Remove certain Clergy from the Military? Interesting Biran Dijkema - article from espritdecorps

I was reading an article from Brian Dijkema, in the Espritdecorps, a Canadian Military Magazine, volume 29, issue 5, p 42. I sometimes find a magazine I haven’t ordered come in the mail and normally read them all. This was one of them. The title is “Recommendation to remove certain CAF Clergy is Misguided.” The writer refers to Chapter 6, finding it troubling that it even made it to the Minister of Defence. It appears that the panel comes down hard on faiths that reject polytheism. Brian Dijkema states there is a “thinly veiled hostility to a number of Abrahamic religions… presenting caricatures of their adherents as violators of equality and social justice.” While I was reading this article I began thinking how all clergy were removed from one province's entire hospitals out West. I think that province has less people than our city. I talked about that before so I won’t get into again here. If you have been reading my articles for awhile, there was a talk from an American Medical Senior Doctor at Sunnybrook Hospital who wanted his young doctors to ask their patients if their religion offered them comfort. One doctor returned to him since his patient was Satanic. He asked the physician to return to the patient and ask if it offered him comfort. I don’t know who this panel is, or what the members consist of, their backgrounds, education, religious affiliations etc… I imagine with all the bad publicity of the military culture lately that the government is trying to change that. I am beginning to think more and more that military directed panels should consist of veterans and current military members, from all ranks and civilians with some expertise, whether it be psychology, psychotherapists, and apparently Theologists/ Ministry and Spirituality, if the topic is going to be about religion. If there is going to be a discussion about food, perhaps a dietician? Get my drift? The blind, leading the blind is a concept I used to hear a lot. The military is quite self efficient, at least it was in my time. It is a mini version of our society. We had our own doctors, lawyers, dieticians, dentists, hospitals, schools, police etc..including clergy - get the picture? I always had a positive experience with our clergy. Often they would accompany me when I had to go on a tough detail such as telling a relative bad news. I also worked in a hospital as an intern in my third occupation training and I can tell you, Chaplains were always busy. I stepped out from being a Pastoral Counsellor because there were those who found the term Pastoral Counsellor outdated. However being called a Psychospiritual therapist just didn’t work in my practice. I got tired of telling people I was not a spiritualist. What ended it for me was when a mother I met at an event asking me what I did and so I told her I was a Registered Psychotherapist, Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and Psycho spiritual therapist, she told me that her daughter also had the gift and continued to tell me basically what I think of as fortune telling. So that did it for me. I dropped the term and therefore eventually left the organization since there was no way of keeping my initial terminology. Members of Marriage and Family therapists in Canada are now also testing the waters for name changes. It is felt that the term is outdated. How do I feel? I don’t think that will cause too much confusion. I still see people who are married, cohabitating, living separate lives, dating, same sex, alternate sexes, etc….Mainly it is about the relationship, married or otherwise. Some want to breakup and help their partner and themselves when they declare the breakup. One of the things I do is incorporate all my education, experience with people, peer reviews, consultations and my own mentors. I find that some don’t even know who they are. It is not unusual for someone to breakdown and cry because they have been told by everyone who they are, who they should be rather than acknowledging them for who they are. Ask people. I don’t know what kind of panels are being originated for the Minister but since she is highly educated I am sure she will make the right decisions based on science and research. Perhaps she should have a researcher to review what is being forwarded to her to dismiss what isn’t reflective of the diversity of the military today, which includes tradition as well as positive changes.

Dysregulation and Stress Response provided by Ryan Slobodian, MC, CCC, CSAT from EHN Canada

This was a great refresher for me which I will share. I also learned a few things and some sparked some info of my own which I will share. First I would like to share that I really enjoyed this session. Also if any of my peers want the slides, just ask. The speaker provided an example of a military member, after a few over seas tours, eating at a restaurant and having a terror response when a car backfired. That made me think of how any police person who sits in a restaurant is always mindful to have his or her back against the wall to view the opening of someone entering. This is often misconstrued as a result of trauma. I would say this is very much in tune with training and experience as a safety precaution. There is a difference to being safety prone and experiencing a terrifying response, such as this soldier experienced. He spoke about ADHD patients who were using cocaine to regulate themselves. I find that more often than not, unfortunately, clients have more faith in street drugs than actually going for a diagnosis and getting the medication they need. Medication and diagnosis is all too often thought of as a weakness and there is also a mistrust of the system. Self medicating with alcohol and drugs from the streets have them sometimes think, that they can quit anytime and take as much or little as they need. Unfortunately we have too many deaths now a days to refute that. The speaker also talked about couple therapy and how emotional it can be the first few sessions rather than provoking thought. I can attest to that. It is a rarity that someone comes to me in couple therapy or even family therapy, where tensions are not high. Everyone thinks they are right and emotions are triggered and it does take time to diffuse all that anger. Sometimes it can be directed at the therapist (transference). It is always imperative for the therapist not to have that trigger anything in response (countertransference). The speaker spoke of triggers and to process it. He spoke of the fight and flight response most of us have knowledge of. In the freeze response our heart is beating quite high. He spoke about the fawn response which is appeasing, one adapts to the environment to keep safe. He used an example of a guy constantly being beaten by his brothers. He therefore uses manipulation as a safety feature. You may ask, “how is it keeping you safe?” . Then he mentioned faint/flog and this I have to admit was new to me as a trigger concept (as well as fawn. I am used to fight/flight and freeze as a part of my own studies.) Faint/flop is a surrender and at the extreme one totally shuts down. This made me think. One of the things I have studied pertaining to therapists is how they sometimes fall asleep in sessions. I used to think that this was terrible. That is because I always looked at it from an ethic perspective. As a therapist you should live what you preach, sleep well etc….and be alert for your clients. I thought that until I met a therapist at a seminar years ago and she told me how overwhelmed she once was by what a client was telling her that she passed out. She was horrified. Now I understand. This is not fight/flight/freeze or fawn. This is faint/flop. I don’t know if I shall ever meet that therapist again because she is from out of town, and everything is on line these days because of COVID, but this also is a pointer for me to not judge, not even my peers. Therapy, science, knowledge is always a growing sphere. When one is triggered there is a memory activation. The speaker has worked with men taking care of their mothers. How to fix mom? Who to be there for her today? When one is triggered, they should go into an area where it is safe. If triggered, regulate first. Once regulated, relate to others. Regulate by breathing, mindfulness, tapping, music, dance etc…incorporate that daily. Unfortunately I find that challenging for clients to keep up, but it is very important and so basic. For the military vet, he or she may be super vigilant even where there is no danger. Note that “super” being the operative word. There is work to be done to get used to being calm. A compassionate approach should be utilized. Utilize exposure treatments. Now, I shall stress that if someone is going to do this, they should be therapists. In one province which is not regulated I was informed by a vet, that he was placed in a room, by himself to watch war movies. I couldn’t believe it. Of course there were consequences and ultimately I advised him to get a good lawyer. I know that there are provinces where there is very little training and that needs to change. So much damage can be done. The speaker continued to state that it could take 20 sessions to trust a therapist. A client may also have been abused by a therapist. There is physical health, emotional health and spiritual health - trauma detaches from spiritual health. There is connection to self and others (shame disconnects). The speaker stated that hope is essential and I most fundamentally agree. He said that stuff is going to repeat and it is about getting on the next highway. Curiosity is important. Identifying triggers. eg - cologne triggered a man who was abused by is father wearing cologne. I have heard Vets sharing how difficult it was when bbq triggered the smell of burning bodies during war. Emotional pull is very powerful because it has kept them safe for so long. Even though it is understood, there is a need to make changes. The speaker mentioned regulating with peers, teaching emotional regulation skills, developing a daily grounding practise, mindful awareness of emotions and body sensations. Identify the triggers, understanding procedural learning ( such as masks). Police and EMS should have grounding techniques. De-briefing groups after an event and have mental health resources. Peer support - going for a drink is not good because it connects alcohol to feeling better. A person getting angry all the time - learning to deregulate, children abuse, soldiers overseas. What do you think?

The Internet Murders continues www.silvaredigonda.ca

Tomasso’s house was on a relatively quiet side street. Philip knocked at the back door and Tomasso answered it, beer in one hand. He was beaming. Tomasso loved his work and he loved his home life just as much, if not more. “Hey maw, look who’s here!” Mrs. Rossini turned away from the hot stove and her face lit up. “Philipo come in; sit down. You must be hungry. You look so skinny. I have to fatten you up. Look at Tomasso. He is healthy!” Tomasso beamed. “Tomasso, give Philipo a glass of vino, from the basement. Bring up a bottle.” Tomasso began to object because he wanted to offer Philip a beer. He received a slap at the back of the head. “Maw, you can’t hit me. I am a man.” “A man! A man you say? A man listens to his mama. Now go get the vino.” Tomasso went to get the wine reserved for special occasions. Philip was always a special occasion because he could do no wrong in his mother’s eyes. At the dinner table there was a nice spread, which was a regular routine at the Rossini household. “Philipo, tell me. “Did you find a nicea gal? My Tomasso, he don’t wanna nicea gal. I try.” “Mrs. Rossini, I am still looking for one just like you, but I don’t think she exists.” Tomasso’s mom beamed. “Yu talka to alla gals lika that. I know. You carmo!” “Charmer, maw.” Tomasso blurted out before getting another cuff at the back of the neck.” “Maw stop hitting me!” Philip laughed. There was so much warmth and laughter in this house. Not at all like at his mom’s. His own mother never overcame the loss when his dad died. He had been her passion, her one love, she told him sadly over tea one day. His mother was the opposite of Mrs. Rossini except for one thing. They both had an enormous and protective love for their sons. Mrs. Rossini was a big woman and a bit crass for some, but with a huge heart and bubbling laugh. Mrs. Rossini always wore an oversized apron, with a caricature of a very jolly man with the most elaborate moustache, holding onto a spatula with some strings of spaghetti dangling. It seemed to be a male version of herself. He tried to remember if he had ever seen her without it. His own mother, the epitome of sophistication, was always immaculately dressed in the latest designer clothes, her blond hair coiffed neatly back. She had a soft demeanour and still turned heads where ever she went. She seemed oblivious to the attention. She spent most of her time supporting local charities and fundraising for the art gallery and the wing of the hospital where her husband had died. She was very comfortable. His dad had seen to that. He had been heavily insured and had accumulated some wealth throughout his young life. There was a pension from the university as well. Maybe with time, he thought, she could find love again. His attention went back to the table where Mrs. Rossini had provided Tomasso with another smack at the back of his head. “Mawwwww!” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.”

The Pope's Visit to Canada - Penance - Hate needs to stop - Racism needs to stop.

What happened at the Residential Schools is terrible. What has been happening to our Aboriginal people is terrible. Just last month I watched a documentary that women were being sterilized without their permission. It is difficult to fathom how this can be happening or is it? Aboriginal women have also gone missing for years and what has been going on there? I watched one movie based on a true story years ago about a policewoman investigating disappearances. There was another situation in Quebec, where an Aboriginal woman was dying and being emotionally tortured by a nurse. The patient actually taped it live for the world to see and the nurse was subsequently fired. Just recently in the States I watched two children being ignored by a Sesame Street character - shameful. I have to add that because it all has to do with children - with hate. There is a sense of entitlement that one race or culture or religion is better than another. Let us not forget that Canada belonged to the Aborignals. They were considered savages and their land taken away as is still happening today, hey Putin? I am a Roman Catholic and the amount of people I have helped who hate Catholics is worthy of attention. I don't take it personal. I completed one unit working as a chaplain intern because simply it was a way to turn four years into three with one summer semester. Some other chaplains would let me know that they didn't like Catholics and I would ask why because I was curious. One told me that she had been told by a nun when she was in Africa that she wouldn't go to heaven because she wasn't Catholic. I told her that the nun was stupid, which I was chastised by my supervisor at the time, who is not Catholic and whose advice I heed to this day. However, that Chaplain who was not a student decided I wasn't so bad after all for a Catholic and actually started liking me. Religions are composed of people and sometimes those people systemically do horrible things. It is not brain science that a child is a child. Let them be children. Nurture them, respect them, envelope them with safety and love so they can grow and appreciate life and what it all offers without horrific memories. Recently, while the President was in Saudi Arabia, he was told that values should not be imposed. I thought about that remark. I have decided that the remark is outdated. The President was concerned about a reporter that been killed. If memory serves me right it was quite primitive. Recently I was watching a documentary where homosexuals are being tortured under Soviet rule and I won't go into details of how horrid the torture was. I had believed that I had seen it all and I have not. I am still stunned and disappointed by what I hear. Fortunately I have so much love for nature and people in general but that does not mean I tolerate much. My confession is always my lack of patience and boy do I get penance for that. The Pope's visit is a message to all that what happened was evil. The Pope is a leader and this difficult journey is a beginning for healing while telling the world that this is not acceptable. We need to love each other a tad more, don't you think? I wasn't going to touch this topic today because there is so much conflicting feelings out there with hatred seeping through. Let's remember that the human race is one. If we all mind our own business and don't get involved as was the norm in the past, it offers those who commit horrors to continue without reservation. We need to do better. We need to be better. If we don't speak up than we too are responsible. What do you think?

The Internet Murders - continues www.silvaredigonda.ca

Sandra was eating her jello. She couldn’t believe they gave her jello when she was starving. The coffee, however, was amazing. When the nurse cheerfully walked in Sandra asked her about the coffee. "This coffee is great. What is it?” “Instant,” the nurse replied, while humming a tune. “It can’t be. I hate instant.” It was the end of the working day and Philip was driving to St Clair and Dufferin. Traffic was heavy, but it was sunny out and that made it a nice drive. There were still Italian families in the area, though not as many as before. Many had moved out to Woodbridge and other communities north of the City. The Italians took a great deal of pride in their heritage and their successes, after coming here from humble beginnings. There were many now who were quite wealthy. Tomasso had grown up in the area and never left it. He lived at home with his mother and said that all Italians did that until they got married. Philip knew that was not quite true. He knew many who were single and had their own homes, but he wasn’t going to tell Tomasso that.”

Tid bit Info from Psychology Today regarding relationships

I saved the June 22, edition because I thought it would be interesting for you. Here goes pp 18 -19, tid bits. Many tend to have a same-race preference in dating. Couples often have the same body type. Researchers who collected images of spouses both as newlyweds and after 25 years of marriage found that partners generally became more similar in looks over time, which also predicted greater relationship quality. I have provided couple therapy for people prior to marriage, newly married, and couples with 30 plus years of marriage. I find that people call or email me to get free sessions or consultations. I do not provide that. I charge 140 a fifty minute session which will increase to 150. in January. I have kept my fees down due to the pandemic and need to catch up. I see people individually, as a couple or as a family. Couple therapy can be done with individuals, because skills can be developed to learn how to make changes in a relationship. However, if one is in an abusive relationship and changes within the relationship is not possible, then one has to consider what changes need to be made for one’s self to move away from that abuse. That can take a lot of work. If you decide to leave your partner make sure you do so safely. Get a support system which is normally discouraged from the abusive partner. Keep your passport, money and a degree of clothing at an alternative safe place if you decide to leave. Remember that the police is there to protect you. If your abusive partner is a police man or woman don’t let that stop you. That extends to powerful positions your partner may hold. I charge individuals, couples and families the same fee. I do not charge separately for eg. 140. for each person. I understand that some therapists are being trained to do so. Though I understand that, my ideology is I am spending the same time so why charge more? Some people need therapy once a week, some in crises need more and there are some I see bi-weekly or monthly. This is always up to the individual or couple. I do see people of the same family individually if everyone is in agreement. This works well systemically. However, if there is no agreement, I respect the wishes. Have a good day. In Toronto it is very hot. What do you think? I still have another topic from Psychology today to talk about and merits its own spot. That will continue next week - "Chasing Chaos". 

Death (Theology notes) continues

Theology of death and dying - individual death - Lane (Vermont) - Western secular culture. Life Expectancy has increased - change in which death occurs - medical postpones. Hospitals keep people alive. Hospice - it is ok to die. Death is moved from family to institutions. From wakes to funeral homes. A lot of commendation around death (sales pitch). Care of dying out of the community. We still are not sure what to do with it. Sophia present in the creation, Holy Spirit and in the Church. Therefore what is she and how is she related? Why is it feminine and what is the significant. These are about past, present and future. He distinguishes prophesy from the apocalyptic. According to Nolan, how do we understand? Drama of our Christian existence past - past prophesy - for a specific context about the future parousia is reference second coming of Christ. Into institution: eg. Black Foot - Street person, 20 years earlier, Church filled - now private rather than community. We have a notion of massive death - WW2, Russians under Stalin, Holocaust, nuclear bomb, Hiroshima. I am going to add Ukraine (not from notes). There is a morbid fascination as apposed to denial of death. Movies are low on Christology eg. Christ of Montreal - hits someone. Common: 1. Death is received as separation of death and soul. Incarnation - bind body and spirit and mind - death is the whole person. He could be our limited - end of time wherever - united with the soul. 2. Death and dying has five stages. 3. Natural - can happen any time. It is going to happen to all - natural/unnatural. 4. Body is diminishing as spirit develops. (Roger Trois Fortaines, S.S. I Do Not Die. Lane - Proper response to death is hope. There is no need to resent youth because they are going to get old. Finality - time to think about death. A human person is towards death. We don’t have a choice to be here. Try holding your breath. There are physical things keeping us alive, saying it is going to be ok because we don’t know. Is there life after death? Doesn’t tell us much about life after death. Death is a decision. Death is expected - caregiving. Death that is unexpected is tragic. Part of human life is looking for fulfillment. Activity of dying, finality of death is expectant. Death is the last of personal history. New relation with the Creator. (What I have in my notes is “keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out”. I am not sure if that is a quote from the prof or whoever, but I think it is a good one, so I placed it here.) A book regarding different religions about deaths is The Meaning of Death by John Boker (no, I didn’t read it). Next portion of theology is Hell and Purgatory. Let’s take a breath and go onto another topic.