After the Affair

I finally completed reading, "After the Affair" by Dr Janis Abrahms Spring & Michael Spring. I had attended one of her conferences in the past. Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. Does having an affair mean the marriage or relationship is over? No. I remember a fellow undergrad whose interest was in this area and she provided me with a copy of her paper. I was interested. I did read things that surprised me then. I miss those days where everyone was so eager to learn in their different streams and of course because of our learning we were always striving to learn more. I have matured and the eagerness has become a more down to earth maturity with knowledge. I can never know enough. Therefore, I am responsible to keep learning to benefit myself and my clients. There was a time when I would only read to learn and develop myself. Now I read for pleasure as well. I know that it is only a matter of time when I will write my own book about therapy, but for now, I shall indulge in fiction. I shall soon return to my third book when I have completed all my endless paperwork. It will be strictly fictional and then I have an idea for one more fiction. After that I will write about therapy. Til then........... For those of you having an affair out there, maybe you too should pick up this book. People who may not be happy in their marriages may seek an escape whether it is an affair, spending time in the garage or elsewhere, from the partner. Maybe it is time for you to seek help. For people who have had their partners cheat on them, this is a good book for you to look to for some answers as some of this may apply to you. It takes two to work on a relationship. We cannot change other people but we can change ourselves and that has a domino effect. If you are thinking of divorcing, why not think about giving your relationship a good try first. After all, if you committed to yourself, why not give your marriage a chance by looking at yourself and the relationship. What are you willing to give up to please your partner? What is your partner willing to change to please you? How was your relationship, when you first met? How is it now? When did things change? Now, what can you do to get that love for your partner back? The first step is letting go your affair. That is your escape and perhaps it is time to face what you have in your life and make informed decisions. What do you think?

Made in China. No thank you!

It has been a busy month and with Christmas fast approaching it does not appear to me that it will slow down. However, I always manage to balance my life and being content like a Persian cat is my motto. I am looking forward to hosting an annual cousins Christmas get together. Did I mention I love parties and gatherings? I tried to see if I could get a vegetarian platter at Costco’s - no such luck. They would remove the meat, they said, but I did not actually want meat removed. A friend of mine, a very proud Jew, who after her last celebration told me how she finally found someone who could cater wonderfully, invited me the day after to help her eat some of the left overs. She also gave me a doggy bag to bring home and I will return the favour some day. Maybe it will be after my own celebration of having some family. Maybe I will ask for the phone number of her service. Maybe I will just breakdown and make a tea like event by buying loads of bread, cutting the edges and slicing them into squares. First I will magically produce an array of cream and cucumbers, tuna, salmon (I still eat some fish if it does not look at me). I love high tea and so why not? Of course there will be cheese, fruit, wine etc……..I love life. Now back to China. But first I want to let you know that I have attended more conferences and have one more this month which will stretch to two days and then of course after all that networking, getting up to date with my professional development, I will head off to my favourite place in Ontario, Niagara Falls to catch the Ice Show, buy some home grown wine and just enjoy life in my free country. Now back to China. Oh yes, I will talk about my conferences. There was some actual research done concerning psychotherapy and spirituality right here in my home town. I personally thought it was a very small sample and could of been done better but it is a start and some research is better than no research. Now back to China. Oh, before I begin with China, there is a group of people really upset about the College of Psychotherapy, who I am still waiting patiently to open office, even if it is going to take more money from my pocket. If you are not qualified, no more taking money from people who have no clue what qualifications are required to provide psychotherapy. I am excited that the government has awaken and become concerned that people are in practice with no qualifications. So, I don’t know why I keep getting emails from organizations who think they can continue this, because I support protecting the public. Sorry, Guys. I am on the side of protecting people; that is why I chose my professions. Back to school for you, so you can earn those big bucks. Now back to China. Oooops, did I mention that I will be bringing you up to date with what I have been learning? I will in due time. Now, really, back to China. I was watching the news (as I normally do) where my Prime Minister was in China making deals with China. Now they can work out finances in Chinese currency. I think they have some sort of billion or billions Chinese deal. In the same news cast, the reporters (this is the kind of reporting I like) were filming crosses from buildings being toppled (of course it is because they are not up to code. (Is a cross ever up to code in China?) You could tell the Prime Minister wasn’t happy about this but is very polite about it because we are a polite society. Then the film continues with a large group of people standing on what appears to be a massive Church. They are on the front steps protecting their Church. The next frame is the entire destruction of the Church. It is in shambles. You have to love those communist countries who think we are so stupid. I guess the Church wasn’t built to code either. Then reporters, being the inquisitive creatures that they are at stirring the pot, ask their questions, but you can only hear the answer and a business man who is probably there with our Prime Minister to make deals and shake hands with the ……….tells us all, that it is their country and they should be able to do what they want in their own country. Now, there was a caption with a name for everyone else talking but not this arrogant business man. Why is that? I am very disappointed about that because I would certainly buy no product from who ever he is representing. I am normally the first to have my Christmas decorations up. After Hallowe’en I begin slowly. Last year I realized I needed more lights for the outside. I was slowly building up a nice glow outside and enjoyed it when people would stop to look. However, last year I realized that my front lawn needed much more and had planned to buy more. It got so cold that I decided to wait. So this year, I have my tree up and realize that I would like a much bigger and wider tree, however, this is all that would fit in my car and that was no easy task. The salesman from Rona actually shoved it in my passenger seat. I don’t have a big car. I have a very very little car who is old enough to vote. Do they vote in China? So, while my car is still alive or until I make more money my little car and little tree will have to do. However, I need the lights, so I drove off to Costco in my little car who is rusting away as I drive him. I visit the Christmas lights section and I notice it is all made in China. All I see, is crosses being toppled and one big church being toppled and hey did I mention the Canadians they arrested for being spies. What did they do, pay for a cross???? Hey, maybe they had a cross in the coffee shop? Hey, maybe they are Jews or Christians or whatever and that makes them spies? Anyhow, I put the Christmas lights back on the counter. What saved Costco was that they were selling stuff made in Italy, Portugal and my neighbours USA. So, I bought a nice towel made in the USA. At least that feeds some Americans that are provided with work. I ask a man who looks important because he is talking at a group of employees if they have anything in the Christmas bulbs department not made in China. Nope, he does not. So, I have made my point. I buy my Italian coffee which is 6.00 cheaper there and that alone covers my member ship fees. And I buy more stuff that I need but apparently cannot recall what that is, because it is two whole days ago, and I go to the check out. There is a Costco employee around who I have a conversation with. I tell him about my disappointment about not being able to buy Christmas lights which was my motive for going there. I will now have to look more. “Good luck with that. I bought a Canadian flag as a souvenir for someone and it is made in Taiwan. Can you believe that?” I respond, “I thought they were going to stop that?” Now as I type away, I remember that the flag outside my pole is made in China. I nod at the guy and remember that I too had picked a colourful souvenir which I thought was cute. However, when I saw where it was made, I put it back on the shelf. So, after I get sorted out today, I will go to Home Depot and look for Christmas lights and this time, I will have to buy them regardless of where they are made, because if I cannot find any not made in China, anywhere than it is only China or nothing shining outside. “ Hey, didn’t Canada make a deal with China worth billions?” the Canadian man at Costco continued. I nodded. “If we can’t find anything made in Canada now, what will this mean?” I hum in agreement. “Look at the people out east. They have no jobs.” I agree, “I know and they come here to find work, and they can’t.” I leave Costco feeling concerned that our own people have no work, while people in Communist countries or exploited countries are working cheap with cheap products. I am concerned that big corporation representatives think it is oky that countries have the right to hurt their people because it provides them with more money that they will ever need. I see Churches being destroyed and people being arrested for little reason. I see Corporations merging and becoming more powerful and I become concerned that perhaps our own politicians will be replaced or owned by Corporations. However, I see hope in our future. I see youth with a social conscious. I see a youth with a growing concern for humanity. I see a promise to make our global village more habitual for everyone. I see a world where people are free to choose if they want to believe in a God or not. I see people who can once again breathe fresh air. I see a world where there is no starvation. I see a world where people are accountable for their actions. I see a world where dictatorship belongs only in history. When I see a fresh young face, I see hope. What do you think?

York University Book Sale, "Hey Guy Buy Me"

Yesterday I went to another conference. I must admit I am getting a tad tired. I will talk about that one in the next blog. My book sale at York University was fun. I got to see many people, I have not seen in a while. As soon as I entered Central Square, I was greeted by someone I know but have not seen in a year (I go to York once a year) and he immediately told me about the pancake sale for the United Way and treated me to the most delicious pancake I have ever had. When I lined up, there was all the brass from York serving and the Chef asked if I would prefer a pancake from the Chef? Did I have to be asked twice? Nope! He did not fail me. It was huge, and buttery and fluffy. I coated it with whip cream and some syrup and decorated it with a cherry. Oooooh good. I am surprised to find a Chef at the Cafeteria but I do believe he is a chef. If he can create anything else close to his pancake, than I am sold. I wish I could afford my own chef, cleaner, gardener ………dreaming……….. I did sell more books this year than the year before which is pretty good for me. Again, I was asked if I had written another. “Yes.” I replied to the tall older man. “It will be out by the next showcase.” It is a good thing that I wrote another book. I have a tough crowd. “Is it going to be the same?” he asked. “No, It’s different.” I replied. One student looked my book over very carefully. “What I like about your book is that it is easy to read.” “Yup” I replied. “I want everyone to be able to read it. Just like Harry Potter.” My old colleague who saw me was sitting with me and that started a chuckle.” The tall handsome student left and returned in a little while. “May I buy your book?” he asked politely. “Yes, you may.” I responded just as politely. I hope he likes it. It has cartoons. The day passed quickly. I had brought my Hallowe’en candies and this was a first that the students did not make them vanish in five minutes. What has happened to the students? Have they lost their sweet tooth? “Why do the students seem more serious this year?” I asked out loud for anyone to respond. “Because their tuition went up.” The woman at the next table responded. Tuition became the topic ( I am still paying off tuition expenses from going to the University of Toronto). I was pleased being in my element. I love Universities. I enjoyed talking to the students, staff and seeing old profs and colleagues. Each year that I go there, it is as if I have never left. “Why don’t you come more often. I like seeing you." Yup, it was like going home for an annual visit. And the pancakes……….sooooo gooood.

"Hey Guy Buy Me" will be at Showcase York University, Central Square.

Time is going so fast for me. I try to put the brakes on but life just speeds. I will be selling my book, "Hey Guy Buy Me" at Central Square, York University this coming Tuesday from 0900 to 4pm. Why not stop by and say hello and better still, buy a book. My second one is still with the publisher and it will be ready for my spring sales. Remember, I wrote this one for fun. So come and say hello. If I know you, bring me a coffee and donut. If I do not know you, just buy the book. I am bringing some Hallowe'en candies, because this year I had less than half of the people I had last year (rain and cold). No dogs trick or treating this year either. No teens (delightful) either. Still adults trying to grab handfuls of candy, though their kids would take only one. Now, the kids need to train the adults. There is hope in our future after all. I enjoy going to York once a year, whether I need to or not. I really loved using a York University binder when I was going to the University of Toronto. I loved both schools for different reasons. Both gave me a wonderful education. Both gave me friends for life. So, I hope to see you soon. Silva

Funeral for Patrice Vincent

I sit here and watch the funeral for a man of 28 years of service to his country who was run over by a car by a recruit of terrorism. I feel bad for this man who will never be able to retire. I feel pain for his mother. But I also feel sorry for the family of the one who slayed. It is wonderful how we have all attended the funeral even though it maybe by a television screen. I see our strength as Canadians as we grieve as a country. I see our strength as a country who can unite in sympathy and compassion. We are a great country. We are a free country. And that is how it will remain.

New Mayor For Toronto

This should be an interesting four years. Our riding voted for Ford. As I walked to the voting poll I was stopped by a neighbour and asked who I was going to vote for and I said Ford. It was not an easy decision. My neighbour no longer embarrassed of who he had voted for began talking about why he voted for Ford. "Subways, we need subways. We have needed them for a long time." "Yes, I agreed." "What is the problem? Even if they do a few stops every few years to make it more cost effective." I nodded. "He took off that rediculous tax." Yes, I thought. I also thought of the cost of 5cents for each bag he relieved us of. If only he would go to charm school so he could play nice, I thought. Last night I heard a professor on the news speak about the marginalized voting for the Fords. Apparently we have 300,000 poor people living in Toronto. Did 300,000 people who are poor vote? I do not think so. So where did the votes come from. I will be watching this Mayor very closely. It is the first time he has won any election. Would he have won if the people of Toronto didn't want to get rid of a Ford? That is the question. It was difficult for me this time and I had not decided who to vote for until one week before. I don't care for name calling or bullies. HOwever, the day I decided to vote for Ford, I wrote this pasted underneath for my blog. The elections I don’t remember a time when I followed an election so closely in deciding who to vote for. I recall the Jimmy Kimmel show (I hope I spelled it right) saying if the people of Toronto voted for Rob Ford, what does it say for the rest of the politicians in Toronto, or words to that effect. It was said jokingly and I took it that way. However, jokes have a way at tugging at the truth. Why did we vote for Rob Ford? I recall how I was teased at times at the beginning and at other times, people became downright rude after asking who I was going to vote for and I said Rob Ford. When did it happen that people were suddenly chastised for who they voted for in a democratic society? However, Rob’s years in politics was an eye opener for me. It had me examine my city in a new way. I saw reporters who I have always respected turn into paparazzi. Where was the professionalism I had grown to see? I saw politicians cut and bite into each other like self absorbing bullies in grade school. I saw a gang style mentality living in the political world. I also saw a business man doing his best regardless of his addictions controlling much wasteful spending from spoiled politicians. I remember when council had to buy their own coffees and one politician knowing that the news camera was on her complained about how time was wasted because she had to get her own coffee. Really? We did get some of our taxes back and we could stop paying for grocery bags. There was a lot done in the four years that Rob was Mayor. What I found most touching was when we had our electricity go out, it was the dethroned Rob Ford out there for the people of Toronto, not the stand-in. And, when Rob Ford became sick with cancer, I continued to see the ugly side of people with a constant attack. I have been following this election very closely and I watch as candidates attack each other relentlessly. Though my major was psychology, in my first year I had to study general courses. We were informed that it would broaden our perspectives and they were right. I studied analytical thinking and another course was analytical writing. That is exactly what some high school teens were doing when they were watching some bantering between the politicians in the debate. They had to eliminate what is fallacious to determine what each candidate was promising. I was quite entertained and inspired by these young people who are our future. There is promise for more possibilities. However for now, if we can focus on what we think is important in alignment with the candidates than that is what can be a factor in how we vote. What is important for me regarding how I vision my city? I have lived here for most of my life. I have watched my city grow in population. However, our infrastructure is outdated and with global warming, I know that we will get a wake up call. We have too many cars and I have to admit I detest taking the city transportation system and avoid it. I know we need subways. We need it bad. We need business women and men politicians who know what budget means. We need someone with vision to move our city into the 21st century. We need politicians who do not make whimsical promises because there are no repercussions. We need to be able to make our own decisions and vote and not be afraid of what our peers think. Today I made up my mind. My priority is subways and continuation of curbing wasteful spending. I have seen that happen and so today I contacted my choice to erect a sign on my lawn (the sign was never placed on my lawn). Take that! I love living in a democratic society. Let’s keep it that way and respect the choices we each make. That is what makes our country great.

Terror attack failed to stop us from moving on. Thank you Prime Minister for your leadership and thanks to the allied support.

We have had two days within three where homegrown terrorists killed two of our soldiers. Both were put down. The acts were those of cowards. But unfortuntely they are just unhappy pawns from a bigger picture of those those full of hatred who prey on the discontent. Running people down with a car is probably as low as it can get and shooting a man unarmed standing over the tomb of the unknown soldier is quite sad. But the missions failed. There is no terror, only sadness for two soldiers and their families. I was moved hearing our Prime Minister speak as well as the NDP Opposition Leader last night. Even our Premier who I did not vote for impressed me. I saw politicians come together as the Canadians that we are in support for our country. I thank the USA for standing by us and perhaps others should learn how to get along with their neighbours. Of course England and others supporting us is very warming. This is a funeral not only for the falmilies of the fallen soldiers but for all of us. Thank you to the world. How unfortunate that there is such driving hate and more so that they think God would ever endorse such hatred. God is not the one about hate. Evil is in the guise of hatred. My sympathies are to all the families who are suffering.