Honour Killing, Cultural Differences, awareness

Last night I watched a documentary that touched my heart. It is a Fuuse Media International 2012 film titled Banaz: An Honour Killing which was filmed in Britain. I recommend it because though this is one woman’s story, there are many like her. Banaz, as a teen was married off to a man ten years older, who abused her emotionally, physically and sexually. She escaped him several times, went to the Police several times, who failed to help her and she went to her family who eventually killed her. You see she brought them dishonour. She fell in love with a man who they did not approve of. She was disobedient to her husband. She was too independent. Her older sister escaped death because after she was physically attacked by her brother in a park, she fled her family and remains in hiding, as does her younger sister’s boyfriend. In our Western world this seems absurd. Perhaps that is why the police initially failed her. Her older sister testified against her family and I admire her for it. In the end it was a team led by a policewoman who doggedly ensured that everyone responsible for Banaz’s death including her father was brought to justice, also two who had escaped to their own Kurdish country. With the authorities there regardless of a high ranking police officer protecting his brother, they successfully brought them back. Now, all five are in prison for life. It was determined that 50 people were involved in her death in someway or another. No one claimed to know anything and everyone denied any wrong doing. It is the lead policewoman who visits Banaz’s grave. The Police became her family in death. As a result of this case, nine police officers who could have helped Banaz were“criticized” for not doing so. Subsequently, as a result of an investigation into the way this was dealt with the two police forces where the nine were from began honour killing awareness training. I was not surprised to hear that in circles there is a fear of being considered racists that prohibits proper action in these matters. In Britain there is one honour killing very four weeks and it is believed that the figures are much greater. This documentary is very significant to me because even before being a therapist it was brought to my attention that we have the same problems here though I rarely hear of it publicly. There is no doubt in my mind that people fear being called racists. I was called a racist once and I was so stunned and surprised that I didn’t really respond to it. I was talking in class (in high school) about a river being polluted in the middle east and unsafe for people to swim in. It pertained to what we were studying and I was providing an example. One male became very angry at me and told me that my statement was racist. I remember the teacher going to him and talking to him trying to have him re-think what was said. It was actually a fact that the river was polluted, and he slowly agreed with the teacher that my statement was not racist. However, he never apologized though he never verbalized his anger towards me again. Another time, again in high school we were conducting a group play and I was the female in the Romantic era seated and the male chosen to woe me was directed to hold my hand and kneel before me. He couldn’t he said because of his religion. He would have to be betrothed to me. I was not a willing party. They had to find another boy willing to hold my hand and kneel before me. That was not difficult. I attended one seminar where we had spokeswomen talk about the slavery of women right here at home. They were all volunteers and they were educating the police in these matters. I have been approached by one particular person who expressed concerns about a particular group of offenders who gang raped young women and they would refuse to report it to the police because they were convinced that the police were worse that the rapists. Why? Because that is what the rapists told them. I advised the informant on what options were available to educate and eliminate fear of the police who are trying to protect them. I have been told by students who are educated that they come from families who arrange weddings and their entire futures. They are not happy about it but feel that they have no choice. I have been informed by women who love men not found acceptable by their families that they are watched by family member and the community and there is no one they can trust. They fear getting the help they need because they are from powerful and wealthy families who buy the police in their respective countries and they believe they will get the information from our own police via public relations. I have had to rethink my belief system throughout the years and all this before becoming a therapist. So watching this documentary did touch my heart because I was one of those people who did not recognize how severe these problems are right here at home. Though, I must admit I have never been one to disregard any concern brought my way. I have spoken to young men from very wealthy families who have fallen in love with women below their status which means it is unthinkable about ever marrying them. I have even foolishly offered to speak to their fathers. It has all been a learning experience about different cultures, so unlike my own. I have been so fortunate to have been brought to this country as a baby, to have been educated here, to have been a naturalized citizen here, to have had two full careers here and to be on my third. I have always had equal pay to men because of the occupations I have chosen. I have been raised to believe, and I do, that I can be who ever I want to be and to accomplish whatever I want to. I understand the impact of cultural differences but I would like to tell any of you living in Canada who are not free for whatever reason to listen up. Do not fear getting help if you are in a situation where you are being abused at any level. Do not tolerate it or allow people to control you for any reason. If the person who is abusing you is in a position of power, he or she will not be so once this is known. There are good people in every country in the world and there are the fanatics, the extremists, the rapists and the destroyers of good in every part of the world. Women, children, the elderly and animals are vulnerable and are too often abused or killed. There is a difference between culture and religion and often the two are intertwined in the minds of those who do not know, but we should know the difference in order to protect not only our own rights but the rights of those being controlled and abused. In Canada there are choices, you can cover yourself from the top of your head to the bottom of your leg if you wish and I stress, if it is your wish. You can also require to wear the minimum, if you wish. It should also be remembered that women have the right to have sexual pleasure and the act of having any kind of surgery to remove that pleasure should never be entertained. We need to be aware that women internalize the cultures within their own, and often contribute to the destruction of young women’s freedoms, including their own children. We need to remember that our focus in Canada depends on the freedoms of all people and we need to remember and to educate ourselves that there are problems that need to be understood and addressed. We cannot afford to fear being called a racist as a means of control. We need to protect the vulnerable and incarcerate those responsible. We need to educate ourselves and our children so that the next generation can move towards being the best that they can be both women and men equally. We should not tolerate unstable men who promote violence against women. As a Canadian who has always worked along side of men, I can tell you that we have great men in our country. I know there are great men in every country. Too often they are killed because of their education and belief that women are equal. We need to ensure that our own rights are protected and open our arms to the world who need our help while keeping our eyes open at the same time. What do you think?