Thoughts of the Week - Baby it is COLD outside

 I have decided that I shall not touch the outside until I can stay outside more than 5min without frost bite.   Functions are already being cancelled.  I am ok with that.  I am so glad that I have a shovelling service.  I am certainly getting my money's worth.  This morning I attended a Physician's Education Resource webinar held in Las Vegas -  Improving Disease Remission inflammatory Bowel Disease.   After the session, I sent them an email that I have retired as a Psychotherapist.   I don't know how I got on their list but just so everyone knows I am not a physician.  This was the second one I attended and I must admit I found it very interesting.  I even did their little quiz, though I didn't submit it because I am not a physician and I did quite well.   I have also finalized, did all the paper work and paid for the Word On The Street.  That will be held during the end of September and will give you more information later.  I still have not received the video from Uof T, but they did have 5000 of us attending, all alumni and from all over the world.  So they have to edit the video before releasing it.  I still have my desk on the main floor which I am donating as well as a worn out, decrepted one my parents bought me from Walmart.  That is too hard to throw out because I remember how happy they were to surprise me with it.  Perhaps I can make it look better somehow.  I have offered the nice expensive desk to the Legion and if they don't come and pick it up this month, anyone else can have it.   If you are interested, let me know.   It would have to be a charity organization and not be sold for money.  I was pleased to see that the Drug man, Weddings has been arrested.  Our RCMP was at the site down South with other agencies.  I have to admit, I would have preferred to just listen to the Police and FBI agents without the Director going on about Trump.  He should have worn a Trump Jersey (sorry but I do need a break from the fan club).  I actually wish I was down South at this moment, but my budget and car does not permit it.   I have nothing against Americans.   I have worked along side their military and do hope that we can all move on eventually.  Will we be able to salvage our relationship?  I think we can to some degree, unless this goes even further.  He really needs to stop his rhetoric.   He does not want us as the 51 State, because he would only get 15% of the vote which is peanuts and we of course would vote him out.    Anyhow,  if I had the budget,  I would certainly be down South.  Sorry!  Heat beseaches me.  My favourite places in the World is New York City and Disney World and that has not  changed.   Next week I am hoping to finish my taxes of last year for my tax guy.  If I hadn't retired there was no way I would have been prepared, because of all the requests at the start of the new year.  It feels good that all that is over.   I felt that our college was micro managing and after all these years it became tiresome.  I understand that their model is not being recommended to other provinces.   I concur.  I agree that the public needs to be protected.  Perhaps there should be a course mandated for that.  And now I just want to get a heads up for the best scones I have had in quite a while.   I had a visitor (because I won't go out) and he brought scones, which I kept.  Normally, I am more polite, but these were just so good.  He told me it was from the Soverign Cafe at 1359 Davenport, South East of Davenport.  I will certainly be checking it out.  It looks tiny on the internet.   Anyhow,  have a good weekend.   I am hoping to accomplish a lot next week except for one day at an already paid function, unless they re-schedule (Winter blues).  Do not hesitate to ever ask a question.  Check out my own websites.   Bye world.  

Ok, I will be at Word on The Street and I will continue with my American Association

 Well,   I will be at Word On The Street.   I will be sharing a table but that is ok.  So, I want to be organized completely by then.  I shall keep you briefed.

I have also decided to continue with my Association with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.   I simply could not give them up, because they were the first Association I joined while still in school.  They are having a Conference in Atlanta, but there is no way my car can endure the trip and I don't fly.   I will now be on a budget so I have to determine how far my buck will fly.  This first year will be an experiment for me.   I already gave up donating to one hospital in Quebec, but I don't feel bad about that because I was asked to join a campaign where I could win a prize, but when I tried I was informed that since I am not living in Quebec, I am not qualified to win a prize.  Really?  I was then told that they get donations all over the world.  So, you see, why should I continue donating?  Bye bye Quebec.  Not only are you losing doctors, hey.............Anyhow.  I am saving a few bucks.  So, I will continue to decide should I leave or should I stay? 

This week will be spent socializing and trying to find time to continue working on my taxes.  So,  if I return this week, it will be to show you more pictures of the Montgomery Place.  Or, I will get the video

on "Defying Dementia"  which I encourage you to watch.

Til then, mon ami......bye bye......

PM Mark Carney speaks at World Economic Forum in Davos – January 20, 2026

Will I be at Word on The Street? OPP under fire for comments at a sexual assault course. Oh boy.

I just got approved to be at Word On The Street once again this year.  I am now pondering if I want to pay the $800.00.   I've been a regular since I wrote my first book.  I replied stating I was hoping to pay less.  This year I asked for a micro table which means half of the regular table and willingness to share with another author.  I have to think about this.  This is where my readers usually find me.  Wish me luck.

Last night on the news the Ontario Provincial Police was under fire.  There were three comments from Officers which upset the speaker, a survivor of sexual assault.   I was surprised because I attended a three day sexual assault course held by an OPP female Officer.  She was fantastic.  The first speaker was a survivor who told us of her sexual assault experiences, to prepare us for what we were going to hear.  The survivor had reported to the OPP Officer of her assault and she said she was able to relate her story to her because she never once looked at her watch.  I penetrated that statement into the crevice of my brain.  I have probably told that story here somewhere or not, but I think it is time to share it again because of the news last night.  This woman on our first day stood at the front of the class room facing us as she told us of her father and brother sexually assaulting her until she was old enough to leave.  After the report and the investigation began, her mother told her daughter that she had brought shame to her family and shut the door on her.  At the time, I felt so bad for this courageous woman.   I was also acutely aware that the OPP police woman never looked at her watch and this was important to the survivor.  She was more important than the time.    The survivor was thanked by the Officer and provided with a gift which is the norm for speakers.  The three days consisted of more speakers from various communities and problem solving from various organizations.  The purpose aside from educating us and watching bonched interviews was so we could return to our places of work and co-ordinate the same.  At the end of the three days we provided our assessment.  From what I can determine, the OPP sexual assault Course on last night's news condemned the written comments from a survior of sexual assault.  My first question was why on earth did the survivor read these comments.  One of the comments was that the survivor suffered trauma, was broken, and need to see a Psychologist.  Police Officers are not therapists.  My training consisted of three years of psychology at a Bachelar level.   Another two years of a Masters program in Ministry and Spirituality combined with three years of Pastoral Counselling, one summer unit of Chaplaincy and an internship at a hospital working with People suffering from Aids, cancer and Palitive care.   To say the least, I had an intense and extensive education, a far cry from a few weeks of this sexual assault training.  The Police are not therapists or counsellors.   They are hired to protect the public and enforce the law by charging people within a Judicial System.  I remember how in my own training, I was made aware of how my feelings and mood could change within a day depending what was going on in our courses and field of studies.   I had to consistenly learn what my biases were and was trained to separate biases from my decision making.  I do not blame the OPP Officers who made the comments.  I blame their instructors and managment.   Last night news bashed the Officers and it was demanded that these Officers were to be terminated from working with sexual assault survivors.  I disagree.  It was brave whether right or wrong for these Officers to record what they thought.  This is how they learn.  Another thing that was drilled into us was that people are not cars.  They are not broken etc.......We learned proper terminology and remember what is proper one time is not in another time and I have seen this over and over again through three different careers where everyone tries to get it right and not offend.  It is not appropriate for survivors to read what is written about them from students trying to learn.  A few weeks of intense learning simply is not enough and if it has to be, it has to be done right.  What made our course work is that the survivor was there with the Officer who had been with her from the beginning.  They had a rapport.  There was respect.  We did write a review at the end of the three days but it wasn't to be seen by anyone outside the OPP Office.  In this situation, if it was leaked than heads should roll because confidentiality is always important so people can be corrected with an explaination.   What was gleaned from a few, may have been the sentiment of others, but after this, Officers may be afraid to speak their minds and then how can they learn, if they are shamed into silence.  This also isn't fair to the survivor since she is trying to be helpful and then felt judged.   I think that a debriefing here is required for all the Officers.  People come to their employment with a variety of experiences, some horrific, some with love.  Biases is included in that and in particular jobs they need to not only learn what is acceptable but recognize biases and limitations of their knowledge by asking questions, so biases can be addressed.  Biases is something I have always thought of throughout the years because of my training.  What do you think? 

Why not buy my book? It is all Canadian - Murder in Toronto from the crevice of my mind - Note the puddy cat.

 

Shame: Mirror Mirror Upon Thy Face: Who is to blame for Thy Shame? by Rehema Nyambura Gathumbi, MA-MFT. (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy) High shame is linked to complicated grief and depression. Emotional Safety is important in a child. When bullied at school and fighting at home, they believe they are the problem. If relationships are strained over and over, we come to believe that we are not loveable. Strained connection > shame>strained connection. Trauma is the root beneath the shame. Shame begins as survival and ends as imprisonment. Shame distorts self-identity. Shame shifts. A person may not know they are suffering from shame. Infidelity - partners mirror resolved shame. Sees with other - feels seen and cared for. Look at history and will find shame. What is it about communication that causes the problem? Is shame there? In Africa there is about a billion people; many languages. How does language perpetuate shame? In Kenya, men do not cook. People would say, how can you do that? It’s for women - shame. Shame can block therapy. In therapy, “What is going on that you need to be seen in a certain way?” Mindfulness revives the brain. Stress reduces cortisol and activates parasympathetic system. Builds self compassion, shifts inner dialogue from shame to self criticism to acceptance. Shame can lead to avoidance. Ask a male client, “What does an identity of a man look like?” re: physical activity, recurring sport projects. I have worked a lot with shame, especially when it came to child sexual abuse. The child who became an adult came to believe that the responsibility was theirs as a child which at times was re-enforced by ignorant adults in their lives. Believe your child and let the authorities deal with it. (notes)

High shame is linked to complicated grief and depression.  Emotional Safety is important in a child.  When bullied at school and fighting at home, they believe they are the problem.  If relationships are strained over and over, we come to believe that we are not loveable.  Strained connection > shame>strained connection.  Trauma is the root beneath the shame.  Shame begins as survival and ends as imprisonment.   Shame distorts self-identity.  Shame shifts.  A person may not know they are suffering from shame.  Infidelity - partners mirror resolved shame.  Sees with other - feels seen and cared for.  Look at history and will find shame.  What is it about communication that causes the problem?  Is shame there?  In Africa there is about a billion people; many languages.  How does language perpetuate shame?  In Kenya, men do not cook.  People would say, how can you do that?  It’s for women - shame.  Shame can block therapy.   In therapy, “What is going on that you need to be seen in a certain way?”  

     Mindfulness revives the brain.  Stress reduces cortisol and activates parasympathetic system.  Builds self compassion, shifts inner dialogue from shame to self criticism to acceptance.  Shame can lead to avoidance.  Ask a male client, “What does an identity of a man look like?” re:  physical activity, recurring sport projects.

     I have worked a lot with shame, especially when it came to child sexual abuse.  The child who became an adult came to believe that the responsibility was theirs as  a  child which at times was re-enforced by ignorant adults in their lives.  Believe your child and let the authorities deal with it.  

     I believe I have the slides and if you have questions please feel free to ask.

Snow Day!!!!!!!!!!

Right now it is still snowing, feels like -21, brrrr.   I am not going anywhere.  More snow to come.........