Peter Gibbs, Poetry Anthology, Let the good Rhymes Roll sent me a Christmas Card by mistake

I received two Christmas cards today. One was one I sent myself which was returned. They were long time family friends who had lived in the same place for as long as I can remember from my early youth. I would visit them at times throughout the years and each year we exchanged Christmas cards. I received one from them last year so I was surprised that my card was returned as unknown person. The last time I saw them was at a funeral three years ago. COVID has stopped me from visiting anyone especially the elderly. So today I did some investigating (limited) with negative results. My sibling shall be on the scent trail. I also received a Christmas card from Peter Gibbs. Thank you Peter for the kind words, but I don't know you. It costs a pound and 70 for the postage and Alexa was trying to give me the exchange rate. I believe one pound is 1.70. She sometimes tells me that she doesn't know that, whenever I ask her too many questions. Sometimes, she is more accommodating. Siri just tells me he doesn't get it and try again. Siri thought I was asking in weight. I am not complaining. I like asking computers for facts and most times they comply. I thought you could find anyone on the web but I cannot find you Peter Gibbs. I did see your book but not your contact information. You did send it to my address but the postal code is wrong and I couldn't pin point one address with the code. So, even though I searched I could not find your contact info or the person you were trying to reach. Even your website doesn't have a way to contact you. So, I shall hang your Christmas card with my others and it is only fair to say thank you since I love Christmas cards. Merry Christmas to you and maybe you should have at least an email on your site in case your fans want to write. I have never received a Christmas card from England before so it is rather nice. Should you see this if you ever type your name, let me know who you want to actually have this and it can be done.

The Internet Murders - silvaredigonda.ca

Sandra stirred and her eyes slowly opened. “Hi Sandra. My name is Philip. My partner and I were first on the scene. How are you feeling?” Sandra looked up at the tall man who had spoken to her. He has the most amazing eyes, she thought just as a spasm of pain seized her body. She winced. “You’ve been through quite an ordeal. Do you know who attacked you?” Sarah tried to answer that she didn’t, but she felt herself slowly drifting off. The doctor entered. She too admired the good looks of the officer, which was not missed by Philip. She told him that the patient had been sedated. She would be in that state for a few days. The physician continued in a professional tone, “Her ribs have abrasions and contusions as does most of her body, and she has had forty stitches to close her head wound. She also has a gash on her right forearm, a knife wound, I suspect.” The patient would heal without complication, however, and the doctor wanted her to rest as much as possible. The nurse, who was still in the room, realized the effect the policeman had on her, even though she had been married for only a few months. He smiled at her and she thought she was going to melt. She left hurriedly to get away from his spell. Philip looked down at Sandra and watched her sleeping peacefully. He wanted the person who did this to her. She reminded him of his little sister. She had died so young. Tears filled his eyes at the thought of his little sister taken much too young and much too violently.

Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

Sexual Child Abuse

I indicated in my last blog that the next writing will be regarding another article I read on psychology today, pp20 - 23, that I wanted to share with you. The writer in the article belonged to a religious cult and she wrote a book about her experiences “Sex Cult Nun: Breaking Away from the Children of God, a Wild, Radical Religious Cult” by Faith Jones. I won’t talk about her story. But she states that a component of sexual abuse is power disparity. Children cannot give meaningful consent and any consent involves undue pressure. She continues that children don’t have the ability to understand the ramifications of the act. They experience emotional trauma, at times delayed, when they realize what was done to them and what was taken. Years ago I was listening to a man talk to a group of us telling us how it is beneficial to a child to learn how to make love. I knew he was a pedophile. He did not know, that I knew. However, I did tell him what I thought about his comment among his peers. A few days later he approached me to explain, because he didn’t want me to think he liked kids. Since then I have met a few other pedophiles and when introduced to another, I saw him trembling as he spoke to me and then it happened. I felt sorry for him. In grad studies, I took a Couple Therapy and family research course during the summer at Guelph University and my research proposal was pedophile priests which I posted here in my blog years ago. In my second career I took a three day sexual assault course in Sudbury. I have mentioned that before. The course began with a woman telling her story about how her father and brother both sexually assaulted her while growing up. She reported it to the OPP Officer leading the course and said that she felt right about talking to the female Officer, because not once did she look at her watch. When this was investigated her mother denied that this was going on, as did the other family members (her father and brother). She was told that she had shamed the family and was disowned. Since then as a therapist I cannot count how many men and women I have seen who have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused. I always inform them that they can report it to the police. No one except one has done so. If I see a child, I would have to report it by law. However, before I see a client I disclose when I have a duty to report. It is standard. What I want to add is if you are a therapist reading this, it is also important to let the person know, that we are sexual beings and sex feels good. Pedophiles know this and many have children feeling guilt which extends to adulthood. But children don’t have the maturity to understand this. The harm that sexual abuse does to a child is devastating. The shame is enormous. The shame should never be theirs but those who abuse them. Shame and guilt is common in many who come to therapy, for a variety of reasons. People are told that they are not responsible, but often they haven’t processed that or relieved themselves of such. I can’t think of anything worse than hurting a child. Others come extremely close. There are some who have been so abused by everyone in their childhood, that they are afraid to have children, thinking the same will happen to their children. There are those who believe it is acceptable in their culture because that is what they have experienced. Some of these children find lucrative careers as they grow older and are full of warmth and kindness. I am often in awe of the people who come to me for help and I realize it is a privilege. If you are being abused report it. If who you tell doesn’t believe you, tell a person in authority. Understand you can report this to the police. You are not alone. What do you think?

Spirituality and Recovery ( please bang head here attached)

I attended a one hour live webinar during my lunch break, thinking that it would be interesting. I wanted to hear about how spirituality is utilized in Recovery from the speaker’s perspective because it has been a fair part of my education. I didn’t however expect the speaker to refer and think of herself as God - literally. I believe she added that we are all Gods. Of course my mind could have got stuck from listening further. When she spoke of a higher power I was curious if she was speaking about herself. Another time she stated that we are all dopamine junkies. I won’t go into spirituality vs religion or talk about dopamine because I have written about it all in depth for you throughout the years. However, I have provided you with what was provided to me from a friend who worked with Toronto Police years ago while I was in my first career. This “bang head here” hung in my first career locker and then in my second. I didn’t have need for it again until after listening to this speaker talk. A recovering alcoholic, I give her credit that this has all probably worked for her to stay sober and I am pleased for her. However, to present this as an education piece is probably worse that when a Psychologist with a Phd, stood at the front of the classroom saying how we have two brains (she wasn’t laughing). What she was talking about is the two hemispheres of the brain. Again, I have discussed the brain and all of it in my previous blogs. She was teaching at a private school, I am pleased to say and not at a university. However, she made more sense than what I heard in this webinar. This speaker also talked about the steps of AA, but I didn’t know that until another member asked her if that was what she was talking about. I had to look at this speaker’s qualification and she is a certified addiction counsellor. I breathed a sigh of relief. I still feel it is a bit scary to elevate oneself to that of God. But what can I say? I took the rest of the day off, with an unexpected headache after listening to what the speaker spewed. I relaxed by watching Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot “The Adventure of the Italian Nobleman.” My suggestion to you is if you ever hear a speaker claim he or she is God - run. However, if you cannot run, feel free to make use of my “bang head here.” Tonight I am attending another webinar. This is from my local sisters in crime. The speaker is a Toronto Police Forensic Detective who will informing us of his 2008 journey to Afghanistan to teach local lawyers basic forensics. Normally, at the end of the day I am too tired for anymore webinars or lectures but this is just too good to pass and I did take off the afternoon after listening to God’s impersonator. My next topic for you is child sexual abuse which was also inspired by this month’s psychology today.

Mindfulness - Not without risk

Mindfulness has become the popular thing to do for self care, yet it is not new. I remember as a teenager our high school went to a retreat centre in Guelph and we spent the day focusing on self care. I remember all of us laying on the floor and told to focus on different parts of our body from our scalp down to our toes until we were all well rested. Or were we? In health psychology our professor did the same, only this time we were seated, at the beginning of our class. This time I did feel relaxed. With a busy schedule of work and school it provided me with time out. He gave us a handout of the exercise (15 min) and I use it for clients when I think they can benefit from it. It is not counted for hours by our College of Psychotherapy. In grad school, we were in the chapel and an Aboriginal classmate nun and friend I liked to have coffee with, worked with mindfulness and demonstrated on us. This time, it bothered me. I did not like the sensation. I didn’t know why. I couldn’t understand it and decided that it was because I didn’t like the sensation of not being in control. I stopped following her instructions and my mind returned to the present. Now years later, I wouldn’t mind talking with my old schoolmate to learn more of what she is doing and how it affects her clients. Years later when I was speaking to someone who had practiced mindfulness at a clinic told me she had stopped because it disturbed her. I shared this info with a physician while riding an elevator with him in my office building but he was so adamant about its positive effects that he didn’t think there was any possibility of negativity. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. That had become his main business. So, when I was reading my Psychology Today Nov/Dec 21 edition, the caption “A downside to mindfulness” p 8, caught my immediate interest. I shall share this with you because I found that not everyone knows there can be a risk. The article written by Christopher Bergland reveals that mindfulness may trigger harmful side effects more often than people think. He provides two studies. 8% of one study found that feelings of anxiety was most common, followed by depression and cognitive anomalies such as confusion or disorientation. Instances of suicidal ideation, though rare, accounted for 11% of reported adverse events. In the second study, 58% participants in an eight week mindfulness trial reported at least one negative side effect, such as insomnia, anxiety, or dissociations; 37% of these found that the side effects interfered with functioning. 6% most often related to dissociation, lasted more than a month. A small amount had to stop the treatment. I don’t know how many participants were in this study, or who the control group consisted of. There is a lot missing of the actual studies. However, it is enough to have me raise caution to the wind. I do tell clients that this doesn’t work for everyone because I have seen that it doesn’t. I also know that for many it does work. However, I never read that it could cause harm which has now come to my attention. I will be mindful of the risks. As a therapist, I utilize all I have learned to help the client achieve his or her goal. Sometimes, during therapy what actually bothers a client is not what the client thought it was. Therapy can have someone step outside of themselves to safely look at themselves and explore what is bothering them, what is keeping them from being happy, from moving on. Sometimes all we can do is have the client be less sad. I know that I am not a miracle worker. I do the best I can with all my education, knowledge, experiences etc…but most of all I want to do no harm. What do you think? Have a good weekend. Keep safe.

The Internet Murders - continues

“Sandra was dreaming again. She was running, the dark figure never far behind her. Her heart could not bear to beat any faster. Philip walked into the room and realized that Sandra was having a nightmare. She was moaning and moving back and forth. He was wondering whether he should wake her when the red-haired nurse walked in. “She is beautiful, isn’t she?” The nurse commented casually, not expecting an answer, as she examined the solution in the bag draining fluids into Sandra. Sandra became still. Whatever she had been dreaming must have come to a close, because she stopped moving, and her face relaxed. “Just a coincidence, her being so still suddenly; she is alive,” the nurse said softly, smiling at Philip. Philip knew that women found him attractive, especially when he was in uniform. Women liked to feel protected, and his presence always made them feel safer. It was not only his physique. Philip stood tall at six feet two and was muscular and firm at 210 lbs. The contrast of his darker skin colour and green eyes made most women just want to look at him. His eyes derived from his mother’s gene pool. He had also inherited the softness of her nose and lips. From his father, he inherited his square jaw and powerful physique. His skin colouring was a blended mixture of his mother’s fair skin and his father’s dark skin. His mother would tell him that his skin tone of mixed batter of their favourite peanut butter cookies. He was just perfect. Their perfect child. He loved his mother more than life itself. She wanted grandchildren, but that was the furthest thing from his mind. He wanted to focus on his work and studies. The nurse was staring at him. “You have the most beautiful green eyes.” “My mother is from Sweden. Her entire family is fair-skinned with blue eyes except for her. She has green eyes. She used to tell me that her eyes were green because they were meant for me.” “And your father?” She asked curiously. He was a professor at Queen’s University. He taught English. He had a massive heart attack when he was 49. He didn’t make it.” “I’m so sorry.” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

Psychology Today reports: “People with disabilities are often made to feel as though their bodies are public property” (Dec 21, p 24-25)

I wasn’t going to write about this today. I wanted to refer to another article I read in the same magazine. Actually, there are quite a few articles that are interesting to report and discuss. However, this morning while watching the news, I saw a video of a man roughly being handled by at least two men, whom was being thrown out along with his service dog from a rib and other meat kind of restaurant in Milton, Ontario. I went to Milton years ago and it looked like I was going back into time. It has grown a lot since then and I only notice it when driving on the Highway. This man reported that he had produced proof that his dog was a service dog. I find it unbelievable that every day I hear some notorious act happening where it is not ok. In matter of fact it is criminal. People seem to being suing more and more which I remember only Americans doing but we have caught on and rightly so. I am surprised that the dog did not attack the men assaulting his owner because that is what I observed from my angle. I am curious to see what is going to be explained here. So, that is why I am going to talk about the article regarding disability as discussed in this article: Dean has a movement disorder and is often asked by strangers what is wrong with him. Strangers ask him personal questions on a daily basis, make fun of him etc….These are strangers asking what happened to him, was he born that way etc….The article written by Karen Stoliznow, Ph.D, states that there is a tendency and entitlement to ask these personal questions and to expect answers. The article continues with comments such as “you look so normal; are you really disabled?” One veteran responded to an employee asking, “How do we know you are even disabled?” His response was that he was blown up in Afghanistan and he pulled up his pants showing his prosthetic limb. The article indicates that the rate of violent victimization of people with disabilities is 2.5 times higher than without (USA Department of Justice). The article ends with disability etiquette which in my words are “it is none of your business.” In the writers more etiquette words respect the privacy of people with disabilities but does state that “their personal information is none of our business, unless they want to share it.” She indicates that most people have good intentions and don’t wish to be offensive, but this can all take an emotional toll for the person being asked the question. This author’s book include On The Offensive: Prejudice in Language Past and Present. Years ago while working in my second career, I was near the Track and Field and I observed a man wearing the most remarkable running shoes. I had to ask where he bought them. I wanted a pair for myself. I was stunned when he showed me that he had a prosthetic leg. He spent about five minutes explaining the running shoe, costs etc…. He let me know that sorry, so sad, you can't buy them. Another time I was asked a question and I turned away from my car to face two men, one man’s face seemed ripped apart. I cannot remember what they were asking me but I replied casually. The man with the disfigured face started a conversation with me and I responded in turn. Never once did I ask him anything about what had happened to him. Never once did he volunteer on his own. I wasn’t a therapist at the time either. I had been shopping at a large hardware store. It must have been refreshing for the man to have a general conversation with a woman without showing any attention to anything else but the topic on hand. This is a good time to have a conversation with your child and yourself regarding what is appropriate. No one likes to be stared at negatively or to be horrified by a person’s disfigurement. We are all people with feelings and we all want to be loved and not dehumanized. As I end this, I wonder what I will hear on the news tonight about this restaurant in Milton. How are they going to explain this? Were the police called? Will this go to court and how much will he sue? Sometimes, people need a wake up call, that it is not ok to hurt others. Have a good weekend. Mine was very productive. I attended another Sisters In Crime event where I am learning more and more about the world of selling books. I must admit I prefer writing them than the business side of the house. You know I have two websites. www.silvaredigonda.ca and www.redigondapsychotherapy.com What do you think?