Sexual Child Abuse

I indicated in my last blog that the next writing will be regarding another article I read on psychology today, pp20 - 23, that I wanted to share with you. The writer in the article belonged to a religious cult and she wrote a book about her experiences “Sex Cult Nun: Breaking Away from the Children of God, a Wild, Radical Religious Cult” by Faith Jones. I won’t talk about her story. But she states that a component of sexual abuse is power disparity. Children cannot give meaningful consent and any consent involves undue pressure. She continues that children don’t have the ability to understand the ramifications of the act. They experience emotional trauma, at times delayed, when they realize what was done to them and what was taken. Years ago I was listening to a man talk to a group of us telling us how it is beneficial to a child to learn how to make love. I knew he was a pedophile. He did not know, that I knew. However, I did tell him what I thought about his comment among his peers. A few days later he approached me to explain, because he didn’t want me to think he liked kids. Since then I have met a few other pedophiles and when introduced to another, I saw him trembling as he spoke to me and then it happened. I felt sorry for him. In grad studies, I took a Couple Therapy and family research course during the summer at Guelph University and my research proposal was pedophile priests which I posted here in my blog years ago. In my second career I took a three day sexual assault course in Sudbury. I have mentioned that before. The course began with a woman telling her story about how her father and brother both sexually assaulted her while growing up. She reported it to the OPP Officer leading the course and said that she felt right about talking to the female Officer, because not once did she look at her watch. When this was investigated her mother denied that this was going on, as did the other family members (her father and brother). She was told that she had shamed the family and was disowned. Since then as a therapist I cannot count how many men and women I have seen who have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused. I always inform them that they can report it to the police. No one except one has done so. If I see a child, I would have to report it by law. However, before I see a client I disclose when I have a duty to report. It is standard. What I want to add is if you are a therapist reading this, it is also important to let the person know, that we are sexual beings and sex feels good. Pedophiles know this and many have children feeling guilt which extends to adulthood. But children don’t have the maturity to understand this. The harm that sexual abuse does to a child is devastating. The shame is enormous. The shame should never be theirs but those who abuse them. Shame and guilt is common in many who come to therapy, for a variety of reasons. People are told that they are not responsible, but often they haven’t processed that or relieved themselves of such. I can’t think of anything worse than hurting a child. Others come extremely close. There are some who have been so abused by everyone in their childhood, that they are afraid to have children, thinking the same will happen to their children. There are those who believe it is acceptable in their culture because that is what they have experienced. Some of these children find lucrative careers as they grow older and are full of warmth and kindness. I am often in awe of the people who come to me for help and I realize it is a privilege. If you are being abused report it. If who you tell doesn’t believe you, tell a person in authority. Understand you can report this to the police. You are not alone. What do you think?