reported taking on the most responsibility at home during their mothers’ treatment. Parents often relied on the eldest to care for younger siblings and to take on additional household responsibilities. Adolescents coped with faith, humor, talking with others, distraction, thinking positively and keeping busy in athletics or other activities. Regarding support, all adolescents said having a teen group close to diagnosis (within four months) would have been an asset. They wanted to be fully informed sooner rather than later regarding the treatment, expectations, etc..It would be better to have a mixed group of boys and girls close to diagnosis and similar ages, don’t talk down to them, boys may not feel comfortable exposing their feelings with females present, female and male therapist at a younger age would have been preferred. Listen to the teenagers more; and have families come together as a group. Regarding “Research on how to help their children is absent.”(American Cancer Society, 2003).P 248. I contacted the American Cancer Society and they sent me the paper via email (www.cancer.org/docroot/STT/stt_0_2003. This paper has 52 pages. Yet the reference page was never provided. I did not see such reference as noted by the researcher. Does the Researcher therefore mean that she did not see the mentioned research in this paper? Pages 41 and 43 of the reference does offer resources and publications offering practical and emotional support for families. There are also books during the time of this research available for support. Note below. Coping with breast cancer, and helping your children do the same, is an ongoing process. If you want to read more about supporting children, some books you might find helpful are: McCue, K. (1994). How to Help Children though a Parent’s Serious Illness. St. Martin’s Griffin: New York. Harpham,W. (2004). When a Parent has Cancer:A Guide to Caring for your Children. HarperCollins: New York. There were assumptions which I think restricts the researcher in thought. All avenues should be open and disproved by evidence. For example “Although African American women have a 13% lower incidence of newly diagnosed breast cancer, as compared with Caucasian women, they have a higher death rate.” This is likely due……If the answers were posed as questions stemming from grounded research it would have deserved merit. Opinions are not valid for research. There are too many factors to consider. Chapter five of our text indicates that if a group has fewer than 6 people it can be hard at times to generate a diversity of ideas (focus groups in this study were four, two and four). Each focus group was well below the minimum recommendation for each focus group. Even the adolescents had to inform the researchers of what they already should have known as indicated earlier in bold.

Preparing for Winter - What am I up to? Books? Challenges

Well, it has been a challenge with my walking but I am slowly getting better. I have always been athletic until I returned to school and became a therapist which required so much sitting. With the loss of Mr Attitude, I am still missing the little guy. The house is quieter, I can sleep in whenever I want, I can do whatever I want to a degree but I would have him back in a second. I could deal with his heart murmur, his diminishing eye sight (he could still see his treats), his hyperthyroid, but it was his cognition which was a concern. It's one thing when a pet is happy but quite another if he is suffering. I made the decision which I felt was necessary and still do. I still chuckle when I think of him. Most of his things have been given to others who have pets. His stand is enjoyed by one of the neighbour's cat who loves to perch on it. I miss you baby boy and hope that someone is dancing with you upstairs in pet heaven. Well that is enough of my last pet. I did have the dog next door come and visit and the squirrels come to visit daily. Back to challenges - I have had to miss some wonderful conferences but this time has also allowed me to reflect. With some help I am going throughout the house and deciding what I really want and getting rid of the rest. I am also deciding where I want to live next. Niagara Falls is still my focus but I would like to be within walking distance of the falls. Is it now practical? Is my injury going to go away? Is a condo a better option than a house with an apartment for family and friends? Do I retire, continue to work or change occupations? When making decisions I always recommend making a list of pros and cons. I do this automatically in my grey cells but it is better if you write it down. Hallowe'en is next week and the weather should be good. I didn't put out anything this year, the first time ever, but I will certainly put up the tree and lights out for Christmas with help. With my injury, I have also come to realize how many great people I have in my life. So many have offered help. Wow! I am usually the care giver so that has been something. It was my dad who taught me to be independent, but I think I can relax that a bit. As I clear out what I don't use or need, I decide what and who I will give things away. I will donate my helmet, handcuffs, canteen etc....to the legion. I have already donated a few things to the school a few years back. I think of all my plaques and ponder if I am ready to part with them. Perhaps not right now. I am still going through paperwork gradually. Regarding my books, I read them and give them away. I have begun to read again and took advantage of every bit of sun and warmer weather we have been having, working around the weather. Books - Well, I did let my writing slip this year. Life happens. I never launched my book "Ominous". Oh well. I have had to prioritize and when I do that, my hobby comes last. I will be selling Ominious and my other books at the Legion, 7 Dec 24. I should be good by then. I am walking without crutches now and just need them for stairs so they come along with me in the car when I do my stuff. If you are interested in buying my books, I encourage you to do so. Next week, I want to start providing you with info on psych, theology and reading corner once again. Thank you for reading my blogs. I have also decided to open my practice to the Province of Quebec. So if you are living in the province of Quebec and want psychotherapy or couple or family therapy, I am available but keep in mind I do not speak French. Sorry. Bye for now. Web sites: silvaredigonda.ca redigondapsychotherapy.com