What's Up? Death of a friend and thoughts of the World

Last week a friend of mine died. I had known her since childhood. She was a bit older and I always got a kick that an older student would walk to school with me when we were headed in the same direction. She was a neighbour and we became friends when I was older. Her family remained in the neighbourhood when many moved out or in several times. She became a single mom raising two wonderful children. She was very excited about walking her daughter down the aisle and returning to work. She had been so excited about life in general throughout the time I had known her. She had such a bubbly personality and could talk non-stop. When her sister left a message on my phone to call her, I knew something was wrong so I called my friend and hearing the sound of her voice asking me to leave a message, I felt somewhat relieved. I don't know why. The same had occurred when I called my other friend and left a message two years ago and it was her daughter calling me back to tell me her mom had died. That funeral was difficult because initially the funeral was for family only. Friends may be considered family to those who befriend others but family has the final say when death occurs. At that time, the daughter called me the night before saying only I could come and not other people I wanted to invite because I knew she would have wanted them there. Of course I abided in her wishes which caused some mutual acquaintenances from my second career not to speak to me again because they thought I should have shared the funeral details. When someone dies, people mourn differently and whatever one thinks, I abide in the family's decision. She later said I had made her feel bad because I told her that many would have come. You see I was the only friend there and she had many many friends who would have wanted to come. I understand how they felt but I had to abide in the daughter's decision. I told the daughter not to feel bad about her decision. This time with this friend (am I running out of friends?) her son called me back and told me she didn't have much time. He wanted me to go to the hospital and of course I went, spending four hours there and ensuring she had the Sacrement of the Sick. You see she was a devout Catholic. The four hours there with her two children was painful as I watched them suffer. As I left the room to go home, she raised her arm. A final goodbye. She died the following morning. The funeral was beautiful, even a dog was at the cemetary and though it jarred me initially, she loved animals and would have been delighted as the dog barked once, a final goodbye from another friend's dog. I pondered and thought I would love an army of animals at my funeral. Why not? I don't know how the Priest felt about it. He was not a happy camper in general and I thought his sermon could have used an upgrade. It was obvious that he did not know my friend. In general the funeral was beautiful and if she was there, she loved it too. The celebration of her life was indeed a celebration. Driving home was peaceful and I was amazed that my car had actually managed the trip. Each day I start the car and can drive it is worthy of a celebration. My thoughts were that life is indeed short and unpredictable. Both of my friends died from cancer after battling it successfully the first time. I did not expect either to die. Both had a jest for life. They loved life and perhaps that is one thing we all had in common. As I drove home I though of how silly it is that there is so much strife in our world. Last night I shed a tear as I saw the devastation that the earth quakes have caused to Turkey and Syria. Of course we will help. This morning as the death rates mounted, I wished that Russia would use its resources not to try to invade and destroy Ukraine but to send its troops to aide the people who could really use the help. I thought how nice it could be if China instead of being confrontational for the Americans shooting down its spy baloon, sorry it wasn't us. Apparently our planes can't fly that high. Yup. We know exactly what you are doing China. You are not fooling anyone. How nice it would be if you could send your army to help free any survivors. North Korea, well, what can I say. It would be nice. These disasters will probably increase and hopefully it can bring us all closer together. Life is too short for all this infighting. We are one world, one planet and we are all connected. We can have such a beautiful life working united. Wake up world.

VARNA - Theology ( a paper from grad school probably in my first year. I have made a few changes so whom I am using as an example is nor recognized)

By Silva Redigonda Varna is a class structure for Hindu society based according to birth. There are over 3000 castes (jati) one is born into and one is expected to marry within one’s own caste. In this paper the caste system will be defined. It is difficult to be unbiased when one believes in equality for all. Yet this resistance and aversion will be examined as well as attractions to this practice and belief system. This will be compared to Catholicism that has a definite hierarchical system. Hindu society is divided into four class systems. The highest class is the Brahmins (seers). They are intellectuals and spiritual leaders. They guard their authority to learn and teach the Vedas (Scriptures). The second group is Kshatriya. This group consists of political rulers, warriors, administrators and protectors. The third group, the Vaishya consists of producers, artisans; farmers. This is the mercantile class, business and commerce and trade. The fourth group is the Shudra. This can be characterized as followers or servants. They are people of service and manual labour. This class is excluded from reading sacred text. The World Religions by Smith refers to this class as having a relatively short attention span, yet capable of working well under supervision, proving to be hard workers and loyal. Smith continues that these people are better off and happier working for others. There is also a fifth class for this paper, which is so low on the tandem pole that it is referred to as Out-class - the Avarna. The Out-castes are not permitted to participate in any formal Hindu religious activities and are destined to have what is indicated as the lowest form of employment such as cremation, executioners, leather workers, hunters and fishermen. Foreigners also belong in this group as do families who become outcasts due to some dishonour. There is no attraction for this caste system for myself. Yet in trying to be objective, I see order to a system that is very structured. Again, what happens when one strays from an ordered structure? One is not only banned but punished. There is a sense of belonging in a caste system. There is a sense of protection by one’s own group. It is a concept of us against the world. Again deviating from expectations may have consequences. I equate the caste system to an outdated feudal system of the middle ages that has managed to survive. Catholicism is very structured within its’ hierarchy with associated obligations. The Pope is at the head and can declare himself infallible in regards to particular spiritual matters. At the low end are the brothers, sisters and deacons, perhaps even priests to some degree. Scriptures can be read by all in the Catholic Church. I have never heard a woman give a sermon except at a Regis mass. I did not make much of it at the time but the female students were overjoyed that this was their first time witnessing a nun speak instead of a priest or deacon. Women cannot be priests. I have never heard of a female deacon which is the closest one may come to being a priest. He may be married. Men clergy must remain celibate and in the Western world they may not marry. Yet if a man has been married in the past and divorced he may become a priest and if he is from the Eastern Church married, he may come to serve married as a priest. There seems to be an aura of unfairness and inequality. Yet there is a respectful hierarchy within the structure of Roman Catholic Church that has survived. One may be born into Catholicism but one is not obligated to stay and one may return. One may argue as a Catholic about Catholicism and one may make mistakes and is forgiven. There is a laity among the community of the Catholic Church. I was an Eucharistic Minister and I witnessed how people responded to me at church. There is an aura of respect, an expectation of behaviour which I try to project. I attended a “Theology on Tap” function one night. This is an ecumenical religious community that socializes at a bar. A school Chaplain gave a talk about her role as a chaplain. She began by talking about her church (Roman Catholic) experience in her youth. She started talking about those people who sit at the front of the church (meaning Eucharistic ministers and readers) acting more important than the rest of the people. It was so offensive but after that I made it a point to sit at the back of the church the majority of the time when I was not serving. This young Catholic chaplain had associated laity of the church as “those people” separated and a class of negativity. This chaplain also placed herself in a hierarchical position of importance. I knew a man who had retired as a Major from the Indian Army. We were at a coffee shop and he remarked about a young woman at the counter laughing with friends. To me this young woman was no different from others that would make me take notice of her. Yet to the man I was having coffee with she was an embarrassment to her caste. He remarked with disdain that the girl spoke with a particular accent indicating that she belonged to a particular caste. I was not sure what he was talking about at the time. He clearly indicated that her dress and deportment was not appropriate for her caste and that she would not get away with the way she was behaving and dress like that in India. Another woman I knew, a Hindu woman, fell in love with a man outside her caste. Her father did not approve so she married someone within her own caste as her father wished and it ended in divorce one year later. Neither loved each other but was obligated to marry within their higher caste. Her father expressed his regret that he had imposed these values onto his daughter. If this woman had married the man she loved, she may had still ended up in divorce but ultimately the choice would have been hers. The pastoral and theological issues that have arisen for me is that for God we are all equal. I believe that each individual is special to God on his or own terms and not any organized religion. Jesus himself was always annoyed with religious leaders. Smith argues that people in the lowest class are not capable of being more. How can they be if not given the opportunity to learn and grow? What can I do to be able to understand and help people from different belief systems? Again at work, a student approached me who was very upset because he loved a woman (both Indian) from another caste. He was wealthy and his father was in a powerful position. I naively offered to talk to his father. Of course this never happened and now I understand how religion crosses borders and there are influences that do not remain consistent for those who separate from their roots. Just like the priests marrying in the East and not in the West, one must understand the influence of the culture. Now |I realize that for that love sick manchild all I needed to do was just listen and be a supportive presence. I am also able to understand the struggles that new Canadians have as they try to leave old customs behind and adopt new ones within a new culture that can sometimes end in death when there is a clash challenging the belief of honour. Smith argues that people in the lowest class are not capable of being more. How can they be if not given the opportunity to learn and grow? What can I do to be able to understand and help people from different belief systems? I reflect and understand how people like the man I was with having a coffee would report what he considers inappropriate to a parent. What can I do to be able to help people from different belief systems? I reflect how some cannot trust Western authority who do not understand the ramifications of dishonour. I can only ponder and hope we can all grow as a people standing side by side in unity with God and with each other. Maybe – someday.

Eating Disorders and Addiction - EHN

I told you I would write about this if anything was new (which I attended yesterday). They provided some stats so that is always nice to share. Some were outdated so I shall skip those. We all know by this time that there is a big difference from statistics before the pandemic to now. The speaker was Cheryl Fiske and they will be providing slides and video probably next week. Since I am providing you with some notes I won’t be listing the video and slides. However, if it is of interest to you contact me and I shall send it out to you. She indicated that the demand for mental health care increased 47% between 2021 - 2022. For children the increase was much greater. Eating disorders are estimated at one million. Substance abuse - 6 million Canadians in a lifetime. It is estimated that 10% of Ontario has a substance abuse problem. The mortality rate of any mental illness is estimated between 10-15%. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for those suffering from anorexia. Mortality rates in substance abuse - 67,000 deaths in Canada. 15,000 deaths related to alcohol (14,700 prior to COVID). Some challenges with concurrent treatment - the disorder itself; additional psychiatric factors (depression, anxiety, trauma) - chronicity and relapse rates - denial. Let me know if you want me to send you anything. The speaker does talk a bit too fast and there is a large part of the video which provides you with what they offer at their treatment facility. I normally recommend CAMH because they have an excellent facility and it is free. I don’t recommend any private institution because I think that would be a conflict of interest. I normally ask clients to do their research because I simply am not aware of everything available. What may serve one person well, won’t for another. I have found that when someone wants to make a change, they work really hard to do that. Don’t try to do it alone. There are many support groups out there to help you. Take care and have a good weekend. I have to miss my writers corner this week but for sure won’t next week. I am once again swamped with paperwork.

Assisted suicide in Canada: Is our policy becoming the world's most perm...

It is not a miracle as the Psychiatrist Senator suggests when a person heals, contradicting our Toronto Psychiatist. It takes hope, it takes love, it takes change and if needed - medication. It can take a lot of therapy. We need to include mental health coverage in our provincial health care system. We should never have a person seek Assistance Death because they cannot afford a place to live, pay bills or have sufficient food. It should never be offered by insurance as being cost effective. Every person especially in Canada should have access for support. I am so sad that we will be providing this because I have seen people at their lowest point able to heal after getting the help needed. We are also blaming mental health as a problem in Toronto for all the vicious attacks. I can tell you that it is those people who are being attacked who will need care for their mental health. Some of the nicest people I have met are those suffering from mental health issues. We have a lot of work to do which starts in the home ensuring that children are loved and not physically, emotionally and sexually abused. We need to make some serious changes in our schools to make sure that each child and teen is protected from violence. We need to start paying people a decent wage so they don't need to go to the food bank to be able to feed their families. We need to smell the coffee and wake up!

Mental Illness

Did you know: About 28,000 children and youth were on waiting lists for mental health treatment in January 2020 (*before* the COVID-19 pandemic); In some areas, wait times for children and youth to access mental health treatment is up to 2.5 years; Mental illness and substance use disorders are leading causes of disability in Canada; People with mental illness and substance use disorders are more likely to die prematurely than the general population; and Mental illness can cut 10 to 20 years from a person’s life expectancy. (Source: The Centre for Addictions and Mental Health) From Bell Let's talk.

Why weight loss is hard: separating fact from fiction.

I have just completed listening and watching this topic provided by Dr Jennifer Kuk, Associate Professor at York University Kineseiolgy and Health Science. Rather than provide you with my notes, I will be posting the video for you on my blog when York posts it in about a week. There were about one hundred of us in attendance. I think this topic is very important because of the eating disorders out there and also how people judge others according to their weight. Though I believe my knowledge regarding this topic is high, I did learn and because of that I encourage you to watch it. Take care.

Writer's Corner

I have been juggling hours with my practice education and picking out interests regarding my writing. Having a private practice is a business. Being an author is a business. If I wanted to be a business person I would have studied business and not psychology, and taking creative writing and English for fun in between hard core studies. So, I need to make some adjustments. Today I will be talking about my books. I have written four and published three. I am still deciding what to do with my last book “Ominous”. Should I go with a publisher or go Indie which means taking full control of everything and all money going to me. Today I attended a Sisters Of Crime education period. They talked about piracy, too late, already happened to me. Some authors apparently don’t care. I care. I really care. It is annoying when you take the time to write a book and learn that it is out there making nice money for a pirate. Do readers want to support that? They talked about selling on your own website. I have that with shopify. You can find my books at www.silvaredigonda.ca. You buy directly from me. I do it all. They offered a tip about selling books at what they want to pay but list a minimum price. I can do that with Hey Guy Buy Me, but have to figure out how it is done. Right now I have left it at $5.00 a book which is half price. I learned that readers have to trust us. You can trust me! I suppose that doesn’t mean much if you don’t know me. They said you have to make the buying experience easy. I think my web site is pretty easy. They talked about returns. One said there is no returns for the ebooks and she offers a two week buy back. I don’t. It is not to be cruel or greedy. I have never sent a book back that I have ordered. I think my books are fairly priced. In matter of fact when I sell my books in person, my readers want to give me more. Hey some do in my practice as well and for the practice part, I think it is unethical and for the books, I don’t feel right about it. Maybe I should say pay what you would like and then what? What if they pay less than my costs? Ouch…..Maybe I have to rethink what I am doing or re-adjust. I did notice that people who buy from me at an event return to me. I like that. I had one guy tell me off about Hey Guy Buy Me. In matter of fact I have had more than one guy not like the book. It was written in fun. Am I making fun of men? Maybe. But, it is with love. I feel comfortable enough with men to do that. Why? Because I have always had good relationships with men since I was an itsy child. I know there are creepy men out there. Do they read my books? Hey, anyone can read my books. So, if you are going to trust me and I think you should, I suggest you check out my web site. Apparently our readers google us to determine if we are real. I am real. It was suggested that we check the web site and ensure we look the same everywhere. Well, how am I supposed to do that? Does that mean I can’t change my hair colour anymore? Does that mean I can’t change as I grow older? Does that mean I have to use botox or do face lifts and any other kind of lifts out there? I assure you I am me. If you buy a book from me, it is me who signs it however you like, but keep it clean. I need to interact with you once a week. Ok, I shall try to do that more about the book part. I am interacting. Does that make you trust me or like me and God forbid hate me. I am to encourage you to make comments and delete the trolls and nasty stuff. I can do that. Ok, have you read my book? Would you like to make a comment? No, you haven’t read my book? Ok, here is your chance. www.silvaredigonda.ca Tomorrow I am attending a York University scholar hour and the topic will be Why weight loss is hard. Me thinks I already studied that one in undergrad, but hey with my new older look, there may be some advancement. So, of course I shall share any pertinent information with you. On Thursday I am also going to listen in to Eating Disorders and Addiction. I have written about that before so unless something is new, I shall only use that for education hours. As much as I attend in both about Sisters of Crime and psychotherapy, there is much more that I don’t attend because there is so much out there. Saturday I also attended self and client care. That was with my alumni group and it was wonderful seeing everyone. That was in the morning. In the afternoon it was with the Sisters in Crime and how to turn our books into movies. It appears Publishers are looking for us. I think all my books can be wonderful movies. I would go see it. Hey, here is something perhaps you can help me with. What do I say when someone asks me if my books are any good? I have a few ask me at book events. I have replied with, no, I write as bad as I possibly could. What kind of question is that to ask an author about her books? No, I write as poorly as I can. Help me! Talk soon. By the way…am I establishing a relationship with you yet?