#BELLLETSTALK

Today is Bell Lets Talk focusing on stopping the stigma of getting help. Sgt Kerry Schmidt, OPP, a familiar face on the Toronto news was also answering questions when asked about three OPP officers who committed suicide last year. I decided to write this today because five cents is going to go for funding regarding mental health issues and as a Registered Psychotherapist and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, I support ending any stigma regarding getting help and I have heard it often among clients who finally seek assistance. My own background is working as a Military Policewoman, who served four years in Europe and in the Sinai Desert for six months as a Peacekeeper. Prior to retirement I went back to school and chose psychology to understand why people do the things that they do to each other. I needed to understand the human mind. My second career at York University granted me the opportunity, which I appreciate to this day, to study for my degree without it costing me anything. Due to great work mates we traded hours or shifts so I could pursue my education. I then went to study full time at Regis College, at the University of Toronto where I received my Masters of Ministry and Spirituality. I also attended another program with the Toronto School of Theology where under Dr Beech, I completed another four programs two at a basic level and two at advance. I have worked as an Intern with people living and dying from cancer and HIV. I have worked with women who were financially, emotionally, sexually abused and physically abused and another two units of working with individuals, couples and families. That was my education. I have been very fortunate that in my own careers, I have had great support, as well as from close family and friends and colleagues. I have never kept anything inside for too long. I indulged in self-care before realizing its benefits. There is not a secret kept within me of a personal nature. It has been my way of life. I am saying all this because I have a particular interest in emergency personnel and men. I probably see men and women on an equal basis though I haven’t statistically recorded this. However because I have worked mostly with men in my life time, and seen suffering, I understand that the stigma for men may be greater though there is a stigma for women as well to get help. I normally utilize the analogy to clients who cannot understand why their emotions are so overwhelming, to think about water heating on the stove with a lid on it. The water becomes hotter, until it simmers and boils and boils over the pan, tipping the lid, just as emotions do when we bury them within us. The stress that it puts on the mind and body can eventually cause physical illness. Sometimes alcohol or drugs is used to dull the pain and this becomes very complicated because it becomes an addiction which complicates matters even more so. I usually recommend people go to AA, al-anon, CAMH, and other support groups which they many find beneficial. Drinking and drug use to dull the pain is not the answer. You eventually drink more and take more drugs to feel better until you get to that point where you need it, just not to feel so horrible. I have also had much experience with people who were violated as children which is tragic in itself. Shame is something I hear a lot from people who are suffering. It is not their shame, but the shame of those who abuse and hurt. Emergency response providers see all the horrors imaginable. They see bodies mangled and death, they see abuse of innocence. This is internalized and can cause professional numbness (I mention that on my blog). I would say in my own opinion that professional numbness is almost a certainty with those who respond to emergencies at some point. There is that expectation that a person in uniform should be immune of everything she or he sees. There is that expectation that anyone in uniform will respond to any type of danger or see anything which many will never ever experience a fraction of and they will not be effected. This is not the case. Emergency responders are only human. They feel pain and they suffer. Because it is a field where many want to help others and are in the position to do so, they must be careful to release their own sufferings of what they see. At times they may seem callous but this is a protective response as well. There is more violence in my city than it has ever experienced. There are shootings that have occurred and we must never accept this as the new normal. Sons and daughters, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers are killed. The judicial system as it is also causes harm as the healing is stifled over and over again with further court hearings where family members suffer and re-hash the killings over and over again waiting for justice to happen and re-living the nightmare which caused the death of their loved one. Their healing is stalled and tempered. I always encourage support groups and if they cannot find one, I will help to get them started to begin their own groups. Finding people who have experienced the same pain and sharing is healing. This is only a small fragment of mental health which I have spoken of here. If you are reading this and feel any kind of stigma to get help, don’t. Remember that what is said between you and your therapist is confidential. There is a law that the therapist must report if there is a child being abused, if you are going to commit suicide or if you are going to cause harm to someone. The court may also subpoena the therapist to court. However all else is private. Your identity will never be known. So if you are feeling some sort of stigma, I hope what I have mentioned here will help for you to take that first step to help yourself.