Preventing Domestic Homicides with Older Couples

Preventing Domestic Homicides with Older Couples: Lessons learned from Tragedies by Dr Peter Jaffe, Psychologist, Prof Emeritus and Margaret MacPherson, Research Associate, 24 Nov 21. I encourage you if interested to watch this video at eapon.ca. I attended this while it was being recorded. From 2003 to 2017 there were 311 cases of 445 deaths. 65% were homicides and 35% were homicide/suicides. 72% had a history of domestic violence. Of course I asked about men and they are exposed to less than 20% of domestic violence. Women ages 15 - 24 have the highest exposure to domestic violence. Older women have the lowest rate but it is still significant. Close to 3000 individuals over age 55 reported spousal violence in Canada, 2011. Reporting rates are conservative. Older women are less likely to report to police or disclose to others. There is a risk in males with a caregiving role. There is access to firearms. Mercy killing is likely in couples murder suicide. As women age they feel they have less life choices. Dr Jaffe suggested talking about homicide and suicide ideation with clients. As Christmas approaches That is all for now. I want to keep it lighter that Christmas is coming. However, Christmas is a very depressing time for people who are suffering. This entry has been focused on Canadian stats however the content applies to everyone. The most dangerous time for someone in a domestic situation is when they are leaving. In the city there are many resources and support programs. If you live in a rural area it may be more difficult because of the isolation. The pandemic has compounded isolation. There is help out there. Reach out. If you are a therapist reading this you are aware that you may suffer from vicarious trauma. What I do is decrease my work load to incorporate more fun and R + R. Self care is paramount. For victims suffering and feeling shame remember or look up my earlier blogs about abuse and the Honeymoon Effect. If you ever have any questions please do not hesitate to ask.

Need signatures to stop abusers of animals to own them

Six years ago I began a petition to change the law so animals can have support that if they are abused their owners will never be able to own a pet again. I had over 600 signatures but that wasn't enough. I am trying again.https://chng.it/jmRbYh97Kx

Hey Guy Buy Me is now on sale at half price - www.silvaredigonda.ca

Well it took awhile but I managed with a lot of help from Shopify to reduce the price of my first book from 9.95 to 4.98 plus shipping costs world wide. There were a few blunders I caused so I appreciated the help. Hey Guy is my first book and I really wrote it just for fun. I have had some men really get mad at me and others more charming, loved it. I don't have an ebook to cut and paste, but if you order any I shall sign it. Let me know who you want to send it to and what you would like me to say. I cannot use any bad language, sorry. The Christmas sale is on til 12 Jan 2022. So, buy one for that man you love or hate. It works....Have a good weekend.

Elder Abuse tid bit and Marriage with special needs children tid bits and hey how about me tid bits?

Today I received an email from EAPO (the Elder Abuse Prevention). Did you know that 93% of seniors reside in the community? This year elder abuse increased by 250%. I have attended their webinars and I find them quite informative. If you are interested check out their web site: www.EAPON.ca. I also finished reading my American Association For Marriage and Family Therapy magazine (Sep/Oct) edition. Did you know that while the divorce rate in the U.S.A. has held near 50%, limited data suggest there is a divorce rate as high as 70%-80% with parents of special needs children. p 32. I am pleased to say that I am reducing my work load now that I have given up all EAP and insurance. It is nice having private clients ------ so much easier. Now I can give my writing more attention. I am now going through my second draft for at least an hour a day when possible. Good thing too because I am making changes and correcting simple grammar. I love this book. I have also provided all my renewal requirments from my college. I am still recording my webinars for this year which means that you shall be updated as I record whatever I think may be interesting for you. I want to spend more time on the business side of the house for my books. My bad. I shall get there hopefully before Christmas. We now have a new varient of Covid so please get vaccinated. It does not hurt.....Kids are getting it now and I must say they are much more braver. When I was a child, I had to go get a needle and I asked the nurse if it was going to hurt. She made the mistake of saying a little, so it took about six of them to hold me down. Once I received the prick I looked at her and told her it did not hurt. Maybe I called her a liar? So when I was watching the news last night and heard the doctor say it could hurt a little, I smiled remembering. Be brave, it does not hurt. Ask for a reward from your partner, parent, or children......Keep safe. I recommend ice cream. What do you think?

Peter Gibbs, Poetry Anthology, Let the good Rhymes Roll sent me a Christmas Card by mistake

I received two Christmas cards today. One was one I sent myself which was returned. They were long time family friends who had lived in the same place for as long as I can remember from my early youth. I would visit them at times throughout the years and each year we exchanged Christmas cards. I received one from them last year so I was surprised that my card was returned as unknown person. The last time I saw them was at a funeral three years ago. COVID has stopped me from visiting anyone especially the elderly. So today I did some investigating (limited) with negative results. My sibling shall be on the scent trail. I also received a Christmas card from Peter Gibbs. Thank you Peter for the kind words, but I don't know you. It costs a pound and 70 for the postage and Alexa was trying to give me the exchange rate. I believe one pound is 1.70. She sometimes tells me that she doesn't know that, whenever I ask her too many questions. Sometimes, she is more accommodating. Siri just tells me he doesn't get it and try again. Siri thought I was asking in weight. I am not complaining. I like asking computers for facts and most times they comply. I thought you could find anyone on the web but I cannot find you Peter Gibbs. I did see your book but not your contact information. You did send it to my address but the postal code is wrong and I couldn't pin point one address with the code. So, even though I searched I could not find your contact info or the person you were trying to reach. Even your website doesn't have a way to contact you. So, I shall hang your Christmas card with my others and it is only fair to say thank you since I love Christmas cards. Merry Christmas to you and maybe you should have at least an email on your site in case your fans want to write. I have never received a Christmas card from England before so it is rather nice. Should you see this if you ever type your name, let me know who you want to actually have this and it can be done.

The Internet Murders - silvaredigonda.ca

Sandra stirred and her eyes slowly opened. “Hi Sandra. My name is Philip. My partner and I were first on the scene. How are you feeling?” Sandra looked up at the tall man who had spoken to her. He has the most amazing eyes, she thought just as a spasm of pain seized her body. She winced. “You’ve been through quite an ordeal. Do you know who attacked you?” Sarah tried to answer that she didn’t, but she felt herself slowly drifting off. The doctor entered. She too admired the good looks of the officer, which was not missed by Philip. She told him that the patient had been sedated. She would be in that state for a few days. The physician continued in a professional tone, “Her ribs have abrasions and contusions as does most of her body, and she has had forty stitches to close her head wound. She also has a gash on her right forearm, a knife wound, I suspect.” The patient would heal without complication, however, and the doctor wanted her to rest as much as possible. The nurse, who was still in the room, realized the effect the policeman had on her, even though she had been married for only a few months. He smiled at her and she thought she was going to melt. She left hurriedly to get away from his spell. Philip looked down at Sandra and watched her sleeping peacefully. He wanted the person who did this to her. She reminded him of his little sister. She had died so young. Tears filled his eyes at the thought of his little sister taken much too young and much too violently.

Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

Sexual Child Abuse

I indicated in my last blog that the next writing will be regarding another article I read on psychology today, pp20 - 23, that I wanted to share with you. The writer in the article belonged to a religious cult and she wrote a book about her experiences “Sex Cult Nun: Breaking Away from the Children of God, a Wild, Radical Religious Cult” by Faith Jones. I won’t talk about her story. But she states that a component of sexual abuse is power disparity. Children cannot give meaningful consent and any consent involves undue pressure. She continues that children don’t have the ability to understand the ramifications of the act. They experience emotional trauma, at times delayed, when they realize what was done to them and what was taken. Years ago I was listening to a man talk to a group of us telling us how it is beneficial to a child to learn how to make love. I knew he was a pedophile. He did not know, that I knew. However, I did tell him what I thought about his comment among his peers. A few days later he approached me to explain, because he didn’t want me to think he liked kids. Since then I have met a few other pedophiles and when introduced to another, I saw him trembling as he spoke to me and then it happened. I felt sorry for him. In grad studies, I took a Couple Therapy and family research course during the summer at Guelph University and my research proposal was pedophile priests which I posted here in my blog years ago. In my second career I took a three day sexual assault course in Sudbury. I have mentioned that before. The course began with a woman telling her story about how her father and brother both sexually assaulted her while growing up. She reported it to the OPP Officer leading the course and said that she felt right about talking to the female Officer, because not once did she look at her watch. When this was investigated her mother denied that this was going on, as did the other family members (her father and brother). She was told that she had shamed the family and was disowned. Since then as a therapist I cannot count how many men and women I have seen who have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused. I always inform them that they can report it to the police. No one except one has done so. If I see a child, I would have to report it by law. However, before I see a client I disclose when I have a duty to report. It is standard. What I want to add is if you are a therapist reading this, it is also important to let the person know, that we are sexual beings and sex feels good. Pedophiles know this and many have children feeling guilt which extends to adulthood. But children don’t have the maturity to understand this. The harm that sexual abuse does to a child is devastating. The shame is enormous. The shame should never be theirs but those who abuse them. Shame and guilt is common in many who come to therapy, for a variety of reasons. People are told that they are not responsible, but often they haven’t processed that or relieved themselves of such. I can’t think of anything worse than hurting a child. Others come extremely close. There are some who have been so abused by everyone in their childhood, that they are afraid to have children, thinking the same will happen to their children. There are those who believe it is acceptable in their culture because that is what they have experienced. Some of these children find lucrative careers as they grow older and are full of warmth and kindness. I am often in awe of the people who come to me for help and I realize it is a privilege. If you are being abused report it. If who you tell doesn’t believe you, tell a person in authority. Understand you can report this to the police. You are not alone. What do you think?