Sexual Abuse

I mentioned I wanted to share what I read in an article from Psychology Today Aug 20. It reveals that one in nine girls under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse at the hands of an adult. 18% of boys are sexually abused by a trusted adult. Almost all of the survivors feel shame (p 29). Shame is something I often hear . We are sexual beings and when a predator sexually abuses he often will have the child think that it is wanted. Since in cases, pleasure is felt than the child feels the shame. Shifting the shame away from the client and onto the predator is what I do. They are children and not responsible. Others also threaten the lives of their parents if they tell. If you are reading this blog and have been sexually abused do feel free to tell. Many do not report it and many more never share this until it comes out in therapy. This is just a fraction of what happens. Pg 29 continues that that there is an assumption that men aren’t or shouldn’t be victims. This often leads boys and men to minimize or conceal what happened. Their sense of masculinity, failing to prevent the assault can undermines their self esteem. U.S. Psychiatrists recognized that early sexual abuse left lasting scars mirroring those of veteran patients. I now often ask my clients if they have been sexually abused depending who the client is. I sometimes wait for the right time to ask or patiently wait for the client to inform me when she or he is ready. The article continues that most who have been abused later have problems with intimacy, trust and sexual relationships. I concur. What the writer of the article states is that he began a group of 8 men who had been traumatized as children where they would share experiences and learn about its adult consequences. At the first meeting there was a rule of no sarcasm. He explained that sarcasm is often utilized to shut down uncomfortable conversation. Learning to live with the discomfort was one of the primary reasons they were meeting. That was in 1994. In 2020 the group of men still meet every 2nd Monday evening, except for two. One of the two moved but still tries to attend by internet. This article was written by Dr Bert Pepper, M.D. a clinical psychiatrist. If there are any errors, I claim it as mine. There are therapists who will not work with those who have abused. I am going to ask that when you read this you don’t make negative comments against the abuser. Many have been abused themselves. The first time I met a child molester I was prepared for the hostility I would feel, but as the person trembled before me (not when I was a therapist) I actually felt sorry for him. I wrote a paper which I posted on my blog “pedophile priest”. It was a research proposal as part of my studies. It is not meant to bash priests but it does provide information regarding the pedophile and how common sexual abuse is. Not everyone was pleased that I chose the topic for a proposal and I was dealt with some blocks when researching. When I shared this with my Jesuit friend, he said “of course.” As you know I have been told I am risque at times. However, we need to make changes in this world and silence does not make change. If you have been abused and are reading this article and have remained silent, remember that you don’t have to be. You can report this. If you have reported this and the adult ignored it, go to a therapist or the Police and report it. You don’t need to be silent. It is your choice. Remember that this was not your fault. I attended a three day sexual assault course in Sudbury years ago in a previous career. The first speaker informed us of how as a child she was raped by her father and brothers. When she reported it to the police when she was older, her mother called her a liar and told her she had brought shame to the family. She was told they wanted nothing more to do with her. She was introduced as the first speaker to prepare us for what we were going to hear. We were provided with the tools to co-ordinate a three day seminar ourselves. This was organized by an OPP female Officer. Wonderful course. On a lighter note: I have been attending many series, meeting etc….which I may be sharing with you before going back to my notes. Much has to do with the Corona Virus. I may as well share all this before it becomes redundant. I haven’t had much time to write for fun but am now focusing on becoming more updated on how to sell my books. Right now I am on www.silvaredigonda.com but will be adding more sites. I write for fun only. With the pandemic my work has increased so I must be mindful of how much I do. Days pass quickly. I will probably sooner, rather than later place a calendar for new clients only at my site, www.redigondapsychotherapy.com However that will be very limited. So thank you for reading my blogs. Keep healthy. Maintain distances and please take this pandemic seriously. Listen to what the Doctors who are specialists in the field before listening to the politicians because not all of them are listening to the experts. Take some quiet time for yourself and think of what is positive in your life. What do you think?

A Grateful Day with Brother David Steindl-Rast - Gratefulness.org

Climate Change for Clinicians, Family Therapy Magazine May/Jun 20 pgs 43 -44 by Gioia Jacobson, MA, LMFT - (Spend time in nature from me)

I wanted to share with you a bit of what I read as per the caption. Jacobson states that today about 55% of our population live in urban (city) areas. Anxiety and disorders and depression are positively correlated with living in the city. Contact with nature and green spaces is linked with improved mental and physical health…..Climate solutions are available now, and support psychological health, such as increasing adoption of active commuting, green spaces and clean energy. Positive mental health effects can be viewing nature, sitting in nature and conservation - based activities. Exposure to nature is correlated to reduced psychological and physiological stress. Thank you Ms Jacobson. Now for my input…….One of the things I always or nearly always recommend for my clients is to spend time in nature. Being a city person myself, spending time in nature is paramount and has been since I was a teen. Growing up my parents incorporated it into our lives and I learned that my love of animals domesticated or not was part of that love for nature. Give me a cabin by the water and I would be a queen. However, being a city person I would need it to have everything like electricity, wifi and a great toilet/bath/shower. Why not have a combination of both? I normally suggest as part of self care, walking and better still walking in nature. Some find peace in walking in cemeteries and that is ok. In some cases where people are confined and there is no possibility of park land, I suggest getting a plant or two and taking care of them while enjoying its beauty. My priority at my home is the outside. If I am confined, I can enjoy the trees and flowers and greenery around me. This article stood out to me because I take too much for granted when it comes to knowledge. Somethings which may be obvious to me isn’t to everyone. So, why not spend sometime in nature today? Close your eyes in nature? Name three things you hear. Name three things you actually feel. Now pretend you are opening your eyes and what do you see? When you are ready open your eyes and savour your senses. What do you think? Next week I want to include some of what I read in Psychology today regarding treatment for sexual abuse, for men. After that I will like to return to my notes of social studies. I believe we are still working on, and alternate weeks regarding theology. Have a good week and keep safe. Maintain social distancing, wash your hands frequently, wear a mask to protect others and live life.

911 - A reflection each year and thoughts to all the Families

911 attacked all of us. It was also a reminder that we should never get too complacent. During this time period I have the History Channel and so I was fortunate to get some up to date documentaries regarding that terrible day. I watched a bit each evening. The one I focused on first is the plane that went down which had been trying to get to Washington. Those brave souls sacrificed their own lives and ensured that if the plane went down, it would be in a rural area, minimizing risk to those below. Then I watched the documentary about the Pentagon being hit. That was enough. I have many more I have taped and will watch in segments because it is too sad to watch all at once. To all the survivors, you not only have Americans who are grateful. We were all attacked. I am most grateful too. To all the survivors and families who have to still deal with this tragedy, God speed.

Local Farmers Market - Weston Village (Hey Yorkdale Mall - want to take this on? Great for community service!!!! )

Once I discovered the Farmers market at Weston and Lawrence, I was hooked. I used to see a sign advertising it but never did find it until I was driving North on Weston and behold there they were, at a Go Station (I believe it is). After going for several years, this year I couldn’t find it. It was gone and then after asking a policeman and Go police I believe he was at the site, and neither knowing, I believed my favourite market was gone. But I had read it was there in a community paper. Why was it hidden? Then alas, I asked a woman walking along Weston and she knew where it had been moved to. It was moved to John Street. Now, take note it is not John Street where the Mirvish theatre is and my GPS always tries to take me to. It is one block North of Lawrence, on the East side of Weston. On my first day I found parking in the smallest parking lot ever. I paid my $2.00 city parking knowing I wouldn’t need more time. My first day wasn’t the best. The sanitizer squirted onto my clothing and the workers were laughing at me as I tried to clean myself off which of course I complained to someone who was not really helpful. I had asked for a manager and she said she was. I did not think she was. She then said she was a volunteer and no one else was available. I saw the same workers again and they are much more respectful and polite in general. All is forgiven. Parking became a problem and I wondered if I should return? Due to the pandemic I have reduced all of my shopping except on line. However with groceries I go about every two weeks and that includes the Farmers Market. I buy more and go less. Saturday I was pleased to get the only parking space left. I noticed that the market was not the busy place it used to be and it was evident to me that the location is the pits. I bought something at most of the stalls. As always I saw the most beautiful vegetables and fruits. I was in love. I used to be the person who ate vegetables because it is good for me. However, everything tastes so much better from the market. It is fresh and I mean fresh which seems to be more difficult to get these days. I asked a farmer how long they would be there. I noticed the disappointment in his face. He began that he didn’t know. Another more senior farmer came and we talked for quite a bit. He comes from a Farm still considered part of the Greater Toronto Area. I learned that they do not like the location either. They don’t get answers to their questions by the business committee, I suppose they are but don’t quote me. They have gone through three managers already this summer. Of course I suggested going to the politicians. If I have a problem I cannot resolve, that a politician can, that is my go to. Their success depends on my voting for them in the next election. Hey every vote should count. Of course if you are outside Toronto, their vote does not count. He told me that the politicians didn’t care. I then suggested the news. “Go to the news.” He told me how old he was. I don’t think of age as a factor, but I did understand. He is considering retirement sooner than later. Why does he want to open up a can of worms for what seems to be an ungrateful community (My words; not his.) But is this community not grateful or is it just bad planning and disorganization? Everyone depends on volunteers these days. Volunteer for this and volunteer for that. I try to avoid that. As you know I am a one person operation and though I have offered my services at times, I have only volunteered when I felt guilty or when my old supervisor asked me to. I can’t say no to him; he knows it and so there you go. If he asks I do it because he has always supported me so much and educated me well in providing therapy. So, who are the volunteers? I would presume if someone is working with the farming community that they will do their best to keep them happy. Farmers coming into Toronto to provide us with fresh food is amazing. It is also part of their livelihood. I make sure it is the actual farmer I am going to. That is something to look out for. I have a lot of time and respect for people who feed me. Why are we not keeping them happy at Weston? Perhaps it is time for a change from their neighbourhood to mine or closer to it. We can surely keep them coming and keep them happy. I noticed a few years back which I may have written about, I was on a day trip and stopped at a farmers market in Hamilton (or Burlington. They are adjacent to each other) in a mall’s parking lot. I found wonderful homemade cheese made from an elder Italian man and there were many other goodies. Of course I also stopped at their mall and found it to be quite nice. Perhaps these farmers can find something like that here. Hey Yorkdale Mall, right at Dufferin Street and the 401, would be an excellent location. They have a massive parking lot, they don’t sell fruit and vegetables because they don’t have a grocery store anymore and it would motivate more patrons. Heck, I would probably venture into the mall more (haven’t been since COVID). Yorkdale is my favourite mall. I let the farmer know that there are many people in Toronto who appreciate them and support them. So, lets support these wonderful people by giving them a new location and see them smile again as they make me smile each time I take a bite of their precious fruit and vegetables. Thank you. (Oh by the way, when leaving, a woman had parked her car blocking me from getting out. It was an inconvenience for her that I asked her to move the car. So, please let’s find a new spot for these precious people and if Weston Village can’t keep them happy, perhaps other communities in Toronto can. What do you think? Yorkdale, are you listening?

Suicide - Canada

With this new blog system it is more difficult to share without providing a new password for my other media which I will not do. Hopefully this will change. It is unfortunate. So, what I already posted else, I will share with you today. This info is from CAMFT (Canadian Association of Familty Therapy) and CAMH. 4000 Canadians die from suicide each year. Men die four times greater even though women attempt suicide three or four times more often. More than half of suicides involve those aged 45 years or older. From my own studies I will add to this. More elderly men commit suicide than any other. It was discussed in my undergrad that men choose suicide that is more violent such as hanging or shooting one self while women choose less violence such as overdose of pills. This may be a reason that men are more likely to be successful in attempting suicide. Also, I learned that with people who were unsuccessful, many were grateful that they were not successful. As a therapist I was trained to have a contract with those who spoke of suicide, however, it took one client to tell me how absurd that was, that if he really wanted to kill himself, a contract was useless. It is important to distingush when one is serious about suicide and when one is just frustrated. Careers can be ended. There are people who for years have suicide thoughts which haunts them, yet they don't know why and have no intention to do so. If you see yourself here find a qualified therapist and share those feelings. Start opening up to your parents or partner etc.....I am always amazed of how many people keep so much within themselves. Start a journal, start a conversation, find time in nature. Look for your interests and if you are feeling too depressed please wait no longer. What do you think?

Job posting

Dear Silva Redigonda, We want you to know of our latest fundraising effort - a job career posting site - we hope will help generate funds to support the Royal Canadian Air Cadets. Proceeds raised from the posting of resumés and from the posting of jobs by aerospace (or other) industries on our job career site will be used to fund the RCAF Association Continuation Flying Training Program of bursaries and scholarships. Since 1994, the RCAF Association has donated to a special account which presently sits at $284,000. Interest generated from the account each year helps fund up to three $2,500 scholarships to eligible worthy air cadets enrolled in applicable post-secondary education and training programs or continuation flying training that is of benefit to air cadet squadrons across the country. We realize not all of our members are still in the employment market, but each of us has an opportunity to recruit others who may be looking for work, especially in our national aerospace industry. Thank you for exploring our new job career posting site, and please do pass the word along. Let's raise more funds for our hard-working Air Cadets today! @jobs.rcafassociation.ca