Desire and Sexuality - Theology essay

DESIRE AND SEXUALITY By: Silva Redigonda Christ on the cross bows his head, waiting for you, that he may kiss you, his arms are outstretched, that he may enrich you, his body spread out, that he may give himself totally, his feet are nailed, that he may stay there, his side open for you, that he may let you enter there. Bonaventure Desire and Sexuality Sexuality and Desire from week eight will be the focus of this essay. This paper will define what desire and sexuality is, how desire and sexuality relates to prayer and answers this question. Why is there resistance to prayer utilizing desire and sexuality? Finally, how desire and spirituality relates to Eucharistic Ministry will be discussed. Definitions of Desire and Sexuality Sexuality and desire conjures images which is subjective for each person. The dictionary describes sexuality as sexual character; possession of the structural and functional differentia of sex; recognition of or emphasis upon sexual matters; involvement in sexual activity; an organism's readiness to engage in sexual activity. Franciscan Prayer indicates that Desire is born of God because we are made in the image of God. That there is something within us, that longs for fulfillment and that something, is not satisfied by anything created or finite…Prayer is defined as desire. Sheldrake indicates that sexuality embraces a huge area of feelings and emotions that move us towards other people. Sexuality enables one to express emotions such as tenderness, closeness, compassion, and general openness to touch (pp 87-88). Understanding sexuality and desire and how it relates to each of us helps us to understand how it relates to God. Desire and Sexuality in relation to Prayer Each of us is a sexual being with emotions and desires, on a quest. Until that quest is fulfilled our sexuality and desires shall never be completed. That quest is God. The longing and desire for intimacy with God is profound. God is the ultimate desire. There is an aura of sexuality in the readings aside from Sheldake's focus. St Francis lived in the age of chivalry and courtly love (Delio, p 5). This explains the openness and romantic overtures associated with that time in the readings. In Clare's letters to Agnes of Prague, Clare describes the spiritual journey as an acceptance of the embrace of the crucified Spouse…the beautiful Spouse to whom Agnes is to be united. Clare uses words such as "burning desire" and urges Agnes to gaze at the cross (Delio, p 66). These intimate words in the present time are normally used to describe our passion for a lover. Delio describes the gaze on the Crucified Christ as an embrace, a desire to allow the otherness of God's love into our lives (p 78). Clare saw in the poverty of the crucified Spouse, the brilliance of God's beauty that radiates from the harmony of love(Delio, p 85). We as sexual beings "gaze" entranced with a lover. The Franciscans love the crucified God, a God of reckless, scandalous love (Delio, p 95). Bonaventure provides a declaration of passion. "When you pray, gather up your whole self, enter with your Beloved into the chamber of your heart and there remain alone with Him, forgetting all exterior concerns, and so rise aloft with all your love and all your mind, your affection, desire, and devotion, enter into the place of the wonderful tabernacle…(Delio, p 114). This exclamation is a prayer full of desire and sexuality. It is a love of romance for God, a desire for God. Bourgeault depicts the language of sexuality and desire in centering prayer. "The center begins to quicken, to take on a life of its own…even as you move about in your ordinary awareness, you will notice the pulse of that underlying mutual yearning honing you to centre. It is like a child you are carrying within you." As one closes her eyes for a lover, one closes her eyes for God, "God pervades the inner and even the outer senses so that the eyes instinctively close. The awesomeness of God's embrace of the divine self in the depth of the soul overflows into conscious life and lures the contextual self into silence." And God woos in return, "The context for trials in Teresa's life is God wooing Teresa to increasingly profound experiences of intimacy." (Seelaus, p 83). The aura of desire for God and God for ourselves is deep within our sexuality. The texts are filled with sincere tones of sexuality and desire in the expression of deep love and of complete surrender to God in prayer. Resistance to Prayer utilizing Desire and Sexuality We resist recognizing ourselves as sexual beings with desires for God because of our social norms. It is evident that the openness during the Franciscan era regarding the romance of love has changed in our society today. Sexuality is concealed behind closed doors. How God is viewed also has baring. Are we a spouse of God? Is God our father and do we relate to him as we would our own parent? What is our view of sexuality? What is our view of God? Sheldrake makes it clear that,"conscious and healthy sexuality is not necessarily genitally active."(p 82). Sheldrake brings it to our attention that when spirituality has been linked to sexuality in the church, it is restricted to conventional marriage and the birth of children (p82). Therefore, thinking of desire and sexuality for God may be considered as an aversion. Sheldrake makes it clear that, "our sexuality embraces a huge area of feelings and emotions that move us towards other people…Sexuality is what enables all of us to express emotions such as tenderness, closeness, compassion as well as our general openness to touch."(pp87-88) Eucharistic Ministry Feeling the Lord inside you at communion is the most fulfilled desire. Having the honour to distribute his body to his congregation is rewarding. There is an expression of desire on many faces as they come to receive the Host. There is longing and patient lingering waiting for their turn to receive. Being able to appreciate and understand that humanity is sexual and desirous in their nature allows one to appreciate its' importance in providing and receiving God and recognizing desire and sexuality in the prayer of others and ourselves. SUMMARY The concept of sexuality and desire in prayer may be very uncomfortable for some. That is understandable since sexuality has not been openly discussed as part of our norm in the church. Our sexuality has also been restricted in its meaning within the social norms. The wonderful Franciscan language, so pure, so sensual, so full of desire for God and God for us, returns us to the pure state of prayer. We are created to be sexual beings. This too often is associated with the actual sexual act. But we are much more than that. We have the capability to love emotionally as well as physically. Touching, reaching out and longing for others is a natural and important sphere of our lives – our sexuality. To be able to love fully, to desire fully with our whole being, deep within our souls is to love God. To be able to understand others and ourselves in our ministries as sexual beings with desire is a surrender of ourselves to God. The final quest. BIBLIOGRAPHY Bourgeault, Cynthia. Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening. Cambridge,MA: Cowley Publications, 2004. Delio, Ilia. Franciscan Prayer.Cincinnati,Ohio: St. Anthony Messenger Press, 2004. Seelaus, Vilma. Distractions in Prayer:Blessings or Curse? St. Paul's NY: Alba House, 2005. Sheldrake, Philip. Befriending our Desires. Toronto: Novalis, Toronto, 2001. Stein, Jess. Editor and Chief. The Random House College Dictionary. Random House, New York.1979.

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

“Cheers were brief, before Chris barked, “You almost demolished my car!” The laughter began and we continued to travel along the lonely highway in good spirits. After about an hour of driving without realizing we were going in circles, we decided to stop at a country restaurant. As we proceeded into the parking lot, we saw what seemed to be the same truck. There could not be two of the same monster trucks in the area. We decided to leave quickly, back to familiar territory. As we drove away trying to find a main highway back to Toronto, we spotted a lone police cruiser off a dirt road. We decided to stop and ask for directions. The policeman was about our age, twenty-one or twenty-two. He began to talk about youths who frequented the wooded area and asked us to join him, to see if anyone was in the area. We obliged. We walked down a wooded path and into a clearing. Trees surrounded us, and the only lighting was provided by the moon. I understood why the policeman had asked us to join him. It was eerie. The policeman spoke of a woman’s body that had been found that spring, in these very woods. The cause of death had not been determined. Not much had been found. We walked back to our vehicles and exchanged farewells with the policeman. He stood by his vehicle and watched us leave. We returned to familiar grounds – the city. The following two days I spent shopping for new clothes and visiting more friends. Thursday, Sally and I went to the firm for our pay cheques and then went to the local bar where we had a drink with our boss and several investigators, all retired policemen. We heard about ancient cases, and I was given an extensive lecture about being a military policewoman. It consisted mostly of how and when to get drunk on duty. Sally and I departed after several hours. I brought Sam his pay cheque, but did not have time to stop and talk. I had an appointment. At the salon, I sat staring at what was left of my hair. It was so short. As I stared blankly at my reflection, the words of the recruiter pierced my soul. She had been rough. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.

What's Up? Death of a friend and thoughts of the World

Last week a friend of mine died. I had known her since childhood. She was a bit older and I always got a kick that an older student would walk to school with me when we were headed in the same direction. She was a neighbour and we became friends when I was older. Her family remained in the neighbourhood when many moved out or in several times. She became a single mom raising two wonderful children. She was very excited about walking her daughter down the aisle and returning to work. She had been so excited about life in general throughout the time I had known her. She had such a bubbly personality and could talk non-stop. When her sister left a message on my phone to call her, I knew something was wrong so I called my friend and hearing the sound of her voice asking me to leave a message, I felt somewhat relieved. I don't know why. The same had occurred when I called my other friend and left a message two years ago and it was her daughter calling me back to tell me her mom had died. That funeral was difficult because initially the funeral was for family only. Friends may be considered family to those who befriend others but family has the final say when death occurs. At that time, the daughter called me the night before saying only I could come and not other people I wanted to invite because I knew she would have wanted them there. Of course I abided in her wishes which caused some mutual acquaintenances from my second career not to speak to me again because they thought I should have shared the funeral details. When someone dies, people mourn differently and whatever one thinks, I abide in the family's decision. She later said I had made her feel bad because I told her that many would have come. You see I was the only friend there and she had many many friends who would have wanted to come. I understand how they felt but I had to abide in the daughter's decision. I told the daughter not to feel bad about her decision. This time with this friend (am I running out of friends?) her son called me back and told me she didn't have much time. He wanted me to go to the hospital and of course I went, spending four hours there and ensuring she had the Sacrement of the Sick. You see she was a devout Catholic. The four hours there with her two children was painful as I watched them suffer. As I left the room to go home, she raised her arm. A final goodbye. She died the following morning. The funeral was beautiful, even a dog was at the cemetary and though it jarred me initially, she loved animals and would have been delighted as the dog barked once, a final goodbye from another friend's dog. I pondered and thought I would love an army of animals at my funeral. Why not? I don't know how the Priest felt about it. He was not a happy camper in general and I thought his sermon could have used an upgrade. It was obvious that he did not know my friend. In general the funeral was beautiful and if she was there, she loved it too. The celebration of her life was indeed a celebration. Driving home was peaceful and I was amazed that my car had actually managed the trip. Each day I start the car and can drive it is worthy of a celebration. My thoughts were that life is indeed short and unpredictable. Both of my friends died from cancer after battling it successfully the first time. I did not expect either to die. Both had a jest for life. They loved life and perhaps that is one thing we all had in common. As I drove home I though of how silly it is that there is so much strife in our world. Last night I shed a tear as I saw the devastation that the earth quakes have caused to Turkey and Syria. Of course we will help. This morning as the death rates mounted, I wished that Russia would use its resources not to try to invade and destroy Ukraine but to send its troops to aide the people who could really use the help. I thought how nice it could be if China instead of being confrontational for the Americans shooting down its spy baloon, sorry it wasn't us. Apparently our planes can't fly that high. Yup. We know exactly what you are doing China. You are not fooling anyone. How nice it would be if you could send your army to help free any survivors. North Korea, well, what can I say. It would be nice. These disasters will probably increase and hopefully it can bring us all closer together. Life is too short for all this infighting. We are one world, one planet and we are all connected. We can have such a beautiful life working united. Wake up world.

VARNA - Theology ( a paper from grad school probably in my first year. I have made a few changes so whom I am using as an example is nor recognized)

By Silva Redigonda Varna is a class structure for Hindu society based according to birth. There are over 3000 castes (jati) one is born into and one is expected to marry within one’s own caste. In this paper the caste system will be defined. It is difficult to be unbiased when one believes in equality for all. Yet this resistance and aversion will be examined as well as attractions to this practice and belief system. This will be compared to Catholicism that has a definite hierarchical system. Hindu society is divided into four class systems. The highest class is the Brahmins (seers). They are intellectuals and spiritual leaders. They guard their authority to learn and teach the Vedas (Scriptures). The second group is Kshatriya. This group consists of political rulers, warriors, administrators and protectors. The third group, the Vaishya consists of producers, artisans; farmers. This is the mercantile class, business and commerce and trade. The fourth group is the Shudra. This can be characterized as followers or servants. They are people of service and manual labour. This class is excluded from reading sacred text. The World Religions by Smith refers to this class as having a relatively short attention span, yet capable of working well under supervision, proving to be hard workers and loyal. Smith continues that these people are better off and happier working for others. There is also a fifth class for this paper, which is so low on the tandem pole that it is referred to as Out-class - the Avarna. The Out-castes are not permitted to participate in any formal Hindu religious activities and are destined to have what is indicated as the lowest form of employment such as cremation, executioners, leather workers, hunters and fishermen. Foreigners also belong in this group as do families who become outcasts due to some dishonour. There is no attraction for this caste system for myself. Yet in trying to be objective, I see order to a system that is very structured. Again, what happens when one strays from an ordered structure? One is not only banned but punished. There is a sense of belonging in a caste system. There is a sense of protection by one’s own group. It is a concept of us against the world. Again deviating from expectations may have consequences. I equate the caste system to an outdated feudal system of the middle ages that has managed to survive. Catholicism is very structured within its’ hierarchy with associated obligations. The Pope is at the head and can declare himself infallible in regards to particular spiritual matters. At the low end are the brothers, sisters and deacons, perhaps even priests to some degree. Scriptures can be read by all in the Catholic Church. I have never heard a woman give a sermon except at a Regis mass. I did not make much of it at the time but the female students were overjoyed that this was their first time witnessing a nun speak instead of a priest or deacon. Women cannot be priests. I have never heard of a female deacon which is the closest one may come to being a priest. He may be married. Men clergy must remain celibate and in the Western world they may not marry. Yet if a man has been married in the past and divorced he may become a priest and if he is from the Eastern Church married, he may come to serve married as a priest. There seems to be an aura of unfairness and inequality. Yet there is a respectful hierarchy within the structure of Roman Catholic Church that has survived. One may be born into Catholicism but one is not obligated to stay and one may return. One may argue as a Catholic about Catholicism and one may make mistakes and is forgiven. There is a laity among the community of the Catholic Church. I was an Eucharistic Minister and I witnessed how people responded to me at church. There is an aura of respect, an expectation of behaviour which I try to project. I attended a “Theology on Tap” function one night. This is an ecumenical religious community that socializes at a bar. A school Chaplain gave a talk about her role as a chaplain. She began by talking about her church (Roman Catholic) experience in her youth. She started talking about those people who sit at the front of the church (meaning Eucharistic ministers and readers) acting more important than the rest of the people. It was so offensive but after that I made it a point to sit at the back of the church the majority of the time when I was not serving. This young Catholic chaplain had associated laity of the church as “those people” separated and a class of negativity. This chaplain also placed herself in a hierarchical position of importance. I knew a man who had retired as a Major from the Indian Army. We were at a coffee shop and he remarked about a young woman at the counter laughing with friends. To me this young woman was no different from others that would make me take notice of her. Yet to the man I was having coffee with she was an embarrassment to her caste. He remarked with disdain that the girl spoke with a particular accent indicating that she belonged to a particular caste. I was not sure what he was talking about at the time. He clearly indicated that her dress and deportment was not appropriate for her caste and that she would not get away with the way she was behaving and dress like that in India. Another woman I knew, a Hindu woman, fell in love with a man outside her caste. Her father did not approve so she married someone within her own caste as her father wished and it ended in divorce one year later. Neither loved each other but was obligated to marry within their higher caste. Her father expressed his regret that he had imposed these values onto his daughter. If this woman had married the man she loved, she may had still ended up in divorce but ultimately the choice would have been hers. The pastoral and theological issues that have arisen for me is that for God we are all equal. I believe that each individual is special to God on his or own terms and not any organized religion. Jesus himself was always annoyed with religious leaders. Smith argues that people in the lowest class are not capable of being more. How can they be if not given the opportunity to learn and grow? What can I do to be able to understand and help people from different belief systems? Again at work, a student approached me who was very upset because he loved a woman (both Indian) from another caste. He was wealthy and his father was in a powerful position. I naively offered to talk to his father. Of course this never happened and now I understand how religion crosses borders and there are influences that do not remain consistent for those who separate from their roots. Just like the priests marrying in the East and not in the West, one must understand the influence of the culture. Now |I realize that for that love sick manchild all I needed to do was just listen and be a supportive presence. I am also able to understand the struggles that new Canadians have as they try to leave old customs behind and adopt new ones within a new culture that can sometimes end in death when there is a clash challenging the belief of honour. Smith argues that people in the lowest class are not capable of being more. How can they be if not given the opportunity to learn and grow? What can I do to be able to understand and help people from different belief systems? I reflect and understand how people like the man I was with having a coffee would report what he considers inappropriate to a parent. What can I do to be able to help people from different belief systems? I reflect how some cannot trust Western authority who do not understand the ramifications of dishonour. I can only ponder and hope we can all grow as a people standing side by side in unity with God and with each other. Maybe – someday.

Eating Disorders and Addiction - EHN

I told you I would write about this if anything was new (which I attended yesterday). They provided some stats so that is always nice to share. Some were outdated so I shall skip those. We all know by this time that there is a big difference from statistics before the pandemic to now. The speaker was Cheryl Fiske and they will be providing slides and video probably next week. Since I am providing you with some notes I won’t be listing the video and slides. However, if it is of interest to you contact me and I shall send it out to you. She indicated that the demand for mental health care increased 47% between 2021 - 2022. For children the increase was much greater. Eating disorders are estimated at one million. Substance abuse - 6 million Canadians in a lifetime. It is estimated that 10% of Ontario has a substance abuse problem. The mortality rate of any mental illness is estimated between 10-15%. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for those suffering from anorexia. Mortality rates in substance abuse - 67,000 deaths in Canada. 15,000 deaths related to alcohol (14,700 prior to COVID). Some challenges with concurrent treatment - the disorder itself; additional psychiatric factors (depression, anxiety, trauma) - chronicity and relapse rates - denial. Let me know if you want me to send you anything. The speaker does talk a bit too fast and there is a large part of the video which provides you with what they offer at their treatment facility. I normally recommend CAMH because they have an excellent facility and it is free. I don’t recommend any private institution because I think that would be a conflict of interest. I normally ask clients to do their research because I simply am not aware of everything available. What may serve one person well, won’t for another. I have found that when someone wants to make a change, they work really hard to do that. Don’t try to do it alone. There are many support groups out there to help you. Take care and have a good weekend. I have to miss my writers corner this week but for sure won’t next week. I am once again swamped with paperwork.

Assisted suicide in Canada: Is our policy becoming the world's most perm...

It is not a miracle as the Psychiatrist Senator suggests when a person heals, contradicting our Toronto Psychiatist. It takes hope, it takes love, it takes change and if needed - medication. It can take a lot of therapy. We need to include mental health coverage in our provincial health care system. We should never have a person seek Assistance Death because they cannot afford a place to live, pay bills or have sufficient food. It should never be offered by insurance as being cost effective. Every person especially in Canada should have access for support. I am so sad that we will be providing this because I have seen people at their lowest point able to heal after getting the help needed. We are also blaming mental health as a problem in Toronto for all the vicious attacks. I can tell you that it is those people who are being attacked who will need care for their mental health. Some of the nicest people I have met are those suffering from mental health issues. We have a lot of work to do which starts in the home ensuring that children are loved and not physically, emotionally and sexually abused. We need to make some serious changes in our schools to make sure that each child and teen is protected from violence. We need to start paying people a decent wage so they don't need to go to the food bank to be able to feed their families. We need to smell the coffee and wake up!

Mental Illness

Did you know: About 28,000 children and youth were on waiting lists for mental health treatment in January 2020 (*before* the COVID-19 pandemic); In some areas, wait times for children and youth to access mental health treatment is up to 2.5 years; Mental illness and substance use disorders are leading causes of disability in Canada; People with mental illness and substance use disorders are more likely to die prematurely than the general population; and Mental illness can cut 10 to 20 years from a person’s life expectancy. (Source: The Centre for Addictions and Mental Health) From Bell Let's talk.